Mass Effect: Vindication
by Kraidle
Summary: It's not easy waking up on Omega in 2183 with no clue of who you are. Even worse when you are being hunted for a crime that you can't remember. Join Ben Karos in his journey to be freed from his forgotten past.
1. In for the Long Haul

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 1: In for the Long Haul_

_Millencolin- No Cigar_

**A/N: Um, hi guys and girls. If you're reading this then I love you already and I can only hope you read my story as well. I began reading the fanfic series "Masses to Masses" (it's far better than ANYTHING I'd be able to crank out), a self insert of the author into the Mass Effect Universe, who possesses the knowledge of all the events of the first two games. Through various references to other franchises (Movies, other game series, etc.), he makes the ride not only thrilling, but utterly hilarious as well!**

** Anyway, this has inspired me to start on this piece of fiction. There are bound to be similarities between my fic and "Masses to Masses" only due to the similarity in concepts (both being OC/Tali told from the OC's POV), but I assure you, this is my story and the ride will hopefully be somewhere within the same ballpark of magnificence.**

** I'll be leaving song names for you all to look up and listen to while you read the chapter (or certain parts as it is designated). These songs will be right after the chapter title for each chapter.**

** And so, I believe I've rambled enough. Please, however, review every chapter if possible and tell me what works, what doesn't, and just let me know how I'm doing all around. I like constructive criticism. **

**I don't own any part of the Mass Effect franchise besides a copy of the games. Which I love. A lot. But, Bioware /EA owns it and I can only hope that ME3 does it justice**

** Without further ado, I present to you all: Mass Effect: Vindication…..**

Fuck.

My eyes flash open. Oh, God, why can't I see anything but red? Slowly darker spots appear in my vision, spreading outwards like drops of water across a flat surface. Soon, my vision is back, giving me a view of the solitary little hovel that surrounds me.

"Ow…" I groan. "What hit me?" Glancing down, it looks like I'm in the only bed in the room, and in some kind of skin tight t-shirt and shorts, both colored varying shades of navy blue with gray trimming. Experimentally, I twist my abdomen, trying to stretch away the stiffness of sleep. Bad move. A searing pain bolts up my left side, causing me to see colors and grip tightly at it, as if I could tear the pain out of my body.

Well, one thing is confirmed: I should stay in this bed. I have no clue of where I am, how bad these injuries are, or even how I got here. I lean back on the lumpy mattress, glancing at the sheets. Half a second later, and that wasn't as good of an idea as I'd initially thought. The sheets are a hue somewhere between a dark yellow and tan and covered with stains from… never mind. I don't want to guess, let alone know.

I don't want to stay in this bed, but I really should….

Fuck it.

Should, can, and will are 3 different things entirely, I decide, swinging my legs out of the bed. I gingerly throw my weight on to my right leg, hoping any damage is confined to the left side of my body. Success! My right leg gets me off the bed and, as I get accustomed to standing, allows me to get a better view of my surroundings in this room.

The condition of the bed sheets proved to be the norm of the entire room. "Wow," I mutter. "You'd actually have to try to be this filthy." There was dirt and grime everywhere. The walls, the furniture, even the ceiling. It's like this place radiated a trashy aura. There's red and orange light flooding the room, illuminating it rather well. A couch rests on the opposite site of the room from the bed, a door just next to that, and a table a few paces in front of me.

The glimmer of something on that table catches my eye in the warm colored lighting. Moving to take a step forward, I step down with my left foot… a bit too hard. It buckles beneath me, leaving my body's forward momentum to carry me towards the table.

_Smack._

God dammit.

My face hits the floor. Hard. Wincing in pain, I open my eyes. Oh look, more colors. "This damn light show is getting old," I growl under my breath. My nose feels fine, luckily. No break. No blood. Pushing my weight off the floor carefully, I get my knees beneath myself, leveling my line of sight with the edge of the table. The shiny thing is still there. It's bigger than I'd thought. It looks like some kind of silver, mini briefcase thing, just sitting there harmlessly.

I grab the box from the table, setting it on my legs as I position myself a bit more comfortably. It seems like stretching out those muscles is helping me maneuver better. Good. That means my damage in my legs is just stiffness, or they were asleep, or something else completely stupid and irritating. Whatever. Not the time.

The box only has two simple clasps, and with a flick of my thumbs they come undone easily. The spring-loaded lid opens by itself slowly. The contents seem entirely random at first. A rather strange looking sword hilt, some odd silver technologic looking chip, and possibly the most important item in there: a note.

It was actually a holographic pad of some kind, but the point was, whoever left me here has decided to leave a message. Hopefully, I could get some answers from it. Grabbing it and quickly holding it in front of my eyes I read:

_I hope you read this in time. My name isn't important right now. I don't know who you are, or what you were doing here in the Omega System, but you saved my life not even 48 hours ago. I'm guessing from your clothes under your armor (sorry, it was too busted up to repair, so I left it. I dressed the wounds as well as I could, as I didn't have enough medi-gel to heal it completely at the time), that you're a soldier from the Human Alliance _(Wait, soldier? What?)_. _

_Omega was the only place I could think of to take you, and hopefully you are reading this safe and sound. The Alliance isn't really as respected out here as it is in Council Space, so I left you with that blade you used to kill those geth that snuck up on me. _

_I know this is so much to read, but this is all important. There should be a change of clothes on the couch. Use that instead of your uniform, and don't leave the room. I don't know what your story is, but people seem to want you dead, judging by the few attacks by individual bounty hunters I dealt with while dragging you around _(I shuddered, thinking about the filth of this room and being dragged across it with wounds).

_I got your Omni-tool's address while you were unconscious so I'll send you a message later if things get too troublesome while you are unconscious. Hopefully it will give you enough time to get up, read this, and move. The credit chit should help you buy a ticket off Omega, and back to the Citadel. I'm heading there as well, but if circumstances force you to leave, then maybe I'll see you there_

_I had some things to take care of, so I doubt I'll be here when you wake up. _

_I'll do my best to return quickly,_

_T_

So, my reading skill went up one point from that wall of text, but at least I know I'm not in this alone. T seems decent enough, at least. I guess I'll know for sure when they get back here. Shifting my weight to my right, I slide my legs out from under me before they fall asleep again. I seriously don't want to have another intimate moment with the floor.

Standing up isn't so tough now, I note as I stretch my arms over my head and arch my back. My side sears with pain as a result from stretching my abs. Forgot about that. I clip the sword hilt to a magnetic strip on my hip and the chit into a small pocket in the shorts, and try to walk over to the couch. My left leg threatens to give out again, as it tingles from the sensation of being asleep. Slowly and carefully, I hobble my way over to the couch, hoping that T had left me that change of clothes from the note.

Sure enough, there was a brown vest, a long pair of pants in the exact same hideous hue, along with a red sleeveless shirt. I slowly remove my shirt, trying to avoid another experience with my side flaring up, only to notice the bloody bandages wrapped tightly around the left side of my abdomen.

What the hell happened to me? You know what? Better to ask T. They seem to know a bit more about whatever is happening than me.

Wait…

No, that can't be right.

Shit!

I look around frantically. This can't happen! There's nothing! The words in the note sounded familiar, but held no meaning to them. This pain in my side from an injury I don't remember getting, -from some kind of fight I don't remember fighting, against geth and I don't even remember what those are!

My memory… who I am…where I come from…

It's all gone.

I fall to my knees once again, clutching the navy blue t-shirt, as tears stream from my eyes like some scared child. I'm no one. I have no place I know, no person to explain any of it to me, not even a name to call myself. "Where am I?" I manage to sob out. Omega? Where ever the fuck that is. "What's going on around here?" Well apparently, people want me dead.

"Who am I?" That's the only question I don't have an overly vague answer for. A soldier? I'm crying in a dirty room, so I'm gonna say that's not a very soldier-ish way to act. "Who am I?" I ask again, lowering my head into my Alliance shirt as the tears flow more freely.

"WHO THE FUCK AM I?" I yell into the uniform, pulling back from the tear stained top.

I open my eyes, unballing my fists, staring at the navy blue shirt in front of me. Nothing special about it. The same as I am right now. The only thing to identify it is the logo of the Human Alliance Military (whatever that is) and the nametag…

Wait! A nametag! Frantically I wipe my eyes with my forearm, clearing away blurry tears.

There, right below the military symbol….

Right parallel with where the wearer's heart would be…

Was a name.

MY name.

Ben. Ben Karos.

A rush of emotion hit me. Joy? Joy that I wasn't a nameless crying soldier. Confusion? Well, I was feeling that before, so never mind. Determination. That's what it was. I was gonna get out of here and figure out what the hell is happening.

I staggered to my feet, catching myself on the couch as my left leg wobbled threateningly yet again. Once I had my balance, I finished changing, folding my uniform into a size that would fit in the silver briefcase. I hobble back over and lay my folded clothes in it, sealing it up and placing it next to the bed and sliding it underneath.

Once that was stowed away, I shuffle my way over to the bed and collapse onto it. Dammit. I'm too tired to look for answers now. I could feel my side throbbing in pain. Definitely in not in a shape for anything but sleep. Fuck cleanliness, I decide. Black invades the edge of my vision as my eyes begin to close, and darkness finally takes me with a smile and a name on my lips.

_Ben Karos._

_Thump, thump, thump._

"Open the fuck up!" angry voice accompanies the unceremonious beatings on the door. I prop myself up in the bed, suddenly wide awake. Placing my feet on the floor, I stand with little trouble, grabbing the silver briefcase from beneath the bed. I flick it open, grabbing the sword hilt from the strip on the shorts. Hastily, I throw the case closed and stow it back under the bed.

I don't know who the fuck is waiting outside, but they don't sound as friendly as the message left by my mysterious ally. That meant one other logical conclusion:

Whoever was hunting me down was doing their job, and doing it well.

"This is your last chance, Karos!" Wait, they know me by name? "Open the door, and we won't kill ya!" Something about that voice didn't sound human… too rough… too dangerous. "Keeping quiet won't help you any! We'll force our way in and take your head instead of the whole thing! The bounty is for dead or alive anyway!"

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Think Karos. T left you that "sword." Well, fat lot of help that does, it's a fucking handle. I stare at it on my belt, practically begging it to actually be a sword of some kind. But the handle was just a handle still, mocking in its silent rebellion.

"Fine!" came the voice from outside again. "You, go get the grenades. We'll blow open this door and bring him out the hard way." Awww, come on! Grenades! All I get is a fucking half a sword and my hunters have GRENADES!

I officially resign to the fact that my luck is the worst ever. I mean , seriously? They have explosives and God knows what else and I'm stuck with this! I smack the pommel of the "sword" against my right leg in frustration. As if being triggered by the impact, a blade extends from the opening in the cross guard. Almost like a spring loaded sword. How odd.

Nothing special about it though. Just a normal metal blade. I could hear a faint hum from it as I stared at it for a bit, swinging, and twirling it around in my hands for a few seconds. The weight… just felt kinda, right, ya know? Like it was made for me. Intricate movements flowed through my head. Memories of things I'd learned? Maybe. Or maybe my body remembers better than my mind and I feel inclined to move according to the physical recollections. I guess this is what they call muscle mem-

A clamping sound on the opposite side of the door snapped me from my reverie as I slipped over to the corner on the opposite side of the door as the couch, sword at the ready for who, or what for that matter, came through that door next…

I just hope I don't need a bigger sword.

**A/N: So, that's chapter one. Next time, we'll be looking at a bit of a battle, and maybe a meeting with the enigmatic T, so I'll post some song names to go with that! **

**I'm gonna have to apologize ahead of time because I really like leaving cliffhangers. It's so much fun! Anyway please review and tell me how I'm doing. I'll do my best to make regular updates, provided people like my story. Yeah, I know the start is slow and vague, but think of it this way: You already know more about Ben's situation than he does! He doesn't even know what a geth or even an Omni-tool is! So, bear with him and myself please. :)**


	2. Ben Karos

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 2: Ben Karos_

The Used- The Ripper

**A/N: Well here is chapter 2. Due to the restriction of having to wait 2 days to post since making my account, this chapter was in progress before chapter 1 was even up. I'll be checking reviews before I post this and make editations as necessary/requested. **

**So, when we last left off, our hero Ben Karos had woken up in a dirty room somewhere on Omega, without any clue of who he is or where he might be. A note from the mysterious T urges him to take caution and not leave the room, for he is being hunted for unknown reasons. **

**Just as he settles down to rest and sort out things in his head, he is awakened by bounty hunters at his door. As they prepared to blow the door open, Ben stood in the corner, hoping to surprise them as they enter and gain an advantage. His only chance is to use the sword that T left him to fight in these close quarters and survive…**

_BOOM!_

The door fell inwards as I crouch in the corner, shielding my eyes from the blast with one arm as the other holds the sword's hilt. Standing up a bit, I take a fighting stance, thankful that my left leg was no longer numb from being asleep.

The first person walks into the room, clad head to toe in blue armor emblazoned with a white symbol. Letting out a howl as I rush from the corner, I swing at my target sideways. He sees me, ducking out of the cut aimed for his neck and rolls backwards. He gets up, hands moving to his pistol as he stares me down

Since he's facing me, I finally have a clear view of his armor. The blue plating bears an oval on the chest with a filled in circle inside of it, near the top. White lines ring around the top of his collar, running down from his shoulders to his gauntlets as well. The helmet has only two yellow eye holes, but I know a glare when I feel one. The man himself is fairly tall, at least a head taller than me and bulkier. Or maybe that's just the armor. None the less, I'm not sizing up quite as nicely.

"Karos. Nothing personal, but the bounty on your head is pretty damn nice. The Alliance put a nice price on you after what happened at Illium." He aims a pistol at my head. "But, then again, maybe it _is_ personal. You see, I hate xenophobes. What the fuck makes you humans so much better that you think you can just get away with everything!" The man removes his helmet revealing a yellowish mass of wrinkled flesh. Spotted with four black beads, which I could only think of as eyes, the creature, this… _alien_, glares with more anger than I've ever seen or thought possible.

Maybe that's because he has twice as many eyes with which to glare, but now isn't really the time.

Two more fully armored men (or were they aliens as well?) rush in through the doorway, each pointing what I could only think of as a gun or assault rifle of some kind, at me. "So Karos, the Blue Suns need some cash, and you just happen to roll into Omega," the alien continues, glancing at my stance and my injured left side, "wounded too, by the looks of it."

"Well, you obviously know more about me than I do right now," I say through clenched teeth. "But to be honest, I don't wanna hear it from something that looks worse than what I shit out in the toilet." I point my sword at him, the blade covering half the distance between us. "So, how about you shut your asshole or wherever it is you talk from, and we finish this?"

That did it. He looks even more pissed now. "I was thinking about leaving you alive," that deep, dangerous voice says, "but now killing you won't even be enough to make me feel better. It'll be a start at least." He takes aim with his pistol.

As he fires, I duck and rush forward, noting the two enemies in between us. Rolling to my right, I anchor my knee onto the ground as I make a sweep upward with the sword. The man (the scream is definitely close to human at least) howls in pain as his hands fall to the floor, gun and all.

No time to stop though. Staying low to the ground, I sweep kick at the other helmeted enemy and the alien, knock them off their feet. Not looking back, I grab the assault rifle that the first man dropped and hold it at the helmeted man on the ground, releasing a few rounds into his back. No effect.

What?

I fire more and more and eventually I see some thin, blue film dissolve in the air around him. Some kind of shield against bullets? Doesn't matter, it's gone now. A few more rounds at the man, and he ceases his efforts at getting up.

A hook catches my right cheek, sending me sprawling across the room, losing the rifle and my sword. I crash into the table, seeing the ever familiar light show. Aw, man. Don't tell me the last thing I get to see is these fucking fireworks again.

"For an injured man with only a HVB to defend himself Karos, you did some damn good work. I see how you did what you did on Illium." I look up. The four-eyes is standing over me with a pistol aimed between my own two. "But, this ends here you xenophobic son of a bitch!"

I close my eyes for a moment; feeling like time was slowing around me. So, I'm gonna die like this? With nothing but a name and the label of xenophobe to myself? Fuck. Maybe this is good, though. Sounds like I did something horrible and I'd rather not have to answer for something that bad. Especially when I can't remember it.

_Coward._

What?

_I said you're a damn coward!_

Who the hell are you?

_I'm you, but with a brain._

Ha ha ha. Funny. Now what do you mean coward?

_Running away from something you did because you can't remember it? Sounds cowardly to me._

Yeah, well we're about to die anyway, so fuck off.

_So you're a coward and a quitter, huh? Damn how pathetic can you get? You do realize that if whatever you did was that bad and evil, getting out of this situation should be a snap._

That's…

_Oh let me guess, _"I don't remember how though," _right? Pussy._

Fuck you. Fuck you, you… disembodied voice in my head. I'm no pussy. Time comes back to normal speed and I open my eyes to meet the pistol barrel and the four black beads staring back at me with hatred.

"Good bye, Karos."

I think not. I reach around his legs, pulling them toward me, making the alien fall backward. I push my body up; lunging over him for the rifle I dropped after I got punched. My hand grasps it and I turn slightly, landing on my injured left side as I pull the trigger. Shot after shot hits the alien's shield as he tries to stand up. In this close range, recoil means next to nothing. As the protective shield drops I see the final look on his face…

Just as a round goes right through it.

The alien's body falls limply to the floor. I prop myself up against the couch, breathing heavily and holding my side. God, this pain is too much. Those light dancing in my vision fade to black, and soon it's all I see as my head slumps against the armrest of the sofa.

"…et up." A voice? "I said 'Get up'! We need to get the hell out of here!" God it sounds so weird. A girl's voice, but it's like it was passed through a filter. There's an accent in there too? "Come on, Ben! We need to escape!"

I groggily open my eyes. Groaning, I glace around the room. The handless human is presumably dead by the amount of blood he's lost; the alien and other foe are both dead from the assault rifle fire. I look to my right. Kneeling next to me by the doorway was yet another alien. She has a purple hood, beneath which there's a helmet with a translucent, nearly opaque, mask. Two, white, glowing eyes look back into my own from behind it.

"Ben! Come on!" she urges me. A circle beneath the visor, approximately where her mouth would be, lights up with each syllable, producing that slightly synthesized sound. I glance down her body. She seems human enough. Her hands and feet each have 3 digits, and her knees are inversed from mine, like a dog's back legs. Well… that was rude of me.

"You… are you T?" I manage to groan as I push myself, in an effort to stand up.

"Yes. For now, call me that. At least until we're somewhere safe where we can talk. Can you walk?" she asks. Her voice has some concern in it. I like her a lot more than the other alien already. No guns pointed at me, caring, and female are all definite improvements.

"I'll try, but my side hurts. And I have a nice list of questions for you that might sound strange. But, for now, safety first, huh?" I ask, slapping a painful grin onto my face.

"Too true. Come on, my ship is this way. Walk with me and try not to get any attention," she says. Alright, maybe she's a bit demanding, but it's still better than asking me to die. I slowly walk over to the bed, grabbing the silver case from beneath it. I turn and see T surveying the bodies.

"Did you do this?" she asks. I nod slowly, remembering all that had happened in that brief instant. I killed three people.

Oh, God.

I _killed_. Three times. My stomach suddenly up ends itself. I fall onto all fours and puke right under the table. "Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god… I killed people," I mutter to myself in utter horror. T hurries over to me, rubbing my back.

"Keelah, are you alright?" I nod. "You're a soldier. Are you not used to such a thing?"

"I'm no soldier!" I yell back. "I have no clue who I am. No clue who you are. No clue who the hell they _were_!" I emphasize the word in the past tense, bringing me back to the fact that I killed them. "I'm so confused…"

T is hovering over me. Her touch is so soft, like she's trying to comfort me. "I don't know why this gets you so bad, and to be honest I want to help, but unless we leave here real soon we're gonna end up the same way." I nod, mentally forcing my tears to stop.

She pulls me up to my feet, handing me one of the assault rifles from the corpses in the room. She grabs the other one that I'd dropped, saying, "I really prefer shotguns, but we need to work with what we have. Grab the batarian's pistol. I already have one." I guess she means the four eyes. Ugly yellow four eyes equals batarian, got it. The pistol unfolds in my hand as I grab it.

"Lead the way. I just hope I'm a decent shot." I walk after T, placing the pistol on my left hip, grabbing my katana off the ground and smacking the pommel again. The blade retracts into the handle and I clip it to my right hip, throwing the assault rifle on a strip hidden in my vest, so the gun hangs on my back.

As we walk, me matching her step for step, I glance around. The room was a poor indicator for the rest of Omega. Everything out here was at least twice as dirty as the bed sheets and smelled three times as bad. There're many aliens walking about. Well, most walk at least. There's a floating pink jellyfish thing that sort of glides along, but there is only one of them. There're creepy light tan things on two legs that look like they are made of webs and hiss when they speak, large, lumbering lizard people, each with some kind of protective head plate, and some kind of bipedal insect, or at least that's what those mandibles make them look like.

Then there's T. Aside from the other human's walking around (and they seemed like they would stab me the minute I said something to them), T seems more human than anything else here. She has the human form… and shape…

Wake up, Karos! Not the time!

Right, anyway, T's species seems far more human than the other aliens here; yet, she is the only one in sight. There's another question to ask when we're safe.

"The space port is up ahead," T mutters to me as we enter some kind of landing platform. It's practically deserted "Once we leave in my ship, we can at least have some small time to relax." I nod my head, bumping into a blue female alien in skin tight armor as my vision is averted.

"Sorry ma'am," I say in passing, nodding my head politely.

And then it hit me. Literally.

A massive force thrusts me forward, sending me rolling a good 6 meters away. Landing none to gracefully, I end up sprawled out, spread eagle on the dirty floor, my side lighting up in pain, like it was just stabbed. Repeatedly.

I struggle to life my head, hoping to see T rushing towards me to give me a hand. I've been knocked around far too much for one day. After shaking the grogginess from my head, I try to stand, only to fall back to the floor. Damn, that hurts. I can do nothing but look around for T. I find her alright. She and the blue lady in combat armor from earlier are facing off.

The blue lady seems like she's taunting T, almost looking triumphant. She could have passed for human, had it not been for her skin pigmentation or the eight tentacles or so that are slicked back along where her hair would be. Her hand is pointing at T, glowing with some kind of ominous blue light. T has her assault rifle out and trained on the blue alien.

"You know, Saren told us to watch out for anyone buying certain equipment. Naturally it would be a quarian who buys everything on the list that is needed to dissect a geth. I'm afraid that you are going to have to give that piece of hardware back to me now, or else you won't be breathing the clean air from your suit soon," the alien announces at T. So, she can't breathe unclean air? Isn't that the only air there is around here? Never mind. Not the time.

"I already saw inside of that geth's memory bank. I don't know who this Saren is, but he's a threat if he's commanding the geth. This info is **not** falling into his hands." That's a good girl T. I just hope you can fire at Ms. Glowy over there before she does whatever it is she's threatening.

"Well," the blue one says, raising her glowing hand roughly. T is whipped into the air, surrounded by that same blue aura. The aura envelops the other alien, but she seems to be… controlling it somehow. "It looks like I have to kill you then." She slowly begins closing her fist

"NO!" I yell at the alien, my voice weak and broken. Her head swivels my direction. "Leave her alone!"

The alien just scoffs. "Why?"she asks maliciously.

"I need her!" I yell. T, hold on. I'll save you, just stay right there and I'll help you, then you can help me figure out who I am.

"What use would a quarian possibly be to a human?" the alien asks as I slowly crawl towards her. Her fist closing bit by bit and I can hear T's cries of pain. No… I can't let my only ally be hurt in such a way. I need answers, I need help…I need…

"I need her!" I yell louder, reaching my arm out towards the alien. What are you trying to do Ben? Acting as if I could do anything from this far away. I hear a scream from T.

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT HER!" I scream at the alien. My outstretched arm glows blue, the same shade as the alien's aura. An orb fires from my palm, arching gracefully towards the blue lady's torso. Direct hit! The alien is sent flying across the platform crashing into some cargo crates nearby.

I have no clue what I just did, but as long as T can still get us out of here I don't care. Oh yeah, T… where is she…? Is that her? Why is she running towards me? I'm fine… just a bit sleepy. Let me take a quick nap, and we can get out of here…

Just a quick nap…

My eyes close, and I'm gone.

The first thing that pops into my head when I wake up is that I really need to stop blacking out like that. Groaning a stream of profanities as I prop myself upwards, I hear a familiar voice behind me. "Ben! Oh, I'm so glad you're awake!"

"Ugh, T? What happened?" I ask her hazily. I swear she's smiling behind that mask.

"Well, you saved my life for the second time in three days, while also getting hurt in the process." Yep, she's smiling. I recognize that tone of voice. "I had no clue you were a biotic!" she quips excitedly.

"Neither did I," I state frankly.

She tilts her head slightly. I guess she's confused? I don't know, I can't tell without seeing her facial features. "Um, remember earlier when I said I don't know who I am? I wasn't really joking…"

She gasps. It sounds odd with that synthesized voice but I kinda expected that. "You have amnesia?" she asks. I nod my head.

"Yeah, waking up to meet various aliens and have the living shit beat out of me hasn't really helped my mental condition," I say while I stare at her mask. "We safe now?

She jumps a bit, as if I snapped her out of some deep thinking. "Hm? Oh! Yes, I found all the bugs that had been planted on my ship by that asari, so we're on our way to the Citadel now."

"Ah… What is a Citadel exactly?"

"Keelah," she says. "At least we have a few hours until we reach the Mass Relay, because I have some explaining to do it sounds like. I'll start with recent events, and you can ask questions as we go along alright?" I nod, smiling for the first time since this whole ordeal started.

"Well, my name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, and it's the year 2183…"

**A/N: Raise your hand if you thought T would end up being Tali! I'm sorry for the slow start last chapter. Hopefully this gave you a few more answers than questions, and more action than the last installment. **

**So, next up is a visit to the Citadel around the start of Mass Effect 1. Have the songs been helping any? I hope they have :( Please review and give me a heads up on how I'm doing, because I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and can only hope you guys enjoyed reading it just as much. But, on the off chance you didn't, tell me why not and give me some advice!**

**Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	3. Explanations

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 3: Explanations_

_Weightless – All Time Low_

**A/N: Hi again everybody! I'm writing this just after posting chapter 1. Having gotten a few reviews on it already, I'm excited to continue now that I know that people are paying attention! This chapter might be a bit slow. Ben gets to learn about the universe, but I'll try to cut that short for your sake. Anyway, here's a quick recap:**

**So, our hero has met up with Tali, and she and Ben (wait… Tali, Ben…Taliban! O_O oh god…) are en route to the Citadel! Now we're getting somewhere! So then, shall we continue our story?**

**Oh, but before we do, huge dedication to archerstar for giving me some amazing and encouraging reviews!**

**And now, we shall continue with the story…**

**###########**

The ride had passed eventfully thus far. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, or rather, just Tali now, spoke simply to me about various races, places, and the current state of technology. "The point is though, that omni-tools are incredibly useful," she continues on. Ever since we hit technology, the girl…no, that's wrong. _Quarian_. She's a quarian, Ben. Anyway, she really started talking faster with larger terms, each one making less sense than the last.

I'd learned a lot so far. Actually, the first thing she did was set up my omni-tool to record it in entries in case I forget some of it. I tried running over some of that information in my head again. The blue alien who attacked us on Omega is called an asari, the pink jellyfish that was gliding around was a hanar, and she confirmed that the black four eyes was a batarian. Thinking about this makes me recall that earlier conversation…

###########

"They tend to not like humans," she had told me. "A fair number of them work as slavers out in the Terminus Systems, and-"

I'd held up my hand. "Just a sec, Tali. What and where are the Terminus Systems?" I had to inquire. It was a lot to take in, but I needed this information. God forbid I be left clueless in a galaxy of unknowns.

She had just sighed for a moment. "The Terminus Systems," she began, "are all the star systems outside of the Council's or the Human Alliance's influences. Think of it as a place where galactic law is ignored for the legislative power of the planet, cluster, or system that you are in." I nod silently, soaking in all of this information

"So, Omega was out there, right? We met in the Terminus Systems?" I said glancing up at her purple mask.

She nodded. Good. I'm remembering this stuff. My memory is working fine now and that's some great news.

###########

Glancing up from my trip down memory lane, I find her staring at me…

Or at least I think she is. It's so damn hard to tell with that mask on.

"I- I'm sorry. Was I boring you?" she says sheepishly. Oh, shit. C'mon Ben! Don't hurt her feelings! She's the only help you have! Excuse, now! Quick, think!

"Oh! Um, no, no, no, no! I was just trying to understand all that language you were using…" Smooth move, dumbass. Hopefully she believes that lie. Well, half lie really, because honestly I can't keep up with talk about eezo and mass effect fields.

"Oh, Keelah! I'm sorry! I- It's just that… when it comes to engines, and technology, and VI's and AI's, I get carried away and end up ranting and raving and it annoys people and, oh Keelah!" she says again, finding a particular sheet of metal on the floor and noticing something utterly fascinating on it. "I'm so sorry!"

I'm taken aback for a second. "Whoa, whoa, whoa Tali! Calm down. I might be trying to get my memory back, but I just don't think I need the details on how to build a drive core is all. I didn't mean to make it sound like you offended me, or anything close to it," I explain carefully, trying not to upset her further. She seems kinda fragile and withdrawn to say the least.

"But something has been eating away at me for a bit, Tali," I continue. She glances up from the metal floor. The young quarian just tilts her head to the side a bit. I guess that's body language for 'go ahead and ask'. I clear my throat slightly. "I guess it's kinda personal, or maybe all quarians have to, but why do you wear that suit?" I inquire, leaning my elbows onto my knees.

Tali fidgets with her hands a bit before answering. "Well, it isn't just me. Quarians all have a very weak immune system. After we created the geth," I nodded remembering her mentioning it earlier, "they rebelled. We were forced off our homeworld of Rannoch and forced to wander the galaxy as the Migrant Fleet. Our immune systems weren't that great to begin with. Most of the viruses and bacteria on Rannoch were beneficial, so over time our immune systems were weakened to pathogens. When we left, well, the ships were a sterile environment and generations passed. Soon our immune systems became even worse, so now we need to wear these enviro- suits."

"What happens if you take it off, or it rips or gets a bullet hole in it or something?"

"The thing about our suits is that certain parts can be sealed off or closed up to prevent a widespread infection. Otherwise, we'd be deathly sick from just a few moments of exposure. They also can flood the infection site with antibiotics which allows soldiers to hold out longer in battle," she continues, gesturing to various parts of her suit as she explains.

"So how do you eat? Can you smell anything?" I ask incredulously.

Tali laughs. Not a laugh borne of humor, but one of spite and frustration. "I've never smelled anything my entire life. I've never taken off my mask or suit. We only can join our suits together in sterile environments and even that's not safe sometimes," she says, a cold edge to her voice.

"Why… would you join your suits together in the first place?" I ask slowly, hoping to avoid her random outburst of malice. The question seemingly pacifies her, returning her back to a shy little fidget.

"Oh, um… it's…well, it's only done when you _really_ trust someone, and... it's…it's for… mating, I guess you would call it…?" she finishes off sheepishly, her voice losing its volume at the end.

I stop for a second and just look at her inquisitively. There she sits, averting her gaze from anything but the floor, flustered over explaining how her species reproduces.

I burst out laughing.

"Ha ha ha! Ohhh, man… wait, you gotta be- bwa ha ha ha ha!" I try to say. It's so hard to keep together when she's acting like this.

"H-hey! What's so funny?" she asks indignantly, rounding her vision back to me, a mix of anger and confusion.

"You!" I exclaim between fits of laughter. "You're acting all embarrassed about it! C'mon, Tali. It's part of life! It _has _to happen at some point, so there's no point in getting all flushed over it. Plus, you've saved my life and I've apparently saved yours too, so don't you think we should be past all this embarrassment shit?" I finish off, still chuckling a bit with every other word.

"W-well, it's just... not something I'm used to telling people! You're the first person I've really talked to on my Pilgrimage. Can we talk about something else, please?" she asks desperately. "Didn't you want to know about how I eat?" I nod, still grinning from the previous topic. "Well, we have this paste that we-"

"Wait, is all food in paste? I really don't want to feel like I'm eating glue my whole life," I interrupt. She looks at me, those silver eyes narrowing behind her mask. Is that a glare? Definitely feels like a glare.

"No," she begins tersely, "Just for quarians. We're given a tube when we leave on our Pilgrimage. If we want to actually _taste_ something, then we can purify turian cuisine." I tap my head for a moment, thinking hard.

"Turians are the ones with the mandibles, right?" I ask, bringing my forefingers up to the sides of my mouth. Tali lets out a bit of a laugh. Good. Now, she's not mad at me… at least I hope not.

"That would be them."

"Why just their food? Why not human or asari?" I say, still playing with my "mandibles."

She shakes her head at my childlike actions. Whatever. I still think I'm funny! "You and I have different proteins," she says, "Mine are dextro-proteins, yours are levo-proteins. Eating the same food would cause a violent allergic reaction, especially in high quantities. It's not just the food, though. Digesting the other's bodily fluids could do the same thing."

"Oh, that's fine then," I say. "I can't see myself tonguing with a turian. If the ones in Omega were any indication, they're much too tall for me."

Tali starts laughing her head off, and to be honest, the fact that I still had my fingers to my face probably wasn't helping. "You're ridiculous!" She exclaims between fits of laughter. A sudden beep from the ship's central control console got both of our attention. Tali hopped up from the chair she was sitting on and went to examine the flashing display. She spins around, saying, "Looks like we're approaching the Citadel, so I'm gonna need to dock us. Any last questions?" she says. Her tone tells me she's smiling beneath the mask.

I pause for a moment, bringing my hand to my chin. An idea pops into my head. She'll either be mad at me, or be able to take a joke. Slowly, an evil smile spreads across my face.

"How do you go to the bathroom?"

###########

We got docked just fine. It's been about an hour and Tali still isn't speaking to me. The moment I'd made the joke, she turned around and focused on getting us docked at the Citadel. "Aw, c'mon Tali! It was just a joke!" I had said.

She'd ignored me, speaking into the console, "This is the Takkaya requesting permission to land at the Citadel." There was impatience and a slight bit of anger in her voice when she said that. Oops, my bad. She was able to keep her calm with the person from Citadel Control and get us landed with no problem.

Still, her mood hadn't improved since then. We walked along a metal pathway past a whole bunch of other aliens. They were all fine and wonderful, but I wasn't worried about that. I needed to be on friendly terms with Tali if I even hope to get any kind of help. She's the best I have right now.

"Hey Tali…?" I start out hesitantly

She remains unresponsive.

"Tali?"

"What?" she shoots back at me, impatience ever present in her voice. She isn't stopping. God dammit, girl.

I grab her arm. "Hey!" I say loudly, spinning her around to face me. "Look, it was a joke! No personal offence was meant! I have no clue what pisses off an al- a different species." Good catch.

She crosses her arms and glares at me. "I don't care if you have amnesia! There's no reason for you to go around asking questions like that! Keelah, you'd think you'd have some common sense…" she says exasperated.

I shake my head, raising my hands up in surrender. "Look Tali, I'm sorry. I made a joke and it didn't go over well. Can I go back to asking you normal questions and you go back to not being mad at me?" I ask, somewhat pleadingly.

The quarian across from me just rubs the top of her helmet, thinking. "Ugh, fine." Yes! I can't stop my grin as I look at her. Smiles are infectious though, as I can hear one in her voice.

"Just, no personal questions this time," she orders. I just do a mock salute.

"So, that crowd of aliens over there," I start to point, "That one is a turian right?"

###########

We had a fair time walking around the Citadel, more so now that Tali wasn't mad at me. We walked around and got some food at a vendor before heading to "the Wards." I'm not sure where the Wards are, or what they are, but that's fine. I let Tali lead the way as I continued my questioning. We were currently revisiting the asari topic.

"So, they can join _minds_ with another being?" I ask incredulously. Yikes. "That sounds either really dangerous, or really painful… or both."

Tali shakes her head. "From what I've heard from the quarians who have joined with an asari, it just feels weird. Sorta like having a probe, worm its way through your mind," she explains in a calm voice.

"Yeah… that… that doesn't sound any more appetizing," I note hesitantly. "Anyway, that thing the asari on Omega did? Bio-ticks or something?"

"Biotics?"

"Yeah, that. Can all asari do that?"

She nods. "Yes. Every asari is a biotic. They also are more capable than any other species when it comes to biotics. So, if you and an asari have a battle of biotics, the odds are, unless you're a one of a kind genius, you'll lose."

"About me being a… a biotic? Do you know any way I could get control over that?" I ask reluctantly. Biotics seem useful. I mean, they saved Tali's life for me and are obviously useful in a fight, but what could happen if I don't have control?

Tali shook her head reluctantly, "Sorry Ben, I'm no biotic. All I've heard is that you need to visualize what you want to do with your mind and bring the power up from your core."

"Wow, no offence Tali, but that was about as vague as you can get," I start to say. "But thanks. It's better than nothing."

Tali seems satisfied with that. That's a plus at least. I think if I make her angry again today, then it's just gonna end up with me, abandoned on this giant space station. I need to keep the conversation moving though.

"So! Back to asari," I say. "Where do you normally see them?"

My companion pauses for a bit, thinking. "I know that their home planet is Thessia, but there's another planet that you see a lot of them on. I can't remember the name though. Illi- something."

My blood freezes. Is it that same planet the batarian mentioned? No, that would be way too convenient, but still, I need to ask. This could be big for me. I eagerly blurt out, "Was it Illium?" Tali leans back a bit from my sudden outburst, shock apparent even through the mask.

"That's it. How did you remember that?" she asks suspiciously.

Should I tell her? Tell her what? That I'm a criminal who doesn't even know his crime? Well, why not? She's been nothing but humane to me so far. Maybe, just maybe she won't try to kill me or turn me in.

"Well, about that… When the batarian came into my room and attacked me, he knew my name and said something about what I did on Illium. Called me a xenophobe, too. Whatever is causing people to hunt me happened on Illium. The Alliance put a bounty on my head after that apparently." I take a deep breath, glancing at Tali's mask.

She's frozen on the spot, her silver eyes wide open. All I hear from her is a soft, "Keelah…"

She knows.

She knows something. "Tali," I start to say in a warning tone. "You know what it is, don't you?" She stares into my eyes, shock and fear apparent. God dammit, I need answers! I grab her shoulders, shaking her as I yell, "Don't you?" once again.

She stares at me now, a look of pure horror. "Ben…" Oh god. What am I doing? Calm down. Ben, get a fucking grip!

"Shit!" I hiss, pushing myself away from her. I move a few feet away and begin crouching on the ground, my hands on top of my head. "Shit. What am I gonna do? What _did_ I do? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck."

There's a gentle hand on my back. I glance to my right and there she is. That purple mask, lit up with the whites of her eyes. "Hey, relax. You want to know, and I'll tell you. But not now. Not when you're like this. It gathers too much attention," she says soothingly. I look around and she's right. We're getting odd looks from all kinds of people… aliens… whatever.

"Come on," she says, leading me away. "Let's find somewhere to talk."

**A/N: Well, I was thinking of dropping that bomb on you guys in this chapter, but I decided against it. You will find out eventually. Maybe next chapter, maybe not *evil laugh*. **

**Please review and let me know what you guys think of my writing! Any and all **_**reasonable**_** suggestions (not ones like stop writing or kill yourself) are welcome!**

**Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	4. Answers and Identities

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 4: Answers and Identities_

_During the revelation:__ Say it Ain't So – Weezer _

_During the fight: __Reptilia – The Strokes_

_Any other time: __New Perspective – Panic! At the Disco_

**A/N: Goddamn that's a lot of music! Hopefully, it will all set the tone correctly though. I don't go for lyrics, but rather the melody. Like if it's all mellow and slow, then it's better for emotional scenes and such. Hopefully you all can understand what I mean there, but anyway!**

**So, we are about to find out what Ben did on Illium that has bounty hunters all over him! Well, I won't give it to you right now or in the first few paragraphs. I'm evil like that! Mwahahaha! But, that answer will be in this chapter as well as crossing into some familiar territory with the plot.**

**A huge chapter awaits you, and I await your reviews! Keep 'em comin' people!**

**You ready for this? I'm ready. Are you ready? I said, are you ready for this! Let's do it! Let's kick this story's ass!**

**Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, cue music! (Start with the Weezer song…just saying…)**

**########### **

It's been a few minutes now since I started following Tali. She wouldn't say where we were going. She hadn't said anything actually. After my mini freak out back in the middle of the Wards, I'd decided it was best if I shut up, lest I make myself look more like an ass than I already had.

"Here will be fine," I heard Tali say. Her voice was muffled by her back as she faced away from me. The alley we were in was built with shining metal and dimly lit by orange luminescent lights. It reminded me vaguely of the room in Omega, minus two tons of filth. Tali turned slowly, her mask facing the floor. She obviously is apprehensive about this… what the hell did I do to cause this reaction? "Well, you rem-"

"Hold on Tali," I interrupt, holding up my hand to stop her. She crosses her arms looking irritated.

"You know, you have this lovely habit of interrupting me," she says in an amused voice. I can't help but smile a bit at her.

"True enough. Before we start this whole thing though Tali, I'm sorry about what happened back there. It's just… the thought of being able to recover some part of my past is overwhelming," I choke out, hanging my head in shame and remorse. Fists clenched, I continue on, saying, "I need to know everything. I can't be satisfied with just giving up and starting a whole new life. It's not so easy. Even less so when you're being hunted like I am."

"Some things," Tali started to say before she trailed off. She looks up from the floor staring straight at me. I raise my eyes to meet hers. "Some things," she says again after a deep breath, "are better left forgotten."

She's worried? Or looking out for me or something. I don't know. "I appreciate you trying to protect me from it. I do, but there's a little voice in my head who likes calling me a coward," I say recalling what happened with the batarian. She probably thinks I'm being sarcastic, judging by the fact that she isn't questioning it. Or maybe hearing voices is normal for biotics? Anyway, not the time.

"Running from my past isn't going to help me hide from it. It just means that I'm giving it a chance to blindside me," I say, determination creeping into my voice. "I'm going to turn around and hit it head on. I _want_ to know what I've done, only then can I face it. I don't want it consuming me or getting the better of me, so it's best you tell me now."

I stopped, panting for breath after saying all of that. Every word was the truth. Running away only gives your opponent the chance to shoot you in the back, and the past is a very sadistic enemy. Tali's posture has straightened and she's looking dead at me.

"You can handle it then?" she asks with an unsteady voice. I nod as I sit down on a nearby crate, one of many that populated the alley. Tali walks over and set herself next to me. We don't look at each other, we don't say anything. We just sit there staring at the opposite wall of the alley.

I hear the synthesized voice take a breath as Tali begins to bring up her omni-tool. "Well, remember when I was telling you about the geth attacking Eden Prime? The attack that happened only a week ago? Well exactly two months prior, the SSV Prideful was docked at Illium to refuel from a covert mission in the Terminus systems." She had pulled up an article on the orange display and began reading off of it. "While on shore leave with a bunch of his friends at a bar called Eternity, a particular soldier drew his weapon, an HVB, or heightened vibration blade, and began to randomly attack various asari. No humans, turians, salarians or any other race were harmed. The asari were all targeted and cut down mercilessly. The other races attempted to stop this man but he miraculously disabled all of them with biotics." My breath caught in my throat. This sounds like me in ways of equipment, but the abilities seem slightly over exaggerated. Ah, fuck, who am I kidding? There's no way in hell I could fend off an entire bar! But, I kept silent. I needed to hear all of this.

Tali continues on, unaware of my inner argument, "Every asari within the establishment was killed, and the soldier escaped. His friends later identified him to the Alliance, but no name was ever released to the public. In order to avoid conflict with the Asari Republic, a high bounty was placed on his head by the Alliance, dead or alive. If brought back alive, He will be tried in asari court and punished accordingly. He still remains at large." As she finished Tali closed her omni-tool and set her hands down on her lap. The silence carried on heavily.

I start to chuckle, then before I know it I'm roaring with laughter. Wait, why am I laughing? I can't stop myself! Dammit! Tali looks at me with concern as I sit there, cracking up like a maniac. Minutes pass and my breath gets short, as the laugh gets quieter and quieter until it dissolves into broken sobbing. Tears stream down my face as I place it in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees.

"T-Tali," I croak out through the tears and the moans. "How d-did… I mean, I c-couldn't have…" I stutter and fumble over my words, tears flowing just as freely as before. The questions float around in my head, each one trying to break out and be asked, each one wanting its own answer. But, there was one question, one simple question, which was stronger than the others, one that found its way out before I could stop it.

"Why?"

One that I knew wouldn't have an answer.

Time passed. Tali never said a word. She just sat next to me on the crate, in the alley, on the massive space station, in a galaxy that wanted me dead or in chains. I'm not sure how long we've spent here with me in tears and Tali in silence.

_Been at least a couple of hours. Maybe 3 or 4._

Wait. You again?

_Yep. Me again. You done being a pussy?_

Fuck you, disembodied voice.

_How do you fuck a voice?_

Shut up. Go to hell.

_You really don't know who I am, do you?_

I thought you were part of me. If you are some kind of mental disorder from my past you should know I don't remember you.

_Fair enough. So, what the fuck is your problem?_

Well at first it was dealing with the fact that I slaughtered countless innocents like a lunatic, but you are quickly climbing the ladder to being the number one thing that pisses me off.

_What would you have me do then, pussycat?_

Ugh, I'd rather you leave me alone so I can figure out a way to correct all this.

_If it bothers you that much, then go repent for it._

What, you mean like offer myself to the asari as recompense?

_No. They won't be sated after what we did. That's asking for too much forgiveness for too little of a gesture. The death of one versus the death of ten or twenty people? Hardly fair._

Then what do you suggest?

_Live on. Find solace in work. Something that you feel makes the galaxy safer. Save thousands to cleanse yourself of the blood of the few._

That's surprisingly poetic. I had you pegged as an insensitive asshole.

_I am. What I'm suggesting may have you sacrifice more lives for the greater good. Sure, you'll have a reason for those deaths, but it won't hide the fact that you are responsible. It will be a worse punishment than death, watching those lives that you had to give up be snuffed out, dealing with all of the deaths on your own back. Will you break from guilt? Or will you carry on and be stronger because you know what you did saved more lives than you killed? _

_Seek redemption in sacrifice._

Slowly, I'm drawn back to reality. My sobbing has stopped, along with my tears. I sit up from crying into my hands. In my peripheral vision, I can see Tali turn her head towards me but I continue to stare a hole into the wall.

"Tali," I say. My voice sounds different now. I can barely recognize it. "What will you do now? Why did you need to come to the Citadel?" I say, turning my head to look at her.

"Well, should I start from the beginning?" she inquires. I nod. If she has a purpose, then I want to be part of it. Maybe it will help me find redemption. She nods back to me, saying, "Okay. I'll tell you why I'm here and why I'm being hunted just as you are…"

###########

Tali stood on a hill overlooking the geth patrol. It had only taken a few days to track them down. _Now all I need to do is figure out a way to disable them all,_ she thought. There were approximately five separate geth entities. Two regular troopers, two rocket troopers, and a hunter.

She had finally tracked them down to the third moon of Urdak in the Omega Nebula. The Sahrabarik system was home to only two planets and the dangerous Omega space station. Seeing as Urdak was the only non- gas giant planet and was over 1,000° C on the surface. Her search was easily narrowed down to the moons orbiting it.

On her third try of scanning the planet for geth signatures she found a single ship on patrol. She landed her ship, knowing it would draw the geth's attention and moved to higher ground hoping to get a vantage point. The moon itself was not that different from Luna in appearance. Various craters dotted its surface and its entirety was composed of gray-ish white rock.

_The best way to take out the squad would be to hack the hunter and have it kill the others,_ Tali noted. The only problem with that was that it had its shields up, unlike the other members of the patrol. _Overload the shields and then hack it? That's a slim window… at best. _

There was no better plan. If she could take out everything else besides the one she hacked, then she could remotely shut it down and extract its memory bank. _I need something to take back to the Flotilla. What better than data from the memories of a geth?_

Tali set herself in place, determined to get her prize. Bringing up her omni-tool display, she highlighted the hunter and began to carefully charge an Overload. _Enough to bring down the shields, but weak enough to not harm the geth itself, _she quietly reminded herself.

She took a deep breath and launched the Overload directly at the hunter. Her omni-tool immediately displayed it as a target for hacking. The geth immediately reacted aiming towards where the surge in energy came from. Without hesitation they opened fire with deadly accuracy, raining a hail of projectiles at Tali's position. She ducked down, away from the fire and circled around to the crest of another hill, aiming carefully at the patrol once again with her omni-tool. Four targets jumped onto the display.

_Four? Wait a minute, where did the hunter vanish to? _She wondered, her mind suddenly fraught with worry. If she didn't have that, then destroying the rest of the squad and getting the data was just a dream, leaving her trapped in a nightmare of indecision.

_The regular troopers won't do, they don't have the fire power to last against a rocket. The rocket troops would be able to wipe out the rest of the squad, but the hunter would destroy it from stealth and then come for me, _Tali pondered, tumbling the scenario over and over in her head

Then, an anomaly threw off her calculations.

A single armored organism ran from the shadow of Tali's ship. She couldn't distinguish the allegiance of the assailant, nor the race, but it was obvious that this was a chance that she needed. _If they can distract the rest of the geth and maybe draw fire from the hunter, I can pinpoint its position!_

And so, Tali waited and watched as the being rushed the geth, extending an HVB as they went. When the geth realized they had been flanked, they turned their fire towards the immediate threat. It was already too late though. Both rocket trooper were lifted by biotics and suspended in midair, with a wave of the mysterious swordsman's hand.

Tali began to edge her way down the hill, hoping to seize her chance at hacking the hunter. There was no way, it would ignore him and continue for her. The stranger's very presence had saved her life, and possibly given her a chance to get the data she'd longed for. As she went, she watched the swordsman grab a pistol from his (for the body was of no female that Tali knew of) belt and down each regular geth trooper with two quick shots each, all the while, losing his shields to critical levels.

As the swordsman reached the two suspended geth he jumped into the air, assisted by the lesser gravity. With two swings of his sword, the two geth were reduced to separate halves, falling slowly back to the surface as the biotic Lift had worn off.

The swordsman descended just as slowly, the unfortunate side effect of a low gravity environment. A single light illuminated from nowhere. Visible to Tali, yet unnoticed by the stranger, the hunter decloaked itself, aiming its shotgun at the torso of Tali's savior.

_His shields are too low to stop that! _Tali desperately attempted to hack the hunter, only to have her attempts rejected by the hunter's regenerated shields. _No, no, no, no, no! Overload! I need an Overload! Oh, Keelah, I won't be in time._

"Watch out!" She yelled. The stranger's head immediately swiveled to look behind him. The geth fired, practically point blank at the swordsman's back. The man reacted, but not quickly enough, swinging his pistol in his left hand out to the side, he fired. The recoil propelled him off to the right; however the buckshot neatly clipped his left oblique.

Blood exploded from the wound as the man made several pitiful shots at the hunter. Tali had finished charging the Overload, sending electrical current spiraling towards the geth. The synthetic buckled, temporarily disabled by the sudden power surge.

Tali rushed the rest of the way down the hill, hacking the geth as she went and shutting it down before its memory banks wiped themselves. She rushed over to the man, still clutching his sword. She spotted his wound and cringed slightly.

_Without medical care, that'll be the death of him. Keelah, why couldn't they give us medi-gel when we leave the Flotilla?_ She began to drag him on board her ship, hoping that she still had those medical supplies.

###########

"After I made sure your condition was stable, I went out and brought the geth into the cargo bay. I searched its memory bank and found an audio file of whoever is the one who is commanding the geth," Tali continues her story, beginning to wind it down. "He sounds turian and I heard of an information broker who might be interested in it. Unfortunately, when I took you to Omega and bought parts in order to extract the information in order to deliver it, Saren, which is probably the turian's name, sent that asari biotic to retrieve the data and the geth," she said in a slightly more worried tone.

I just sit in silence. That explains how my side was such a bloody and painful mess, but once again, I hear about all this incredible fighting prowess, yet the only thing I have is what my body remembers. I begin to voice my doubts.

"So," I say lightly, getting Tali's attention, "that's how we met? Badass action hero? If you haven't noticed Tali I'm far from capable in combat. You positive you weren't stretching the truth in there at all?"

It's becoming easier to read her body language. That stance, is puzzlement… I think. "Why do you say that?" Yep, puzzlement. "You were able to kill three mercs armed with guns, with a single blade! How is that incapable of combat?"

I shrug. "That was a fluke. My body moved as if it was used to handling the sword and I did what felt right. Plus it was an enclosed space, so I had an advantage. Hell, I only used the sword once. The others I killed with their own weapons!"

Wait, come to think of it, that actually sounds pretty damn impressive. "Alright, I take it back. It wasn't a fluke, but it wasn't a conscious effort! If I was in a firefight, I'd be useless!" Tali looks at me, crossing her arms impatiently.

"Ben, you've saved my life twice. Once with skill, once with biotics. Neither was a fluke. Believe me when I say that you can put up a fight," she said dryly. I can't help the small smile that's crept onto my face.

"You really should stop complimenting me, ya know? My head is big enough as it is!"

"I know. I had to drag you on board my ship. Twice."

Ouch. The girl knows how to use words as well as she knows how to use an omni-tool.

Suddenly, a sobering thought dawns on me. "Tali, I'm a wanted criminal right?" My voice is suddenly lacking for joy. I get a nod of confirmation from her. "So, odds are that my face would be recognizable to whatever law enforcement is in charge around here," I point out. Slowly I can see through her eyes that she realizes my point.

"You need a disguise," she says

"I need a disguise," I echo

###########

"This is the third store we've been in!" Tali complained exasperatedly. It's actually the fourth, but who's counting? Not me, that's for sure.

"I know Tali! All of these disguises though make me look stupid!" I whined putting a turian mask back on the rack. "I need something simple that won't be destroyed if we get in a fight," I explain as I ruffle through what seems like the thousandth rack of Halloween costumes, face paints, and colorful masks.

"I know! It's just that I really don't like these stores. The masks are creepy," she said in a nervous voice. I can't help but chuckle at the irony of the _quarian_ being scared of masks. I think I've learned not to make any quips about the suit or the mask now though, so let's not bring up that lovely little joke.

I sigh heavily. This whole looking for a disguise thing is getting old fast. It was fun at first, putting on a mask, only to on Tali and get either a laugh or a shriek of terror. "Hey, Ben! What about this one?" I hear Tali ask from somewhere behind me.

I turn around to see Tali holding some kind of mechanical apparatus. "Uh, Tali? Are you sure that's a mask? It looks like some kind of prank more than anything," I note skeptically. "What does it ev- Hey!" I yelp as she shoves it into my hands.

"Go try it on! Trust me, that's _exactly _what we needed," she told me with finality. Sighing yet again, I shuffle my way into the changing rooms that Tali pointed towards. Why do I even need to use the changing rooms for a… nevermind. I don't even know what this thing is I guess it's a mask, otherwise Tali wouldn't have given it to me.

I look in the mirror for a second. Suddenly it dawns on me that this is the first time I've actually looked at myself. Sure, Tali's mask is kinda reflective, but I'm sure she'd be pissed off and maybe a bit embarrassed if I used her as a mirror.

Staring at the mirror I see myself standing back. At least, I hope it's me. If it's not then I'm in some kind of creepy horror fiction shit, and I'm not having any of that. Blue eyes stare back at me, so light in color that they almost seem gray. I guess my face seems attractive enough, but I can't really judge myself. I flick my dark blonde hair out of my eyes. Maybe I should get it cut a bit? Nah, it looks pretty good messy like this.

I bring up my omni –tool real quick and do a scan of my body, like Tali taught me in order to check on my wounds. The display displays my information with a holographic projection of my body

Height: 5' 9"

Weight: 170 lbs

Painkillers wearing off

Oh, lovely. I need some more of those meds that Tali brought off the ship for me, because honestly? I don't want to be seeing those colored lights from my side flaring up again.

Turning my attention back to the mirror I glance at my body, allowing myself a pleased smile. At least I'm fit. Maybe a bit on the slim side, but I have my muscle. Turning my attention back to the device Tali gave me, I discover it fits around one's ears and lines the chin, framing the face.

I fit it to my head as a holographic display pops up allowing me to customize the outward appearance. Oh man, this is gonna be fun.

###########

Ten minutes of tinkering later, Tali and I walk out of the part shop, her in her mask, I in mine. I'm quite pleased with myself and the design I picked. From inside the mask, it's as if I'm not even wearing it. Everything is clear and crisp and I can even zoom in on certain points (Fun? Yes. Needed in a costume mask? Apparently.)

To the outside world, however, all that is seen is a snarling white wolf. It looked amazing in the mirror. Yellow eyes vibrant and furious, snarl engraved into its frozen features. But probably one of the coolest things about it was that whenever I moved my eyes, the wolf's eyes moved accordingly. Now _that_ has got to inspire some fear in someone.

"You seem rather pleased with yourself," Tali noted in a satisfied voice.

"Are you kidding me? This is awesome! I think it can play music too if I hook it up to my omni-tool. Could you teach me how to do that later?" I say excitedly. Tali shakes her head exasperatedly.

"Maybe I shouldn't have bought it for you. You probably won't stop bugging me about it now," she says with a sigh.

I pout behind the wolf's face. "Just if I can't figure it out on my own. You never really taught me how to work the damn thing," I whine. Hopefully she knows I'm just playing around. I'm only childish because it gets me laughs, and c'mon! who doesn't like to make people smile?

"Anyways Tali, where to now?" I inquire. "Do you know how to contact this information broker of yours?"

Tali and I continue our walk through the Wards, entering yet another alley. "I'm not really sure," she said as we round a corner. "I heard there was a rep on the Cita-"

_Smack._

The butt of the assault rifle made clear contact with Tali's gut, causing her to fall to the ground. The salarian in front of us pointed the rifle at me. Instinct kicked in and I ducked as he pulled the trigger, dodging out of the way of a burst of gunfire.

Grabbing for my blade I slam into the alien, grabbing at his clothes. Keeping him in front of me as a shield, I smack the pommel of the HVB, surveying for other enemies. There's two turians hiding in cover behind some crates, one dead ahead, one farther back and off to my right. Also, just briefly, there was some movement on the left side, but I couldn't catch the identity of the assailant.

"Tali!" I call back, not daring to take my eyes from the scene ahead of me. "Tali, are you alright?"

I hear her voice behind me. "I'm fine, Ben. Lacking for breath, but aside from that, perfectly fine," I hear her say. Good. It's two to three. Not bad odds, but they have that unknown hostile with them, so there's no telling how capable they are. I glance to my immediate right, seeing Tali behind a couple crates on my right, drawing her pistol.

"Alright, who are you?" I ask. "What is it you want?"

"We want the quarian's information. If we have to kill you both and take your omni-tool, then we will," yelled one of the turians from their cover. Big words. They out number us but we have a hostage. Even footing I guess, but that means we have to make our move first.

"So, you don't care about the life of your salarian friend here?" I shout, doing my best to sound vindictive. My response is only a hesitant silence. Good. That's really good. I might be able to get us out of here at this rate. "Clear out now and you have my word that he'll go free with just a bump on the head!" I announce to the turians.

Suddenly, I hear a voice. An empty voice, calm, collected, but also cold and calculating. Just hearing it chilled the blood in my veins. "Do it," the female voice says. I look to the left and see an asari, standing out of cover. Shit. An asari meant one thing: Biotics. Why'd it have to be biotics? I hate biotics. Especially since I can't control my own.

"Do it," the asari repeated. "Spill the little bastard's green blood all over this alley. I just hired these three to help me get the info. He dies, that's a few less credits that I have to pay. Either way, Saren _will _have that data."

She stands there with a shotgun aimed at me and my salarian meat shield. Dammit this just took a turn for the worse. There's no avoiding a fight now, but how should we handle it? I glance at Tali only to find her with her head down, muttering to herself. No clue what that's about, but that shouldn't be my main focus.

Gritting my teeth, I mutter to the salarian, "Listen. You and I are in a shit situation right now. Keep your hands at your side. Tap my leg twice if you understand." _Tap, tap. _"Good. Now, I want to get me and that quarian out alive. I assume, you aren't interested in becoming a bloody slab of meat either?" _Tap, tap. _"Thought not," I say.

The asari is getting impatient. "Hey! Do I have to blow a hole in him for you, you worthless human? Or maybe you want an extra body between you and these bullets? I'll give you thirty seconds to kill him before we open fire," she said, pointing the barrel of the shotgun at the salarian and myself. "Time's ticking," she said menacingly.

"Listen," I say to the salarian hurriedly. "You want to live, I want to live. Are those turians your friends? Tap twice for yes, once for no." _Tap. _"That makes things easier. You help me and the quarian kill these three an-"

"Fifteen seconds, fleshbag!" Fleshbag? Man, that's harsh.

"And you can have all the credits off the bodies. That's triple your pay. You in?" There was a pause.

_Tap, tap._

I smile a smile that I could only picture was evil, not that anyone could see me through the mask. "On the count of three, duck into cover. I'll get your gun over to you. Ready?"

_Tap, tap._

"Here's your countdown human! Five!"

"Three," I mutter.

"Four!"

"Two."

"Three!"

"One."

"Two!"

"Go!" I yell, pushing the salarian towards some crates on my left as I dive to another set between him and Tali. Tali looks startled at the development as I toss the discarded assault rifle to our new ally. I smack the HVB against my leg to retract it, drawing my pistol in the process.

I pop out of cover, taking a few shots at the asari with my handgun. They're absorbed by her shields as she situates herself into cover. One of the turians tries blind firing at me, missing terribly, but giving me a strong reminder to stay in cover.

A quick glance to each side shows Tali taking potshots with her pistol, and the salarian firing at the turians until his gun overheated. I heard a yell of pain and terror though. I guess he got a shot in on them. A quick glance around the box confirms that the turian off to the right is bleeding from his shoulder. Leaning out, just a bit I fire a single shot, hitting the wounded turian in the torso, while at the same time, Tali fires as well. Her shot lands right above the turian's left eye, causing him to crumple to the ground in a bloody mess.

One down. A few pieces of a buckshot fly by my crate. Damn asari! I put my pistol back on my hip, reaching behind me for my pilfered assault rifle. I look to the salarian to find him looking back. I mouth the word "asari" to him, getting a confirmatory nod. I hold up three fingers. Drop one down. Two. Drop another. One.

We both rise out from our cover at the same time, releasing streams of gunfire at the asari's shields. She ducks quickly behind two crates, but not before I notice the blue protective envelope dissolve.

"Tali!" I yell to her. She ducks behind her crate and looks over to me. "The asari's shields are down!" She nods an affirmative. Alright, so we're all on the same page. We're up on them by one combatant. This is good.

I lean out to shoot at the remaining turian, forcing him back into cover. Quickly, I dart out of cover, sprinting for the same crate that the asari is crouching behind. We need to get rid of her. Fast. I know what biotics can do and we don't need that kind of damage on us!

Leaning around the crate with my rifle ready, I find myself face to face with that which I'd hoped to kill. The asari was glowing blue. My eyes grew wide as I took the brunt of a biotic Throw right in my chest.

My pain lanced into my mind as I landed on my injured side. Shit! The medication! I'd completely forgotten after we'd gotten my mask. And now, I'm about to die.

The asari's shields have recharged by now and she has her shotgun aimed at my head. Fuck everything. The gleam in her eye is unmistakable as she begins to pull the trigger.

Two streams of assault rifle fire pepper her shield, lowering it in moments. I watch as each slug hits her body, each one entering, causing a spasm from the impact. Her blue blood rains down, drenching my clothes from Omega. Her corpse tumbled onto my chest, pinning me down for an extra moment.

"Shit!" I cry out in frustration while I push the recently deceased asari off of me. "Tali!" I yell, grabbing the shotgun and throwing it towards her before I fall back behind the crate, away from the turian.

"Got it!" I hear her yell as she jumps from cover to catch the shotgun.

A quick glance around the corner and I see the turian running towards the far end of the alley shooting all the way. I guess without the leader he has no point to be here. That saves us the trouble of a longer firefight at least.

All of a sudden I hear a cry of pain from behind me. Turning around quickly to see what happened, I see Tali, holding a hand to her chest.

Blood is seeping from beneath her hand.

I snap.

Holding my hand out towards the fleeing turian, I clench my fist. My arm flares blue as the turian is halted in his steps. I let out what can only be described as roar of bloodlust and pull my arm back, bringing the turian back through the air. Back towards me. I begin a slow walk forward, each step taken in deliberation, each one echoing in the alley.

The turian is a meter or so away from me now, floating upside down with his eyes wide. I raise my pistol to his head letting loose a snarl. The last thing he sees before his blue blood empties all over the alley, is the face of a furious white wolf on my mask.

The gunshot echoes as I let the remains of the turian drop to the floor. Scum. He deserved it.

_Damn right he did._

Shut up. I'm not in the mood.

_Well after what he did to your only friend, it's understandable._

Wait… Tali! I rush back to where she's laying, her three fingers still closed tightly over the wound. "Dammit, Tali. Are you alright?"

"No, but thanks for asking," she said faintly. She was breathing heavily. Oh, hell no!

"I'm not having any of this shit Tali," I said sternly, grabbing her and slinging her over my shoulders unceremoniously. I heard a few mutters of surprise, but they were weak. Shit! We need a hospital or clinic, or something…

I see the salarian picking clean the corpse of the asari. I might as well ask. "Hey!" I call to him. His head swivels to meet my gaze. "Is there a hospital near here?"

"There's a med clinic back out the way you came in. Make a left and run until you pass a downward staircase on your left. It should be on the left right afterward!" came his curt reply. He got up and began to walk towards the first dead turian.

"Wait!" I yell anxiously to him. He stops, turning to look at me. "I owe you for your help. We'd have been worse off if not for you!"

He smiles. "Offered more. You spared my life; it's only fair I help save hers. Pleasure doing business with you human," he said to me before kneeling and pilfering the turian's corpse.

I turned a 180, reaching a full on sprint out of the alley, slowing down only to make a left turn.

Hang on, Tali.

Hang on.

**A/N: *whistles* Would ya look at all that text? I had no clue this chapter would be so long. Compared to the 2,000-3,000 I was pulling before, this one hits nearly 6,000! Leave me reviews and advice please! Oh, and any song names you'd like me to know about that I might find some use for. **

**At least we're in somewhat familiar territory now, right? Next up is the med clinic with Michel, organizing a deal with Fist, and then its Normandy time! Oh boy, I'm excited! **

**Til next time,**

**Kraidle**


	5. Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 5: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning_

_Sick Puppies- Odd One_

**A/N: I'm so sorry it's taken a while to get this chapter out. I can only really work on this during my downtime at the office, because whenever I get home I just want to relax. But now, it's chapter five time! I've been adoring these reviews by the way. Every time I hear that I'm doing well it makes my day. Remember that day when I put out chapter 3? I had a final exam in microbiology that I was all stressed and pissed over. I checked my reviews in the morning and there was a smile on my face all day. **

**Thanks to all you reviewers. You guys make me want to keep writing this.**

**So just to give you a better image of some stuff (in case you couldn't get a good mental image from last chapter), think of Ben as Harry Potter with no glasses and blonde hair with the haircut from the first movie. And for the mask, you know the breather helmet that Joker wears when the Normandy is destroyed by the Collector ship? Think that, but it can show different images to obscure the wearer's face.**

**Okay, enough talky, more story:**

Blue lights flash by as I run. Shocked faces fly by, blurred by speed. Asari, asari, turian, salarian, drell? I think that one was a drell. Wake up and run Ben! Tali hangs around my shoulders, her breath becoming more and more shallow, her body bouncing with each step I take.

Thank heavens I'm a soldier. Otherwise I'd be too tired to save her. Actually, come to think of it, if I wasn't a soldier I'd have died on Omega. So, lucky me? I don't know. Shit! Where am I? Did I pass it?

I begin to look around frantically. No, no, no! This can't be good…

I grab a nearby asari by the wrist. Man, there are a lot of asari here. "Where is the med clinic?" I ask none too gently. Her frightened eyes stare back at me, reflecting the feral expression of the white wolf.

"Where is it!" I roar at her. She points a shaking finger down towards a rapid transit terminal.

"J-j-just before that terminal. O-on the left!" She said cowering away slightly.

I turn around and rush off, barking a "Thanks!" back at her as I go. "Tali, how are you holding up?" I mutter over my right shoulder to her mask.

"I've been shot you bosh'tet! It hurts like hell and it's hard to breathe!" she coughed at me. "Not to mention the infection I'm gonna get off of this is going to make me miserable for a while…" She said, trailing off

"No need to get cranky over a bullet wound Tali," I tease at her, heading for the now visible med- clinic sign. "Did your suit seal off?"

"Mmhmm. But it still hurts" she replied weakly.

I ran up to the door, hitting the button to open it. "Hey, we're at the clinic now. Everything will be fine, alright?" I tell her soothingly.

The door flies open and I walk in. The clinic was small. It was a single room with a counter of some kind running down a ways. "Doc?" I call out as I walk around the counter to the other side.

"Yes?" comes an accent-laden response from some boxes at the end of the clinic. A red haired woman walks out from behind them carrying a clipboard. "Is there something I can do fo- Oh my god!" She says upon seeing the injured quarian resting on my shoulders.

She rushes over to help me lay Tali out on a bed. "What happened? How long ago did it happen?" she said quickly in the same heavy accent. I'm forced to take a moment to decipher what she said.

"Uh, a gunshot from a pistol. Not too long ago, maybe seven or eight minutes?" The doctor nods, pushing me out of the way. Unfortunately, she pushes on my left side causing me to flinch slightly. She's too wrapped up in Tali and inspecting the wound to notice though.

"Any medi-gel?" she asked. Medi-gel, medi-gel. I've heard that term before…. Oh! In Tali's first note to me. She'd said she didn't have any to heal my side.

"No, we ran out a while back," I say honestly. Well, more like she ran out, but it's not the time for technicalities. "You can patch up the hole, right?"

She scoffs at me. "What kind of doctor would I be if I couldn't do that much?" she asks. Okay… well how the fuck was I supposed to know bullets to the chest could easily be healed? She speaks again, snatching me from my mental rant, saying, "I think I can prevent infection too. You are very lucky I'm good at treating quarians!"

I sigh in relief sitting on the bed next to Tali's. She'll be fine. Good. I'm lost without that girl. Quite literally. I'd have no clue where the hell to go.

Does she really need me around though? A quick glance over shows Tali staring at the ceiling and relaxing as the red headed doctor applies something that I'd assume is medi-gel to her chest. It's strange. I've been selfish this entire time. Tagging along with this girl who is barely making it by, just so I can seek out who I once was.

And now that I know, wouldn't it be safer if we parted ways? If I get my memory back and do something to her… No. I shake that thought from my head as I lay back on the bed, closing my eyes in contemplation.

###########

I wake up a few hours later to see the doctor hovering over me. My eyes open wide as I sit up quickly, my hands reflexively rushing to my side, hoping to stop the inevitable wave of pain. But no pain came…

"Missing something?" the doctor chimed teasingly. "Like maybe that terrible wound from your left oblique? Any longer with those bandages and an infection was sure to follow. Not a gentle kind of infection either," she said lightly with a serious look on her face.

I grunt in acknowledgement. "Well, we didn't have any medi-gel when it happened. Hell, I was lucky she had a first aid kit that would work for a human."

"I should think so," the doctor said nonchalantly, gazing at a datapad. "My name is Dr. Chloe Michel, and you…?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. It's probably the mask.

"Me? I'm no one," I say, evading the question with the gracefulness of a turtle launched from a catapult.

"That sounds about accurate, judging on these DNA results. You technically don't exist," she continued.

Change the topic, change the topic, change the God damn topic! "Doc, about Tali…"

Michel glanced at the next bed over and its peacefully unconscious occupant. "She'll be fine. A few hours of sleep and you'll both be good as new. Her infection wasn't even that bad yet."

I let out a sigh of relief, hopping off the bed. "Thanks Doc. Time for me to head out," I blurt out casually as I stride towards the door.

"Hold it," her voice sounds behind me. I freeze in place, not daring to turn around and meet whatever glare she's throwing at me. "You must be the worst kind of man to leave an injured girl here all alone. Why are you running away? What are you running away from?"

An amused smirk crosses my face. "Me? I'm running from her. Why? For her safety, and my sanity."

"Selfish." That one word made me turn around to see the Michel glaring fearlessly into the wolf's yellow eyes. "You're selfish!" she yells at me. "You think she'll be satisfied with a vague reason like that? I'm supposed to tell her that you left her alone for her 'safety'? You saved her life by bringing her to me, and you think that leaving her alone will keep her alive longer?"

Okay Doc, you have officially pushed the correct buttons to piss me off. "Dammit, it's my fault she got shot! It's my fault she was attacked on Omega by bounty hunters! It's my fault-"

"It's your _fault_… that I'm alive, Ben," a soft, synthesized voice pipes up from behind the red haired physician. Tali is propped up in her bed staring at me with those white eyes.

Dammit, I didn't want her to wake up. I wanted to leave her to her Pilgrimage so that I wasn't around endangering an innocent civilian. "Tali, lay down and rest," I order to her. "Doc said that you nee-"

"Shut up," Tali demands softly. There was no hate in it, just a request made from frustration. "Ben, you saved me from the geth, you saved me on Omega, and had you not been there in that alleyway, a shot to my chest would be the least of my worries."

Fuck. Now I feel like the bad guy. "But if I hadn't thrown you that shotgun, you wouldn't have been out of cover. That's what caused you to get hit in the first place," I say weakly. There goes my argument.

"And if you hadn't been there the four of them would have killed me, stolen the data, and we wouldn't me sitting here talking," she points out accurately. I hate arguing! Especially when I'm in the wrong!

"What if I do something like before? Like with the asari? What if that happens while you are around me? You're the only friend I have Tali. I don't want to be responsible for your death," I say, hanging my head in defeat.

Michel chooses now of all times to pipe in sardonically. "Thus far, it sounds like you have been more responsible for her _life_ than her death." Shit. I hate arguing.

"Ben, please," the quarian pleads. I walk back over to the bed adjacent to hers, laying down on it. I turn my back to her. It's childish, yes, but it also keeps me from having to talk to her. It's hard enough as it is.

I feel a three finger hand touch my back and hear a soft, almost unintelligible whisper before I close my eyes in an attempt to sleep.

"Thank you…"

###########

The next morning finds me physically stronger than I ever remember being. But, actually, that isn't saying much considering that I had a gaping hole in my side every other time I remember waking up.

Last night's events rush back to me. Great. A 9:00 A.M. wake up call with an all expenses paid guilt trip. I fucking hate Mondays. Is it a Monday? Whatever. I hate today's day of the week.

"Ah! Ben! You're up!" I hear a familiar voice at the foot of my bed. I prop myself upwards to find Dr. Michel and Tali looking at me, smiles in her white eyes. "How do you feel?" she asks, apparently quite chipper.

"Depends," I shoot back maybe a bit too harshly. "We talking physically or emotionally? Or maybe both? I feel good. My side doesn't even so much as twinge and I haven't had a good sleep like that for as far back as I can remember… actually never mind that." Tali chuckled a bit at that. Yay, I'm still funny… don't feel like it though.

"Emotionally? Let's just say I could be better. You sure you still want a guy like me watching your back?" I ask cautiously.

"Nope," she says, not missing a beat. "But you need someone like me watching _your_ back, else you'd fall to pieces in ten minutes."

"Hey! I'm a fragile little snowflake!" I say with a fake indignant tone, rewarded with laughs from both females. Maybe I should do stand-up…

"Well, little snowflake, it's high time you both paid a visit to Fist to get this geth data situation sorted out," said the doctor, her accent making her nearly unintelligible. Wait, what? She knows?

"Tali? How does she know about the data?" I inquire cautiously.

Tali makes some clicking sound which I assume is borne of impatience. "Because I told her, smart one. I asked if she'd be able to get us pointed in the right direction to the Shadow Broker." Shadow Broker? That's this information guy we've been trying to get a hold of?

What a dumb name.

"And this Fist person fits in how?" I say, gesturing for an answer.

"He's not the same rep I mentioned before, but he's almost as well known."

Wait, hold on. "When were you talking about a representative for this Shadow dude?" I asked completely puzzled.

Tali crossed her arms and looked at me. "Right before the salarian hit me in the gut with his rifle. Remember that?" Vaguely, yes.

"Yeah, I kinda recall something like that, but I sorta got distracted by the lovely forecast of death on the horizon. So we go and meet with this Fist," Tali nods in affirmation, "And then we get the data to the Shadow Broker?" God, that name is terrible. Tali nods again. "That simple?"

"That simple."

I shake my head. Nothing is that simple. "I got a bad feeling about this, Tali."

She's doing her best to convince me now. "Come on! I'll handle all of the negotiations!"

I think that might have been the part that felt like it would cause the most complications.

**A/N: Holy hell, I just cranked that out in one day! So now we are in familiar territory and practically clawing at the Normandy's airlock. I feel like things are going well but chapters might slow down a bit from here as I'll be playing the first Mass Effect to brush up on my dialogue.**

**New segment called "review or else" where I make up a creative threat that will probably make no sense, all in hopes of you reviewing my story! **

**Review or else…..**

**a mutant teddy bear will eat your keyboard and various other objects.**


	6. My Name is

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 6: My Name is…_

_Shimmer- Fuel_

**A/N: AW YEAH! Here we go! Chapter 6! Guess what that means? Time to meet Fist. Guess what that means? We get to go through with a bad deal. Guess what that means? Commander. Muthafuckin. Shepard. **

**I'm too excited to keep talking, and so, we go…**

Chora's Den, I've decided, is my kind of place. A few drinks, some nice looking ladies (asari or human), yet there was still the downside of the people who frequent it. It's obvious from just a single glance that these were the types of people who wouldn't hesitate to shoot you in the back for a handful of credits.

As such, I've kept a suspiciously close hand hovering over my pistol since Tali and I entered this… establishment. I'd ordered a single shot of vodka when we'd entered, just to help me calm my nerves. The human bartender slid it down a few seconds later. A nice girl named Jenna. She has a sweet smile, but her eyes seem far too sharp for some female bartender at a… club. Let's just call it a club.

Anyway, that shot is long gone and Tali and I are just sitting here waiting for that krogan to tell us Fist is ready to have us back in his office. That's some bullshit if I've ever heard it. We couldn't call ahead to let Fist know we'd be in and that krogan hasn't moved from his spot since we talked to him.

"You know," Tali started to say, glancing at a dancing asari, "Dancers are highly respected among my people, but I get the feeling, these women are not held in high esteem." She fidgeted nervously, either from the meeting with Fist that we would (hopefully) be having, or maybe she was just uncomfortable with all the sensual dancers.

"You don't say," I reply lining my tone with the fine tone of sarcasm. It's been almost an hour. I'm ticked at Fist, and his krogan pet, and hell, even that drunk ass security officer over there. "At this rate, we'll be dead from old age before we get a chance to talk to this guy."

Tali lets out a small laugh, before returning to her uncomfortable/nervous demeanor. "Oh Keelah, I'm so nervous about this… what if he's too busy to meet us today? Where could we stay to avoid attention?" she says staring at the passive vision of the wolf adorning my mask.

"Well, I don't exactly fancy putting the good Doctor Michel in a spot just to save our hides from bullets. Maybe there's a hotel or something we could stay at. I could stay awake and keep watch, or we could alternate if you wanted," I propose. We don't exactly have that much of a choice. Options are limited after all.

Tali sighs heavily, saying, "I'm not exactly sure if we have enough credits for that." Poor thing. All this stress is too much for her. I can't say I blame her either. I mean, on the flotilla she probably wasn't being hunted by a highly dangerous maniac while at the same time protecting a fugitive from the law. If she was then I am a terrible judge of alien races and their childhoods.

"Hey, look on the bright side! Any hotel here would be cleaner than the one on Omega, right?"

Tali relaxes a bit. "We'd have to be in an abandoned manure warehouse to get anything even close to that place," she chimes.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad. Look, I'm gonna try to talk some sense into that krogan. Maybe we can get in and out of here and then worry about our evening plans," I say, pushing myself away from the bar. Did that make it sound like we were together? Eh, maybe, but "evening plans" could mean many things. Many intimate and sexual things, but also a few harmless ones. Yeah, let's stick with that.

Wait a minute, why am I trying to justify this?

The krogan sees me approach, crossing his arms while trying to look menacing. Not hard when you are practically 8 foot tall and have the face of a salamander on meth. "Look," I start out, "We've been waiting for an hour, and you haven't so much as moved back to the office to tell Fist we're here. No communicator usage, nothing."

"Buzz off human. I'll tell Fist when I'm ready," the monster grumbles to me, his stubby arms shooing me away. Maybe they aren't small at all, and in comparison to his body they look inadequate. I mean, I'm sure they are great with a gun and all, after all they have that warrior reputation, but those things look like the arms on a t-rex.

I glare daggers at the lizard, hoping I look as intimidating as I imagine myself to be. "This is some damn valuable data we have. We need to get this to the Shadow Broker ASAP, and here you are, not doing your job, because you don't feel like it?" I ask threateningly.

"What? Do you think you can change my mind, meat sack?" Alright, c'mon! First an asari calls me fleshbag, now I'm meat sack? What's next? Beef purse? Wait… that sounded terribly suggestive. Why is my mind in the gutter all of a sudden? Either way, I draw my pistol, aiming it at his scaly nose.

"How about this? Take me there now, or Fist gets to hire a new bouncer?" I demand. I hear at least three other guns being drawn, all of which I assume are pointed at me. I really need to think about these things next time…

"Ben! Wait!" I hear Tali yell behind me. I keep my eyes fixed on the krogan's as she rushes over to me. "Ben, listen. Getting shot is not going to help us. So, lower the gun and maybe the krogan will be a bit more lenient?" she says, her voice exuding controlled frustration at my outburst.

I attempt to polish off my role of a trigger happy patron by slowly lowering my gun while continuing to glare at the abrasive krogan. "Good," Tali says. "Now, it really is important that we meet with Fist." Her voice drops low, "This has to do with Eden Prime and the Shadow Broker would _love_ to have it, I assure you."

The bodyguard's eyes widen at the mention of the recently attacked colony. "Just a moment," he states urgently. He walks back through the door towards Fist's office, leaving Tali and myself to wait for his return.

He comes back moments later, lumbering along as his species is wont to do. "Go on back," he orders as he approaches us. "But, the guns stay here," he finishes staring pointedly at me.

Fine by me. I'd really rather not deal with having to go unarmed, especially considering our circumstances, but if that's what it takes to get in there, then so be it. "Just down the hall right?

###########

"That… is quite something," the stern, military looking man said, reclining at his desk. "I'm glad Michel sent you over here to me." Fist seemed like a drill sergeant of some kind, with his flat top short haircut. His face seemed like it had seen some action too, if the scar above his mouth was any indication. All in all though, I had decided he seems like a decent enough guy.

And everyone who only _seems_ nice is hiding a knife aimed at your back.

Tali and I sit in these two really uncomfortable chairs staring at the drill sarge wannabe from across his desk. It's not a bad office. The deep blue lighting with streaks of red really give it the same relaxed atmosphere as the club. The dull bump and boom of the techno sound track could still be heard through the walls.

"We have been hunted because of this data, probably because Saren doesn't want this getting back to the Council. Groups have attacked us and mentioned his name, and we've been lucky enough to fend them off so far but we can't do that forever," Tali explains. She said she'd handle the negotiations, and thus far she's been true to her word. "We'll need someplace safe to be until this all blows over."

I still don't like the idea of selling this information to keep our own asses safe. We should try to bring down this damn turian, not cowering in some safe house. Maybe that's me just wanting redemption. Maybe not. Fist seemed capable and, well, almost friendly for someone with his appearance. I still don't want to trust this guy to send us somewhere safe. Hell, I wouldn't trust him to tie my shoes

"Well I'm sure I could find plenty of good spots. After this, the Shadow Broker won't do any business with Saren I'm sure, so you two will be perfectly safe," he says reassuringly. "How about we finalize the deal in about five hours or so? There's an alley maybe a couple minute walk from the club. It's out of the way so we can do business there."

Red flags are popping up all over my brain right now. I hold up a hand, "Wait, wait, wait a fucking minute… Why not do this here and now, or at least do it in this office again? Why five hours? Why an alley?" I demand in an annoyed tone.

Fist turns a frustrated glance my way. "Think for a second wolf boy, I'm not about to contact the most infamous and enigmatic information broker in the galaxy while the both of you are here. That jeopardizes our security."

"That I can understand. We can't meet in this office because…?" I ask, twirling my hand impatiently.

"Because not everyone knows I'm a rep. If they see people coming in and out of my office after talking loudly about important data in my club," he says as he glares at me again, "they might piece together something and come after the Shadow Broker through me. So, the alley where we can't be overheard, in a few hours so I can talk to the big man himself. Got all that?"

Oh man, _everyone_ is grating on my nerves today. I make the wolf on my mask bear its teeth at the snarky little buzz cut to shut him up. "Crystal clear, _sir_," I say mockingly. The agitated look of shock on his face was well worth it.

"Enough!" I hear Tali snap at me. I guess my outbursts are getting on her nerves as much as Fist was getting on mine. "You will be at the deal yourself I take it?" she says turning to Fist.

He nods deeply. "Of course. We'll get this all worked out and you two can go on your merry way to safety until this is all over."

"And will the Shadow Broker be attending too?"

A brief look crosses Fist's face, unnoticed by Tali but not by me. Amusement? Something like that. How would that be amusing? It seemed like a reasonable question to me. But, then again what do I know? My most recent memory is of a dirty room only a couple days or so ago.

"I'll see if I can get him to come by. I can't make promises though, I mean you can imagine how busy he is," the rep says, leaning forward onto his desk to examine us closely.

Tali seems pleased by this, standing up with a nod of her head, offering a three fingered hand towards the man. He takes it in his and gives it a shake, looking at her with a now serious expression. I follow my quarian compatriot out of the office to the club's main floor to gather our weapons, and from there out to the Wards. Neither of us said a word on the trip out.

##########

After the door separating Chora's Den from the rest of the Wards closed, we both blurt out to each other in unison, "I don't trust him."

I turn my head to look at Tali incredulously, only to find her looking back seriously. "I, uh, wait what?" I ask.

"You made good points, but something about this doesn't add up," she points out. "Thanks to your attitude though, we got to get the answers and pull off the deal with my negotiation." So, it was a good cop/bad cop thing? Well, it worked so I can't really complain, I guess.

"Fair enough, but is there really no alternative? Maybe another rep for the Shadow Broker, or another broker altogether?" I ask, practically pleading. Fist put on such a good face, and people who are involved in a business like that are _never_ that nice. Something was very, very wrong about this whole thing.

Tali shakes her head. "Listen Ben," she says, "Unless you want to sleep out here on the streets with assassins hunting us, just so we can be picky about who gets our information, then this is our only option."

I shake my head in defeat. I hate word sparring. "Alright so, we don't have enough for a hotel room for the two of us. How about dinner for two instead? After all, we have five hours and I know I'll be hungry by then. Whaddaya say?"

I can hear the smile in her voice as she says, "You got it wolf boy." We began to walk towards the Markets in hope of finding a decent meal for a few credits.

###########

"You know, I can't go around calling you by your name," Tali says to me as we leave the small restaurant where we'd had our meal. I want to call it lunch but I think it was getting too late for that meal. Maybe it was dinner? I'm not sure, after all, time gets funny in a space station with artificial sunlight.

I lean back as I walk, placing my hands behind my head, "What are you suggesting then? Give me a codename or something?" Actually, that's a good idea. We only need to use it in public too. I get a cool nickname, and I'm unidentifiable to our pursuers by name.

"Exactly. Maybe something that goes with your mask or the wolf you have on it?"

I nod as I contemplate the coolest name I can think of. Something like Ivory just doesn't feel right, and Wolf has no imagination. Call me picky, but if I get an alter ego so help me God, its name will kick ass. "Yeah, you have a good idea there Tali, but I can't think of anything that isn't too dramatic. It's either that or something simple and boring like 'Wolf'."

We'd somehow found our way to the Presidium. There was still about two hours or so until the deal, so there was time to relax. Tali sat down on a bench by one of the bridges that crossed the Presidium Lake. "Well, if Wolf works then why not use it?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"Because it's not cool enough."

Tali held up a hand, saying, "You mean to tell me that you are looking for something 'cool' sounding that isn't dramatic? How do you even plan to do that?"

I lean against the smooth white railing that frames the bridge. "I'm not sure. Is there any way I can do a search through a giant, public information resource? Maybe a synonym for wolf or something from mythology would give off the right feel," I say, trying hard to remember some kind of tale that would involve wolves.

Nothing came to mind. No stories with wolves. No stories, period.

The lovely amnesiac reality that I had buried in the bustle of the day's events came rushing back. Why would I even think to have any stories? I couldn't remember my name or anything else, why should lore be any different? I'm a murderer after all. I wonder if I ever cared about fairy tales and other things before? I wonder if I'll ever know.

Tali's voice snapped me out of my pity party. "We could use the extranet. It's a good resource and maybe we can find something in old human stories if we try." I crack a small smile her way, the wolf twisting the grin into a show of its fangs. Yeah, I don't remember anything. Yeah, I don't know where I am. And yeah, I should be dead right now.

But at least I have a good comrade to help me through it all.

"Alright Tali. Will you teach me how to extranet?" I say in a slow, dumb voice.

She just looks at me endearingly. "Please tell me you said that wrong on purpose. The last thing I need is you with brain damage alongside your lack of memory."

I let out a loud laugh and moved over to the bench next to my best friend, bringing up my omni-tool. "Nope, all in good fun sweetheart," I chime, leaning over to show her my display. She looks at me, shocked at what I said. "Oh, I don't mean anything by it Tali. It just kinda came out naturally. Maybe I talked like that before?"

"R-right," she stutters. "You didn't mean anything by it," she echoed, "I just misjeard is all. N-not that I misunderstood it or anything." Aw, how cute. She's trying to save face. I just chuckle a bit to myself.

"Sure you didn't Tali. Now, about this extranet dealy…"

Tali bumps me lightly with her shoulder at my quip before pointing at my screen and pushing various different icons.

###########

An hour and 45 minutes later we're standing in the designated alley waiting for Fist and the Shadow Broker. There's been banter back and forth, most of it meaningless. Tali's nerves are shot, that much is obvious. So I, being the wonderful friend I am, talk about the only thing that can distract her:

Tech.

"So, wait. I just need to establish this link between my mask and my omni-tool and I can play music through the mask's frame?" I ask, browsing through my apparently expansive music library that I have stored on the orange holographic device.

The female quarian takes a few steps, setting herself right next to me, hijacking my arm and omni-tool via her hands."Yeah! You see this link symbol here?" she asked as she pointed at an arrow with waves coming off of it. "Hit this and then find your mask's signal. It should be an open network, so you can get in easy. We might have to encrypt it later to keep out any hackers. The last thing we need is you blinded by your own headgear."

"Makes sense," I shrug, scrolling through the small list of open networks. HoloMSK 236-K? I'm going to assume that's it. I tap the text and all of a sudden, the display on my mask lights up with a progress bar labeled "establishing uplink". "Wow…" I mutter, "This is something else. I'd have never thought that such intricate things were possible."

Tali scoffed at me. "You think this is impressive? Try looking at a starship's engine. Now that is amazing!" I look over at the girl who's practically bouncing with excitement. She suddenly stopped and glanced at my mask, white eyes staring into the yellow ones of the white furred predator. "Did you ever decide on a name?" she inquires with a turn of her head.

I shake my head in silence. I don't know why I love wolves so much. Call me crazy, but it feels like these furry little bastards are more human than most humans are… and some aliens too. They are just as likely to rip you apart as they are to welcome you into their family. They eat, feel and live, just as we all do, it's just that they don't have any bullshit like likes and dishonesty. Theirs is instinct. Truth at its very core.

The extranet search had given me plenty of stories to rifle through. I refined my search for wolf demons and famous wolves, hoping to get better results. During my searches, two particular monikers caught my eye though.

On a page concerning Norse mythology, a certain wolf was foretold to kill a god called Odin. I thought about taking that name in testament to the beast. The other one came up when depicting a group of beasts called werewolves. Apparently, there was a movie long ago on Earth where these creatures held a unique name. And so, I'd narrowed my choices down to two:

Fenrir or Lycan.

They both sounded cool, not terribly dramatic, and definitely not too long. I just couldn't decide. I personally like the name Fenrir, but Lycan seems to suit the brutality that I exhibited when I killed that turian for shooting Tali. The memory alone made me shudder at my own actions.

"Well, I narrowed it down to two, but I can't really pick between them. After the deal, do you wanna help me choose?" I offered. Tali nodded, her eyes sending me yet another smile.

"Are you two the ones waiting for Fist?" a flanged voice sounds behind us. I turn my head quickly, my hand sliding down to my pistol if needed. The turian stood there in black clothes with red stripes flying down opposite sides of the chest. His face resembled a skull in that the white pigmented skin formed a teeth looking pattern around his mouth and ran up to his eyes. His forehead was a dark brown color, as was everything else that wasn't included in the skull pattern.

I wonder if its face paint or something because I can't see turians being born with such badass markings straight away. Maybe it was a tattoo? Not the time Ben!

"That'd be us," I say, noting the two armored and armed salarians walking up behind the turian speaker. "That's quite a bit of muscle for a simple information trade," I point out to the turian.

He glances over his shoulder at the salarians. "Oh, them? They're just here to keep the location secure in case the deal coordinates have been leaked," he says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Uh-huh, and I'm a krogan chew toy. I glance over at Tali as she leans against a crate. Well I guess we just have to wait until Fist arrives… but somehow, I got the feeling things wouldn't go so smoothly.

###########

Forty five minutes later, here we are. No Fist, no Shadow Broker, just myself, Tali, a suspicious turian and his little salarian henchmen. "Alright!" I announce to the alley's occupants. "Fist said he'd be here half an hour ago, and I'm getting tired of waiting."

Tali turned to the skull faced turian. "Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" she asked, suspicion and caution creeping into her tone.

The turian ran his hand down Tali's mask… to her side… the fuck? He's feeling her up? I step forward as I clear my throat, trying to get his attention. I'm ignored though as he addresses Tali, "They'll be here. Where's the evidence?"

Tali smacks away his hand. That's a lot more merciful than what I had planned, but that's her choice. "No way. The deal's off," she mutters at him, backing away fearfully. I start to advance towards Tali as the two salarians do the same.

Tali hurls a circular grenade between the two, throwing them back and destroying their shields in the process. She dives for a couple of crates on one side of the alley while I do the same, preparing for yet another firefight.

A sudden hail of gunfire from the staircase behind us decimates the three assassins. They stood in the middle of the alley, no cover or anything, only to be torn to shreds by the incoming projectiles. The blood and gore it was just… brutal. By the end they resembled something close to ground beef with shards of bone and metal mixed in.

It was sickening and mortifying.

There we were about to be killed, when all of a sudden we're saved. But, slaughter like this… this is…

_Probably nothing different from what we did on Illium._

Shut up and go back to sleep.

_It's nice to be appreciated_.

Tali and I turn about to view our saviors. A turian in blue and black armor stood holding an assault rifle. He had some kind of eye visor with a targeting reticule on it. Tan and gray skin color adorned his face along with blue markings on his cheek and… nose, I guess? Do they have noses?

The next one was easy enough to recognize as a krogan. He stood there in dark crimson armor toting a shotgun in one hand and an assault rifle in the other. A set of three lines ran down his face, a scar from something I really don't care to imagine.

The other three were human. A woman with her hair back in a bun and white armor, trimmed with pink. Another man with a small head of hair and an Asian looking face stood in blackish gray armor

But the final human…

A man stood there in black armor, lined with red. N7 was emblazoned on his chest and he held an assault rifle as well. His hair was cut very close to his head reducing it to a black fuzz. He had a slight beard coming in as well, but even with the scruffy exterior he carried himself with dignity and pride.

He's the leader.

He's the boss.

"Who are you?" I demand of the group on the hill. The man in N7 armor stepped forward.

"You've got proof Saren is working with the geth. Hand it over," the leader shoots back. Tali steps forward.

"Not so fast," she says, her tone quiet and dangerous. "Who are you?"

The man points an impatient finger in our direction. "I don't have time for questions. I need the evidence you have against Saren," he growls threateningly. I'm seriously getting some bad vibes from this dude.

I step in front of Tali, swinging out my HVB. "You best be fucking kidding me. We've been attacked time and again because of this data, and you think because you save us the trouble of yet _another_ firefight, that we'll just hand it over?"

He turns to me, staring the wolf dead in the eyes. "You really want to challenge me right now? The galaxy is at stake because of the geth and with that data we can get the Council moving! We just saved your lives, whether you want to admit it or not," he rambled on before lowering a pistol at my mask and accenting every word. "You. Owe. Us."

I hear Tali sigh over my shoulder. "I guess we do. Lower your weapons and let's get out of the open. We need to go somewhere safe," she tells them. I glance over my shoulder at her, eyes wide. "Trust me," she says as she meets my gaze.

"Please…"

Dammit! I don't fucking like this. Not one bit. All that's left to complete the situation is a bullet in the back. I lower the blade, but don't retract it, sending a snarl towards the guy. "Fine. Where can we get to that's secure?" I submit grudgingly.

The turian speaks up, "We can take them to the human embassy. Your ambassador will want to see this anyway." He sounds just like any other turian, minus the hostile edge. Hell, he even sounded amused at the exchange that just took place, even if his rifle was still aimed at my chest.

Mr. N7 and the others put away their weapons silently and began to walk towards the far side of the alley with Tali and I following behind them. What a fucking nightmare this has turned out to be.

###########

The Presidium was nice. By far my favorite part of the Citadel thus far. The Wards were nice and all, but here it was truly tranquil.

…Until you went to get yelled at by a politician.

Two men stood in the office. One was a tan skinned man in a blue uniform that identified him as military, while the other man was darker and obviously the ambassador we'd come to see. The darker skinned man stood in his white and blue outfit, his voice both sounding irritable and superior at the same time. "You're not making my life easy, Shepard. Firefights in the Wards? An all out assault on Chora's Den?" Wait, what? These five took down that whole club?

Impressive.

The Ambassador continued his pompous tirade. "Do you know how many-" he began before he spotted Tali and myself. "Who're they? A couple quarians? What are you up to, Shepard?" he says as he looks over mine and Tali's masks. Alright, I'm too pissed for his bullshit.

I clear my throat and step forward. "I'm no quarian you asshole politician. We're here to make your day a little bit brighter as I understand it, and you jump down everyone's throat! So how about you shut the fuck up and listen to what we have to say!" I'm probably red in the face by now, not that anyone can tell anyway. I fucking hate people like this guy. He settles down at his desk with a look of shock and fear on his face.

Thank you, fearsome wolf mask.

I hear someone behind me begin to clap. Whirling around, I see Shepard standing there with a smirk on his face as he applauds me. "Couldn't have said it better myself," he noted with some small bit of respect. "He's right though, Ambassador Udina," he says as he turns to the shell shocked man. "These two have the evidence against Saren that we've been needing."

Udina recovers slowly from my earlier outburst, speaking very carefully. "I apologize," he nods to me, "this whole thing with Saren has me a bit on edge." He turns to Tali. "Why don't we start at the beginning Miss…?"

Tali speaks clearly. "My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya."

"We don't see many quarians here. Why did you leave the flotilla?"

Tali hesitated for just a second before taking a few steps away from the group. "I was on my Pilgrimage. My rite of passage into adulthood."

Shepard pipes up, "I've never heard of this before."

Oh boy. Here we go. I am _not _here to learn stuff I already know.

I zone out of the conversation as I randomly choose a music file from my omni-tool to keep my occupied until this whole ordeal is over. Shimmer by a group named Fuel? Hmm… not bad. I have good taste.

###########

"Hey kid!" I hear Shepard call to me. The meeting was over and he and his two human companions were about to head to Citadel Tower to talk to the Council about Tali's evidence. I turn around to face him. "Listen, sorry about earlier. Udina isn't the only one on edge about this whole Saren thing."

I shrug. "No sweat, Shep. Today has sucked anyway, so it felt good to yell at that rat of a representative you have there."

Shepard chuckled a bit, offering out his hand. "We never we're introduced. Commander Brian Shepard, Human Alliance. You?"

I grab his hand in my own grinning as the wolf bears its teeth.

"Me? I'm…"

**A/N: WHAT'S HIS NAME! You know what? Tell me in your review which of the two choices that I listed earlier that you prefer. Lycan or Fenrir. I'll be sure to incorporate the one that I don't use for Ben. You'll find out next chapter.**

**Anyway, male Shepard. Surprised? Details on his background will be provided when we hit a Normandy chapter. What do you think? How am I doing?**

**I'll try to keep some of the familiar dialogue, but it wouldn't be my story without some original stuff amiright? **

**Things are looking up and I hope I can keep cranking these out, no matter how slow I'm going. I can really only write while I'm at work in the office. I hate being busy :( So, here's hoping I can keep this going!**

**Review or else…**

**Bad things will happen. I mean terrible things. Like, you don't even want to know how bad. Socks will go missing in the dryer, people will mishear things you say, some grade A mortifying shit.**


	7. All Aboard

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 7: All Aboard!_

_Changing – The Airborne Toxic Event_

**A/N: Well back again with chapter seven. Last time we'd left off with Ben about to tell Shepard what his "name" is. You all gave me your opinions and for the most part, things were pretty one sided.**

**So, this will be our first Normandy chapter. Character interactions and the like all over the place. Oh, what fun…**

**Before we begin, I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed this story. Thanks a ton!**

**Shall we carry on?**

Shepard chuckled a bit, offering out his hand. "We never we're introduced. Commander Brian Shepard, Human Alliance. You?"

I grab his hand in my own grinning as the wolf bears its teeth.

"Me? I'm…"

"Fenrir. You can call me Fenrir," I finish with some finality. Shepard pulls back with the same slight smile he had in the ambassador's office.

"You best get to the Normandy, Fenrir. I want you well acquainted with our ship. After all, the last thing we need is you getting lost. Talk more later?" he asked as he turned about with a wave.

I nod, not that he can see it. "Yeah, just come find me when you get back, Shep." With that he boards the cab with the other two humans. I wonder if they are Alliance too? Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if they were. I don't like the idea of the army. All they are is mercenaries under the employ of a bunch of politicians. That's just how I see it though.

I run to catch up with Tali and the other two aliens. The krogan glances at me with indifference before heading towards the elevator to the Wards. The turian on the other hand offers me his talon, which I take into a firm shake. "The name's Garrus Vakarian, now a former C-Sec officer."

"Fenrir," I reply as we break from the greeting. "What do you mean former C-Sec? You quit just recently?" I inquired curiously.

Garrus looked away, apparently nervous. "Well, it's a bit of a long story…"

I shrug it off shooting a confused look to Tali. She just shakes her head at me as we follow the dark red armor of the krogan. "You do realize we have a bit of a walk ahead of us, right Garrus? Not to mention the elevators," I say, expressing my disgust at the slow moving contraptions.

"Don't get me started on those things," Garrus mutters. "Well, you do have a point Fenrir. I just quit C-Sec. Chasing a rogue Spectre sounds so much more fun than dealing with the infinite amount of red tape and regulations that my previous job entailed," he explained. Wait, that's it?

"Long story my ass," I smirk at him, making the wolf send him a half snarl. "You ever notice that whenever anyone says that all it means is 'I don't feel like it'?" He chuckles a bit, giving me a once over.

"You seem like you've seen your fair share of combat," he notes as we enter the elevator to C-Sec Academy. "Alliance soldier?"

Uh, shit… Do I tell them all about the whole "I slaughtered countless asari" back story? No, this is my best chance to redeem myself. I can't give up the truth and be locked up now! "Well, former soldier I suppose. That's more of a story for a one on one time. How could you tell anyway?" I ask curiously.

"Muscle tone. Plenty of humans work at C-Sec, so I've been able to judge what their job is roughly by their body," he spoke nonchalantly as the snail of an elevator finally grinds to a halt. "Looks like you are used to using your shoulders and arms in sweeping motions, I'd wager that's from the HVB you have on you. What else are you good with?"

We leave the elevator as I respond hesitantly, "Well, I'm fine with a pistol and I'm alright with an assault rifle I suppose." I pat the M-8 Avenger on the magnetic strip in my clothes. Hold the fucking phone for just a second…

I don't have any armor.

"I don't have any armor!" I yell out as an echo to my thoughts. Garrus and Tali swivel around to face me. The krogan gave me a single backwards glance as he pressed the button to summon the next elevator.

Garrus speaks first, "How are you on credits?"

"Not so great," I say. Damn, my voice sounds way too panicked. It'd just been luck that I hadn't taken a bullet so far and I'm not exactly keen on getting into a firefight with a bunch of geth in my casual clothes. How did I not think of this sooner?

Tali's hand on my shoulder made me stop the panic attacks for a second and breathe. "Fenrir," she says to me. God, it's so weird hearing her use that name. "Listen, Shepard will have to make sure to outfit us, or the Alliance will, or something! There's no way they'd let you on a mission like this without shields or protection."

"Humans are so… squishy," came a rumbling voice. The krogan had spoken up finally. "You don't know anything about war. You should have already have something to keep your weak self safe if you even hope to survive out here."

I glare at the lizard's beady red eyes. "Watch it. I might not have shields right now, but I do have this handy little sword here that could probably cut clean through you," I mutter dangerously, the wolf's lips pulled back in a fierce snarl.

"Ha! I'd like to see you try human! You think you can kill a krogan? You _do _know how fast we can regenerate right?" he laughed incredulously as we filed onto the recently arrived elevator. His voice dropped down low to a tone of disgust, "You won't even show your face. You hide behind your little furry image of bravery, but that just makes you even more of a coward. It makes me sick…"

A thought hit me. How long will I be on this mission? How long will I have to hide behind this mask? Years? Decades?

My whole life?

"Shut it lizard. I have my reasons," I spit back.

The krogan grunted in victory. "It's Wrex, Urdnot Wrex. Don't you forget it, because I'd hate to destroy you for insulting my race by comparing us to your Earth creatures."

Right… Wrex. This guy is gonna be a barrel of laughs.

Man, I fucking hate being unable to win an argument around here.

###########

The Normandy. Where do I even begin with this thing? Well, first off, it's amazing! It's sleek, huge (at least compared to Tali's vessel), and just by looking at it you can tell that it's state of the art. Second, it was an Alliance vessel, so that means the mask stays on for… a long ass time. I'm not taking any chances.

The four of us file into the airlock after taking our time admiring the ship's exterior. A female robotic voice is heard over the speaker as decontamination began.

"Decontamination in progress."

"Decontamination in progress."

"Decontamination in progress."

"Decontamination in pro-"

"Tali, can you hack that thing and make it shut up?" I snap. Fist had pissed me off, the assassin had pissed me off, Shepard had pissed me off (which has been made up for though), Udina pissed me off, and Wrex pissed me off. What's a disembodied voice to the list?

_You mean me?_

No, but you are quickly approaching list status.

_Don't be such a whiny bitch all the time._

Shut up, Lycan.

_Oh? You're naming me?_

Well, it'd be a waste of a perfectly good name if we just abandoned it after I chose Fenrir.

_Fair enough. Lycan, huh? I like it._

Good. Now, sleep?

_I don't sleep. I just submerge myself into your subconscious. _

Uh-huh, so how about you do that?

I snap out of my internal dialogue to find Garrus and Tali looking at me, the latter's glance being more of concern than the former's. "You alright, Fenrir?" Garrus asks.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm good. Just… worn out from today's events, that's all," I say shaking off the looks and walking onto the ship. Wrex had already gone ahead while I was dazed it seems, for there was no sign of him on deck.

A glance to my left revealed the cockpit of the Normandy with a bearded man sitting in the pilot's chair. Might as well make his acquaintance if I'm gonna be living here. I walk up behind him, speaking as I go, "Um, hello?"

He swivels in his chair, not getting up but he greets me with a cheerful smile and a wave. "Hey! You must be the other human we picked up, right? What's with the mask, is it Citadel Halloween or something?"

He has a sense of humor! A bad one, but hey at least we'll be able to get along. "Yeah, I tried to howl, but I think I scared a few little salarians," I said with a chuckle. "What's your name, pilot?" I asked offering out a hand.

He holds his out as well, shaking mine carefully. He doesn't grab back like Shepard or Garrus. He just kinda let's me hold his hand up. "Joker. Well, Jeff Moreau really, but everyone calls me Joker anyway. Sorry about the weak handshake, I… have brittle bones." I look at him skeptically. Can he really fly this rig if he has a condition like that? He just laughs and shakes his head. "I've seen that look before. Even on a wolf's face it's recognizable. Trust me, I'm the best at what I do," he said with the same grin.

Well, he's certainly not lacking for confidence, I'll give him that. "You can call me Fenrir I suppose. I'm gonna go find my quarters or whatever. Gotta get settled in right?"

"Yep, I hear that. See you around, Fluffy."

Oh shit, that is gonna get annoying.

###########

My quarters weren't bad. Tali, Garrus, and I had taken the lift down below the cargo hold. The elevator opened up into a hallway lined with doors on either side. We each had a room by the elevator in case Shepard needed us quick. But with the elevators moving as fast as the ones on the Citadel, I don't think a little walk down the hall would have mattered.

The room was simple. A small bed in the corner with nightstand next to the pillow with and alarm clock on top, drawers in the wall for clothes and the like, and another small room which I assumed was the shower and bathroom. I flop down onto the bed and let out a contented sigh.

Cleaner than Omega.

I open up the drawers on the wall seeing a uniform practically identical to the one I was wearing when I woke up. I changed slowly, packing away the worn and tattered clothing I'd received from Tali on Omega. It'd only been three or four days ago, hadn't it?

Damn, too much happens in too short of a time. I'm beat…

That's the last thing I can recall thinking before I fell out of consciousness.

###########

Lights flashing.

Cars? No, stars? Hell, maybe they're just flashing lights.

AAAAHHHH! What the hell! My head feels like it's about to split open!

Blood. Everywhere. Blue, or maybe purple? The entire floor is painted the same shade.

Is that me there? Standing with the blood soaked HVB katana…? All this blood…

Dead asari… cowering humans and salarians… Weak little creatures!

Wait, what? What the fuck am I thinking?

That asari, she's still breathing! Good, get out of here! Hurry!

No.

I've seen her now. She can't escape. My hand flashes out, lifting her off the ground biotically.

She's choking, suffering. Tears are falling from her eyes. WHY AM I DOING THIS!

I clench my fist.

It's horrible. Arms don't bend that way. Legs don't protrude from one's torso…

She's saying something as the tears continue flowing. I can hear it faintly.

"…en! Ben! Hey, Ben!"

My name? No, you don't know me! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

I raise the sword…

###########

"Hey, Ben, wake up!"

I bolt upright immediately, pinning the source of the voice to the ground, teeth bared and eyes wide. My hand reaches for my HVB.

What the hell am I doing? That's Tali!

I pull back quickly, sitting on my bed with my head in my hands. What just happened? I almost killed Tali. And that dream… more like a fucking nightmare…

Tali pushes herself to her feet, coughing slightly. "Ben… What just…?"

"I don't know," I manage to whisper out. "I don't know. I mean, I was dreaming and then…" Wait, that dream. "Tali! I was dreaming about that time on Illium. I was watching myself, like from the third person. Well, sometimes it was like that. It went back and forth between me watching myself and me being myself and it-"

Tali kneels in front of me and puts both her hands on my shoulders. Her white eyes stare into mine, even through both our masks. "Calm down, Ben. Tell me from the beginning. You came in here and fell asleep after you changed, right?" she says as she notices my blue uniform. I nod, still shell shocked from almost killing my only friend. "Then you had this dream?" I nod again.

My hands are cold and… wet? Sweat. Of course I'd be sweating after something like that. "It was terrible, Tali. I butchered them. I said I went between being myself and watching myself, right? Well, when I was myself, I felt just the inexplicable urge to kill them all. I was… mad. Enraged. I have no clue why though!"

"Ben, listen to me." I turn my eyes back to her. "That was another you. This you now is the one that feels guilt and disgust for what happened. _That_ makes a difference," she says firmly. It's reassuring really. I'm not that person. _I_ didn't kill all those asari. That was another Ben Karos.

"Alright… I think I'm good now Tali. Thanks. Is Shepard back yet?" I inquire as I catch my breath.

"No, not yet. But, we got word that the Council convicted Saren and stripped him of his Spectre status," she says, standing up and walking to the door. "You might want to explore the ship a bit more. You passed out pretty quick when you got here."

"Yeah… yeah, I'll do that, Tali. Thanks."

She leaves me in my room, on my sweat soaked bed. She's right. I'm not that me anymore. I'm different. I feel remorse, and sadness, and I am a new person! That is _not_ the current me!

But people can change…

Even if I do go back to being that way, someone can stop me right?

…Right?

###########

So, at the far end of the crew quarters hallway is the gym and the bathrooms. Man, that must suck if you have to piss when you're in the CIC. The gym was pretty well equipped too. Sparring mats, treadmills, even a rock wall that could randomize its holds based on difficulty. I could tell I'd be spending a lot of time here.

I make my way over to the wall, kicking off my shoes and putting on the special ones that were supplied in the gym. The wall wasn't very tall, maybe 15 feet maximum. The dial that determined the difficulty was labeled as "V" and numbered one through nine, with a notch between each difficulty for training one's self for harder climbs.

I turned the notch to a 2 and watched as a holo screen showed up to instruct me in proper etiquette. Both hands on the starting hold? Check. Can't move them until all limbs are off the ground? Interesting, that'll make the start tough for sure, since there was only one reachable foothold. I really need to be more flexible.

I place one foot on the hold, putting all my weight on it as I tried to balance. Alright, so far so good. I reached up for the next handhold only to find it a much more shallow grip than it had appeared from my perspective. My hands slips and I fall backward onto the mat.

"Ow…" I groan. Am I really not even capable of a V2 climb? Damn, that's embarrassing. At least the gym was empty when I entered it.

"Beautiful fall there, Fenrir! Perfect, really. I doubt I could do it with less grace," came a familiar male voice behind me. I saw Shepard in the same Alliance casual wear as myself, leaning on the doorway.

Well there goes my dignity.

"Howdy, Shep. Tali said you weren't back yet. You just get in?" I say with some strain as I get up and stretch my back. Might as well get to know the Commander, after all, being on good terms with your boss never hurts.

Shepard shook his head impatiently. "Yeah, I'm a Spectre and everything now. The first human one, too. At least it allows us go after Saren. We can bring that bastard to justice now."

Again with that word, Spectre. I have absolutely no clue what it means. Maybe I should ask Tali later? My mind flew back to the events in my room a few moments ago. No, let's not bother Tali more than we have to. Should I tell Shepard about my amnesia? I owe him that much at least, I suppose.

I scratch the back of my mask, embarrassed. "You know, Shep," I say, "I don't really have any memories past a few days ago. Just me waking up on Omega in the dirtiest bed I've ever seen. Anyway, you're gonna have to fill me in on some things, like what a Spectre is."

If this news shocked Shepard, he didn't show it. "Huh. I guess that explains your disinterest in the latter half of our conversation in Udina's office," he points out. Clever. He's pretty fucking observant. "Well, a Spectre is short for Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. It's a special authority governed directly by the Council. In essence, Spectres are above the law."

"Holy shit, you have diplomatic immunity?" I ask incredulously.

"Ha! In a way, I suppose so. It's a really powerful position, that's for sure," he says, leisurely walking into the gymnasium. "I'm curious in you now, though. Why keep the mask if Saren isn't chasing you anymore and you have no memories? Wouldn't it be easier for someone to recognize you without it?"

And, ironically, that is exactly why I keep it on. Shep is a sharp guy though. Best to not lie to him, but I have no clue as to how he'll react to the news… only one choice.

"I have some skeletons in those lost memories that apparently make me a rather large target for certain galactic societies and/or organizations," I say deliberately.

Shepard's face hardens. "You were a criminal?" he asks, although it sounds so much like a demand.

"W-well, yes, I suppose… but, I've only heard about the things I did. It was too horrid to deal with. To be honest, I'm glad I can't remember them at all," I say nervously. Please leave it at that, please leave it at that, please leave it at that!

"You don't want to talk about it. Was it that bad?"

Huh? He's not mad anymore? And he can take a hint? Shepard you are A-OK in my book, buddy! "It was," I say solemnly. "I actually had a dream about it earlier. I relived what I heard about. It doesn't feel like I'm even capable of such a thing, to be honest." I stop for a second. It's alright to tell him all this isn't it?

_He's protecting Tali and yourself. It's fair._

Yeah, I guess you're right.

_But keep you name and face to yourself. People are unpredictable in their reactions to such revelations._

For once, you speak wisdom.

_Hey! This is twice at least!_

Shepard stare is still fixed on me. "Well, come on. Let's forget about all this. You wanna spar? Might be a bit easier than the rock wall," Shep teases at me. I look at him, confusion blatant on the wolf's muzzle. "What?" he says with a shrug.

"Why offer a spar all of a sudden?" I ask curiously.

Shepard moves over to a cabinet while he wraps his hands up with some white tape. "Sparring helps take your mind off of things. Well, at least it does for me. Even if it doesn't help you, you'd be doing your Commander a big favor." He grabs two metal looking poles from the cabinet, tossing on emy way.

I catch it, expecting the cold feel of steel against my hand, but instead was met with a warm feeling. Some kind of plastic. "Hey, Shep what is this?"

"It's a training sword," he replied simply. "That _is_ what you're good at right?" he asked mockingly.

"Well, yeah, I guess. I don't really remember any techniques. It's kinda just by instinct," I say sheepishly. The plastic substance seems to have reshaped itself into a katana. Whoa… these things are awesome. "Just as heavy as my HVB. How funny…"

Shepard swung his around experimentally. "Well yeah, HVB were used as the basis for these things. These are meant to simulate the combat, minus the risk." I nod, barely hearing Shepard words. I gave the sword a couple of test swings. Exactly the same as the HVB too. I wonder if-

"En garde, Fenrir!" The practice blade whooshes past my head in a downward arch. Shit, Shepard! A little more warning next time?

"I can't believe you tried a sneak attack, Mr. Commanding Officer," I say, parrying a sloppy thrust at my right hip with a slice, forcing Shepard's blade farther out. Gotta use this chance! Moving inwards and spinning clockwise, I slash horizontally at Shepard's torso. A clean hit!

A buzzer sounds from my sword as it confirms the impact. Shep lost his breath after that hit. "Hey, Commander! You good?" I ask him from a few steps away. He waves his hand at me as he stays on all fours. "My bad, that was just a good opportunity for me to capitalize on."

"Y-yeah," Shepard says as he staggers to his feet. "I let you have that one." To be honest, that wouldn't surprise me. It seemed far too obvious a flaw to be anything but intentional. "B-best two...*pant pant* out of three?"

I nod, waiting for Shep to get back to his feet. Instead of gaining his balance, he begins a wobbly charge in my direction. A sideways slice, dodge backwards. Roll forwards, swing coming out of the roll. Duck, block, parry, parry, cut, chop, roll, slice… it's all coming back bit by bit. Maybe my body remembers some of it by instinct; maybe my brain just needed a refresher.

Maybe it was a bit of both.

I duck under a spinning slice from Shepard as I bring my practice blade in a front to back, upwards arc. I hear a buzz from my blade once more as the sword makes contact with Shepard's chin causing him to lose his equilibrium.

The Commander fell to the ground like a sac of bricks in a high gravity environment. I rush over to see if he's alright only to be met with dazed and wild eyes."My bad, Commander. How about I go and make the acquaintance of our medical officer?" I grab his arm, slinging his weight over my shoulders. "C'mon we can go together and you can help me break the ice."

The only thing that could be heard in the elevator ride up was Shepard's wildly ridiculous attempts at speech.

**A/N: I feel like I'm gonna cut the chapter here and finish off the Normandy reactions in chapter 8. We get to go talk to everyone else now! ... except Wrex. He doesn't seem to like Ben very much.**

**I hadn't planned on doing that dream thing until I had Ben pass out… which also wasn't planned! Were they good additions? **

**I made Shepard kind of flippant about "Fenrir's" past due to the fact that, going by the histories that you can give the guy, I think he understands about wanting to keep the past buried. He works with his crew. Even as a hardass Renegade, Shepard still cares for the lives of his team.**

**Review or else…**

**That creepy black shadow in the corner of your room at night won't stay in the corner. Check your right, check you left, check behind and below you…**

**But don't look up. It **_**hates**_** being spotted…**


	8. The Rookie

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 8: The Rookie_

_Alligator Sky – Owl City_

** A/N: Alright, so… last time I cut the Normandy chapter short. If I had gotten all the interaction in that I wanted, then I get the feeling that the chapter would have ended up around 8,000 or so words. So, this chapter will be a wrap up of that and the launch of the Normandy. I recommend playing the song during the lift off sequence since that's the real reason I put it in there.**

** Thanks to all of you who keep reviewing! I love getting feedback, whether it be praise or criticism. So keep them coming by all means!**

The elevator stops at the floor of the Captain's quarters and Med-bay. I hobble out, attempting to balance my weight and Shepard's as he wobbles and mutters incoherently. He's pretty heavy… damn musclehead!

After taking a quick glance to make sure nobody was around, I slowly head for the door labeled as the Med-bay. I'd really rather not let the entire ship know that I just knocked the Commander for a loop. No need to embarrass the high and mighty Spectre right?

The door slides open at my touch. "Uh, Doctor Chakwas?" I say to the gray haired woman in the far side of the room. She turns around at the greeting, her face turning from passive to curious in a flash. "Yeah, hi. I'm the new guy. I was going to come up earlier, but I fell asleep. Then I woke up, and went to check out the gym, and I met Shepard there, and we sparred, and I sorta… got in a lucky hit?" I ramble on.

Chakwas just laughs brightly at the whole situation. "Well, it seems like our Commander is having a tough week between Eden Prime and all this Saren business. Now we find him practically babbling from a practice fight with a new recruit!" she states excitedly in a British accent.

"I just hope he doesn't flip out on me when he comes to. I've seen how short he can get," I spit out nervously. After seeing him in the alleyway, I'd rather avoid such outbursts in the future. I slide Shepard onto one of the beds along the wall.

"Oh, don't worry about the Commander and his attitude. If he gets short it's only due to stress. Sparring normally helps him forget all that. It's one of the few ways that he has to blow off some steam. At least he found a good partner," she notes, eyeing my physique. Man, it's just creepy to have an older woman checking you out, I swear.

I shrug in an attempt to ignore any discomfort that her gaze sent my way. "Yeah, I guess I should tone it down a bit, huh? You're sure he won't be mad?" I say as I twiddle my thumbs. The last thing I need is a Commander who's pissed at me. Even to someone like me who knows nothing, it's obvious that Shepard is in a very powerful position in the galaxy.

"No worries," the doc says with an amused smile. "Shepard has training accidents commonly enough. He goes quite overboard when he's stressed. In fact, I recall this one event from his file just after the Skylian Blitz where he tried to break a hole in the hull of his ship by punching it. The bloody fool had both his arms in slings for weeks," she sighs.

I can't help but let out a booming laugh at this. Headstrong, good to his subordinates, not afraid to be rude… I can see Shep and myself getting along quite well indeed. A groan rises from the nearby bed. Chakwas and I both turn to see Shepard propping himself up with a hand on his chin.

"You know Doc, I really need to stop waking up in here with a headache. It's becoming far too common nowadays," he moans out groggily. He turns to me suddenly, "And you… you know how long it's been since someone out fought me in close quarters?"

I scratch at the chin of my mask, thinking up a sarcastic response. "Depends on if you consider a Prothean beacon a close quarters combatant," I reply, layering my voice with sarcasm. Shepard glares slightly before chuckling a bit at his own misfortune. "In all honesty though," I continue, "I'd have to say a few years ago? Probably back in basic or whatever the Alliance has."

Brian just shook his head. "Nope, farther back. I was born on Mindoir, you see. A simple farming colony, nothing outstanding about it. I'd always play with the other kids. I was sort of the ring leader, I suppose. Anyway, there was this one little brat in the group, five years younger than me, who would always take me on and use his smaller size to his advantage. We even did little sword fights with those old holo blades that were made for kids," he reminisces. "I swear, if this era wasn't so dominated by guns and long range weaponry, that kid could have been the best warrior or soldier I'd have ever known."

That last sentence caught me by surprise. "What do you mean he 'could have been'?" I inquire.

Shepard shakes his head sadly. "Mindoir was attacked by batarian slavers. I was 16 at the time, the kid was 11. Our parents were out doing God knows what when they came, but all us kids were together. I led them to a small safe house in my family's basement. We'd just made it inside the house when a single batarian who was looting the place saw us. I rushed him, telling everyone else to escape downstairs. I knew I couldn't hold out long. I mean a 16 year old farm boy against a grown batarian mercenary? At best, I could by the others enough time to escape. At worst, I'd die and they'd be caught and sold." Shepard takes a breath and puts on a smile, "But wouldn't ya know it, that little punk came running in with a vibro machete that he found downstairs with our harvest equipment. Stabbed the batarian right through the torso."

I reeled back, slightly appalled. This kid became a murderer at the age of 11. I can't even begin to imagine how it would be. Shepard continued on, either ignoring me or not noticing my disgust, "We pulled the body outside and left it on the doorstep. That way, if they came back for their dead they wouldn't discover us and our hiding place. I can barely recall the time in between us hiding and when the Alliance came to get us. All I can recall is that kid bawling his eyes out because he killed someone. I did what I could, reassured him that he saved me and that helped him a bit, but not enough. After the Alliance came chasing the distress signal and found our little group, they took him away for some mental work," Shepard's voice trailed off. I can understand where the little punk would be coming from, having been in a startlingly similar situation recently. Batarian and vibro blade included.

"Well, do you know what happened to him?" I inquire. Chakwas was back at her console, apparently not interested in the story. Well, either that or she was giving me time to know the Commander.

Shepard paused for a moment before shaking his head hesitantly. "Hell, I can't even really remember his name. I think he got funded to go into a special academy, but I don't remember what for. But that's enough sad stuff from a past life. What about your tale?" he asks with interest.

"My story?" I scoff. "My story is short and violent thus far."

"Sounds good so far."

I can't help but laugh at that. I wonder, should I tell him about Illium? About who I am? I just got on here, is it really fair to dump the stress of having a wanted mass murderer in your crew on a guy who is hunting the galaxy's biggest threat?

No. No it's not.

"Well, first thing I can recall is waking up on Omega and thinking, 'Fuck…'"

###########

A half hour later I'm walking out of the Med-bay with Shepard, laughing over a joke about two hanar and a krogan. He's a surprisingly funny guy actually.

"So, the krogan says 'Well, _this _one is about to turn the pair of you into a new toothbrush!'" Shepard says through his thinly concealed laughter.

I roar with laughter. "Pink bristles to clean at the gums?" I add after I settle down a bit, eliciting a new fit of chuckles from the pair of us.

"Commander!" a voice behind us sounds out.

We both turn to see the other human male from Shepard's squad jogging towards us in the blue Alliance uniform. "Lieutenant Alenko," Shepard responds with a smile still on his face. "Have you met one of our two newest recruits?" he gestures towards me.

Alenko shook his head. "I haven't had the chance yet. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko," the man says, offering out a hand.

I grab his firmly with my own. "Fenrir. A pleasure, Lieutenant."

Kaidan smiles kindly. "No need for the formalities. You can call me Kaidan if you want, or LT like Ash does." I guess Ash was the human female who was with them.

"Alright, sure thing, LT."

Shepard tapped me on the shoulder. "We're gonna be heading out to Therum soon, so I'm gonna head up to the CIC and get us prepped. I'll let you all know about the make up for the ground team before we arrive," he mentions to both of us.

Kaidan and I both nod with a, "Yes, sir!"

Shepard turns and head towards the stairs, leaving me to get acquainted with my new comrade. "So…" I start out awkwardly. "What role do you play in the squad?"

"Me?" Kaidan asks. "I'm what the Alliance classifies as a Sentinel. I'm mostly a user of tech and biotics with minimal weapons training. I'm fair with a pistol, but anything else and I barely know how to hold it right."

A biotic? Hmmmm. "I'm a biotic, myself. I'm fair with an assault rifle as well though, so what does that make me?" I wonder aloud. Maybe I can get Kaidan to teach me some biotic moves. It'd make me a fair bit more useful on the ground.

"No tech?"

"No tech. I can handle my omni-tool alright but I'm no hacker or anything of the like."

Kaidan thought for a second. "Well, I suppose that would make you something of a Vanguard. They specialize in biotics and a bit in weaponry," Kaidan says slowly. Sounds about right to me. "But, the thing is, they usually use shotguns and get in close to the enemy," he says, mimicking a shotgun's recoil with his arms.

I shrug, saying, "I have an HVB, so I guess that works too right?" Kaidan shrugs back. "Well, whatever. If it works, it works right? Anyway, I'm having a bit of a problem with my biotics… could I get some coaching?" I ask hesitantly.

"Relax Rookie, I'll give you a hand with whatever you need. What's wrong with your biotics?" Kaidan asks nicely.

"I have amnesia and don't know how to use or control them."

Man, that look on his face is priceless.

###########

We make our way down to the gym. Apparently, there's a section for biotics to practice that I hadn't noticed before. It was a giant reinforced glass box on the opposite side of the sparring mats and rock wall, which still stands in the corner, silently mocking me.

Soon, you son of a bitch. Soon…

Kaidain led me to the glass chamber and pointed me at the dummy in the middle of the area. "Alright, what I'm going to teach you is a basic but effective biotic move called Warp. When you Warp something, you essentially weaken its integrity by using biotics to manipulate it's structure. It's best on armored targets and krogan since it weakens their armor and makes them more vulnerable."

I raise my hand. "LT, how exactly do you even launch a biotic attack anyway?"

Kaidan just facepalms. Man, I hate being on the receiving end of that. How degrading… "Using biotics is like moving your arm," he explains. "Your brain sends electrical signals to nodules of element zero within your body. When the eezo is exposed to an electrical current, what we call dark energy is produced. Biotics use this dark energy and manipulate it into a mass effect field, which is an area where one can raise or lower the mass of the object within."

"Hold on," I say. "This is a lot to take in. basically you're saying that we can control gravity by thinking about it?"

The lieutenant laughed. "In layman's terms, yeah, that's about it, but only within the field. Biotics need to be able to freely control their nervous system, so odds are you already can and haven't realized it yet." He held up three fingers, saying, "There are three types of biotic fields. Mass raising, mass lowering, and mass shifting. To get a mass raising field, you need a positive electrical current, a negative one for a lowering, and both for a shifting field."

I held up my hands in front of me to stop the pseudo lecture. "So I need to be able to control which charge of electricity to send to my… 'nodes'? That sounds pretty tough, I'm not gonna lie."

"Actually, it's simple. Just think, 'I want that to be lighter' or 'heavier.' For shifting fields, which is what a Warp is, you just need to think 'I don't care what happens to it, just mess it up good.'"

I let out a laugh as I stand up and walk towards the dummy, stopping 15 paces away. I hold out my arm towards the metal mannequin as I reach for my biotics, hoping to feel something. I close my eyes trying to feel all my limbs. Arms? Check. Head? Check. Legs? Check. Random bits of power? Not check.

Wait.

Is that them?

Somewhere lining my spinal cord and my brain I could feel them. Bits of something that I could move, but still stayed stationary. I needed electricity right? I tried to move the nodes more and more, making my nerves light up with impulses from my brain. Something flares up inside me!

Opening my eyes slightly, I find myself glowing the same color blue as on Omega. Right, I got it! Now focus. Focus on the metal dummy. Fuck up its shit. Fuck up its shit. I don't care what you do to it, but make that thing so weak that its own molecules don't know which way they're going.

A blue tinted, transparent orb fires from my outstretched arm. It arcs gracefully, making a clean impact with the training dummy. I pause slightly, the glow vanishing from around me. I begin to pant a bit from so much effort, turning to Kaidan only to find him with an impressed look on his face. Oh shit, that took a lot of effort. Finding those nodes was tiring as hell!

He walks over to the structurally compromised (I hope) dummy. Balling his hand into a fist, he punches the metal doll, shattering it into pieces. "Nice work, Rookie. I can definitely see you getting the hang of that one quickly. Do you remember how it felt? Where the nodes are?" he asks, turning about. I nod slowly, still gasping for air.

"Good," he says. He presses a button bringing three more dummies in from a side door. "Do it again."

###########

I leave the gym still panting for breath. The next few Warps I had managed weren't near as exhausting as the first. It seems like once I got a feel for activating the nodes, I was able to just throw the mix of currents at them and fire off Warps every twelve second or so.

I made my way to the elevator, falling into a slump in the corner from my weariness as soon as the door opened. I need to go up to the mess and get some kind of food or energy or something… "Hey, you alright, Rook?" came a female voice from inside the elevator. I glance over to see the woman who was with Shep, Kaidan and the others. What was her name again?

"You're… Ash, right?" I ask wearily. She wasn't too bad looking either. Her face kinda narrowed off, but she was still rather fetching.

She simply nods in response. "That's me. But what about you, Rookie? You really don't look so good," she notices. "I like the wolf, by the way."

"Yeah, thanks," I grunt as I pull myself to my feet. "I was just getting a refresher in the use of biotics from the LT. It's tough remembering this shit…" I groan as I stand up wearily. "Weren't you going to get off?" I ask her with a curious tone.

"Oh, yeah! I need to get something from my room, but could I ask a favor?" she says. Her tone is simple, but carries dignity and pride. That's damn respectable if you can voice yourself like that without trying.

I glance over at her wearily, slightly raising an eyebrow. What could I possibly do for her in this condition? "Uh, sure. As long as it doesn't involve moving."

Ash just chuckles. "Actually it doesn't. Just hold the elevator for me? These things take forever to move up and down, and I really don't want to wait for it to make its way all the back here again," she says in a pleading tone.

"Meh… Sure, why the hell not? Just hurry up will ya? If I don't get food soon I might just pass out. Biotics training takes quite a bit out of you." Ashley just nods with a slight smile and darts off to her room.

I sit, holding my finger on the doors open button for a minute or so until I see her running back with a datapad in her hand. She approaches me, not even panting from the sprint. She must be in some damn good shape.

It shows, too, if you know what I mean. Even in the masculine style Alliance clothing, her form still looks amazing.

Man, I'm such a perv.

_Yep. But, you have good reasons._

Oh? Like what?

_Dat ass…_

I just shake my head as Ashley steps back into the elevator. "Thanks, kid. You just saved me from wasting five minutes of my life waiting on this thing."

"Would it kill ya to learn my name, Ash?" I say, suddenly aware of the irony that I can't tell her my real one. "I'm Fenrir, in case you were unaware," I introduce myself, offering a hand up from my position on the floor. Ash grabs it and hauls me up to my feet.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. And as far as I'm concerned, you're still the Rook to me," she states defiantly. Ugh, I really don't want to be labeled as the new guy for my entire time on the Normandy. She must have noticed my annoyance. "Hey, it's nothing personal. I call Shepard our Skipper and Kaidan the LT. Just little nicknames based on our positions," she explains as the elevator begins its ever excruciating trek upwards.

"I can't really say I like the implications that I'm new to fighting or anything like that. Especially after the events of these past few days. But, the nickname itself is alright I suppose," I cave in hesitantly. The elevator crawls up to the mess and med-bay area, its doors opening as slowly as it moves.

Ash walks slowly next to me, a mixture of concern and amusement over my current state clearly reflected upon her face. "I was feeling a bit hungry anyway. Do you mind if I join you?" Well, I suppose it gives me a chance to learn about my squadmates a bit more. Why the hell not?

_Dat ass is why not…_

Shut up, Lycan.

"Sure. What are our options for some grub on this ship?" I smile at her. She bursts out laughing after seeing my mask. "What's so funny?" I ask indignantly.

"The wolf bares its teeth! I guess it mirror's your facial expressions?" she giggles.

"Yeah, that's right. Mind picking something for us to eat, Miss Chuckles?"

Ash decided to go grab us some tacos. Apparently, you can type in whatever you want to the panel on the wall and out it comes from those little wall slats. Technology. Fucking. Rules.

"Alright, time for some eat and greet," I say, opening the bottom part of my mask to reveal my mouth. The poor wolf lost its nose, but its eyes are as piercing as ever. It's not my whole face so I should be good, right? The mask itself makes eating a hassle, but you know what?

I'd rather have some minor annoyance while eating over being in a galactic prison, awaiting execution any day.

"Alright then," Ash agrees, "you get to talk first."

I shake my head, my visible mouth displaying a small smile. "Now that's just unfair, Ash. I've been through my life's story so many times today that it's not even funny anymore," I chuckle out.

Ash put on a mocking grin. "Is your life just that short, or just that boring?"

"Boring? No. Short? As far as I can remember, at least…"

##########

Ash got the same story as Shepard, minus the whole dark criminal past and reason for the mask. I kept stalling, trying to think of a good way to avoid the question, but nothing came to mind. On the bright side, the tacos were fucking good.

"So, you show up on the Citadel, try to sell this data for safety for the two of you, and then we stumble over you two walking into an ambush?" Ash asks, in an attempt to get my story straight.

I held up my hands in mock defeat. "I never liked the plan to begin with!" I declare. "Tali was the one who insisted we go through with it, so I just tried to keep her from taking a bullet… _another_ bullet. The first one was my fault anyway," I admit grudgingly. "And, to be fair, we'd already fought our way out of a few ambushes before, both involving crazy asari biotics. I hate biotics…"

"But, Rook, you _are_ a biotic."

I rolled my eyes, the wolf following suit. "I mean fighting biotics, dummy. My first encounter with a hostile one wasn't exactly easy on me, remember? I ended up sprawled out on the floor… of Omega. That's like being thrown in a dumpster." Ash just laughs some more, but then came that one question I didn't want to hear.

"So what's with the mask?"

Aw, fuck.

I scratch at my neck nervously. "Uh… well… I-I'd really rather not go into detail about why I have it on. I didn't even give Shep the specifics," I spout out. Damn, that's a terrible excuse! There's no way she's not gonna press me after that.

And I was right. "What kind of reason would you possibly have for hiding your face here?"

"Please, Ash. I know you haven't known me so long, but please, do me a favor, and don't press the issue," I beg, my voice a shadow of sadness and fear. She seems taken aback a bit from the request, but she doesn't press the issue. That's good. That's all I need. "Thanks," I say, breaking the slight silence that had just descended.

We sit there, quiet for a while. Nothing being said, just awkward silence. Shit, maybe I shouldn't have avoided it so obviously.

"Why a wolf?" Ash's voice asks. I glance up to find her staring at the eyes.

I cough slightly to cover an ill timed laugh at the question. Why would I even laugh at it? Oh yeah, I already explained it to Tali. "They're more human than us. They live off instinct. No lies, no crime that isn't immediately dealt with swiftly and justly, just life at its most basic. Life at its happiest."

She doesn't speak, just nods slowly. "You don't care much for human nature do you, Rook?"

"Ha! That's rather blunt don't ya think?" I say loudly. "But, you're right. Human nature is a sick thing. People are lazy, greedy, violent things. Not just humans either! Salarian, volus, asari… none are an exception to this truth," I rant on, getting some looks from crew members. My mouth feels twisted into something barely reminiscent of a smile. I take a deep breath.

"But…"

"But they give their best sometimes. They struggle to survive. Sometimes using terrible methods. Lies and cheating and the like, but it's all pointless. It all comes out in the end, though. The reason I like wolves is that they get to avoid all that BS and get on with their lives." Oh yeah! Definitely one of my better speeches.

Ash is stunned. Well, you would be too if some random new amnesiac just went on a tirade about the nature of all intelligent life, only to turn around on his own opinions. Where does that leave my heart on the matter though? I point lightly at Ash, saying, "All in all, you need to be aware of how people can be, and also aware of how they are likely to be. The only thing one can do is roll with the punches for as long as they can."

The soldier stood up abruptly, turning her back to me. "You know, I'd call you naive for that outlook, but the way you put it wasn't half bad, Rook," she praises as she walks off. She almost turns the corner before stopping and coming back to the table to lean in next to my ear. "By the way," she whispers, "Keep your mouth showing. It's a lot less intimidating to the crew." I smile a bit at this as she pulls back and stand up straight.

"Oh, and you have a pretty cute smile," she says with a wink as she turns and leaves.

Wait, what?

_Dat ass just paid you a compliment._

Fuck off, Lycan.

###########

Turians are awesome. Krogans, not so much. Wrex and Garrus especially. I had gone down after a refreshing lunch with Ash (which my colon will surely hate me for later) to have my talk with my new friendly squad mate. He had greeted me with a wave of his hand as I approached him and the veritable mechanical monster he was working on.

"Fenrir! Haven't seen you since you flopped down in your quarters!" Garrus said with what I could only think of as the turian equivalent of a smile. "I went back in to see if you wanted to test out the shooting range and have that one on one about your military career. Out like a light, kiddo."

I raised my hands exaggeratedly. "Ugh! First, it's Kaidan and Ashley with that 'Rookie' and 'kid' business, now you too?" I said, completely defeated.

Garrus just laughed at the whole act. "It'll blow over soon Fenrir. What have you been up to? Asleep the entire time, were we? It's almost time to lift off," he stated as he turned his back to me and brought up a diagnosticon his omni-tool of the white, six wheeler tank next to him.

I waved my hand dismissively, not that he could see me anyway. "Nah, I woke up around the time Shepard got back. Talked to him in the gym, met the Med-bay doctor, hung around the LT, had him teach me biotics, then grabbed some food and talked with Ashley," I rattled off the list as I summed up the day's events after my nap.

"Hmmm. Sounds like you've been a busy little social pyjak," he said closing the diagnostic and fiddling with the tank's calibration monitor. I don't know what a pyjak is and I don't care. "But, Shepard said we'd be flying soon, once the rest of the crew returned from their shore leave."

"Well, that explains a lot," I said, stretching my arms above my head. "After a nap and all this meet and greet, I thought we'd be Therum bound by now."

"Is that where we're headed then?" Garrus asked casually. "Shepard said something about talking to an asari scientist about her mother's connection with Saren," he spat out the name with contempt. That's something for our one on one time I think… "Anyway," He started up again, "if you wanna watch the launch, I'd recommend heading up to the CIC. I know I'll be up shortly." He said that, but I swear I heard mutterings about "damn calibrations."

I just laughed under my breath and waved back at him as I walked away, "See ya up there, buddy!"

Then, that gravelly voice stopped me in my tracks. "Figures the two weaklings would bond easily enough."

I swiveled around to find Urdnot Wrex leaning on a couple crates. Fucking great. The last thing I needed was what was sure to be an embarrassing verbal sparring match. "Wrex," I acknowledged with a twinge of anger in my voice.

He just scoffed. "You come to a war unprepared for battle, whine and talk big, then make friends with the turian, whose race can only kill off mine with a disease instead of bullets. Cowards," he spat.

I rounded on him. Never mind being unarmed and unprotected against a professional krogan mercenary, I'll not have him rag on me, my new comrade, or an entire race for that matter. "Alright Wrex, you know what? Shut the fuck up! I don't care if you insult me. You got problems with Garrus and his species? Go talk to him about it. I'll be sure to take bets on the resulting firefight. He has a tank over there so no promises…"

"You got a point, human? Or maybe I should break you in half right now?" he said threateningly. By now Garrus had turned to watch my stupidity with a look of sheer horror. Yeah, that expression is what my insides were telling me to put on.

"Yeah, I do. You claim that because the turians diseased your people that they are cowards? Take it as a fucking compliment, you moron!" I yelled at the monster. "They can't take you down with bullets. Turians! One of the most well respected military societies in the galaxy!" I really need to thank Tali for that codex we recorded on the way to the Citadel. "Wear that fact with pride! That the krogans wouldn't yield to the guns of their attackers! And if I have learned one thing about you, Wrex, it's that you are too tough to quit."

Wrex walked over and stared his red eyes into the wolf's yellow ones. "Still waiting for your point, Fenrir." Hey! He knows my name!

"My point," I started, "is that instead of complaining about it happening to you in the first place, why not dwell more on the present and the future and fight to overcome the damn disease! Live with it and destroy it with that tough krogan anatomy!" I said, punching at his armor.

Owwwww…

Wrex just looked at me degradingly. "You're telling me to let go of the fact that horrors were inflicted on my people, and instead focus on fixing them?" he said in that low monotone. I nodded, still fighting off the urge to shake my right hand in pain.

"Hmph!" Wrex coughed. "You know human, I haven't met many who talk back to me with that much ferocity and still can make sense. If you survive your first ground mission, I'd be interested in hearing about it. We'll see if you just have a quad in your throat or if it's where it belongs."

I dismissed myself and shuffled into the elevator, trying to rid myself of the image of a krogan's genitalia being anywhere near my mouth.

###########

All that happened a few minutes ago. Me? I'm still riding the damn elevator up to the CIC to experience my first take off in the SSV Normandy. Why the hell can't this advanced ship have more staircases? I'd rather tire myself out running up and down them than waste away in this slow contraption.

The doors slid open on the Med-bay and mess hall floor and I walked out towards the staircases. As I enter the CIC, I take a good look around. The long hallway to the nose of the ship was lined with consoles and various Alliance personnel. The main hub of the Command Center was the Galaxy Map though. Shepard stands on a little podium right next to it, touching and moving the interface, weeding through the countless clusters, systems and planets.

It had never really occurred to me how large the galaxy was. And we were off to find one being who was looking for one item on one planet. This _Conduit,_ if my memory of the audio recording held true, could possible end all galactic life by returning gigantic machines to existence and having them slaughter us all mercilessly.

Fuck that.

I wave to the Commander. "Heya, Shep! We about ready to get this show on the road?" I ask as I continue to survey the various consoles that frame the map. Shepard turns to me with a smile.

"Yeah, pretty much. I found Therum and our destination is set," he nods. "Actually I've been doing some research on Therum. Big ball of rock and lava. We're gonna need to drop the Mako down there and roll our way to Liara T'Soni's dig site." I just shoot him a confused look. Mako? The fuck's a Mako?

Shepard rolls his eyes. "The big white tank that Garrus has been wasting all his time on?" Oh! That thing!

A flanged voice interrupts, "Well, I wouldn't call it a waste, Shepard. Thanks to me, that thing will be able to snipe a moving target from 500 meters away… with rockets." Garrus comes strolling up behind us. Shit, I hope he wasn't insulted by my talk with Wrex. The last thing I need is other teammates at my throat.

Shepard nods approvingly at the supposed upgrades to the targeting system. "Well, you get to try them out yourself, Garrus. You're with me on the ground team when we get there so you can take the Mako's turret and I'll drive."

I hear a faint hum from the engine steadily growing louder and louder. I guess we're powering up. "So you already decided on the squad for the first mission, Commander?" I ask, looking around and watching displays light up.

"Yep. Myself, Garrus, Tali, Ash, and you."

Wait, what?

"Wai- I mean, seriously? Shep, I don't have any weapons besides the crappy ones from Omega. Not to mention the distinct lack of armor an- " A sudden motion in the ship shut me up real fast. I ignore Shepard for a moment, rushing up towards Joker's cockpit with Garrus alongside me.

The view from the windows was spectacular. The purple tints clouds surrounding the Citadel flew by as so quickly, parting into the great abyss that is the galaxy. I never got the chance to look outside when I flew in with Tali.

Space truly is a vast thing. Lights dotted all over the place, representing other stars… other systems. Each had their own planets, their own moons, and their own people.

I can only stare in awe as the Normandy sails through the no gravity environment with the utmost grace. In fact, aside from that first lurch and the sound of the engines powering up, I haven't heard or felt anything similar.

"All engines running quiet, Commander. En route to the Mass Relay," Joker reports into his comm. He shoots a smug look at the wide eyed wolf with the wide open human mouth. "I'd suggest closing your mouth Fluffy, you have dog breath."

"Oh, ha ha, Joker. Ha ha."

"It's something else though isn't it?" sounds Shepard's voice as he strolls up behind us. "My first launch I had the same look… I think," he says, taking note of my mask partially obscuring features. "The galaxy is a big place. Finding Saren will be like a needle in a haystack." Shit. Now he's feeling the weight of his charge by the Council.

I slap him once on his back. "Hey cheer up Shep! At least they are calling for some good weather tonight," I say, readying the terrible joke.

He looks over to me, raising an eyebrow. "Weather? In space, Fenrir?"

I put on a cheesy grin, "Yep. The eather forecast for tonight: dark"

Shepard cracks a bad smile, putting his face in his hand. "Good God. You're as bad as Joker."

"Hey! I'm right here ya know!" the diseased pilot pipes in.

I just grin as I head back to the Galaxy Map area with Shepard. Apparently, Garrus snuck away when the Commander got to the ship's nose. It's great, we're finally on our way to do some good!

And I'm on my way to redemption.

Shepard leads me towards the stairs, back down to the elevator. "You need new weapons and armor? Let's get that sorted out shall we?" he says with a devilish gleam in his eye.

**A/N: I took my sweet fucking time with this chapter. Also, there's been a marked increase in expletives, I think. Adding flavor one four letter word at a time!**

**Next up we're gonna be hitting Therum! Anyone got advice for Ben's armor? I'm open to any suggestions, especially since I have yet to give it any thought. Shep is gonna mainly use a five man squad since that seems to suit my plans for this story. Don't like it? Deal with it**

**Is Ash interested in our amnesiac hero? Is he capable of being a good biotic? Will there be a quad in his throat or between his legs? Find out next time!**

**Review or else…**

**You'll be sent out the airlock into a galactic landfill.**


	9. Hunka Hunka Burning Rock

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 9: Hunka Hunka Burning... Rock_

_Foo Fighters – Rope_

**A/N: If you think about Therum and the mission, the chapter title is kinda ironic. Anyhoo, Thanks again to all who review!**

"You do realize how ridiculous I feel, right?" I object. The skin tight body suit clings to me as if stuck by an adhesive. A quick visit to the requisitions officer down in the hold was in order after takeoff so that I could gear up. He had plenty of good stuff for sale, some of it I was sure wasn't Alliance regulated.

Shepard just laughs, "We all have to wear them underneath our armor, else it gets all uncomfortable and distracting while shooting." He had fronted the money for everything too. Not even a few minutes ago, I had received a brand new Banshee Mk. 3 assault rifle along with a Stiletto Mk. 2 pistol. I'd have to do a quick field test with them once we hit the ground, but other than that, they were fine pieces of equipment.

Armor shopping, turns out, is a pain in the ass. I seriously don't want something that looks like an armor version of this body suit. I personally would prefer that my ass not be outlined by spandex. It's just embarrassing.

I eyed a set of Onyx armor warily. "Do they have anything a little less… tight? I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of wearing that," I protest to Shepard.

"I'm sure that anything we fire at will mind, Fenrir," Shepard replies. Easy for him to say. He's been wearing this stuff back since he signed on. I doubt it really matters to him anymore.

"Well, it's not just that," I state back at him. "Tightness is distracting. I feel like I can't maneuver as well as if I had some breathing room. After all, what use is a sword if you can barely move to use it?" I got him here. I know he can't fight that logic.

"Well, what use is a sword in a gunfight to begin with?" came the simple reply.

God dammit, I hate not being able to make a good argument. Wait a second… Oh! I can win!

I smirk at Shepard, "When I woke up, I cut down three mercenaries, all armed too. In fact, that's where my old equipment comes from."

He just gapes at me. Let's not mention that I only cut one of them and he just bled out, that would only hurt my point of argument. "You mean, even those clothes you were wearing…?"

"What? No! Oh, God no! What kind of person do you take me for, Shep?" I shoot back incredulously. "I might be willing to take a dead man's weapons… actually, that was Tali's idea. Anyway, I might have taken their weapons, but I'm not about to take their pride by leaving them naked," I declare with some measure of dignity.

"You mean, the fact that you would be wearing a dead person's clothes, right off the body, doesn't disgust you enough to turn you away from the idea?"

"Well, there's that too."

We both laugh a bit before searching through the armor that the requisitions officer has. Elanus Risk Control, Devlon Industries, Aldrin Labs. All had fairly good armor according to Shepard, but they were all the skin suit kind of protection. Not what I needed.

I turn to the requisitions officer, "Do you have anything that isn't so… form fitting? Ya know, something bulkier?" I ask. I doubt I could handle anything more than some light armor for now. Even with my soldier-like fitness, I still need to be mindful of my body. Between the biotic workout session with Kaidan and my recently healed abdomen, I think it'd be best if I took it easy for a bit.

The req. officer shrugged. "Depends. Do you want heavier armor, or just bigger armor?"

"Just bigger if you can manage it."

He just shakes his head. "I don't have licenses for anything like that. Maybe the Commander can find some next time we hit the Citadel, but for now we aren't allowed to sell anything else."

Shepard walks over to him, relaxed with a knowing smile plastered all over his face. "What if you had the merchandise and not the license? I'm not gonna write you up to the higher ups for supplying me and my squad with some good equipment," he says leaning in. "So, what have you got that's really good?"

Damn, Shepard is a smooth talker. And he doesn't let regulations bother him either. This is a definite plus! It makes him less likely to send me to Alliance HQ if I get found out…

Actually, let's avoid that line of thinking.

The req. officer goes behind his table into a single long case and pulls out the single, most perfect suit of armor I'd ever seen. The large, blue finish was almost hard to see in the light of the cargo hold. It has red trim along the torso and down the arms. The right arm and abdominal muscle have what looked like capsules on them, while the left had a taller shoulder panel as well. The helmet was the same design as Ashley's and Kaidan's, but had the same blue finish as the body of the armor, with the stripe down the head flaring up as a brilliant orange.

The smile on my face is a good enough a reaction for Shepard. "Leave the helmet and we'll take it."

###########

We've been sitting in the Mako waiting for the drop for a good 15 minutes now. Joker insists that we are "almost there", but I stopped believing that 4 times ago. Joker's voice hits the intercom, saying, "Alright we've just hit Therum's atmosphere, approaching the drop zone now."

I turn to Shepard in the driver's seat. "So, that's what? Another 20 minutes or so?" I spout out sarcastically. A round of chuckles circles the interior of the small tank. It's good to know I'm funny at least.

"_Fenrir_, put down your mask so I can finish off these configurations before we drop," Tali says, stressing my alias. I drop my mask back over my mouth. I'd asked her to encrypt it as she had earlier suggested. I'd since changed the outward appearance of my mask to be similar to Tali's, but using a hue of blue similar to the new armor I now wear. I even made some white glowy eyes that were similar to her own. I actually think she was pretty flattered or happy when she first saw, I couldn't exactly tell.

I drop the blue screen over my mouth smiling at my new outfit. The armor we had purchased was apparently from Batarian State Arms, the nationalized military supplier for their species. As much as I hated the idea of wearing batarian armor, it was comfortable, easy to move in, and it looked damn good if I do say so myself.

This model, the Partisan Mk.4, had some good shields on them. A welcome relief considering my lack of firefight experience (comparatively) and the fact that I hadn't tested or become accustomed to my new weapons would leave me in a worse spot than everyone else. Well, biotics would help even the table if I was better with them.

Tali finishes off the modifications to my mask. "All set. You should make a long but easy to remember password as an extra line of security," she suggests, hiding her omni-tool from visibility. Great… what makes a good password? Something tough to spell? Yeah, that, and numbers and other meaningless jargon. I'll think on that later when I'm not about to be airdropped from low orbit.

"Alright folks, have a nice landing!" came Joker's cheery voice from the intercom. Shepard eases the Mako forward towards the now open hatch. Everyone is strapped in really tightly. Even my harness is so tight it hurts.

Then I see the height we'd be dropping from through my window, and now I'm perfectly fine with that.

The Mako dives towards the planet's rocky surface at a small island amidst the mass of boiling lava. Shepard pulls back on the steering apparatus while pushing a button with his thumb. Thrusters kicked in, slowing our descent considerably. After what seems like minutes, we impact the ground with a rough thud. Even if my body is stuck in this harness, my head is free to wobble about like a ragdoll.

Which it does.

A lot.

"Holy hell," I say as I reach back to massage my neck through the exposed bodysuit. "You trying to give us all whiplash, Shepard?" That was not fun. He does this regularly?

Shepard just lets out a chuckle. "Don't start bitching now. There's a long and bumpy ride to our objective if my map is correct," he notes as we begin to drive off.

"Yeah, great… Take it slow will ya? Let the rest of my organs work their way down from my ribcage," I mutter out sarcastically, getting a laugh from the rest of the squad.

Suddenly, Joker's voice hails us on the radio through our omni-tools. "Commander, I'm picking up some strange readings. Really strange. Like, off the damn charts." Great more strangeness. That's exactly what I need. That actually sounds kinda selfish… "It looks like it's coming from an underground complex a few klicks away from the drop zone."

A few looks are passed around the small tank. You know, there needs to be a word for those brief moments of clarity where you realize how profoundly weird your life is. I mean, I'm an amnesiac mass murderer, teamed up with aliens and a government that wants me dead to fight off a rouge government agent and his army of synthetics, all while riding in a white tank.

Whatever, it can only go downhill from here anyway.

###########

Geth. Of course there were geth.

We hadn't gotten one whole klick along the winding rock path before a drop ship swept over our heads and left a few colossi in front of us. I was right about things going downhill.

We'd made it through with no problem thanks to Garrus' calibrations on the weapon systems. They allowed him to pick off each target with no trouble at all, which led us to our current obstacle: a giant metallic complex/checkpoint manned by automatic turrets.

"Is there a way around it?" I yell as yet another rocket explodes next to the Mako. Shepard has done affair job of dodging them thus far, but any more and he's bound to make a mistake at some point.

"Shepard!" Garrus yells down from the gunner's position. "We got a path on the right that might be big enough for the Mako! It might lead inside!" Shepard doesn't respond, just cranks the vehicle off onto the aforementioned path, out of the turrets' line of fire.

A collective sigh is exhaled by the whole squad. "Holy shit, that was way too close," Ashley says exasperatedly. I nod in agreement. The Mako is great and all, but against multiple turrets, we can only do so much.

Garrus' voice rings out again, "Another turret on the path! Hold her steady, Commander!" Shepard stopped the Mako, every set of eyes (and a targeting reticule) were set upon the turret.

It fires a rocket right towards us. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! "Garrus…" I say, trying to draw his attention towards the projectile. "Hurry up and fire!"

He just grunts in response as he pushes a red button, launching the Mako's main cannon at the turret, reducing it to nothing but slag. Shepard hits the gas as soon as the shot rings out, bringing us just out of the way of the incoming explosive.

"Good shot, buddy," Shepard says to the turian as he pulls us forward, running over some more geth and bringing us into the middle of the compound. Garrus hits all the stragglers with spray from the mounted machine gun before sounding the all clear. "Everyone out," Shepard orders.

I don't hesitate to undo my harness and get out onto the rocky surface of the planet. Damn it's hot out here! I stretch my arms over my head while surveying the area. You never know where there could be another geth hiding to ambush us. Ashley elbows me in the ribs, making me double over a bit. "Hey! What the hell, Cheif?" I ask indignantly, standing back up.

She shoots me a cocky smile as she draws her assault rifle, "You should be more aware of your surroundings instead of relaxing. It's not a vacation after all." Easy for her to say. She at least _remembers _how to be a soldier. I just roll my eyes and take my AR from my back as well. We all gather around Shepard, Tali with her shotgun, Garrus with his sniper rifle.

"Alright, we need to get those gates open," Shepard notes, pointing at the giant shutters that blocked our path. "Odds are, there's controls in one of those guard houses on either side of it. Garrus, Tali, and Fenrir I want you guys to take the one on the left. Ashley and I will handle the right side," he orders, designating us to the guard house in the far corner of the complex.

Garrus and I nod in confirmation, heading off towards our target with Tali in tow. A quick glance shows Shepard and Ashley darting for the other side of the structure. We advance up the ramp, Garrus in the lead. Stopping at the doorway, he holds up a talon to halt us.

"On the count of three," he mutters. I prep my assault rifle. What is it going to be like inside? What kind of cover will we have? What will the geth be using?

"One."

Maybe they aren't all that well armed and we'll catch a break. Maybe there aren't any geth to begin with.

"Two."

What if it's wide open inside and they have rocket launchers? Oh shit, we'll be torn to pieces.

"Three!"

Fuck. I'm gonna die.

I slide past Garrus, into the structure. A single walkway formed a perimeter around two giant metal storage tanks. Tali followed me in quietly, her feet making little noise against the steel catwalk. Garrus filed in last, sniper rifle raised and hopefully covering the corners I couldn't see.

His voice filtered into my helmet through the radio. "Fenrir. Single target. Shock trooper, right around the corner. See if you can get him by surprise. I'll give you a signal," he mutters, keeping his scope on the geth's feet as it continues its patrol.

I nod, reaching to my hip for my HVB. Close quarters is good for me. Not to mention, Geth probably aren't meant for hand-to-hand type combat. Just need to wait for it to get a little closer…

"Now," Garrus ordered. I quickly round the corner, smacking the pommel of the sword against the bright optic sensor on the geth's head. If you want to call it a head, that is. The blade springs out as the synthetic reels back from the force of the impact.

Planting my left foot firmly on the ground, I spin and swing wide and low like I did with Shepard. The slice cuts right through the thin, tube-ridden torso of the robot, causing it to leak a white fluid of some kind.

The top half tumbles to the ground unceremoniously before the legs and waist fall near my feet. "Target down, Garrus," I say over the radio. Tali advances up from behind me, moving towards a console in the corner.

"Shepard," Garrus hails him on his frequency, "We've cleared this guard house. How're things on your end?"

"All clear over here. No sign of any geth or the gate controls for that matter. Any luck over there?"

Tali jumps into the conversation. "Affirmative, Shepard. I have a console right capable of getting these gates open so we can get moving," she says as her fingers sweep across to a switch labeled "Override."

"Alright. Rendezvous back at the Mako and let's keep moving ," Sheppard orders.

"Aye Aye, Shep."

###########

Two stone piles blocked the Mako's path. "Too tall to hover over, unless we want to overheat the Mako. Well, l guess we're walking. Up and at 'em team," Shepard sighs. Great, it looks like riding right into the dig site isn't going to be happening.

We unload once again from the small tank. The rest of the ride had been uneventful for Ashley, Tali, and myself. We'd spent most of the time spotting for Garrus, not that he needed it. By the time one of us had pointed out a colossus, he normally had blown it up or was ready to. After that, it was just a pleasant ride through some tunnels and into this nice little roadblock.

I grab my rifle and jog into formation behind Shepard. "Alright," he began, "if the ride over here was any indication, then there will definitely be some resistance from this point on. I'll take point. Ashley, you and Fenrir cover the left flank. Garrus and Tali, you're on the right. All clear?" There was a chorus of "Aye aye"s from everyone.

We slip through the crack in our assigned groups, sliding to either flank. Gunfire suddenly rains down on us. "Three geth behind the big rock at the top of the hill!" I yell into my mic, taking cover behind a boulder nearby. Ashley runs and kneels down next to me.

Shepard's voice rang back. "Garrus! Tali! You two have a less obscured view! Gimme suppressive fire while we three advance for a better shot!" I look to the Commander. He's ducked behind another boulder in a running position. I lean out of cover slightly, seeing Tali and Garrus firing in alternating salvos towards the targets, keeping them in cover.

"Move!"

Ash and I exit the cover on opposite sides and sprint full speed towards the last piece of cover between the previous boulder and the geth's. As I slide into cover I see a red geth spring out from their boulder with something that looks suspiciously like a…

"Rocket launcher!" Ash calls out as she settles down next to me once more. I lean out the side of cover and fire off a couple bursts of rifle fire at the rocket trooper, lowering its shields.

A loud gunshot rings out before I hear a triumphant laugh from Garrus. "No longer a problem, Chief," he says cheekily. Shepard pops out of cover at the same time as another geth, dropping it with a sniper shot of his own.

Two down already? Damn, we are good! I slide out of the side of my cover and crouch behind the rock on the opposite side of it as the geth. "Keep him in cover guys, I'll get this one," I mutter.

Suddenly, the flashlight head of the geth peaks around the corner of the rock and spots me. Shit! I bring by rifle up to fire, but the geth is already firing its own. I'm thrown back by the constant impacts. Shields at 80%... 50%... 10%...

A fresh salvo of rifle fire from Ashley peppers the synthetic's shields before tearing through its body. It falls to the ground, the light dimming and blinking before suddenly going out. I sigh heavily. Were it not for this new armor and its strong shields… Well, let's not think about that shall we?

Ashley jogged up from behind me. "Really Rook, you need to be a bit more careful!" She extends a hand towards me, which I grab gratefully. She pulls me to my feet as Shepard and the other pair jog over.

"Yeah, sorry. I probably should leave the shot calling to Shep or Garrus, huh?" I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed.

Shepard walks up behind us. "Yeah, but preferably me next time. We'd rather not have dead squadmates if we can manage it. Good pressure though." He turns to face me directly. "Don't go itching for a fight. Sometimes in a firefight it's your role to be the distraction or another significant force, not the brute force," he lectures me. Man, here I am, getting the talk when we have geth to kill!

"Aye aye, Shep. Shouldn't we be heading out to find the good doctor T'Soni though?" I point out politely. A confirmatory nod is all I get in response as everyone spreads out once more and we continue down the path.

###########

Son of a bitch, I'm glad we have good snipers. The next firefight was barely that since Shep, Ashley, and Garrus all pulled out their sniper rifles and began to pick off targets from the ridge ahead of us. Tali and I handled any ground troops that came too close, but for the most part Shepard called targets and they fell quickly via the concentrated sniper rounds.

Since then, we've made our way to the main encampment. It's far too empty though for an archeological dig site. "Anyone else getting really bad vibes off this place?" I ask nervously, covering the far left corners of the camp near what I would assume is a geothermal plant of some kind.

A geth hopper suddenly drops down from an overhead beam, but before I can get a good shot at it, it slinks off into a crevice by the power plant. Garrus' voice rang out, "Definitely! Take cover!"

Wait, what?

I glance around frantically, before a sudden rumble caught my attention. A geth colossus landed in the middle of the clearing, flanked by five or so troops emerging from drop pods. "Fuck!" I exclaim before diving behind a giant crate with Shepard and Ashley. "How the hell do we beat one of those things on foot!"

A large impact on the other side of the crate indicates that my outburst had caused it to seek us out as a viable target. Shepard grimaces at the force on the opposite side of the crate. "Dammit! This thing will keep us pinned until those ground troops can hit us head on. Tali! Garrus! Focus Overloads on the individual geth! Kill the small fries and _then w_e'll focus on the colossus!" He ordered into his helmet mic.

"Roger. Tali! The rocket trooper first!"

I glanced out of cover quickly to survey the situation. A single geth hopper had slunk right next to the crate. I swing out to step on the synthetic critter, pinning it to the ground. I placed my Banshee's barrel against its "head" and held the trigger down until its movement stopped.

Movement on the other side of the crate catches my eye. A blue, shimmering orb hurtles towards me from the direction of the colossus. By moving out of cover for just a bit, I'd given it a clean target. I roll off to the left, farther away from the crate. Farther away from my only cover.

I come up cleanly from the roll, swinging my rifle around to aim at the giant geth monstrosity. Two foot troopers remained, both heading for Tali and Garrus' position on the right instead of Shepard and Ashley's. I let loose a stream of gunfire at one, hopefully dropping its shields. It rounds on me, firing back in kind.

I have no cover.

I sprint forward. Towards the colossus, shields draining and the gigantic machine looming ahead. I hear Tali's voice through my mask, "Garrus! Get the one firing at Be- Fenrir!" My shields are down. Colossus a few yards away. Bullet goes through my thigh. Colossus preparing to blast my body.

Fuck!

"It's down!" Garrus says loudly. "Shepard, one left! Fenrir is in near the colossus too!"

Shepard glances out of cover. "Roll, Rookie!" I do my damnedest to somersault forward, but it turns into a sloppy falling maneuver with some momentum behind it. I tumble directly beneath the synthetic quadruped, breathing heavily for a moment. "Garrus and Tali! I want Overloads all over that thing! Ash, open fire! And Fenrir! It's not the time to take a breather!" I guess they got the last geth. Man, he's good at yelling…

I aim my rifle directly upwards and hold in the trigger. An increasingly sloppy stream of gunfire bursts forth, but at this range accuracy isn't much of an issue. My helmet's display shows the colossus' shields depleting quickly… good!

The colossus itself was confused at which target to attack. Between Tali and Garrus or Shepard and Ash, it was just firing off those burst shots one after another. Rifle fire from the Commander and the Chief seemed ineffective, and the Overloads were barely doing anything it seemed like. The armor was too thick and resistant.

Wait… thick armor? I got it!

A loud beeping sounds as my rifle overheats. I throw it onto my back and grab my HVB. I wanna fuck up this thing's structure. I want it to be fragile, brittle, and weak. The electricity flows to my eezo nodes and I fire off a Warp right into its mechanical underbelly.

It impacts with a dull boom sound as I stagger to my knees. Which leg was shot? The right or the left? A quick glance down shows that it was actually both. The shot through the thigh was on my right leg, but the armor on my left leg was blackened with two or three spots from where it had stopped the projectiles.

I grip the HVB and thrust upwards towards the weakened section of metal. Pull back, over head cut, once, twice, three times! The metal falls away showing a mass of pipes, tubes, and wires. My knees give way once again and I fall to the ground in pain.

"Aaargh! Son of a bitch!" I yell out in pain. "I'm gonna need some medi-gel after this!"

I grab my pistol from my hip holster and the Banshee from off my back again and fire both into the hole I'd created. After a few seconds, a beeping sound and empty clicks when I pull the triggers signal to me that they have overheated once again. Not that it matters anymore.

The four legged geth had gone into some sort of spasm at the barrage of fire to its insides, causing it to buckle and sway. It was going to fall. And I couldn't get my legs to move. God dammit.

"Fenrir!" I hear a voice call out. I can't distinguish who's though; I'm too busy preparing for my own demise. My short life flashes before my eyes. Omega. Tali. Biotics. Citadel. Slaughter. Nightmares. That's it? Nothing about before the amnesia set in? Not that it would help me now anyway.

Something hits me hard on my side, forcing me out from under the synthetic behemoth just as it collapses. Something pink and white. Ash?

"Stupid Rookie!" she yells to my mask. "Don't go running off on your own! You're in a team, so none of that lone wolf crap!" Yelling, yelling, yelling. The geth collapses as one more Overload hits it. Sparks start flying as a high pitched chirp comes from it. Sparks? Beeping? My ominous sense is tingling.

Ashley is still on top of me from pushing me out from under it. She's still yelling, giving no sign that she's noticed the sudden alarm. Are my shields back? No time to check! I roll over Ashley, covering her with the bulk of my armor.

The colossus explodes, shrapnel flying by. I can feel the heat from the blast, even through the armor. The last thing this ball of lava needed was _more_ heat. I prop myself up, noting the dust cloud that settled in with the smoke after the explosion.

Damn. That was rough.

_You're really a dumbass._

How so?

_First, you ran headfirst towards the biggest threat that you've faced to date._

It was a distraction. It worked didn't it?

_Secondly, you didn't think to use any of those thermal plant pipelines as cover._

And take the chance that they were volatile? No thank you.

_And thirdly, the Chief is probably about to smack your shit._

What, why?

_Look down._

I already have been. I can't tell if Ash is flustered, pissed, or some combination of the two. Judging by the fact that my hand is on her chest, I'd say it's the third choice.

The impact comes before more yelling.

A solid right hook sends me sprawling off of her. "What the hell, Rook? I could understand if it were just an instant, but stopping and staring is enough to piss a girl off!" Dammit, Lycan. I really need to learn how to function normally and have a conversation with you as opposed to spacing out.

_Yep. Now you just felt up a chick and can't enjoy the memory._

Asshole.

I stand up, shakily, ever wary of my bullet wound as Shepard jogged over through the dust. "What this I hear about staring?" he says as he glances my way skeptically. I just shake my head.

"Can we fix my leg up instead, Commander?"

"Aw, you're no fun, Fenrir."

I point to the largest piece of scrap around. "I just rushed a 7 meter tall mobile battle platform! My fun quota has been reached for the day methinks."

Shepard kneels down by my leg. "Yeah, yeah. You did good though, all jokes aside. Hazardous, dangerous, and stupid… but good nonetheless." He brought out his omni-tool and began administering medi-gel to the hole in my thigh. "I think we need to fix your armor's distribution systems, though. It's not circulating the disinfectant and anesthetic for wounds like it should be," he observes.

There's anesthetic? That'd have been very damn useful! "Well, let's have the requisition officer check it when we get back then."

Tali and Garrus come up behind Shepard. "Shepard," says Tali, "the area is cleared of any more geth, but we can't find Doctor T'Soni or any corpses for that matter."

"Hey! Maybe she's down there?" Ashley calls us, pointing at an entrance to what could have easily been a mine. I can't tell if she's still red with embarrassment/anger, but the fact that she won't look at me isn't helping.

Women…

Shepard nods in agreement. "Alright everyone, form up. Tali and Fenrir, on me. Ashley and Garrus, cover flanks with your sniper rifles."

I stand behind Shepard and next to Tali, sighing deeply. "We land on a rock that's 50% lava, I get shot, have faulty armor, and now we're going spelunking? This day gets worse and worse…"

Tali chimes in teasingly from my right, "Look on the bright side, it could be raining!"

Then, there was a loud rumble. I sigh yet again. Garrus looks around, confused. "I don't think that it's possible for it to rain on this planet," he says.

Ashley shrugs. "Maybe it's an earthquake?"

Earthquake.

We're going into a fucking mine.

I hope I get paid for this…

**A/N: Alright, so…. This took a long time to write for a few reasons. First, I'm a lazy S.O.B. There's no two ways around it. Secondly, I can really on type this while I'm at my office job. Third and finally, I had to rewatch footage of someone playing through Therum so I could be accurate in my story telling. I'm sorry it took forever. **

**Something about my portrayal of Ben seemed… lacking in this chapter. Please tell me if you see any problems in your reviews please!**

**Since my "Review or else" segment isn't working, I'll just ask nicely.**

**Please review my story! I get so many favorite author or favorite story alerts in my email, but it's probably one in ten people who actually review! Even if it's just "Good job, keep it up!" or "Dude, that sucked!" I love every single bit of feedback. So please. Pretty please, with sugar on top, review? :-)**


	10. Dying is for Amateurs

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 10: Dying is for Amateurs_

_Lost Prophets – Can't Catch Tomorrow_

"You know, I really hate geth," I note with a light tone while holstering my pistol. We all file on to the metal elevator as it begins its slow descent farther down into the cave. Ever since we'd entered the mine shaft that led into the rocky crevice, we'd be assailed by way too many flying geth drones and hoppers. I don't know if they were coming from the metal tower at the far end of the cavern or what. "Annoying little fucks."

Ashley leans in the corner with her arms loosely crossed and her pistol still drawn. "Do you ever stop whining?" The harsh words make me flinch a bit, but it's not like I don't deserve it. Actually, that's the first thing she's said to me since she sent me sprawling back above ground.

I lean in towards her mockingly. "Oh ho! So she _does_ speak! Pray tell, what wisdom might spew from yonder maiden's mouth?" I say, adopting an old British accent, much to the amusement of both Tali and Garrus.

Ashley tinkers with her pistol. "From mine? Nothing of note. From this pistol… wanna find out?" I back off, hopefully not showing any of the intimidation that I feel. Women are scary.

"Relax, Chief," I say soothingly. "All I want is for you to loosen up a bit. Accidents happen so don't go holding circumstances against me." I note Shepard standing off to the side with Tali and Garrus. Is he whistling?

…Ass.

Ash turns to me. "Listen, Rook. When we get back on the Normandy, you and I are gonna have a nice chat," she informs me threateningly.

"Lovely."

The elevator grinds itself to a screeching halt, revealing a broken catwalk in front of us. Shepard waves Garrus down toward the lower catwalk beneath us. He lands securely and begins securing the area, taking a sniper position overlooking the main dig site in the middle. Shepard follows him down, inspecting the blue film of energy next to him and the occupant on the other side of it.

"Hello? Can someone help me? …Please?" the asari's voice rings out. I hop down off the cat walk and glance at the floating blue woman. She wears green and white clothing in a fashion that labels her as a researcher, unless I misread that codex entry. "Can you hear me out there? I am trapped. I need help!"

"That's some rather proper language she's using," I mutter to Garrus, glancing out over the staging area. He just grunts back in agreement. I can hear Shepard talking with the asari back by the force field. Guess we have some time to kill while the boss man thinks up our next move. I settle in next to the turian sniper. "Any movement?" I ask through my mask's voice filter.

"I can see a couple more rocket drones down there. Best if we do like we did with the battle on the ridge outside," he mutters thoughtfully. I guess he means that Tali and I head down into the fray and the other three flush everything out with sniper fire.

"Works for me. See if you can kill those little drone bastards quick, because I really don't feel like taking a rocket to my face," I say sarcastically.

He chuckles a bit at this as Tali comes over to join us. "I can't say I would want to try that out either." I turn to Tali, giving her the heads up on our possible plan of action, to which she gives me a simple nod.

"You okay, Ben?" she asks with some measure of concern in her voice.

"Uh, Tali? Name. Open mic channel… rather not have to explain all this right now!" I chatter out nervously. She just giggles at me. Giggles? Why can't women laugh normally? Why does it have its own word?

"I set up a private channel between you and me just for little chats like this," she says, obviously pleased with herself. Then her posture becomes more cautious. "U-unless, you don't really want to talk like this," she said rubbing her helmet nervously.

I look over and see Ashley and the Commander walking our way. I guess it's time for us to move on then. "No Tali, it's fine. I think it's time for us to move on though. Thanks for your concern."

She nods and fiddles with her omni-tool briefly to disestablish the link. At least, that what I assume she did. "Alright, people," Shepard's voice hails over the mic. Yep, she fixed it. "The captive asari is our Dr. T'Soni. Seems that while she was digging up these Prothean ruins the geth showed up. She tripped this metal tower's defenses and now she's stuck inside. We need to get inside from further down and work our way up to unlock her from there," he concludes with some finality.

We all nod an affirmative. Garrus moves up towards Shepard, saying, "Rocket drones downstairs. Inactive right now, though. I figure if we three snipe and send Fenrir and Tali down to clean the floor, we can take the area with little difficulty."

"I second this plan!" I say raising my hand like a fool, hoping to add some levity to the situation. No one laughs. They all stare at me like I'm a retard. Shepard actually facepalms! Dick. I lower my hand slowly and shyly . "I'll shut up now."

"Finally," I heard Ashley sigh exasperatedly. I can't catch a damn break...

###########

A minute later Tali and myself are positioned behind a couple rocks on the dirt floor. "In position, Commander," I mutter into my mic.

"Alright," came his reply. "When we fire, you two start to move. Use mid range weapons as well as you can and check every corner. We can only see so well from right here."

Tali glances at me briefly before nodding. "We understand. We'll stick together in case anything happens."

"Good. Garrus, Ash, mark your targets… and… fire!"

The sound of sniper fire rang out and Tali and I slipped around the edge of our cover, her with her pistol, me with my Banshee, covering opposite corners. Garrus' voice comes into our masks as we pass some giant, overturned machine, saying, "We've got a formation of rocks blocking our view just ahead of you guys. Left flank."

I slink to the corner of the rocks that Garrus mentioned. "Stack up, Tali," I order. She stands behind me and grabs her shotgun before tapping my shoulder to indicate that she's ready.

Let's do it.

I round the corner, aiming down my scope. Two, no, three geth stood against the wall. I fire two short bursts of Banshee fire into the first's shields before all of them are aware of our presence. Tali blasts the now unshielded synthetic with a single round of shotgun fire before sending a charged Overload at the second who had now opened fire. Its shields hold barely, judging by how visible the thin blue film is.

I roll out of the way to hide behind a rock before my shield catches too many shots. I glance at the corner of my mask's readout. 86%. That'll be fine for now at least. I pop up and fire a fresh salvo at the second geth. The weakened shields disintegrate and a few shots make neat black holes right through that flashlight "head."

"Ha!" I hear Tali cry out in triumph. I turn quickly to see her standing up from pinning the third geth to the ground. Well, what's left of the machine anyway. She must have straddled it and put her shotty to the damn thing's neck…head… whatever that appendage is called on them.

I look at her wide eyed (not that anyone could tell). "Remind me not to get pinned to the ground by you," I say to her in awe and fear. She just chuckles lightly. I think for a second before coming up with a brilliant follow up. "Well, unless you aren't armed. Then it wouldn't be so bad."

I swear to God her mask just turned red.

"Done flirting down there, you two?" Ashley asks curtly over the radio patch. Ugh…

"Yes, dear. Getting jealous, are we?" I snipe back at her. Ha, snipe… irony…

I hear a scoff over the radio patch. "Hold on everyone, I see a hostile asshole right by Tali. Let me peg that blue armored bastard real quick."

Suddenly that ironic sniping pun doesn't seem so funny. "Ash, Fenrir, cut the bullshit and let's finish what we're here for," snaps Shepard. Damn, I guess he's getting tired of this.

Well, I'll be honest, so am I.

"Aye aye, Commander," I groan flatly as I check down a few pathways between the structures around the site. "All clear over here. Any more movement?"

Garrus responds first. "No. It seems you're all clear. Hold down the fort while we make our way down there," the turian says simply. Well, no problem there. All this is getting old real quick, honestly. The spats of fighting with Ash, the fucking geth, the amnesia…

The amnesia is the worst of it though. How should I act? I don't know how I was before so how should I be now?

_Uh, you kinda were an insane mass murdering soldier before. We've gone over this._

You know what I mean. Before all that. I had to have been normal enough in the Alliance. What kind of friends did I have? What kind of things did I like to do? Did I drink a lot? Gamble? Did I have someone waiting for me on Earth? A wife, family, parents? Maybe that's why I'm a joker one second and depressed the next. My personality has nothing to go off of.

_Well, I'm sure you could find all that out. See if Shepard can get you reports. Medical, psychological, write ups. It'll all be in the database right next to the arrest warrant._

Why are you such an asshole?

_Why are you such a whiny bitch?_

Ugh, never mind. It's pointless to argue with you, you… you… actually, what _are_ you Lycan?

_I'm your conscience._

Bull fucking shit. You'd be the worst conscience ever.

_Alright, that much is true. What am I? Good question. I'm sure when you're memory comes back, you'll figure out when you developed schizophrenia. _

I can't argue with you.

_You can't _win_ an argument with me._

Shepard and the others had finally made their way over to Tali and myself nearby one of the metal tent like buildings. The Commander glanced around at the whole squad. "Well, now that the geth are gone, any ideas on how to get into the tower?"

I shrug. Garrus starts tapping a talon against his head, apparently thinking. The Gunnery Chief pipes in, "Well, there's no way for us to drop one of those force field windows things is there?"

"No way," Tali blurted at her. "We'd need something ridiculously concentrated to break through one of those. I think our best bet is trying to find a window where the shield isn't activated. After all this structure is around 50,000 years old so I'm sure some portion of it doesn't work." Now there's some sound thinking.

Garrus decides to join the battle of words now. "But how do you suggest we find one of those? All the visible windows are blocked! We'd have to dig another one out and who knows how long that'd take?"

Dig. Force field. Concentrated firepower. Man, what a headache! Why can't things be simple? I start pacing off, muttering something to Shepard about inspecting the tower. I walk past all the ground we'd covered earlier. Quite a bit actually. You tend not to notice these things when hostile gun toting machines could be laying in wait. I guess there weren't that many geth in hiding down here. They all were probably topside when we came and only a few fell back here as we advanced.

That's how those freaking logic machines work. Tactics and everything hardwired into every last circuit. They only do what they need, never taking the important variables into their calculations. Hell, if they had any ingenuity, they could've used this damn machine I passed earlier. Well, then again, it did fall over.

_What the hell is it anyway?_

Not sure. I think it's a mining laser…

Hold the phone…

Mining laser?

"Uh, Shepard? I think I might have an idea!" I call back to them. The four turn their heads at me and begin a light jog in my direction.

###########

"This is stupid, crazy, and genius all at once," Garrus says dumbfounded as we set to work. Such high appraisal! Almost makes me feel smart.

Ashley, of course, is nowhere near satisfied with my plan. "And if you have the estimates wrong and we end up causing a cave in?" Oh, I'm sorry. Did you have an idea? No? Then shut your face!

"Then we'll cross that damn bridge when we come to it," Shepard retorts tersely. I can't help but feel grateful for the defense, even if it's just because he wants out of here more than any of us. "Tali, are you almost through the laser's firewalls?"

The quarian glances up from her omni-tool over by the laser's control panel. "Actually, I finished a few minutes ago. It was kinda fun hearing everyone shout. Anytime you're ready, we can do this." I swear this girl is just so odd sometimes.

Shepard goes over and smacks a giant red holo brought up by the control panel. Slowly, the giant digging apparatus hummed to life, shooting a seemingly harmless stream of light into the dirt. How does this thing burrow caverns like this again?

The light got bigger and brighter as the machine got louder and hotter. Maybe a few steps back is in order. The rock and dirt are being eaten away by this thing. Man, I'd hate to see what it would do to the Normandy.

"Shut her down, Tali. I think we found the tower," Shepard ordered lightly. The laser's hum died down quicker than it came and soon we had a clean view into the hole it had dug. The shining metal that shown through matched the rest of the walls of the tower we'd passed on the way down.

It also looks like I had been right about us finding one of those windows here too! Good, I needed a break from being reminded of my unreliability. Shepard climbs through the hole, stepping to a console stationed at the center of the tower.

"Looks like a simple lift. As near as I can tell, it's still working. Everybody on so we can get the lovely doctor and get off this rock," he sighs thankfully, impatience apparent. I'm with him. I've had enough of this place.

I wonder what this asari doctor is like anyway. I let Shepard do the talking earlier, so aside from her not using contractions when she talks, I got nothing. She's asari though, so she might be an amazing biotic. Maybe I can get her to teach me instead of Kaidan. That LT might not look like it, but his biotic training is ruthless. I think my nodes are still recovering.

Asari, though… I didn't look at her much, but I wonder if I really hate asari? Well, the few that came after me and Tali sure aren't getting Christmas cards, that's obvious. But, as a whole species, what could they have possibly done to me before that would cause me to slaughter them? Best to be mindful of myself around T'Soni.

The lift grinds to a halt. I glance ahead to see the suspended alien craning her neck to see us.

"How did you get in here? I didn't think there was any way past the barrier," she says with cautious awe in her voice.

"We blasted our way in with the mining laser," Shepard staets simply.

Liara turns away. "Of course… Yes, that makes sense. Get me out of here before more geth arrive. That button over there should shut down this containment field," She says as she looks at some kind of grey box with a vertical indentation on it. I jog over and access the green holo interface. Let's see… containment field… containment field… containme- Ah ha!

"Got it!" I chime as I hear an "oof!" from behind me. The asari pulls herself off the floor before clapping the dust off her hands. "So, Doc," I say to her, drawing her gaze my way. She's actually rather attractive.

_For an alien. Don't go there dude… waaay to complicated._

Hush.

"Any idea how we'll be leaving this fine establishment?" I ask with casual sarcasm.

Doctor T'Soni thinks for a second before pointing back towards the core of the tower. "There should be an elevator at the center of the tower… A-at least I _think_ it's an elevator. It should take us out of here. Come on!" she spouts out quickly. Well, now what? Are we taking orders from the _doctor_ now?

Ha! Doctor's orders….

We head back to where the lift docked. It opened up into a larger floor that covered the entirety of the tower's inside. Shepard keeps talking with Liara. Guess it must be tough to be surprised by geth. Especially when they are looking expressly for you.

Believe me, it's not fun being hunted down by the wrong types of people. "The Conduit? But I don't know –" The asari's surprised voice rings out before an ominous rumble cuts her short. Everyone glances around cautiously.

"Garrus, buddy, please tell me that was your stomach," I say nervously glancing at the turian.

He shakes his head, still looking around. "No, and I don't think it came from any of us either," he says as a tremor runs through the tower disturbing everyone's balance.

"These ruins aren't stable. That mining laser must have triggered a seismic event," Liara tells Shepard. My eyes find a suddenly attractive piece of wall in the opposite direction of a certain gunnery chief. "We have to hurry. This whole place is caving in!" she continues as she operates the elevator's holo console.

Shepard's fingers are already to his ear. "Joker! Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal. On the double, mister!"

Wow. I mean, I know it's not the time, but "On the double, mister!" doesn't suit Shepard at all. Joker probably picked up on it too, but had the common sense not to laugh in a time of urgency. "Aye, aye, Commander. Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes."

Ashley's voice sounds grim, "Not a lot of wiggle room."

"I wonder if there's any to begin with," Tali mutters sourly as the elevator begins its slow ascension.

The rumbling doesn't stop. Hell, it sounds even worse, like there might be molten lava bubbling out too. Great fucking idea, Karos! Let's get everyone killed on our first proper mission! The metal elevator moves faster than the ones in the Citadel or on the Normandy at least. We're up twelve floors before very long.

We level out with a force field connecting to a familiar catwalk; one we'd gone down to get to the rickety metal elevator. "Almost out! Let's move!" Shepard yells before turning around…

…and seeing the krogan and three geth walking through the force field towards us.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

"Fuck," Shepard mutters. "A battlemaster."

Battlemaster. Wrex is one of those isn't he? The krogan in front of us is as strong as that mean old lizard? Well that settles it, we're boned.

"Surrender. Or don't," the krogan grumbles over the constant tremors. "That would be more fun."

I step out in front of Shepard. "You know, I've about had it with geth and petty little fights today! This damn tower is coming down and you want to get in our way? You really want to fight on a battlefield that can kill you faster than we can?"

The krogan battlemaster lets out a laugh. "You? Kill me? Unlikely. But fighting in a collapsing cavern, exhilarating isn't it?"

"Not my choice of words, scale breath. Now, how bout you be a good little newt and get the fuck out of our way?" Shepard yells back, clearly pissed at the time consuming road block.

"Hand over the doctor and we'll gladly do so," the krogan says in reply.

Liara stands shakily on the elevator. "Whatever you want, you aren't getting it from me," she shouts back defiantly over the din.

The krogan just grunts again. "Kill them. Spare the asari if you can. If not, doesn't matter." Doesn't matter? Did I miss something?

The krogan sure as hell doesn't as he and the geth open fire. I dive left behind a metal support with Garrus, each of us drawing our assault rifles. He glances at me. "Shields?"

"77%. I'll get the outside," I say, turning out of cover to fire at the only geth I could see: an oncoming rocket trooper. I snap quickly back into cover as the rocket drone fires at me. "Dammit, we got some firepower over here. Where's everyone else?"

Garrus is leaning around cover firing at another hostile. "Shepard and Tali have taken cover behind the elevator console! The doctor and Williams are behind the support on the other side!" he shouted back over the roar of collapsing earth and gunfire.

A slight hum in my helmet grabs my attention. Shields are back up? Alright, time for some payback. "Garrus, what's on your side? Geth or krogan?"

"Regular shock trooper, but it's gaining ground on us fast. Shepard's got the krogan… well, I won't say under control, but he's definitely got it occupied."

That sounds neither good nor bad. Adding in the factor of a collapsing battlefield and we're halfway down shit creek. "I'm gonna handle this rocket trooper as soon as it gets closer! Let them advance enough to surprise them from behind the corner!" I bellow at him. He nods, blind firing around the corner.

My hand reaches for the increasingly familiar hilt at my waist, smacking the pommel against my hip as I throw my Banshee onto its magnetic strip. A quick glimpse around the support rewards me with a face to face meeting with the bright red geth. Shit! It got here faster than I'd thought!

The synthetic raises the butt of its rifle, hoping to knock me down or out. "Not gonna happen!" I yell, unashamed of how cliché it sounds. I block the attack with an upward swing of the HVB's hilt, following it up with an elbow strike to the geth's torso.

I let out a slight roar as I plant my right foot down and make a large, sweeping, clockwise spin. The robot stumbles back, spouting out its geth language. The normally creepy clicks and hums become more and more distorted before the torso separates from the legs cleanly at the waist.

"Haaa!" I hear Garrus yell behind me. I turn to see him grappling with the shock trooper. Who knew that the cybernetics were trained in hand-to-hand combat? I start forward to help him only to be reprimanded. "Dammit, Fenrir! Go help the Commander! I can handle a geth, but I doubt a human can easily handle a krogan!"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it!" I shout, darting past him towards Shepard. I see what he meant now bout Shepard keeping the krogan occupied but not under control. It seems that the Commander decided to follow the same course of action and was currently exchanging blows with the overgrown lizard, both their guns thrown aside.

Tali was standing behind the console, aiming her pistol at the pair. "Dammit, I can't get a shot! Chief Williams?" her filtered voice says over the radio channel.

"Nothing! I can't fire without hitting Shepard! If only he- Fenrir!" Ash says, surprised at my sudden presence. She's holding back Doctor T'Soni too, who seems to be readying some biotics.

Shepard must have noticed me because he's putting in everything he has. Right, left, right, left, but no matter how many swing made contact, the krogan didn't flinch. Shepard was so tired that it's like watching a fly ram into a lion, expecting to hurt it. The krogan caught one of Shepard's fists with his hand. Dammit! If the Commander wasn't so tired he'd be doing better than this! The alien pulls Shepard close, rearing back its head…

…just before slamming it forward into Shepard's. The Commander goes flying a few yards back towards Tali, unconscious and bleeding from somewhere beneath his hair.

"Tali! Get some medi-gel on that injury right now!" I command as I rush forward, swinging with all my might at the krogan's back. A raspy, scraping noise causes me to glance back at the cut I made, only to find a silver scratch showing through the krogan's armor.

"Didn't I tell you that you wouldn't be able to kill me, scum?" he roars, spinning a left hook into my mask. Argh! Fuck that hurt! I take a moment to regain my balance before rushing at the alien once more, slicing here, there, and anywhere my blade could reach.

I'd pushed him back on the defensive at least. He's covered his face with his arms, knowing I can actually cut it if I can't cut his armor. I keep slashing and cutting, marking his armor all over. HVB's can only do so much I suppose. I wonder if his armor is designed to prevent cuts… is mine?

That moment of idle thought costs me though. The krogan takes that precise moment to barrel his full weight into me. I'm thrown back a tiny bit, falling to the floor. "Gah! Fuck!" I yell as I grab at my ribs. If they aren't broken, then those fuckers are bruised at least. "You're faster than I give you credit for scale head," I spit at the krogan from my position on the ground.

I must have lost my sword during the hit. What makes me say that? The fact that the krogan is picking it up. "This looks like a fun little tool meatbag," he says, looking at it amused. Aw, c'mon! Again with that shit? "Hope you're ready to meet whatever gods you have. Tell them there'll be a few more humans following," he announces as he raises the sword to strike at me.

The familiar feeling of time slowing down kicked in. Haven't I been in a situation like this before?

_Omega. Just after you woke up. Batarian with a pistol._

Ah. Right. Well, I guess this is the real thing this time.

_What makes you say that? _

Well, Garrus and Ashley can't shoot because of me being in here. Even if they did, they wouldn't be able to kill him in time between his shields and krogan regeneration.

_True. And Tali has Shepard to attend to._

Yeah. So are we in agreement that we're both screwed?

_No. Are we in agreement that you give up to quickly?_

Nope. I'd say when a murderous alien is about to behead us and we have no hope of help is a reasonable time to give up.

_Well if you can't get someone else to help you, then help yourself._

…I hate it when you have a point.

_You just suck at arguing._

True. Any ideas?

_Think it through. Something might come to you._

Time slowly picked back up, the krogan's arm beginning its slow descent to kill me with my own weapon. No weapons. Except my fists and…

Biotics!

I focus on the arm racing towards me. A split second is all I have…

I want my sword back.

I want my sword back!

**I want my sword back!**

A blue aura surrounds me, propelling me towards the krogan like some sort of phantom. The short trip is ended when my biotic body collides with his armored one, throwing him back like a ragdoll as he drops my sword. I fall back to the ground, no worse for the wear from the impact.

Speaking of impacts…

"Goddammit! I think the whole place is coming down!" I hear Ashley yell through her helmet radio. Ow. My ears. I scramble to my feet, adrenaline numbing any pain I should be feeling. "Tali! How's the Commander?"

I grab my sword off the ground and hobble over to the krogan, still rolling on the ground. "He's fine, but we'll need someone to help carry him out!" the masked girl calls back.

No sooner had she said it than Garrus appeared at her side, slinging the Commander over his shoulder. "Is that all? Let's move because I don't feel like becoming a future archeological dig!"

"No…" I mutter quietly, still making my way towards the krogan. My mic must have picked it up, because I saw a couple heads turn towards me out of the corner of my eye. I don't care. "This krogan is dying right here and now."

Someone says something. Tali? Or maybe Ashley? I don't hear them. They don't matter. Killing this lizard matters. Killing this worthless, regenerating sack of shit is all that matters. I'm standing over him now. I can see the fear in his eyes, reflected with my own image.

Am I smiling?

"_Regenerate this, you son of a varren," _I spit at him before driving the point of my HVB through his head plate. Then twisting the blade. Again. And again. And again. I'm laughing. Why am I laughing?

_Because it's funny._

Yes… it is…

Then it hit me. And by it, I mean a three fingered, open hand slap from my best friend.

"Fenrir! Wake up!" Tali shouts at me. I shake my head, suddenly noticing Ashley, Liara, and the Shepard-laden Garrus running through the window that the krogan had come through earlier. "We need to leave!" I look at Tali blankly for a second more.

"**Now!**"

I nod silently, attempting to focus my thoughts on the task at hand, turning and heading for the window after my other squadmates.

###########

We'd escaped safely. I'm glad Joker was able to get here fast enough to pick our boots out of the fire. Yeah, there was fire too. The seismic event ended up as a volcanic one as well. Now, I'm shedding my armor and throwing it in my locker in the hangar bay.

I hear a groan from behind me as Garrus and Kaidan (who had rushed down to greet us) help our wounded Commander to his feet. "Glad to see you up and about Shep," I holler back to him, sliding my locker shut.

He let out a painful little chuckle. "Up, yeah. About… well maybe when I can count the number of you that I see on one hand I'll go for a little walk. Can we get Doctor Chakwas down here?"

Tali runs for the elevator opening her omni-tool on the way. "Hey, Tali! Hold up!" I call to her. I stumble my way over to the lift and nod at her as she hits the button to close the doors. She's fiddling with her omni-tool and I have the nicest feeling that it's just a way to ignore me.

"Say it. Whatever is bothering you is my fault, right?" The simple request catches her off guard. Either that, or she just really doesn't want to answer. "We're friends aren't we?"

She sighs. "Yes, we are. But I worry about you, Ben." I guess she opened that private channel again. Elevator cameras and such. "First you have a dangerous nightmare, then you almost kill me because of it, and now you're losing your sanity to brutally murder someone instead of worrying about your own life!"

I run my hand over my face mask. I don't know what's going on either, but telling her that would only cause her to worry more. "I just got too into it Tali. That's all. Lost myself in the heat of the battle."

She puts her hands on her hips. "Is that so? Because it seemed more like the bloodlust of a madman to me. Did you hear yourself?" she says, concern evident in her voice.

"Tali, listen. I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine! Honestly, I am," I say in my most reassuring voice. She relaxes slightly. "The nightmare was probably a mixture of all the stress I'd have since you found me on Omega. And, like I said, that whole deal with the krogan was just… taking it too far. Caught in the moment. I assure you that none of that will happen again," I smile at her.

I hope.

###########

**A/N: Aaaaaaaand heeeeeeeeere's Kraidle! I'm sure plenty of you are incredibly pissed at me for not updating in over a month. Believe me when I say that College has not been very pleasant. Factor in that I'm working two jobs and enjoy my "me-time" leaves very little for story writing. **

**But believe me when I say that nothing makes me want to write more like a review. I love hearing how I'm doing and trying to improve myself to make a good story for you all. (archerstar, if you're reading this, I miss your reviews!) Please tell me how I'm doing. **

**So now we have the completion of Therum. I'm no Ian Shaw, so I have no intention to draw out every mission for 4 or 5 chapters (not that it's a bad thing. I'm just not that amazing of a writer.) Did anyone notice something odd about a certain line of Ben's that didn't appear correctly? Not a typo at all people. I'll let you all ponder over that until I get further into that particular incident.**

**Please review. Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	11. Wait What?

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 11: Wait, What?_

_Just Like You – Three Days Grace_

The elevator slowed to a halt, opening the doors for Tali and myself. We walked (or in my case, limped) around the corner towards the med-bay. Man, first I'm shot by geth, then almost blown up by a colossus, then almost buried alive and killed by a krogan with my own weapon.

This cannot be classified as a good day.

"Doctor Chakwas?" Tali asks as we enter the metal doorway. The place is as clean as ever. Our Doctor Chakwas really knows how to take care of her equipment, that much is certain. Speaking of the old Brit, her head pops up from behind one of the tables or beds or whatever they are.

"Tali' Zorah! Fenrir! All back from the mission I suspect? Here for me to patch up some gunshots?" she asks in a knowing tone of voice. She's obviously used to her job. I'm sure no injury we incur would faze her in the slightest. The woman knows her stuff.

I limp forward, sitting on a table. "Well, Tali's fine. I, myself, have a lovely array of cuts and scrapes for you to examine," I explain in a cheery, proper way.

I can see Tali roll her bright eyes. Maybe I'm just not funny anymore. "Shepard got into a fistfight with a krogan and just came to. Would you be able to head down to the cargo bay to take care of him?"

Chakwas's expression is one of mild amusement. "Did he ask you to bring me down there?" she chuckles. "He's such a baby sometimes. He's gotten in worse than a krogan, too, Like this one time at a bar, on shore leave… two turians, a krogan and a _really _steamed hanar."

Okay, _that _is something I want to see. "Either way Doc, do you want us to escort you down there?" I offer her.

She smiles kindly, saying, "No. I think he'll have to have Garrus or Wrex bring him up. I have a patient right here in front of me to take care of. Miss Tali'Zorah, could you please have someone bring our wonderful Commander up here?" I try to get up to follow the quarian out, only to be stopped by Chakwas.

"Oh no, you're staying here so we can treat those gunshots. You look like something a salarian spit out." I tilt my head at her curiously. "That's a bad thing," she says wryly. Ah.

I prop myself up onto a table/bed and lay back, suddenly feeling ridiculously tired. Ugh, wow. Is this all from Therum? I didn't do much, just killed a Colossus, a couple squads of geth, and out fought a krogan in close quarters… On second thought, I did a whole damn lot! I deserve a reward. Maybe a nap…

Yeah, a nap sounds damn good right now…

###########

I open my eyes only to be greeted by the ceiling of the med-bay and the sound of quiet snoring from the bed next to me. My head is so damn foggy, like someone filled my head with the dust from that cave on Therum

I twist my neck to look, much to the protest of every muscle in my body, in the direction of the snoring only to find the back of a buzzed head. That's Shepard alright. I guess the others got him up here just fine.

I attempt to push myself up only to find that my arms aren't in the mood to support any weight. My head falls back to meet the hard surface with a loud _clunk, _causing my head to rattle in the mask. "Fucking hell…" I mutter as my eyes water a bit. Helmet or no, hitting your head is never fun.

A familiar chuckle sounds from the corner of the room. "Finally awake, are we?" came the British accent of the Doc. She always seems in a good mood, or at least entertained by my misfortune. "Good, I wanted to discuss some of the results of your physical."

I sigh. "Doc, you have a way with making things sound ominous. Out with it then. Hepatitis? Cancer? Which testicle am I losing?" I start on exasperatedly.

"Actually," Chakwas cuts in, "it's about your element zero nodes. They don't seem to be the typical kind seen in humans. They have a higher conductivity and are, in essence, capable of much more powerful biotics."

I stare a neat little hole into the med-bay floor. "So wait, you mean I'm not only an untrained biotic, but a super powered untrained biotic?"

The doctor consulted her holopad once again. "In comparison to humans and most other species, yes."

Most? "You mean to say that there's a space faring species that is my greater in biotics?"

She turns the holopad towards me. "Read the third paragraph." I shrug concedingly and lean forward.

"… Subject appears to have sizeable genitals for his age and-" a punch caught me mid-adlib.

Chakwas was glaring at me. "Please, Mr. Fenrir, have some sense of professionalism." Ugh, my humor is lost on these people. Or maybe I need to grow up.

...Nah.

I squint my eyes to read the bright orange text against the darker orange background. Whose idea was it to use the same color for both? Because they are a dumbass.

"…As far as biotics go, Fenrir appears to have remarkable innate capability to manipulate his element zero nodes. Further training is still highly recommended, however, as skill and power without discipline can only lead to disaster. Part of the reason for this massive potential is the element zero nodes themselves. They appear like every other eezo node that I've encountered, but when stimulated they activate similar to reflexive muscle movements. This aspect is only present in one other known biotic race: the asari."

Wait, what?

I blink a few times, trying to register this new information. "Fenrir? You alright in there?" Chakwas asks, tapping on my mask. I can't say I'm paying her any real attention. She says something, I hear it, I understand it, but a response just won't form.

Asari…

Man, that's got to be the cruelest twist of fate ever. "I'm gonna go for a walk, Doc. I think I'll stop back in later to talk to Shepard when he's awake," I say stoically to her as I walk for the door.

She's leaving me to walk my way out. Guess even she can read the mood when I'm being this cryptic. "Oh," I hear her say behind me. I stop for a moment to listen to her next sentence. "I'd suggest that you don't receive training from Lieutenant Alenko anymore. That's for regular biotics with normal nodes. I'd suggest an asari tutor." I can hear her sitting down at her desk. I know where this is going. "As I understand it, we recently acquired an asari crew member?"

"Yeah… thanks, Doc." The door slide open and I walk my way over to the mess table.

Fuck.

###########

The coffee onboard the Normandy could do with some work. It's like someone scraped some dirt into a cup and added hot water. Then, they threw the whole thing into a latrine and put it back in the cup.

"You must have a death wish Rook. I wouldn't drink that stuff unless it was the last fluid in the galaxy," says the LT from somewhere behind me. "I swivel around in my chair to see him standing there with the recently rescued Liara T'Soni.

The asari….

I snap myself back to reality, smiling at the pair. "How about you sit down with me and we'll have a drink to the death then Alenko?" Kaidan laughs at the quip but Liara just sits there with a nervous smile.

"As much as I'd enjoy that, I'm charged with escorting our new crew member in a tour around the Normandy." He turned to Liara. "Doctor T'Soni, I'd like to introduce another recent addition. This is Fenrir."

"Charmed," I say as I hold out my hand. She looks at it hesitantly. "Not used to a handshake, Doctor?"

"Actually, I don't often interact with others. Most of my time has been spent on dig sites with the artifacts. So I am not very good with socialization, especially with humans," she breathes out almost meekly. "I am afraid I will make a fool of myself onboard." She grabs my hand lightly. It's like everything about her is fragile and delicate.

Kaidan cuts in. "Hey, Rook, we gotta get moving. More of the ship to see and all that. I'll see you downstairs for training in a couple hours right?" Training… riiiight… Well, Liara is right here, so…

I look at him nervously, "Yeah, about that… Apparently, according to Chakwas, my eezo nodes are closer to an asari's than a human's." A blank look acts as his response. "Well, I should get training from someone with similar nodes with similar conductivity… so…"

"You would have me train you?" Liara jumps in.

"Umm, yes?"

Kaidan snaps out of his confusion just in time to give his input. "You're positive about this whole thing, Rook? I mean, I doubt Liara has taught someone how to use their biotics before, let alone _re_teaching them," he says with a slightly elevated voice. Touchy much?

I just raise my hands in a resigned fashion. "Hey man, it's the Doctor's orders," I say simply. After a quick look of confusion from the asari I add, "Not you Liara. Doctor Chakwas."

"Oh, I was confused. Humans seem to have so many ways to address one another, I was not sure if I was being referenced." Oh, man, that proper speech is gonna get to me… Liara put a confident and comforting smile on her face, saying, "I am sure I will be an adequate teacher. Just, take it easy on me? I am still not used to human expressions and… what was it called again, Lieutenant?"

"Sarcasm?"

"That's it."

I chuckle at the two. Liara seems almost innocent. It's as if she's learning all the ways of the universe from Kaidan for the first time. "Well then Liara, whenever you get settled in, come and find me and we can figure out a good time for us both," I suggest. She nods simply and follows Kaidan back towards the stairs, presumably to the elevator.

That's one problem down. How's the mental list going?

[X] Talk to Liara and Kaidan about Biotic training

[ ] Talk to Ashley

[ ] Brag to Wrex about taking down a colossus and a battlemaster

[ ] Attempt to climb the rock wall again

[ ] Take care of armor repair

Well, let's avoid Ashley for the time being. I'd rather not quite open that box of varren yet. Going down to talk to Wrex would leave me right next to Ashley's normal hangout. Same with the armor repair.

I forced myself up from the table and over to the elevator. I hit the button, waiting for the slow contraption to work its way back from wherever the two biotics took it. Time to hit up the gym! And, come to think of it, I should probably check up on Shepard too, in a bit.

[ ] NEW OBJECTIVE ADDED: Check on Shepard's condition.

###########

A quick pit stop in my room and I'm on my way down the hall. Alright rock wall, you're mine. The doors slide open and there it stands, mocking me in silent defiance.

"You think you're so tough don't you, you gray slab of shit?" I yell at it. This time I'm climbing that thing, then I'm gonna change it and climb it again, and then-

"I really hope you weren't talking to me Fenrir," comes a flanged voice to my side. I spin around quickly, facing the source.

"Dammit Garrus, don't scare me like that," I say to the turian. He's standing over on the sparring mat that Shepard and I fought on before. "No I meant the, uh… the rock wall actually. What're you up to? A little hand-to-hand combat?"

He shrugs. "A couple punches and kicks. Gotta keep as limber as I can though. I've never been exactly flexible, but my reach is normally pretty good," he says throwing a couple of quick hits at a target dummy. "Just so you know, for a rookie, you had some fairly good tactics out there today. Well, except for running straight into a colossus and a krogan battlemaster." He pauses thoughtfully before saying, "By the way, what was that biotic move you used to bring that lizard down? I can't say I've ever seen something like that before."

I scratch at my mask, trying to recall. What was going on there? "I can't really remember, all I know is that I just sort of… charged? Yeah, I charged right at him. I think I used a Push on myself, but don't quote me on that. It was more spur of the moment," I admit.

"More like, heat of the battle."

"Yeah. I was just too damn lucky today," I sigh as I adjust the dials on the rock machine. I was set to a V2 last time right? Let's try it again. "I doubt I'll be pulling crazy shit like that again anytime soon."

The turian walks over to his bottle and takes a swig out of it. What's in there anyway? Maybe I'll ask later. "Haaaa…" he breathes out after taking his drink. "With Shepard in command though, that kind of mission is gonna seem to be all we have"

"Lovely," I mutter as I grab onto the starting hold. What was the rule again? No moving the hands until my legs are off the ground. I smear one against the wall (A/N: Yes, smearing is the correct term for that action), while lifting the other to another hold. "I can honestly say, I hope I don't have to deal with some dangerous man eating bugs or something like that."

Garrus strides for the door. "Yeah, well, you never know. The galaxy is a big place after all."

"Great. Now I'm feeling wonderful about the future," I grunt from my slightly inverted position on the wall. Since when do rock walls go upside down? Is this really a V2? "You heading out Garrus?

"Yeah, I think the Mako needs a bit of work after the whole geth assault. I just wanted to make sure I was able to vent a bit in here. I'll catch you around Fenrir. You still owe me that 'Former Alliance' story of yours," he yells back as he exits through the door.

I reach for a pocket shaped hold, almost at the end now. My fingers make it in quickly, but I launched myself forward a bit too fast and the momentum swings me out, losing that slight grip. I crash gracelessly onto the pads below. "Owwww… Yeah, Garrus. I'll see ya," I groan out, rubbing my back. I hear the door slide shut.

I don't care how soft the ground is, falling on your back is gonna knock you about a bit. I guess a V2 isn't quite in my league yet. No, wait, it's the other way around. Either way, I scrape myself up off the floor, moving my wounded pride and my aching back towards the equipment cabinet by the sparring mats. I grab some of the white tape and wrap it around my hands. Not exactly my armor gloves, but it's close enough.

Armor. Damn, I have to make sure it's all patched up before our next mission. Provided I'm on the ground team again. I one of the few practice "swords" from the cabinet, weighing it in my hands. These poles are some seriously strange things. I watched as it reshaped itself into a plastic katana. I wonder where the buzzer is that made those sounds during the last match I had with Shepard.

I turn towards the practice dummy the Garrus left up. I glance at my training blade, then back to the target, preparing my stance. "Mask, run music files. Bring up the display," I command my headset. A heavy guitar line begins as the readout displays the words "Three Days Grace – Just Like You. Circa early 2000's."

Damn, how old is all my music? Maybe tonight I'll go through some of it. I rush at the target with a flurry of cuts. Swipe to the side, elbow to the face, slice at the neck, pommel to the face, high kick to the chest, and the combo kept going. Whatever part of my body was free to attack was heading towards the dummy. The impact felt so rewarding, even if it did sting slightly.

Suddenly, the same female voice from the decontamination chamber spoke up. "I can see that you are practicing swordplay against an unarmed target. Would you like to fight against a full bodied combat mech? The difficulty will be customizable."

Ugh, don't get me wrong, VI's are pretty useful. I still don't like the idea of coming back from slaughtering one form of semi conscious cybernetics to train with the assistance of another. On the other hand, it might be better practice than wiping the floor with an unarmed dummy or an inexperienced crewmate.

"Yeah, activate the mech. What are the difficulty settings?"

The voice filtered back in, "The difficulties are as follows: Beginner, Apprentice, Protégé, Swordsman, Master, and Grand Master. Please select the number and difficulty of the opponents to continue."

So I get to choose quantity and quality, huh? "Activate two Apprentice level enemies and one Beginner."

"Confirmed."

A panel on the wall opened and three fluidly moving LOKI mechs stepped out, each holding a katana like my own. "The match will be scaled as an actual fight. The weapons will make records of where each hit lands and how fatal it would be. When 'dead,' the mech will cease function and fall to the ground. While this exercise is meant to be nonlethal, accidents can still occur."

That… that just doesn't sound good. Maybe I should have started with one enemy?

"Training, begin."

Ah, what the hell?

###########

Twenty minutes later, I'm hobbling out of the gym with a satisfied smile on my face. Not only did I beat all of the mechs easily, I also beat the previous best time on it. I have to find out who Colonel Sanders is and let them know that a new challenger has appeared.

The door to my room slides open and I flop down on my bed. By all reasoning I should be tired as anything, but I'm wide awake. I can check the rock wall off the to-do list too. So what am I left with? Talking to Ashley, talking to Wrex, Checking on Shepard, and repairing my armor.

I sigh for what seems like the thousandth time since I got back on board. It was gonna happen at some point. I need to talk to Ash and settle everything. I can't believe she's so pissed at me over an accidental boob grab… actually, this sounds like some petty middle school drama.

I haul my lazy ass off my bed and change into my clean outfit, setting the other one into what I have discovered to be a cleaner of sorts. The machine whirs and begins to fill with water. Alright, I need to see her. I need to talk to her. I walk out of my room and turn around to lock the keypad when…

"Oh, my bad," came a voice as a shoulder collides with my own. I turn around to see Ashley looking at me with a smile and I can't tell if that's a teasing smile or a malicious one. I hate trying to understand women.

"No, no, my fault. I shouldn't have walked in front of the Great Destroyer of Pride," I snipe back jokingly. This will only work if that smile was a tease, which would mean she's not mad at me, which would mean that I don't need to be having this conversation with her. What. The. Fuck.

Her face suddenly twists into a pissed off expression. Uh-oh… "Listen, you and I need to sort this shit out. I don't know why you did what you did, but you apologize for it and all of this can go away," she growls at me.

"Hold up, hold up, hold up… You want me to apologize for saving your life?" I ask incredulously.

"No!" She yells back. "I'm grateful for that. I truly am!" she says exasperatedly, lowering her voice to an embarrassed mutter. "It's just the whole touchy grabby part that came after it. I can understand an accident but, you just sat and stared like a horny old man!"

"I'd say I was distracted, which is true, but you'd take that the wrong way," I explain wryly. "In all honesty, I didn't do it on purpose. You know that right?" She just looks at me skeptically. "Alright, that look hurts. Listen, I'm sorry. It was an accident. Even the staring bit. If I was staring though, to be fair, I'd probably have drooled a bit."

She apparently hadn't expected flattery, albeit a creepy, twisted form of it. The look on her face is evidence of that. "W-well, alright. I kinda figured that you were a bit more polite than that, so… uh… I'm sorry too. I acted a bit too harshly."

I raise my mask up to reveal a smile. "Alright, well, if you'd like to make it up to me, then how about you help me patch up my armor, Chief?" She raises an eyebrow. "It's got a bit of damage on it, plus Shepard mentioned something about a medi-gel circulation system being messed up. I'll pay you back when I can," I say, almost begging at this point. To be honest, I'd have no clue what I'd need to fix my armor up, and seeing as she's always hanging around the armor lockers anyway, It's as good an opportunity as any.

She lets out a sigh and pats my shoulder. "Fine, fine. When you put it like that, I have no choice, huh? You're going to be making it up to me though," she demands.

"You got it. How much do I owe you?" She pauses thoughtfully and taps a finger against her chin. Well, that's not a good sign…

"You know what? Buy me dinner the next time we have some down time on the Citadel and we'll call it even," she says with a cheeky smile. Wait, what? I glance at her skeptically. Apparently, it's readable through my mask because she continues on, saying, "Hope you have some creds because after all these tough missions, a girl like me needs to eat to restore her energy."

"Be careful not to store anything else on your body with all that food," I scoff at her.

"How attached are you to your balls, Rook?"

"Very."

"Want me to fix that?"

"Point taken."

###########

Ashley wipes some sweat of her face as she continues to tinker with my armor. "Yeah, it looks like the circuits here are fried. I'm no tech expert, but I can tell that you need a new board," she notes. "Try asking the quarian for a hand."

I lean forward to glance at the "fried circuit," and sure enough a charred black portion on the inside of my armor's chest plate stood out. "She has a name, you know. Try using it," I say, glancing at the chief. That probably sounded harsher than it was meant to, judging by the look on her face. I sigh heavily. "Okay, that was a bit much. But, really, would it kill you to use her name? I mean, she's been a big help thus far. Plus without her, I wouldn't be here in the first place."

Ash backs up defensively. "Hold up, Fenrir. Don't get me wrong, I'm not xenophobic! I just don't… fully trust the other species. I have a family history that doesn't really set me in a good position to be lovey dovey with them. Well, that, and I'm not very used to being around them."

I throw my hands back in resignation. "Hey now, don't go making me feel like the bad guy here. I can understand the whole history bit." Lord knows I have some history that I'd like to not exist. "I just owe Tali. She's had my back pretty much from the get-go, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm… protective? Yeah, I guess it would be protective."

That's about as close to the truth as I can get. True, I owe her for protecting me, but she's kept my secret and genuinely been a friend to me. I'd have probably died in the first day of waking up if not for her.

"Ah, I see," the Chief says. That tone, is that jealousy? Nah, couldn't be. "Lucky her. I wouldn't mind a guardian angel myself." Oh shit! Maybe it was jealousy.

I slam the chest plate on my armor closed and hurl it onto my shoulder. "I don't know about angel, but I'm sure I could manage to have your back too," I say as I head towards the engine core. No response comes back in return. I wonder if she even heard me.

The doors slide open, revealing the engine in all of its shining white glory. I make a beeline over for Tali, calling for her as I do. "Hey, Tali! You got a minute?"

She turns her head to look at me and waves me over. "Fenrir," she says politely. Guess that means no private voice channel. "What can I do for you?" Jesus Christ, it feels like she's being cold and polite but I can't tell if that's because we aren't alone or if she's actually pissed. Why would she be pissed though? The whole krogan thing? Guess I should play along, just in case.

"Well, Chief Williams and I were checking over my armor. You know, that whole problem with the healing agents not being distributed?" I inquired. Using big words might make things more genuine. Yeah, let's try that. "We found a fried connection and figured you would be able to use you're vast intellect of all things technological to give it a once over, if it so pleases milady?"

Okay, that came out more old timey British than overly complicated. Tali and a couple eavesdropping engineers burst out laughing. Well, at least one thing came out of all of this: my sense of humor might not work for some people, but apparently I'm still worth a chuckle or two.

"Wow, Fenrir," Tali sputters out between laughs. "Let me see the problem." I lay the suit down off my shoulder and open the panel inside the chest, revealing the charred circuitry. "Keelah, what a mess! This entire board is roasted. We'll need a new one of those for sure. If we get it in though, I can make the connections and have it operational in five minutes."

I glance down at the blackened plastic circuit board. How old was that thing anyway? It definitely looks like its run its course. "So, where are we gonna get a new one? This is a batarian military set of armor; will other industries' products work correctly with it?"

Tali nods. "Of course. These boards were universally designed and are easy to make. I just don't have the parts on board. We'll just get one on the Citadel next shore leave," she explains simply.

"Great. I really need to check with Shepard when that's gonna be. Do you know if he's awake yet?"

She shook her head slowly. "No, but I'd think it'd been soon. Is that all you needed me for?" she says, her tone saddening on the last bit. She's probably still disturbed by the whole krogan crazy madman episode.

"Actually, I wanted to apologize. About what happened on Therum… I just don't know what happened to me. I lost control of myself and I'm glad you're there to wake me up. I can't guarantee it won't happen again though," I admit uneasily. This whole thing has me spooked worse than I'd care to admit. Worse than her for certain. Does she even know what it's like to completely lose yourself?

No, it's not something I can pin on her. I shouldn't have even though that.

"That's why I'm here. I'll slap you as many times as necessary until you're you again," she replies cheerfully.

"That's a bit sadistic of you isn't it?"

"Well, maybe a little. But if you act like that again, you deserve to have your head rattling around in that bucket you're wearing."

I chuckle at her before opening my arms slightly, offering a hug. She opens her own and we have a light little embrace, even if it is a bit awkward. We pull apart and I flash a smile from my uncovered mouth.

"I'll see you later, kiddo," I promise as I walk out of the room with my armor in tow. The door slides shut behind me.

Kiddo? Really? I'm a dumbass.

###########

"Well human, it sounds like you didn't die on that stupid rock," the gravelly voice sounds from behind me. My eyes are rolling before I turn around to greet the krogan.

"Wrex. Nice to know you were worried about me."

He scoffs. "Don't go confusing amusement with concern, fleshbag," he grumbles. Damn those red eyes creep me the fuck out. "So what happened? Did you let Shepard and the turian do all the work?"

I shake my head in response. "Actually, I played a major part in taking down a geth colossus, killed my fair share of geth, and, oh yeah, killed the krogan battlemaster who was in charge of everything," I snipe at him with a satisfied smile on my face.

"I've heard more truth from a varren's asshole."

I shrug at him as I walk away. "I'm not gonna question that weird hobby of yours, Wrex. I'm also not going to tell you what to believe. Ask anyone else who went down there and they'll tell you what I did and all the mistakes I made too. I'm not perfect, but I'm not useless."

And with that, I walk over to my armor locker and stow the bodysuit inside of it. Ignoring Wrex, I open up the elevator and press the button to the med-bay. Before the doors close all the way, the krogan's hand fits inside and he slips himself into the metal box.

"I'm just getting hungry. Don't think I'm here to talk to you."

"Now why would I ever get that delusion?"

Silence descends into the elevator for a moment or two. Not the comfortable, "we're cool with each other" kind of silence either. The "This is so awkward, please kill me now" kind. To my surprise, Wrex is the one who breaks it.

"So how'd you all take care of a colossus?"

Wait, what?

I just slapped a grin over my initial look of surprise and launched my way into the story.

"Well, I was kind of a dumbass and rushed at the damn thing after getting flushed out of cover…"

##########

"Hahahaha! So, wait, wait… you're telling me that this krogan forced you so far into a corner, that you made your own biotic move to counter him?" Wrex roared. He seems to have lightened up to me slightly. After we got out of the elevator we hit up the mess. Apparently there's a fair selection of krogan food available. Not that I'd ever consider eating any of it.

I just shake my head and chuckle back to him, "The thing is, I'd be dead if the fucker didn't have his head so far up his ass! If he wasn't feeling so overly confident, he'd have finished me instead of flaunting his position for a few seconds."

Wrex nods his head knowingly. "It's a simple concept: kill now and live to gloat later. The fact that you and me are doing the latter half of it shows how well the idea works. But I guess there's something to be learned from this," he says lightly.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, don't give humans time to think or you'll pay for it sooner or later."

Actually, the more I think about it, the truer it sounds. "Yeah, on and off the battlefield. Politics, business… if you get the chance to brainstorm, then it's as good as won."

Wrex nods knowingly. "You humans have a tendency to make things far too complicated. Krogan politics? Just follow the strongest. Let the wise give advice and the strong lead and protect," the krogan explains fiercely He seems to have a good framework there.

"Sounds fine to me. Better than all the backstabbing and deals behind closed doors that politics normally entails," I concur. I take a bite of the meal I ordered. What was it called? Tuna salad? I think it's some fish from Earth. It tastes fine, but it looks nothing like a salad. "You haff ahn intaresh in politics Wrex?" I inquire before swallowing the mouthful of fish. "It sounds like you have a pretty strong opinion there."

Wrex's eyes go distant for the briefest of moments. "It's none of your business. Plus, politics are boring," he snaps. Whoa, did I hit a nerve? Well, he brought up krogan politics… "I had you wrong, Fenrir. You aren't the sap I thought you were."

Whoa, praise? From Wrex?

"Well, not the full sap at least."

Of course…

"Well, thank you for your convoluted attempt at a compliment," I announce as I stand up from my chair. "I'll be checking on our sterling Commander and see how his condition is. Later, Wrex."

"Fenrir," comes the simple one word farewell.

I follow the short walkway across to the med bay. The door slides open to reveal Shepard lying just as I remember him except he's conscious now. That's a fine little bit of luck and/or convenience. "So like I was saying," Doctor Chakwas lectures, unaware of my presence, "you really should pick your fights better than this Shepard. Fist fighting a Krogan? Haven't you done enough of that for a life time?"

Shepard apparently doesn't notice me either. "How many times has it been? That time on that hostage mission, the other time in Chora's Den… Can't have been that many, right?" he responds almost innocently.

"The bar on the Citadel with the hanar and two turians as well? The time you when one cut in front of you at a culinary establishment?"

"Oh yeah… What does the record say about that one?"

Chakwas squints at the screen. "Says here that you were fine with him cutting, but after he took the last cheeseburger, you tackled him and attempted to beat the living daylights out of him."

Shepard props himself up and shrugs. "I got it in the end. I'll be damned if that wasn't the best damn burger I ever had. Made the whole report slightly awkward, but I earned that."

I think it's time I cut in. "Short fuse, huh Shep?" Their head both snap to me sitting there, smiling. Shepard returns the grin and Chakwas just nods politely.

"Sounds about right," the Doctor grumbles, much to my amusement. "He really shouldn't be too active yet Fenrir. That shot to his head still has him a bit rattled I'm afraid."

I shrug it off. "Hey, no worries Doc. I just wanted to know a bit about our next touchdown at the Citadel," I explain as I examine one of the medical machines. As vital as these are, I never got the chance to inspect one up close.

And I don't understand any of it one bit.

The Commander leans back down onto his bed. "Our next stop at the Citadel…" he sighs. "Well, I suppose we should stop by again soon. Restock on supplies, relax a teensy bit… and maybe I should check in with the Council and confirm a few things," he decides thoughtfully. I can see in his eye's that he's already decided.

He turns his head to Doctor Chakwas. "Head up to the cockpit and tell Joker to make our next destination the Citadel." The doctor just looks at him skeptically. "What? I wanted to talk to Fenrir for a bit," he whines at her. She just rolls her eyes and stands up.

"If I find you out of that bed when I get back, you'll need some more treatment when I'm done with you," she threatened as the doors slid shut behind her. Shepard just sits and chuckles.

"That woman sure does care about her patients," he notes with a tinge of amusement before turning to me. "You remember that story I told you last time we were here? About the boy from Mindoir?"

I nod slightly recalling the facts. Batarian slavers. Vibro machete. 11 year old killer. "Yeah, did you remember something else about him?" I ask as I lay down on the bed next to his. Might as well be comfy if it's gonna be story time again.

Shepard cringes in a "maybe" fashion. "Ehhhh, kinda? I left a bit of stuff out since I wasn't comfortable with the Doc in the room." Makes sense to me. " After the whole ordeal, I told you how the Alliance carted him off for the coping of his mental issues right?"

"Yeah, I remember something like that," I nod to him. "But, if you didn't feel comfortable around the doctor with this, then why are you telling me?"

Shepard stares at the ceiling and shrugs. "You just kinda remind me of the kid. That's all." His features are darkened by something. Regret? Sadness? Whatever it is, it isn't happy. "I kinda miss him now… You see, we kept in touch. He went through therapy and rehab and everything. It isn't like he completely lost himself or anything. He knew who he was he just needed to come to grips with his actions."

I nod knowingly. "I kinda figured something like that. What happened to him then?

"Well, he got out of course! He finished the whole curriculum and came out almost at peace with everything. We kept exchanging mails and things like that. He got sponsored by some nameless big shot to attend this private academy. Apparently, the place was owned by this sponsor too, so he got preferential treatment," the Commander carried on. He paused for a moment.

I look at him for a second. "Something the matter, Shep? You're spacing out on me."

Shepard just laughs. "It's funny. Looking back now, I realize he never told me much about his classes. It was some kind of military/science school. A prep academy for the Alliance, but privately owned. All I know is that they gave him a swordsmanship course too. Ha! Lord knows that if he were around now, there'd be no way for me to beat him with a sword."

"Shep, you keep saying all this 'if he were around' type stuff. Is he dead…?"

"I'm getting to that," he continued, anger becoming more and more apparent in his voice. He's obviously pissed at this guy or pissed at the situation he got himself into. "So, We're already in the Alliance for a few years when he tells me he's serving on this spec ops frigate. The SSV Prideful." Wait, that sounds familiar… "So, he goes with his friends to a bar when he's on shore leave at Illium… Infinity, or Eternity or something… and he loses it." This can't be right. Please tell me this is a joke.

Shepard's voice drops to one laden with anger and sadness. "He was armed with that sword he so loved. He just snaps. Grabs it, activates it and massacres every asari in the place. Apparently that academy made him a biotic too, because he was using them to debilitate anyone who interfered."

No, no, no, no, no, no!

"Not a single one survived. He escaped somehow and the Alliance threw a bounty him so that the asari wouldn't come to open war from the 'act of terrorism'." Shepard's crying now. I can hardly believe this. No, I **don't** believe it.

"That man was probably the best friend I had, whether he knew it or not. That man, who was my friend, to commit something like that… I just…" he choked out between soft sobs.

I'm sitting upright. When did that happen? Damned if I know. "I… I can't imagine…" I start hesitantly.

Shepard cuts back in vehemently, "No. No you can't. You wouldn't know a damn thing about losing your best friend to something you can't even see."

I just stare at the wall helplessly. What am I going to say? That I knew a guy in the exact same situation? Yeah right, how often does that happen? Shepard wouldn't buy it. He's calming down a bit, or at least his breathing is slowing down.

I need to be sure.

"Shep?"

"Hm?"

"What, uh… what was his name?"

"What?"

"H-his name. What was it?"

"…"

"I can understand if you don't want to say, but you haven't mentioned his name at all when we talk about him."

"... This isn't something I've told more than a handful of people before."

"The story or his name?"

"Either."

He takes a deep breath before confirming my fears.

"Ben. His name was Ben Karos."

**A/N: And a show of hands for those who saw this coming! I know the author of MtM had an inkling, but what about the rest of you? I'm sure you all realized it by the time Ben himself did.**

**Review, review, review! It makes me happy! It makes me want to write more! It makes me not want to kill the lot of you! :D j/k on that last one but seriously, review! I love feedback!**

**Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	12. Conscience

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 12: Conscience_

_Odd One – Sick Puppies_

**A/N: Well, I'm sure many of you were happy with me finally getting around to updating before. I've been very busy between two jobs and classes ending a few weeks back, so please understand that I can't always get as much done as I'd like. Often times, the only chance I get to write is on the 20 minute bus ride home (I'm actually writing this note during that bus ride). So please just understand my predicament and be patient.**

Shepard takes a deep breath before confirming my fears.

"Ben. His name was Ben Karos."

I tense up. Whether Shepard notices or not, I don't know. But, it's true. I _did_ kill those asari. I _am_ a mass murderer. Even worse, I'm the long lost best friend of our captain. Wait, why is that worse? "I… I see," I mutter. "Shepard… if he's still alive, what do you plan to do when you find him?" He looks at me curiously, causing me to avert my gaze to the metal wall for the umpteenth time. "Would… would you act as a Council Spectre and Officer of the Alliance Military, or as Brian Shepard reuniting with an old friend?" I ask softly.

He just looks at the floor. He's silent, thinking and pondering. "I hadn't really thought about it," he says with wide eyes. "The possibility that Ben is alive is a high one. I don't know what drove him insane, but he was always a resourceful kid. What would I do…?" he repeats vaguely.

He stands up, determination set on his features. He takes a deep breath and then says, "I'd do what the situation calls for." He clenches his fist. "If he is still an insane, psychopathic animal," Shepard spits, "then… I'll kill him."

Well, that's lovely news for me.

"If he somehow thinks what he did was in the right then I will treat him as the criminal he is, and take him into custody," he continues.

Considering my episode on Therum, this is also not so great news.

Shepard's face softens a bit. "But, if by chance, he's the same Ben he always was… I can't say I'd act the way my status dictates me to."

Finally, a good chance for me to live. I sigh slowly. The Commander notices and raises an eyebrow. It seems he's calmed down a fair bit. Maybe I should…?

"Hey, Shepard," I begin to say. He continues to stare. Shit! My words stick in my throat. I try to say it and it won't come. What if I eventually act the same as on Therum? Will he off me? What if he doesn't trust me anyway? What if…

What if I'm not the same Ben he knew?

Would he just say that it's no good and give up on me? Would he turn me in and have me stand trial for my crimes? So many questions… so much I don't fucking know!

"Fenrir?" Shepard asks, interrupting my reverie, "Were you planning on finishing that thought?" I blink my way back to reality, with one thing being perfectly clear. I can't reveal myself now. There's too much uncertainty.

"Hm? Oh! Yeah, sorry," I sputter out nervously. "My brain got slightly side tracked."

Brian just shrugs. "Hey it happens, but what were you about to say?"

Shit, shit, shit! Lie. Make up a lie. Yeah, that'll do it. "I… I, uh… I think I had heard something after I woke up," I manage to get out. Okay, good start, now mix in some of the truth. "These mercenaries, I think Tali called the Blue Suns, but they mentioned something about hunting down Ben Karos." Perfect!

Shepard's eyes go wide again. "Really? You're serious?" he asks excitedly. I guess any news is good news to him.

I nod to him briefly before continuing, "Yeah, it seems he massacred a couple of their men and escaped them. Sorry, but that's all I could pick up." I can't say that the Commander heard me though. He's sitting there with his hand on his chin, muttering to himself.

"Blue Suns… maybe if I… but then again we still have Saren to deal with…" he says in a hushed voice. He looks up at me, asking, "This was on Omega right?" I nod my head once in response before he shakes his own. "We don't have the time to look for him. As much as I want to," he decides hesitantly, "we don't have the time."

I push myself off the bed, readying to leave. This conversation has become just a bit too tense for my tastes, especially when we begin talking about how best to find me, of all people. "I'll leave you to your thoughts, Shep. Give me a call when you want to go through the debriefing, because until then I'll be relaxing in my room," I inform him with the briefest of smiles.

Shepard just shakes his head and slaps his cheeks once. "Alright, yeah. I need to keep my mind off such things. I'll have someone get you when it's time. I should probably lie down again before the good doctor decides to use 'intensive' treatment," he grumbles, using air quotes. I'm almost out the door before he calls out to me again.

"Hey, listen! Uh, keep this whole thing under wraps would ya? It's somewhat of a personal matter for me and… well, I just don't need a bunch of people knowing about it."

"I got it Shep. See you around."

"…Yeah. Thanks, Fenrir."

###########

That night I dreamt about Mindoir for the first time…

###########

_We're running through the fields, some strange excitement coursing through my veins. Where is he? Footsteps to my right, but I can't tell where through this tall grass._

_The slightly built boy with short hair comes hurtling out of the wall of grass near me and tackles me to the ground. He lets out a triumphant yell, saying, "Gotcha! Hey guys! I caught Ben!" A bunch of other boys start merging in out of the grass. I'd get up and dust myself off if this short haired boy would get off me._

"_Ugh, get off me, Bry. You're too damn heavy!" I shout to him. He looks at me leeringly, clearly feeling superior._

"_Nuh-uh. Not until you say 'Brian Shepard is better than me at everything!'" he proclaims smugly. I just roll my eyes. I mean, for someone older than me, Brian sure was immature. I struggle my arm against his grip only to have it pinned down harder. "C'mon Ben! We're all waiting!" _

_Well, fuck that. I take a deep breath and begin, "Brian Shepard…" I pause before continuing_

"… _leaves himself way too open."_

_And with that, I spit into the young Shepard's eyes, freeing my fist and socking him one on the side of his head. He rolls off and stands back up, wiping his face. I gotta admit, he sure knows how to take some hits._

_The two of us square off, surrounded by the circle of our friends. We're crouched low, ready to pounce. Shepard jumps first and I roll to the side, almost outside of the boundary made of children. Goggles pushes me back in. That kid is pretty cool in my book. I owe him for helping with the fields the other day._

_My thoughts are interrupted as I narrowly dodge Bry's next leap, sending him right into Jenus. Jenus's a big turian though and just turns Shep back around, pushing him my way. I take advantage of Brian's lack of balance from the shove, to sweep a leg under the boy and pin him with my own body this time._

"_Now…" I pant heavily from the scuffle, "what were you saying about being better than me?" Shepard just smirks and picks me up, slinging me over his shoulders._

"_You know I'm stronger than you Benny boy! You're such a stick of a boy, maybe you should help me with the fields more," he muses as I beat my fists against his back. Every time it's like this! I'm fast, he's strong. Neither of us can keep the other in one place long enough to really win._

_I just groan. "Yeah, yeah, I do my part! I'm just…. I'm wiry! I can't hel-" I start to say, but I'm cut off by a roar growing in the distance. The rest of the group is looking around curiously, when an asari named Reida points skyward wordlessly._

_All eye's follow her finger as it points at a Batarian made ship. As we stare in silent confusion, 6 shuttles or so are dispatched from it. Huh, well, maybe they have a business proposition for the colony? Trade routes have been getting some heat from pirates according to my parents and-_

_That hope is instantly dashed as the doors to those shuttles open and batarian soldiers start to fire at us. Shepard reacts first. "Run! Get back to the settlement! And stay low!" he bellows at everyone as he takes off, still carrying me on his back. _

"_Bry! You can put me down!" I yell, keeping my eyes on the shuttles floating by. They all sped past us, rounds blowing up the ground all around us. What is this? What's going on…? I can see Jenus, ducking and running alongside Twie and Goran, the twins from a couple units down from my place._

_Brian shakes his head. "That'd take too much time! We have to get back fast!" Seeing as I was slung over his back, I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was scared. His body was shaking, and there was no way he was exhausted, plus his voice had the slightest nervous edge in the normally authoritarian tone._

_Brian Shepard, our fearless leader, was scared shitless. And there was no way I could blame him. For some reason, these batarians are attacking our homes. We have a few Alliance vets in our settlement, but if they're caught by surprise…_

_One of the shuttles peeled back from the others, which continued towards the settlement over the hill. The lone shuttle made another pass at us, firing assault rifles from the hatches. A scream sounds from behind us and I turn my head back towards it to see Goggles falling over, grabbing his right thigh. _

_Blood._

_Everywhere._

_I scream. _

"_GOGGLES! GOGS! GET UP!" my voice cries out. Brian doesn't turn around. He doesn't even stop. No, no, no, no, no! "Bry! Let go of me, God dammit!" I struggle against his grip, but he holds me down nonetheless. "Brian! What the fuck are you doing! Goggles is back there!"_

_Brian doesn't respond to me. "Jen!" he calls. _

"_Got it!" he responds, peeling back towards where Goggles fell, staying lower than any turian could. Dammit! What's happening? Why is this happening? My eyes are flowing with tears and the blaze of the setting sun stings them even more. So damn bright…_

###########

My eye's jolt open and I'm back on board the Normandy. My sheets are soaked from my sweat and my pillow from the tears sliding down my face. Holy shit. That was… that was…

It was hell is what it was.

I sigh and fall back onto my soaked bedding. Tears start flowing again. Goggles, huh? I wonder if he made it... It's like my horrifying past has become some fucked up nightly installment series. "Tune in tomorrow night for the exciting conclusion!" I say sarcastically to the ceiling, crying all the while.

I can't really say that I'm interested in seeing the continuation to that memory, but I need to know exactly what happened that day. After all, those events changed both my life and Shepard's. Brian's, I correct myself. Christ, now I have to live with this shit until… until when? Until we catch Saren? No, then he'll be able to completely focus on putting me in the slammer.

"Mask on," I mutter in the dim light of my room. The HUD of my disguise hums to life and awaits command. I can't see myself getting anymore sleep this cycle so I might as well be productive. "Open music archive," I order, patiently allowing the screen to display the mass of titles.

"_Library opened. 1,150 musical tracks are in storage."_

1,150 songs? "Approximately how much listening time estimated?"

"_71 hours, 8 minutes and 20 seconds,"_ the robotic voice replies coolly.

Well, shit. I guess I'm not getting through all that right now. "Select random artist."

There's a slight lag before the VI speaks again. "_Artist chosen. The Sick Puppies. Number of tracks in storage: two. Play?"_

That's… a very strange band name. Whatever, let's see if they are any good. "Yes, and line up the next artist," I request simply.

"_Affirmative."_

A simple little acoustic line started the song, nothing too complicated. Simple chord changes and such, until a soothing male voice came on.

_Odd one, you're never alone. I'm here and I will reflect you._

_Both of us basically unattached to anyone, or anything, unless we're pretending._

Huh. I can't really say that the lyrics of songs make sense, especially considering they're poetry with melody. And you can ask anyone that at first glance, poetry is a bunch of mumbo jumbo. Some songs, though, just come out with a pretty simple meaning.

_You live your life in your head. Some call it imagination._

_I'd rather focus instead on anything except… what I'm feeling!_

The song picked up into a simple chorus, guitars still going strong.

_Hey! It's gonna be okay…_

_Hey! We're gonna laugh at this one day…_

Note to self, mask's shuffle function has a strange sense of humor.

Tears again. Fuck, am I crying again? I can't believe this. Things just seem so fubar right now, and this random song is telling me that things are gonna be fine! I'm known among the ranks of the military as a mass murderer, I'll have to hide my face, maybe for the rest of my life, I have no memory of what kind of person I was, and I'm on a top secret mission for the government that wants me dead with my best friend from a time long past!

I feel a painful impact run up my arm. Looks like I just punched the wall. You know what? Fuck it. I stand up and walk over to my bathroom, staring out the window into space. I knock my fist against the opposing wall lightly.

Hollow plating.

Hollow plating.

Hollow plating…

Support!

I pull my fist back and let loose against the wall right at the covered support beam, breaking the skin on my knuckle. I smirk at the bloody splat and let fly another blow right at it, this time with my left hand.

It's gonna be okay, huh?

I lean back and slump onto my ass gracelessly, blood dripping off my knuckles on both hands now. You know what? I'm not cut out for this crap. I can't keep up with everyone else… even Tali outperformed me this mission.

I shake my head and sigh deeply and strip out of my military pajamas (a.k.a my boxers). I slide into the shower, not even bothering to close the door. Let the water get everywhere, see if I fucking care.

_Might even clean up some of this mess you made._

You… what in the name of our left testicle do you want?

_Just checking on you to see how you are. _A brief pause, like he's observing something. _Apparently you're full of energy._

Fuck you. You knew didn't you! You fucking knew that I knew Shepard before didn't you!

_Correction. 'We.' We knew Shepard before. And yes, as a matter of fact, I did._

Couldn't have clued me in could you?

_You didn't ask._

And you have a habit for speaking up on any other occasion.

_You seemed busy at the time._

….

Alright… You know what? I've fucking had it with you.

_Good luck getting rid of me. Short of putting a pistol to your head, you don't have much of a chance, do you?_

Maybe it'd be a fair alternative.

…_Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's slow down a sec. I die, you die, and you're okay with this?_

Why the fuck not? I shouldn't be alive anyway.

_You know, you're right. We should've been dead ten times over by now. But we're not._

Your point?

_And since you've been alive and conscious now, you seem to have people who would be rather upset with your passing, or haven't you noticed?_

…

_Shepard needs you, whether either of you notice it or not. Tali wouldn't want you wasting a life that she saved now would she? And then there's Ashley. You like her. I know it and you know it, so don't you dare try to act like offing yourself to kill me for some petty bullshit is worth it._

I hate you.

_I know._

What are you really, Lycan?

_I'm you. Or rather, you're me. Take your pick._

Meaning?

_Exactly what it sounds like._

I lean my head against the wall, supporting myself against it. Apparently I'm not gonna get any info out of him. The water's on. So are my clothes… eh, I can clean them later. At least the mask is water resistant, otherwise I'd have wrecked the hardware already

But you know what? This water feels good. Having friends feels good. Saving the galaxy feels good. I scoff in spite of myself. Here I was, ready to kill myself, and now all I want is to live life. Talk about indecisive, right?

I turn off the nozzle, watching the bloody water drain. My hands sting. Well now, that's my own dumb fault ain't it? I step out of the open stall and glance at where I punched the wall, still splattered with crimson. I should clean that up, shouldn't I?

I sigh and make my way to my room, grabbing my uniform for tomorrow and beginning to sop up the blood off the metal floor. "Mask, activate music shuffle. Open playlist maker as well." Might as well categorize some music for later. The HUD flashed open in a transparent window so I could keep cleaning my floor.

"_Restart current playthrough?"_

"Yes," I order softly.

And then that song began again.

_Odd one you're never alone…_

##########

It was a long time before I got a call at my door, and it was Garrus who came by. "Hey, Fenrir, you in there? Shepard wanted us upstairs for the debriefing," he explained casually, unaware of the bloody clothes humming in the washer just on the other side of the door.

I was in the shower at the time, humming along to some tune or another. I think it was something about an angel and a centerfold. Turns out that I had a diverse taste in music. There was country, rock, metal, some other music in a different language (I think Japanese), and even the occasional rap song.

"Mute," I'd commanded my mask. "Sorry Vakarian, I'm in the shower! Can ya repeat that?" I called towards the door. The turian complied and shouted his message to me louder. "Alright, alright!" I sighed. "Tell him that I'll be up once I'm decent!" It was kind of a pity too. I'd just realized how amazing a nearly scalding shower could be.

I shut down the flow of hot water, and grabbed my towel outside the foggy glass door. I walked back in my room, drying my hair. Garrus called his good bye and I heard his heavy footsteps jogging down the hall towards the elevator. I wiped the drops off my mask, setting the outward display to a jet black visor.

After slipping into my now clean clothes, I walked out the door, checking the time on my omni-tool. I bet my eyes were halfway out of my head when I saw that, just before I bolted down the hall, calling for some Alliance marines to hold the lift for me.

And now? Now I'm sitting here listening to Wrex grumble about us waiting on and asari to start "Some boring chit-chat bullshit." I thought I'd be the last one here, but when I arrived out of breath just moments ago, Ash had said we still needed Liara to show up.

I'd sat next to her. Ashley, I mean. She shot me a smile when I came in and tilted her head toward and empty chair to her right. I sat down gracelessly and leaned back. Stupid staircase. Wrex, who was sitting across from me, spared me a glance and a nod before he continued his annoyed mumblings.

But that was 5 minutes ago. Liara still isn't here. I throw my hands behind my head and recline lightly, my brain going a mile a minute. Considering we're going at X times the speed of light right now, that's not a good saying, huh? Brian is a childhood friend, my murderous urges over alien species, the flashbacks of Mindoir…

And going to the Citadel. Well, to be more precise it's the dinner with Ashley that has me more nervous than anything. I mean, I like her, sure, but… circumstances aren't exactly perfect for any kind of relationship besides comrades, right? Galactic threats, hidden identities, and mass murders are among the first few reasons against the idea that come to mind.

I tilt my covered and reclined head to the side to glace at her. I'll admit that having people be unable to see where my eyes are roaming is _very_ useful. She looks perfectly comfortable in the crew's uniform. It really does suit her. Hair pulled back into that tight bun… I bet she'd look stunning with it down.

The sound of the door sliding open distracts my thoughts. All eyes shift to the asari scientist who is flushed purple from hurrying to the briefing room. "S…sorry…" she gasps. "Elevator was being used…*huff puff*… had to take the stairs…" Wait, we have stairs?

Shepard motions to the last empty seat between Garrus and Wrex, which Liara gratefully collapses into. "Well, now that we're all here…"

###########

The debriefing was simple. Shepard reviewed the mission, our funds and supplies (which were both a lot bigger than I'd ever thought), and then we spoke with our new team member. She talked about her research, how over the past 50 years of researching the Protheans, she still hadn't the foggiest of what the Conduit was or what it was designed to do.

But in all her research, she'd found one thing that seemed to catch everyone's ears. Well, except Wrex. But then again, I think he's just along for the ride and to shoot stuff. Anyway, Liara told us about the Protheans being wiped out by some "unknown force," and how it seemed like someone came back and cleaned up after themselves, leaving things like the Citadel and the mass relays. Worse still, this "cycle of extinction," as she called it, seemed to have been repeating itself practically since the galaxy began. A species or a group of them rise to power, then they vanish, then thousands of years later it happens again. And again.

_I wonder when it's gonna be our turn._

Let's hope it's not in our lifetime.

_Even if it is, our lifetime won't go much past that I'd wager._

Apparently, the Prothean beacon from Eden Prime had given Shepard visions. Well, I guess they were kinda like snippets of visions based on how he described them. Liara explained that all of that was normal, since that's how the beacons work: by transmitting images directly into one's mind. "But the beacons are meant to be compatible with Prothean physiology," Liara currently muses. "A lesser mind would have been destroyed. You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander."

There was something a bit more that admiration in those words, I notice with light surprise. Shepard doesn't notice it though. He goes on about the Reapers that were mentioned by Saren in the recording that Tali recovered. He says that, as near as he can tell, the visions from the beacon showed him the Protheans being killed by the Reapers.

Needless to say, our asari is flabbergasted. I mean, it's not every day that you come across a piece of information that could bring your entire life's work to the next level, after all. As she sits there pondering, Shepard interrupts her reverie of thought, saying, "I don't know why Saren wanted you out of the picture, but I think we'll be a lot better off if we bring you along."

His offer seems to shock the scientist slightly, but she thinks for a moment more. "Thank you, Commander. Saren might come after me again," she notes worriedly. She gets up and walks towards Shepard. "But I cannot think of anywhere safer than here on your ship. And my knowledge of the Protheans might be useful later on," she offers.

"And her biotics will come in handy when the fighting starts," Wrex states bluntly.

Shepard ignores the krogan. "We've already got every other non-human species on board. Might as well add an asari to the team," he reasons out. That's not quite right though, is it? We don't have a… what were they called? Salarians? Or an elcor or hanar… actually, never mind that. That's a terrible idea.

Liara smiles slightly. "Thank you, Commander. I am very gratef—whoa," she mutters, placing a hand on her temple and wavering in place. "I am afraid I am feeling a bit light headed."

"Well, I can't really blame you," I say. "After all you've been through in the past day and a half, I'd imagine that you'd be worn a thin as a toothpick." She looks at me curiously. I shake my head and try to explain, "It, uh… it means you've been over exerting yourself. Plus you ran all the way up here. Go see Doctor Chakwas and maybe get some food. Being light headed might not seem serious, but you never know."

Shepard and Liara both nod, the latter voicing her slightly reluctant agreement, "It could not hurt to be examined by a medical professional. It will give me a chance to think things over." Oh, she must mean the whole Prothean/Reaper thing. "Are we finished here, Commander?"

Shepard nods once again at the asari. "Go see the doctor. The rest of you…dismissed!"

I walk out of the room with the others, but not before hearing Joker over the intercom about files and reporting to the Council. Ugh, I doubt I could do what Shepard does. The paperwork must be hell. I should ask him about that.

_Along with things about Mindoir?_

…Maybe.

I bump into Liara just past the doorway. "Oh! I am sorry," she apologizes quickly, slowly shuffling towards the steps. Can't leave her alone, can we? I tell Ash that I'm gonna head downstairs and go over to help my new team mate.

"You're amazing, you know?" I ask her as i move down the steps with her.

"I am afraid that I do not know what you mean," she says, puzzled. I swear, this girl needs to start using contractions or I'm gonna go insane. I shouldn't call her a girl though. She's 106 years old after all. "Like I said before, I d not have much experience dealing with your species."

I just chuckle a bit. "I meant all that you know about the Protheans. I'd have never thought there'd be so much information on a race that existed 50,000 years ago."

Her face light up at the mention of the aliens. "Oh, there is far more than most people think! Some people get the illusion that all of their culture is a mystery, just because of their disappearance. But actually, I have found quite a few interesting facts from the dig sites I have been at. For example…" She then proceeds to list off a bunch of random facts about their daily life and arts and such.

I'm only semi paying attention though. I can appreciate her passion on the subject. Hell, that's what makes her fun to talk to: her awkwardness and her smarts. But even so, fact after fact about a race of aliens that existed 50,000 years ago isn't going to quite hold the attention of a recent amnesiac. Liara notices this.

"I-I am sorry. Was I boring you?" she inquires shyly as we stop nearby the mess area. Aw, crap! Come on, act like you listened!

"Eh? Oh! No, no, no! It's just that I didn't really know much about them to begin with, so hearing all this still doesn't give me very much to go off of," I spit out hastily. "The whole amnesia thing, remember?" Ha! Amnesia…remember… I'm fucking clever.

Liara misses my inadvertent joke though. "Oh! Of course! I am so sorry! I had forgotten…"

Ha! Forgotten!

I can't help but smile at the accidental puns and just continue to head towards the office of one Doctor Chakwas. "No worries Liara. It's not something either of us can help. Unless I've forgotten some miracle machine that will restore my memories to me?" I ask with a slight bit of hope. You never know, something like that might exist.

"No, as far as I know of, we do not have that kind of machine yet," she says slightly perturbed.

As we arrive at the doors I sigh, "Well, never hurts to ask. Head on in and let the Doc take a look at you. I'll get you something to eat. Do you mind human food?"

She thinks for a split second before saying, "I am kind of fond of… what did Lieutenant Alenko call them? French fries?" I stifle a laugh and nod my head. "Yes, some of those, um… if it is not too much trouble."

"Yeah, yeah, I can do that. Now go get diagnosed," I tell her. She goes through the doors as I head over to get French fries.

French fries… you know what? I want some too.

###########

I had dropped off Liara's food in the med-bay. Turns out she was unconscious within seconds of her head lying down. I sat them on the next bed and silently crept out.

So what now? I have time to kill before the Citadel… I think. There's an idea. Let's go chat with our favorite breakable pilot. I march my way up the steps and down the long walkway that leads from the CIC to the nose of the Normandy.

"Heeeeeey! Fluffy boy! What happened to the wolf?" he asks, obviously disappointed at my new black mask display.

I grin despite myself. "Didn't think it would scare the geth. Actually, does anything scare them?"

"Just water on their circuit boards."

"Uh-huh…" I say, not convinced. I mean these are advanced machines! I'm sure they're waterproof at least.

Joker chuckles at my distrust. "Almost at the Citadel. I'd give us maybe five more hours til we dock. That is, unless there's a problem getting us clearance. I hate these traffic officials sometimes," he whines. "There was this one time just after this baby was built that some rookie salarian decided he didn't believe we were Alliance military."

"And what happened?" I ask with a smile.

"Well, Captain Anderson came out. He's a good guy and all, don't get me wrong, but he went apeshit on this guy! I mean I think this rookie was in tears because of Anderson yelling at him."

I shake my head at the thought of a salarian crying. It just seems kinda… fitting to their image. "Cut through the red tape with a pair of scissors, huh?"

Joker raises an eyebrow. "Scissors? What is this? 2012?"

I just shake my head to avoid showing more ignorance. "Yeah, yeah… I'm gonna head back."

"Alright then. See ya, Fluffy."

I headed back down the walkway, my brain stuck on that one curious thought.

Scissors.

What the fuck are scissors?

###########

"Hey Fenrir!" Shepard greets me cheerily on the steps. I'm still lost in thought about scissors. What **are** they?

"Scissors," I mindlessly say in response. Shepard raises an eyebrow, just like Joker. "Er, sorry Shep. I was just talking to Joker."

He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. "And that has to do with scissors how exactly?"

I just shake my head. "I don't feel like going through it all, but basically I said something about scissors, Joker made a quip about 2012 and then I realized: I don't even know what scissors are," I rattle off the short story.

The Commander shrugs. "Not many people do. I have a pair in my quarters from home, and that's how Joker knows. But anyway, they're an old handheld tool used to cut things. We'd use them on the farms at Mindoir every now and again."

"Fascinating," I mutter sarcastically. "You could just use vibro blades?

"Hey, you try making tiny, precise cuts with that HVB of yours and we'll see how it works out for you," he shoots back.

"Fair enough," I concede. I just wanna go back to my room and rest before I have to take Ash out to dinner. The Citadel is a big place and… fuck! I don't know any food places in there. "Hey Shep, ole buddy, ole pal? Can I ask you a favor?"

"Oh god, this can't be good if you're talking like that."

I wave my arms in front of me. "No, no, nothing bad I swear. I was curious if you knew any place that did good dinner on the Citadel?"

The raised eyebrow of skepticism strikes again. "Depends. Why do you need to know?"

Oh god, he's gonna play it that way. "Fine, ya got me. I'm taking someone to dinner," I sigh. "Gonna give me a recommendation or not?"

Shepard flashes a knowing smile. "Let's see… go for a simple place with a wide variety. Try, um… oh, what was the name again? 'Taste of the Galaxy'? Yeah, that sounds about right. Try that one. It'll cater to any race you decide to bring in there," he explains with a slight twinkle in his eye. Not gonna lie: that is one disturbing twinkle.

"O…kay," I say slowly, feeling like there's a slight misunderstanding. "Thanks Shep. Where is it at? Fancy place? Because I don't exactly have money to burn."

"Presidium, a bit past the entrance to the Citadel Tower. Go casual. Earth clothes would work, but dress to impress too." God, this is so weird. I'm getting dating advice from a forgotten childhood friend who might kill me if he knew who I was.

"Nice. I owe you one," I say, jogging down the steps.

"I'll hold you to that, too!" he calls after me.

And that is something I feel like I should be dreading.

###########

"_We should be docking around 3. Meet me by the airlock around 5, alright? Dress casual -Fenrir"_

I sent the message to Ashley's omni-tool as I lay back on my bed. Sending messages is so much easier than searching high and low across the entire ship for someone. Best not to waste time too, since Shepard is only giving us one night of leave and we're off again in the morning.

It'd be nice if things went well. I mean I like the Chief I do. She's an admirable soldier and I can see her as that, but the only times when I've looked at her as a woman…

…_is when I'm checking out that ass!_

Shut up, for Christ's sake!

But he's right. Earlier today at the briefing is the main time I've actually _looked_ at her. What am I even doing? Should I even be doing this in the first place?

My doubts are interrupted by a beeping from my arm. _Messages received._ I open up my message to Ashley to see two replies.

"_I can do that. All I have besides my uniform is some simple Earth stuff. Is that fine?"_

The second one read:

"_Scratch that, I forgot to do laundry so the uniform is still dirty, and the one I'm wearing I wore to the gym, so it'll have to be Earth clothes. See you at 5!"_

I shake my head with a smirk. "Coincidences are funny things," I say as I deactivate the omni-tool and roll over.

Unfortunately, I don't see the little word "New!" next to Tali's name in my contacts list.

**A/N: So guess what? I'm a lazy mother fucker! :D But in all seriousness, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to write this. My note at the beginning is a list of excuses but I still could have had this out last week or a bit after Christmas if I weren't so damn involved in FF13… and Fire Emblem… and reading **_**Inheritance **_**and **_**Hunger Games.**_****

**Sorry again guys! Thanks for your patience!**

**Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	13. The Last Thing on my Mind

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 13: The Last Thing on My Mind_

_Hooked on That Funny Money - Hope for the A.M._

My nap ends up rather eventful. I have dreams. Well, not ones like the memories of Mindoir, but thank God for that. I doubt I could handle another one of those right now. Not when I have something I'm looking forward to today. The last thing I want is to be haunted by memories of death while I'm on my date.

Date, huh? Yeah, that's what it is… to me at least. I could be completely misunderstanding Ashley's motives here, but let's not think that I'm a big enough fool to be that clueless. Anyway, the dreams. Me, Tali, Ash, Brian… hell, the whole crew! We'd all beaten Saren. There was happiness, celebration, and best of all: openness.

I wasn't wearing my mask. I was free. Forgiven by both the asari and by Brian, I was finally allowed to do what I wanted. Rejoin the Alliance? Or maybe travel with Tali back to the Migrant Fleet to be a witness to all she'd done on her Pilgrimage? Or, better yet, I'd stay with Ashley. I was able to choose! I was able to be free! I was….

*_beep_ _beep beep_* the mask's alarm function chimes. I mutter "Snooze," before rolling over and attempting to bring that beautiful freedom back. No matter how I try though, I'm still awake, stuck in the reality of my situation and accepting the fact that my face was still a secret.

"Cancel alarm," I sigh as I sit up on my bed, letting the black display hum to life once more. "Start playlist: Energy," I commanded drowsily, shuffling my way over to the closet. After all the organizing I did, I still have more left. I ended up filtering the songs into different tones: ones that pump me up, one that calm me down, ones for the sad times, etcetera, etcetera…

There was a simple set of Earth clothes set in the small closet for when someone was off duty or taking shore leave. I just hope they fit, because the last thing I want is this pair of pants to be sagging down below my ass. How stupid would that be?

It was a good ensemble though. It was just a dark gray short sleeve shirt accompanied by a dark blue pair of jeans that looked a little to slack around the waist for me. I slip the shirt over my head, thankful that the sleeves go down to my elbows and the bottom settles around the waistband of my underwear. At least it's not too small. I slip the pants on, hopping about on one foot as I attempt to put my other leg through the free leg of the pants. I was right. There's enough room around the waist of the pants that they sag down about an inch and a half.

I check around the closet for some kind of belt or something to hold them up. Sure enough I find one sharing a hanger with a black hoodie riddled with silver lines. I grab the belt and throw it through the belt loops, noting that it is double sided. One face was brown, the other black. A simple pull of the buckle causes a little motor to twist around, allowing the other side to be used. After playing around with this a bit, I stick to the black side and head for the door, closing up my mask to cover my mouth again. I stop in my tracks a bit before turning around to grab the black hoodie and throw it around my shoulders.

Alright. Now I'm ready! I head for the door…

Only to turn around to throw on some deodorant.

###########

After another two trips back into my room (one to brush my teeth, the other when I thought I'd forgotten my credit chit and my spare), I slide out the door, confident that all bases had been covered. I walk into the elevator which is crowded with another ten crew members dressed in Earth attire.

I start a conversation with one of them, a boy no older than his early twenties. He mentions about how he lived on the Citadel and will be going back to see his family and his girlfriend over in some residential area or another. I nod absentmindedly, focusing on the task that lay ahead of me.

"Hey, hey, Fenrir!" he says, grabbing my attention. "You're not even listening!" Well, pardon me for not being absolutely riveted by your third Christmas on the Citadel, or whatever you're telling me. "Day dreaming about a certain lady?" he says knowingly. My reaction to his question must be enough to tip him off. "I knew it! Alright, who is it? Someone you met before joining up?" he asks eagerly.

Ugh, this kid will _not_ shut up! "Not any of your business…" I spit, pausing to let him fill in his own name.

"Corang. Private Rick Corang."

"Alright, Rick," I begin to say as the elevator stops at the top. "Oh, never mind. I'm gonna go check in with Doctor Chakwas," I say quickly. Practically sprinting around the corner to the med-bay. The last thing I need is to be accompanied by an annoying and overly curious soldier when I meet up with Ashley. Lord knows we don't want any misunderstandings.

Right, just her and me.

And a dinner date.

…

Maybe I'm the one misunderstanding things.

The doors slip open and I find Liara with her back to me, stretching. I clear my throat softly causing her to jump slightly. "Oh, Fenrir. Are you about to leave for the Citadel?" Shit. I hadn't counted on anyone being here.

"Uh… Yeah! Yeah, I was. I just wanted to ask Doctor Chakwas about something, but it looks like she's not around. So I'm just gonna go," comes the excuse. Not my best. Especially with the suspicious tone of voice.

"Fenrir!" I hear the asari's voice ring after me. I flinch slightly. I had really hoped to avoid awkward situations like this and get out fast enough to avoid the troops and meet up with Ash. "The biotic training that we had discussed previously…" she starts hesitantly. My look of confusion prompts her to continue. "From when Lieutenant Alenko first introduced us formally?"

"Oh! Right!" I say as the memory resurfaces. "Yeah, yeah! When are you good for that?"

"Hmm… I believe that I will be fine after I have rested up. So how about tomorrow at… how would you say it in the Alliance? Oh- nine hundred hours?" she inquires.

I chuckle and nod my head. "Yeah, that'd be it. In the gym, then?"

Liara nodded excitedly, saying, "Yes! I am rather excited, I must admit. I have never taught anyone about anything but the Protheans…"

I glance at the clock on the head up display of my mask. Fuck! I start speaking rapidly. "That's fine. You'll do fine. I gotta go. Meeting! Person! Place!" I yell behind me as I dash out of the med bay and up the stairs, leaving a bewildered asari behind me.

###########

Two minutes before 5 - er, seventeen hundred hours – I arrive panting at the airlock. What if she's out there already? I'm not late. Doesn't matter though, because whoever is there last is late by default. At least it normally feels that way.

Any thoughts about being late that I had are swept away as the hatch opens and I'm face to face with…

Tali.

"Oh good! I was afraid you'd forgotten!" she says happily. I've obviously forgotten something. Question is: what the hell was it? I'm clearly missing a piece of the puzzle here. Did Ashley somehow transform into Tali? Or maybe I'm hallucinating for some reason or another.

I poke Tali in the shoulder to test if I'm going crazy. "What are you doing, Fenrir?" she says curiously. Nope! Really Tali!

"Er…Uhh… Nothing! Just got lost in a thought. That's all," I say, dismissing my action.

Tali just crosses her arms and shakes her covered head. "Well you better pay more attention to the hardware instead of my suit when we're shopping," she reprimands me. Hardware? Shopping? Then recognition dawns on me. The armor circuit board! Right!

Wait… Did I ever actually agree to go shopping with her to get that?

"Tali, did we ever discuss going out to get the circuit board aside from 'the next stop at the Citadel'?" I ask. As far as I remember we hadn't. But this is coming from the guy who forgot about the circuit board all together.

Tali freezes for a second before sighing heavily. "That's why I sent you the message, which I'll assume you didn't get," she says. I bring up my omni-tool and check my inbox. Sure enough, there's a message from the quarian.

"_Hey Ben! Meet me around 5 when we dock so we can go get that circuit board for your armor, alright?"_

Well, I believe I've been up these waters before. What were they called again? Oh yeah…

Shit Creek.

I smack my hand to my mask in irritation. Of all the rotten luck… "Yeah, I didn't see it before now. Sorry, Tali," I apologize, hoping by some miracle that it'll be enough.

_You're __**SO**__ boned._

Tell me something I don't know.

"Well don't apologize. We can go anyway since you're here," she says with a shrug, grabbing my hand and dragging me towards the C-Sec lift.

Shit, talk fast Ben! "U-uh, actually Tali… I was here because I was heading out somewhere else tonight."

She looks at me, more confused than ever. "What? Where?"

And then, as if on cue or maybe by some cruel twist of fate, Ashley Williams walks out of the airlock hatch, her reaction being a mixture of mild surprise and entertainment. She wore a slim pair of jeans and a dark magenta t-shirt the clung to her quite nicely, her hair up in its signature bun.

We all have one of those awkward moments where two sides just stare at each other, one side knowing it's a weird situation that they just walked in on and the other side being that situation. Holy fuck, this silence is so uncomfortable that I think I'm chaffing. Tali looks at Ash, then to me, then to Ash looking at me, then to me looking between the two of them. You can practically see the light go off above her head.

"You mean… You two- … but what about-?" the confused alien starts to babble.

Ashley clears her throat with a cough. "I'm not gonna say anything," she announces quietly.

Great. Leave me the burden of breaking the news.

I sigh and turn to Tali who dropped my hand in confusion. "I promised I'd treat the Chief tonight as an apology for all that shit on Therum between us," I begin to say before pausing. "Wait… It was more like she did me a favor by checking over my armor as an apology. _Then,_ I offered to pay her for the repairs. And _**then**_, she decided to make me buy her dinner instead." I swivel around to Ashley. "Does that sound about right?"

"I'm not saying anything," she repeats simply, with a hint of a chuckle at the whole situation.

"Some help you are."

"So," Tali says while my head is turned. "You mean to say that, before you even came to me about your armor, you had made plans for dinner?" I can't tell if that's hurt or anger slipping into her voice. I nod slowly, feeling like a great predator has me in its sights.

She just sits there for a moment, hiding her eyes behind her three fingered hand. "Alright. Fine," she says, defeated. Huh? The quarian notices my confusion. "I said that it's fine. You just should have mentioned this earlier." This isn't exactly something that I want to become common knowledge though. Not that I'd admit it.

"Sorry, Tali. Here," I hand out my spare credit chit. "That's all yours. Some to buy the part and whatever is left is payment for helping me out with this… and for not being ridiculously mad at me right now."

"You might want to retract that last part," she observes. Guess I deserve that. Rule number one about arguing with women: 'You're always wrong. Start apologizing now.'

"Sorry…"

Ashley steps in at this point. "Hey, sorry to cut in, but I'm starving and you're kinda sending my meal ticket on a guilt trip here," she says to Tali. The Chief grabs my hand and drags me towards the lift, mimicking our teammate's earlier action. "Have fun shopping!" she calls behind her as the elevator doors slide shut.

###########

Tali sits and watches the two humans disappear, her hopes sinking along with the elevator. Dammit! This isn't how it was supposed to go! Stupid Ben!

_No, stupid Tali is more like it,_ she thinks to herself. _I'm the one who assumed that we were going together. I'm the one who didn't communicate with him._ Footsteps sound right behind her.

"Huh," Commander Shepard says with slight surprise. "So that's what it looks like." Tali turns to face her human CO. As far as she's concerned, Shepard is a strong leader. The Admiralty Board could learn a thing or two from him, human or not.

"That's what what looks like, Commander?" she asks sullenly. The last thing she needed was more people knowing about her embarrassing moment just now. Not that Shepard is the type to go spreading things around, as far as she could tell.

"Falling in love for the first time," he says simply. Love! But… but…

Tali tilts her head in confusion. "Maybe I missed it Commander, but I didn't see love in there. Something more casual maybe, but not love," she notes doubtfully. Or was it more of denial than a notation?

Shepard shakes his head, eyes still focused on the elevator shaft where the two descended moments ago. "You're like them. You don't know what to look for," he says simply. Tali can't help but reel back a bit like she was bitten by the words. He'd hit the nail square on its metaphorical head. Tali has never been in love. The only thing close was her love for her father, but these are two completely different examples.

"I didn't realize you're a philosopher, Shepard," she snipes back sourly.

Shepard just smiles. "No, my head isn't that far into the clouds yet. I'm just a bit more experienced that you, Miss Tali'Zorah," he reassures her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "C'mon. Let's go."

Tali is pushed forward by the Commander to the C-Sec lift which is slowly coming back into view. "Go where?" she asks.

"To get that circuit board obviously," he answers with a smile.

###########

This should be the last thing on my mind right now.

_Well, you better make it your first. Like it or not, it's happening._

I like it, don't get me wrong, but it this really the time?

_Oh? And I guess you can just take her out somewhere charming on the next slag heap the Shepard sends us to?_

Point taken.

_And you shouldn't be talking to me anyway._

"Hey there! Alliance to Fenrir!" Ashley says, rapping my mask with her fingers as we walk out of the elevator. I snap back to reality. Ironic choice of words. The last thing I want is the Alliance trying to contact me specifically.

I shake my head, clearing away such thoughts. "Sorry. I was just feeling bad about Tali. That's all," I say, the excuse coming naturally. I should not be such a smooth liar. Ashley buys it simply enough, her face dropping slightly.

"Yeah, I feel kinda guilty too. But I technically had dibs on you first," she says with what I think is a tinge of pride.

"Dibs? What am I? The last slice of pizza?" I ask incredulously. I still can't help but chuckle and shake my head though.

Ash nods, leaning in to inspect me. "If we throw some tomato sauce on you and roll you through cheese, you might just pass as one," she says. What the hell? She's actually thinking about it?

I shake my head again. "Hell no! I don't know if Wrex likes pizza, but he might try to fucking eat me or something!" The last thing I need is to be chased around the Normandy but a giant, biotically enhanced krogan battlemaster while dressed up like an Italian dish. "Actually," I say, thinking out loud, "I can kinda see that."

Ashley gives it a thought for a second and bursts out laughing. "Oh my God! That would be priceless," she roars as we approach the quick travel terminal. "We could arrange a betting pool on how long you'd last!"

I grin and glance down at the holoscreen, setting the destination for the Citadel Tower entrance. If Shepard wasn't lying to me, the restaurant should be pretty close. "Wanna rig it? You bet on one time and I'll keep a timer and let him catch me then and there?"

"That depends. You want a share of the winnings?"

"Provided that I'm not dismembered or decapitated? Yeah, I'd definitely like something to cover hospital bills," I say, opening the door to the floating vessel that would take us to our destination. It inside was simple. A "driver" and passenger seat and then a bench seat in the back for other passengers. "How good are prosthetics nowadays anyway?"

Ashley slipped in and sat down in the passenger seat. "Good enough that you'll forget it isn't your own," she shrugs. All of a sudden her eyes light up. "Oh! That reminds me of a story about a friend of mine and his fake arm!"

I let out a "Ha!" and slide into the vehicle as well. "Alright, spill. I can tell this is gonna be great."

She just nods her head excitedly. "Oh, you'll love it," she assures me as the door slides closed. "So, Aren loses his arm trying to fix up this stupid engine…"

###########

A few minutes later, the two of us are leaving the simple vehicle in hysterics. "So…so… Hahaha! You're telling me," I say between fits of laughter, "he actually _took off _his arm and started chasing her around and hitting her with it?"

Ashley nods, grinning like a lunatic. "It was great! She deserved it too after the entire mess with his dog," she says in Aren's defense. "Where are we off to?"

The strip of the presidium is as overly white as it was when I visited here with Tali before. Bridges crisscross the lake with the statue of a Mass Relay in it. I swear there's some kind of humming coming from it. I glance around in wonder a little bit when the laughter subsides.

"Supposedly it is right down this way," I say to Ash, pointing farther away from the Tower's elevator. "_Taste of the Galaxy_ or something like that." We walk along, chatting about little unimportant things. Ash's friends and their exploits, things we do at the gym onboard the Normandy, making a little fun of each other's shooting skills, so on so forth.

"Hey, is that it?" she pulls at me, pointing towards a green holo sign. "_Taste of the Galaxy_… That's what you said right?"

"Yeah, unless I got it wrong. Supposedly there's a bunch of different dishes for all kinds of species in here," I say thoughtfully. Suddenly, I remember something she said about her family history. "Wait, that means there'll be plenty of aliens in there. You alright with that?"

She just brushes it off, saying, "Yeah, yeah! Just because I don't like them on a ship, doesn't mean I can't eat around 'em." Well, can't argue with that. I push the door in, holding it open to let her pass through.

_Aww, perfect little gentleman._

Stow it.

The inside is that of a simple family restaurant with booths back to back against windowless walls. The entire place was lit by blue running lights along the edges of where the ceiling meets the walls. The lights reflected off the ceiling first, making everything else seem slightly darker by comparison. An asari is standing at the front pedestal console. From this side of it, I can make out the floor plan of the whole place, plus which tables are occupied and their capacity. Looks like it's a steady night, but not a busy one for them.

"Ugh, finally. I think my eyes were starting to hurt from all the white outside," I groan. The asari looks up at us with a friendly smile as we walk up. Good smile too, if you ignore the flicker of confusion/horror when she notices my mask.

"Welcome!" she chimes. "How are you both tonight? Table for two?" No, that's fine. Don't give us a chance to answer your first question or anything.

"Yes please," I say politely, waiting for the asari to lead us away. She doesn't. What she does do is stare at me expectantly. "Um… ma'am?" I ask, still trying to be polite. "Is there something on my mask?"

The asari shakes herself from her trance. "Oh! No! Sorry… It's just that we prefer that our customers aren't… so mysterious." I'm more confused than ever now. Having a mask makes me mysterious? I thought mysterious was reserved for heroes who save innocent bystanders from the dangers of a city after dark.

"She means that she wants the mask off, Rook," Ashley whispers to me.

"Wait, why?" I say, confused. "What about quarians?"

The asari gestures to a nearby table where a couple of quarian customers were enjoying… something. Some kind of paste I think. And they had their masks on too. "Well, our quarian patrons would die in this environment without their masks. For a human like yourself, the mask isn't needed to live," she explains, still smiling.

"That's… debatable," I say, grimacing at the reminder of my notoriety.

"Oh, do you have some kind of immune deficiency?" the hostess says sweetly. Ugh, I don't know how she does it. I could never be this nice to someone. Suddenly, an idea dawns on me.

"Actually, yes. Would you mind if I kept my mask on for my meal?" I inquire. Ashley shoots me a questionable glance but says nothing.

The asari nods understandingly and leads us to a small booth in the corner. "Yes, but we'd prefer if you at least show your face. Here are your seats." I nod changing the display to a fake face that was stored in the memory. Like he'll I'm showing my face here. This little booth thing that she called our seats was obviously made to seat two; unless the third person was gonna sit on someone's lap.

We sit down and both get menus in the form of holopads. "Now then, pick your species and we'll list all the available food that we can make. If you're feeling adventurous, you can try other species dishes as well. Just be aware of the difference in amino acids. Once you choose your dish and drink, it'll be out as soon as possible," she finishes off with that smile before walking back to her podium.

"An immune deficiency?" Ashley asks me incredulously.

"Hey, mask has to stay on unless you want your time knowing me to be cut incredibly short." Silence falls across the table as we both study the menu with unnatural interest, occasionally pointing out a certain dish. I'll admit: this place has the widest variety of food I've ever seen. You want Italian? Done. Mexican? Japanese? All of it, at a reasonable price too. I think my wallet is gonna like it here.

Unfortunately the conversation has fallen in lieu of browsing for dinner. Thus far, Ashley's been the one making all the conversation too. Time to be witty and charming! "You know," I say, getting her attention. "I gotta wonder what krogan food is like."

Oh yeah, smooth one, Ben.

Ashley lets out a laugh. "Yeah, good luck with that. You'd be digesting that stuff for years," she tells me. "I had a friend say he saw a krogan so hungry that he ate a rock."

"That… yeah, that doesn't surprise me," I say uneasily. "All of a sudden my curiosity is quelled. Unless you wanna try a dish and tell me how it is," I hint, egging her on.

She looks at me and waves her hands in a sign that could only mean "no way". "Yeah, right!" she laughs. "I'd at least like to live through the next week!"

"Fair enough," I shrug, turning back to the menu. To be honest, I don't have the stomach to eat krogan food, let alone digest it. "Ooh! Chicken pot pie!"

###########

Oh yeah, chicken pot pie. Ashley settled with some kind of soup called New England clam chowder that I'd never had before… at least as far as I know. She insisted I try some, too. I caved in after a while, trying to distract myself from the fact that there was only the one spoon she got with her dish. What kind of restaurant doesn't give you a full set of cutlery?

I sigh, satisfied with my meal. Ashley looks equally content, especially with three empty bowls sitting in front of her. "Alright, spill," I demand. "What's with the discomfort about aliens?" It's been biting at me more and more since she first mentioned it back on the Normandy.

Ashley glances around, uncomfortable. "Short version of the story alright with you?" she asks nervously. I'll admit, I'd rather drag out the conversation to avoid awkward moments, but I think pushing the matter would make things more awkward and faster.

"Sure, suit yourself," I say with a smile. "Last thing on my mind is making you uncomfortable."

She eyes me curiously. "Then what's the first?"

I open my mouth to answer before I stop myself. "How about we have that story first?" I counter. Not my best, but the last thing I wanna tell her is how that tight shirt has been becoming an increasingly common focal point for my eyes.

_Perv._

Hello, Kettle. I am Pot. You're black.

_Touché._

Ashley sighs before shifting into her story. "Well, short version it is. In essence, my family helped fight in the First Contact War." I rack my brain for a moment. That was when humans and turians ended up duking it out after we found that technology cache on Mars.

I nod knowingly. "So you don't like turians?" I ask simply. If it's just them than I can't really understand her initial dislike of Tali.

"Ehhhh… not quite," she admits hesitantly. "See, this family I mentioned, my grandfather namely, was in charge of a military garrison and ended up surrendering it to the turian fleet." She smiles bitterly, saying, "There's a reason my rank isn't higher than Gunnery Chief, Rook. That surrender was a disgrace and it's stained my family's name since. After all, we were the first people to ever surrender to aliens. The superiors still can't stand that part of my family's history and so I was stuck groundside all the time. I request a transfer to a ship? Denied." She takes a deep breath to calm herself before she goes completely nuclear. "I don't _hate_ any of the ones we have on board… Aliens I mean. Garrus, Tali, Liara… and Wrex too I guess, I just simply don't feel like I can trust them completely… yet," she finishes slowly.

I can see where this is all coming from. Can't say that I can imagine being so good at something and being held back for bullshit reasons. I scratch at my exposed chin. "Kinda odd when you think about it. I mean, you can obviously trust them enough to keep you from getting shot in the back by a bunch of geth," I tease her.

She shakes her head like I don't understand something. Apparently she's right too, because it seems like valid argument to me. "Never said that, did I? I was counting on you and Shepard far more than Tali or Garrus on Therum. Hell, I was actually kinda overly paranoid," she chuckles to herself.

"Uh-huh," I slowly say. "It's just my opinion Ash, but I think that they're more dependable than most humans I know for the most part." That was my own little jab at myself for letting Tali get shot the last time we were on the Citadel. And for all the other shit I caused too, actually.

"Hey, everyone's entitled to their opinion, Fenrir," she shrugs. I can't help but smile at her understanding of my position. She can certainly be an amazing person sometimes… at least until she says, "Yours is just stupid."

A frown becomes evident on the fake human face displayed on my mask. "Hey now…" I say defensively. She just grins widely as our asari hostess comes by with our bill, which is yet another, slightly smaller holopad. I glance over it, clenching my jaw slightly. Ashley wasn't kidding about eating a lot and my chicken pot pie was kinda up there in price.

I slide my credit chit into the slot provided along the edges of the pad, visibly wincing at the chunk that's taken out of my credits. All in all, I should be happy to have this much left. Hell, if the other me hadn't kept the credit chit from before he lost his memories, then I wouldn't need to be worried about something like this.

"So, what's the damage?" Ashley asks with a broad grin. Oh, she knows how much she's costing me, but it's not like I can let her know that it hurts me any.

"This?" I ask, gesturing at the holopad as it completed its transaction. I scoff, in an attempt to bluff away the feeling of poverty, "Nah, I'm still good for a while. Not to mention that the Alliance has our meals covered.

"True, but they don't have good clam chowder. It's like hot milky water whenever the military supplies it," she pouts.

I stand up from our almost uncomfortably small booth. I stretch as if I've just woken up before I realize that I'm still in a public restaurant. "Come on, I'm sure there's still something worth doing on this station," I tell her as I hold out my hand.

She grins that winning smile back at me, amused by my lack of social graces. "How about we…"

###########

… go to a dance club.

I'll admit, it wasn't my first thought for tonight. I expected to maybe go to a vid later or something not so… public. Maybe I'm just a quiet kinda guy? Hell, something more like Chora's Den would have been better than this. Then again, it's not like we're on speaking terms with the remaining staff members. And it's a strip club. The topic of Fist's old business front had actually come up in idle banter while we were on our way over, leading Ash on this tirade about "10,000 lightyears away from where humanity began," and something about naked women on a stage. After that, I kinda let my common sense tell me that going there again isn't something I'll be doing as long as I'm alive.

Flux is filled to the brim tonight. Asari, some salarians, and more than a few humans filing in and out of the doors make it abundantly clear that everyone wants to relax tonight. We pass plenty of our fellow crew mates from the Normandy. I can only pray that they are too wrapped up in the evening to notice their Chief hanging suspiciously close to the masked Rookie.

I'd left my mask on the human face. I would have felt kinda bad about taking Ashley out tonight and making it look like I am ignoring her. Plus, it mimics my reactions with negligible lag, so it's better than nothing. Keeping the face on was a good move on my part though. It let the bouncers at Flux not even glance twice at me as I passed through the doors.

Ah, the atmosphere of hundreds of people with hormones raging out of control, only further encouraged by alcohol. Lovely. Just, simply lovely. Some of the less modest women and asari in their Citadel fashioned attire were grinding close on some men in Earth threads. It's amazing how people can just get up the courage and do that sort of thing.

Me? I sidle my way right over to the bar with Ash in tow. I settle down on a stool, waving over the volus bartender. "I want something that will make me wish I didn't want it!" I yell at him over the roar of the electronic beats of whatever song is playing right now. Catchy rhythm and, hey, that's all you need in a club. The volus nods and looks towards my date.

"Same as my mysterious gentleman," she says mischievously. Apparently, she's feeling competitive. I shoot her a sidelong glance, to which I get a simple shrug.

"You really wanna try to drink with me? You do realize that men can naturally endure more than women right?" I quip at her.

She's all smiles and sunshine tonight. She does that smile again, putting me off slightly. That can't exactly be a good thing, can it? "Rook, I've been drinking for as far back as you can remember," she brags, pumping a fist against her chest as if to prove her integrity. I stare until she realizes the mistake in those words, laughing when it finally hits home.

"Bad example, Ashley," I say as the volus comes back with two vibrant green drinks in full size glasses. I turn to him before he leaves, asking, "This ain't gonna give me a tumor or nothing, will it?" That kinda green should be reserved for nuclear waste, which I hear has very limited research or applicability nowadays. Maybe the color is just from the lighting…

"Rest *kuuuuk* easy, Earth clan. *kuuuuk* I didn't use any *kuuuuk* ryncol or turian liquors, so *kuuuuk* it should be safe for you to drink," he says, interrupted by that wheezing inhale that his race is prone to. I wonder if quarians and volus, er, voli? If they have common evolutionary ancestors. After all, they both live their lives in exosuits.

As I'm pondering this thought, my date suddenly decides to take her drink to the head, downing it all in one sitting.

"Haaaaa," she breathes out as she slams her glass back down. "I should have gotten more to drink at dinner! I was parched!" she exclaims simply.

"Did you just compare this biohazard of a drink to water?" I ask incredulously after raising my mask's mouth piece and taking a sip. It burns going down, like any other alcohol. Probably closer to that of whiskey. The odd thing is that it's sweet too, like a wine.

She looks at me, staring a challenge in my direction. "It might as well be, as far as I'm concerned." Oh, that's it!

"Cheers," I say, raising my glass slightly in her direction. I tap it once on the bar and tilt the glass back so the sweet, burning alcohol slides down my throat.

Holy fuck, that burns!

I slam my empty glass down on the bar again, heaving out a heavy breath as my eyes water. I fight off a slight wave of nausea as the liquor sinks into my system. "T-two can play at that game," I say breathlessly. Ash just grins and waves over the bartender for another round.

Something tells me that tonight is going to drag on… and on…

###########

And for the nth time, I down the sweet, burning drink, breathing out a hearty sigh as I finish. "Thish ish shome good stuffffffffffff," I slur out. I'm not that drunk… I'm just having a hard time Englishing. Englishing, Englishing, Englishing…

"Englishing…"

Ashley glances at me through cloudy eyes. "Wuzzat?" she asks as she waves another round our way.

I dunno.

It takes me a second to realize I had never actually said it. "I dunno," I repeat slowly, making sure I could hear myself say it over the rhythm from the club's music. "H-hey, Ashley," I yell, probably a bit too loudly. But louder is better right? Being loud is fuuuuuun!

"Hm?" she glances at me.

A couple new glasses of the acid green concoction come our way. Both of us down our glasses before I ask the question. "Wha d'you think our chances are of living past this whole… missiony… questish thingamajig?"

She shrugs. "I'm too buzzy tryin to stay live til 'morrow," she groans. "This stuff isn't helping," she says, motioning to her empty glass.

"We done?"

"We done."

I try to slide my credit chit into the pay slot on the bar for what feels like hours. Eventually Ashley pitches in and tries guiding my hand into the slot with her own two. This also, doesn't work. Stupid credit chip!

"Get in there!" I yell at the chit, getting a laugh from Ash.

"Heehee… Thas what she said!" she giggles at me. I can't help but laugh at it too. I mean, that's fucking funny. Whoa, things need to stop spinning…

Finally, the chit goes in. some little bright display comes up and shows me numbers, but I don't care bout numbers right now. I care bout…

"Bed."

"Bed?" Ashley asks, confused.

"Bed."

"Bed," she agrees.

We pick ourselves off our stools and stumble out of the doors, trying to make our way back to the Normandy. I keep thinking about how I'm not being a perfect gentleman and sling Ashley's arm over my shoulder to help her along. I think it's about the time we hit the elevator to C-Sec that I'm practically dragging her because she fell asleep.

"Hey!" I yell at her, causing her eyes to open a bit. She mumbles something I can't quite hear. "Wuzzat?" I say, trying to get her to speak up. She tries talking again.

"Bed."

"Bed?"

"Bed."

"Elevator," I say, hobbling into the one that would lead us up onto the docks where the Normandy will be waiting for us. The turian at the desk gives us a look. I think he's just jealous that he didn't get any green stuff. I wave at him with a big smile, trying to be nice. I think I'm trying to talk to him as the doors close, but it just comes out as drunken jibberish.

And that's the last thing I remember.

###########

_Sun's setting. We're still moving. Brian hasn't moved to set me down either. Jenus caught up, carrying Goggles who has a blood soaked right leg. We've finally reached the edge of our settlement. Gunfire can be heard from somewhere between the rows and rows of white metal containers that served as our houses. Somewhere, an explosion sounds and a pillar of smoke rises from down a ways._

"_How can this happen?" I mutter as we stop on the edge of our colony. I can't tear my eyes away from that pillar of smoke and the pale orange sky of twilight. _

_Brian sets me down finally, giving me chance to stretch my legs. Jenus is still carrying Goggles, flanked by both Twie and Goran. Reida is hugging herself and silently sobbing. I want to go over and hug her maybe, but I'm just as scared myself, even if it doesn't show. "We're going to my house," Bry says with finality. _

_We all glance at him in confusion. He's staring straight ahead, not looking at any of us. "My family has a safe room behind a hidden door to the basement. They told me the password so I can get us in." _

_Twie cuts in angrily. "What? You want us to abandon our parents to fight against these batarian lunatics?" Twie is a small little girl. Flaming red hair, shorter than me by a head, and always willing to speak her mind. Her identical brother, Goran, nods his assent._

_Brian whirls on her suddenly. "What the fuck do you want me to do Twie? You think that any of us, even me or Jenus, stand a chance against a full grown batarian mercenary?" He's furious, that much is plain. That same nervous edge from before is creeping in too. He wants to help. "I'm not going to throw our lives away in a fight where we won't make a difference! Hell, for all we know, we'll just be in the adults' ways!" He stops yelling, and takes a few deep breaths._

_Twie has retreated behind Jenus. I can't blame her. Brian is scary when he's angry. "Bry," I say softly, "Lead the way, alright?" He nods, jogging and keeping low as we sneak in between the various "houses." _

_He's still murmuring. "I won't let them die. There's no way in hell that I'll let any of them die…"_

###########

My eyes flash open, only to be met with the darkness of my deactivated mask. "Active, I mumble softly, causing the HUD to hum to life once more. What the hell happened last night? I sit up slowly, trying to ignore the painful throbbing in the back of my head.

Ashley and I went to dinner, then to Flux, then proceeded to get piss drunk, then… what? I remember heading back to the Normandy. I glance around in the confirmation that this is, in fact, my quarters on board. Sure enough, the familiar blue walls and open, yet empty closet tell me that this is my current home.

Ugh, what's that sound? Maybe it's the engines. No, wait, they don't make any noise. I glance out the window. Looks like we've taken off again. So that sound can't be rain, even if that's what it sounds like.

Wait a tick.

I turn my head to the open bathroom door, finally recognizing the sound of my own shower running. I get up groggily and walk my way over.

"Jesus Christ! Knock, will ya?" Ashley yells at me from inside.

The last thing on my mind from last night just became my biggest concern.

**A/N: Ta-daa! And so we have confusion! Feels good to put up another 7,000 word chapter. I want reviews people! Tell me what I'm doing right and wrong. I need to know after all.**


	14. Regret, Decision, and Action

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 14: Regret, Decision, and Actions_

_Best I Ever Had – The Swellers_

__**A/N: 9,000 words. Longest chapter to date. It's 1:30 am... I'm going to bed.**

I'm fucked.

I'm fucked.

I'mfuckedI'mfuckedI'mfuckedfuckedfucked.

Ashley and I just stare at each other, taking in both our own surprise, and the awkwardness of this encounter. I flip back out into my room with my back against the wall next to the door frame. "S-sorry!" I yell back to her. I can't tell if my face is hot from the situation or the steamy shower she's taking.

"No worries!" she calls back, a nervous edge barely worming its way into her voice. I slump down, leaning my head and mask back against the wall. What the fuck happened last night?

I repeat the thought aloud as a mutter. No response comes from the bathroom or anywhere else in my room. It's not like I expected my bed to tell me. Lord knows that if it could talk, it would probably tell me. I hear the water stop and after a few minutes Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams walks out wrapped in nothing but a towel.

_Kill me now, because this is the happiest I've been._

I would if I could.

Ashley glances down at me with a sweet smile. Her wet hair, let loose from its tight bun, is just amazing. I sit there, awestruck, before I try speaking. "Uh… um, sleep well?" I manage to spit out. I'm more nervous about this thing than she is apparently.

She nods once before glancing around the room for something. "Yeah. You're pretty comfortable," she says, not meeting my gaze which is slowly being dragged from her face. I chuckle nervously at that comment. Oh man, how far did things go last night?

I raise my hand to the back of my head. I know one thing at least, and that's that I'm never so much as touching anything that looks neon green ever again. "My fucking head…" I groan out as I rise to my feet. I gotta ask her what went on between us last night. I have to know. "Ashley… about-"

"Aha!" she calls as she walks over to a pile of Earth clothes, both hers and mine. "You really gotta clean up this room Fenrir. The fact that a girl can't even find the rest of her clothes is pretty bad," she admonishes me. I'm too frozen in fear of this new development. Her clothes and my clothes… in a heap… right next to the bed.

She grabs her jeans a clingy t-shirt and walks back into the bathroom. "What were you saying though? Before I interrupted I mean," her voice asks from the bathroom.

Now or never. "Right. About last night… what happened? Last thing I recall, we were both headed back up to the Normandy, drunk off our asses." I stop and think for a moment. "Actually, I was drunk of my ass and you were unconscious," I revise my statement.

Silence.

"Ash?"

More silence.

I walk over to my bed and sit on the edge of it with my eyes fixed on the bathroom door frame, waiting for a response. "Well," I hear her say softly from inside, "as far as I can tell, nothing." I breathe a sigh of relief, a rather loud one at that.

"So what's this that you were saying about me being comfortable to sleep on or something like that?" I inquire suspiciously.

"Can't two people share a bed without sex?" she retorts. Fair enough.

"So you remember us going to bed?" I say, attempting to confirm my conclusion.

"Nope."

"… I'm sorry, what?"

"I don't even remember blacking out," she states matter-of-factly.

I scratch at my visor, willing the dull ache in my brain to go the hell away. "Then how do you know that nothing happened?"

Ash's head peaks around the doorway with a sly smile. "Because I can walk just fine."

It takes me a moment to understand what she's implying. I open and close my mouth several times, blushing profusely. I finally settle with saying, "You know, you have a gift with one liners that are impossible to respond to."

She walks over and sits next to me on the bed. "It's just funny to watch you squirm," she announces. "You realize that you could have easily just said 'Oh, alright then!' right?"

I shake my head. "That just sounds too passive. I need something that at least has an impact if I'm going to respond," I argue back. Not a good argument, but it's better than awkward silence.

"Go big or go home?"

"Yep."

"In a conversation?"

"…Yeah."

She shakes her head, saying, "Either you're a genius at understanding people, or you're a completely socially awkward moron."

I shrug it off. "Hey, I'm so damn clever that there are times where even **I **don't understand a single word of what I'm saying," I quip back. Sure, maybe I am awkward. Lord knows that hug with Tali… actually, that whole conversation about my armor was just weird.

Suddenly a pang of guilt hits me. Tali. I can't help but feel bad about yesterday. I should have figured that I'd be expected to go along to get my armor parts. But we never really arranged anything..

_Doesn't matter. Women are like that._

For once Lycan, I agree with you.

I turn towards Ashley who's taken to sitting awkwardly on the bed, waiting for conversation. I scratch behind my head in a bad attempt at being nonchalant. "So…" I say slowly. She turns towards me, knowing where this is leading, but not how it will end. "Nothing happened last night you said?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing."

"So what does that make us?" I ask bluntly. It's really a question that needs some answering. Ash just opens her mouth. Then closes it again. The opens it and begins to say something…. And closes it again. She's at as big a loss at this as I am. We're both silent for a time.

"I don't really know," she mutters finally. "I mean, yeah, I had fun last night, and I can't say that it was all because I was smashed either." She looks right at my eyes, almost as if the mask wasn't even there. Brown isn't normally described as a beautiful color, but goddamn those irises… I almost don't realize my next words.

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want us to continue like this… at least for now."

She blinks twice while her brain takes its sweet time processing that info. "Excuse me?" she asks in with a raised eyebrow.

I look down, breaking the whole staring contest we had going on. "I said that, if you want it, we can be together," the words come again.

She slides an arm around my waist and leans her head on my shoulder. I sling my own arm across her shoulders and we sit there for a moment. "I don't mind," she says softly. She's not the type to be embarrassed and quiet or anything like that.

"What's with the soft words? You aren't a shy girl. Is something wrong?" I spit out each word after the other. Here I am, mass murderer and badass swordfighter, stumbling over my words because of this woman.

_Just so you know, that taste in your mouth is irony._

Ashley brings her head back up. "It's how you worded that the first time you said it." I take a second to think of what she's saying. She notices my confusion. "'I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want us to continue like this… at least for now'? What's with the 'for now' bit?"

I shift about uncomfortably. I can't be sure how long my identity stays a secret, or of what will happen after it's let out of the box. With that said, how long can I keep this thing with Ashley going? I doubt she'd stick around with a mass murderer. It's not like I can tell her all of that.

"It's the mask, isn't it?" she asks.

I scoff lightly before saying, "Not so much the mask as the thing it hides."

"Your face?" Ash says bemused.

"And my past." As corny and poetic as it sounds, it's pretty much the truth. "I'm just worried about how everyone would react if who I am comes to light, especially Shepard," I admit to her. I'd lose everything: my shelter, my teammates, my new home on board the Normandy…

_Tali already knows who you are and she hasn't run yet._

That's different. I don't have to lie to her about who I am because she already knows.

_Which brings up the question, why are you lying to everyone else?_

I tune out Lycan's sound logic as Ashley starts talking. "I'm pretty sure that doesn't matter," she mutters, not looking at me directly. I just make a confused noise with my mouth, gathering her attention. She crosses her arms impatiently. "The Williams women are a decisive bunch, Rookie. We do things when we're ready. Not before. Not after," she states, pulling me close.

I smile and lean in as our lips touch once. We both pull back before going in for the real deal. Not anything too graphic mind you, just simple affection instead of lust. We separate once more after a few moments, both of our faces tinged with red.

"Kissing on the first date?" I mock her.

"First date ended when I took a shower, pal."

I shake my head, daring to ask one more question. "Should we make this whole thing, uh… public?" I can't say that I want people finding out about me very much, and I'd wager that Ashley doesn't like being the target of gossip among the crew members.

The disgusted look on her face tells me that I should have wagered actual money. "Ugh, hell no! The last thing I need is everyone talking behind my back," she exclaims. "I've never been one for gossip, especially the kind that involves me."

I chuckle and glance at the clock on my omni-tool. The orange readout flashes 8:57 at me. It's still that early? It's not even nine o'clock yet!

Nine o'clock.

Nine o'clock?

_Oh nine hundred hours?_

Fuck! Liara!

I stand up quickly from the bed and grab some gym clothes from the floor by my empty closet as I head to the bathroom to get changed. I'll need to do laundry later. "Listen, Ash. I just remembered that I'm training with Liara this morning. Biotics and all… can you maybe…?" I spit out quickly from next to the shower. I'll need one of those too.

"I'll see myself out," she calls back to me with the slight hint a laughter yet again.

"Thanks," I say hurriedly as I hop about, trying to get my foot into the other leg of these shorts. My leg I'm using for balance slips and I fall face down onto the tile floor. I can hear her getting up in the next room to see what I did. "Ow," I say shortly, followed quickly by, "Don't come in! I just got into a fight with my pants!"

I can hear her laugh from my position on the ground as I wriggle the shorts back on. "I'll be going now," she yells. I hear the bed moving as she get up and the door sliding open. I hop onto my knees, checking my mask for damage. "See you around," she says seductively before the door closes.

God damn, that voice gave me shivers.

I throw on my shirt and some deodorant, in that order, before realizing my mistake and rectifying it with a snarl of annoyance. I jog back through my room and out the door, practically sprinting to the gym.

###########

I'm lucky as hell that Liara isn't here yet. The last thing I want is that shut-in personality to think I'd forgotten our arrangement. I check my omni-tool once again. It's past "oh nine hundred", so where is she, I wonder?

I walk over to the biotics area, checking again to see if she'd already arrived and I missed her the first time I looked around. She seems like the type to be on time, so it's kinda unexpected that she's not here even a bit early. Maybe she forgot? Nah, she still doesn't the type. We just set this up yesterday evening anyway, and who forgets something like that so quick?

Maybe she didn't want to come? Too nervous? It's not like the gym is really populated at such an ungodly hour after a night of shore leave, so I can't see that being the case. Yesterday, she _did_ say something about not being confident as a teacher. She wouldn't let that get to her, would she?

All my musings are put on hold as the asari dashes into the gym, flushed, out of breath, and hastily dressed. She looks around worriedly, assumedly for yours truly.

Or maybe she overslept. Yeah, that works too.

I raise my hand and wave her over to the training area. "Liara!" I call just to make sure she notices. Her head swivels over to me as she collects herself and begins a quick paced walk in my direction. She runs her hands down her front repeatedly, whether from nervousness or in an attempt to fix her clothes, I can't tell. Doesn't matter either.

"Fenrir," she greets me politely with a nod and a small smile. "You are here early."

I force myself to swallow the comment about her being three minutes late while I was on time. "I try to make it habit to be where I need to before I'm needed. Really helps in combat," I add as an afterthought.

Her face flickers through some emotion that might be irritation. I review what I just said. Fuck, she thinks I made a stab at her! Looks like I didn't swallow that comment down far enough. "It is a good policy," she praises but it sounds hollow. Her eyes flow about the training space and the dummy that is set up in the midst of the giant clear room. "Where shall we begin?"

"You're the teacher here," I remind her, trying not to sound too harsh. "Maybe you'd be able to help me with some things that Kaidan missed on his short lecture?" Liara looks positively delighted with the idea, so I rattle off all that I can remember, from eezo nodes to dark energy to the mentality of using a Warp.

Liara listens intently. I can't read what she's thinking, but it's bothering her. That much is obvious. "Did I… say something weird?" I ask her nervously.

"You said that Lieutenant Alenko's methods taught you how to launch an attack so easily?" she inquires cautiously. I nod once in response. "That is… interesting. Normally when learning a biotic technique you would have to create a physical pneumonic to allow you to active the element zero nodes in the correct sequence."

I start waving my hands in front of me. "Whoa, whoa, whoa… by pneumonic you mean like those little mental tricks to help someone remember stuff?" Wait, where the hell did that come from? I guess I had a good vocabulary before Illium.

"Yes, that is correct."

I slowly piece together the puzzle. "So you're saying that there are certain physical motions that I have to do to use certain biotic powers?"

Liara claps her hands together, evidently pleased that I understood her explanation. "Just so!"

"Huh…" I grunt softly. I try to recall the times I've used Warp. "All I can recall doing is holding out my hand for a little while before I fire Warps. Is that alright?"

"Show me," Liara demands in a very teacher like fashion. I think she might be getting into this whole thing a bit much.

I go over to the line drawn across the floor. The biotics area was similar to that of a firing range I suppose. You had to fire your shots from a certain distance, which is where the line comes in. I go up to it and hold out my palm, facing the target dummy. I can feel my nodes light up as the familiar current courses through them. The blue ball passes down my arm and fires full speed, hitting the dummy square in the chest, making a visible crack in the armor.

Liara nods, impressed by the impact. "That is quite something. You have amnesia, correct?" she asks naturally.

It still kinda throws me off when it's brought up by someone else. "Yeah, but I've been seeing dreams of my past lately," I tell her. Kinda odd that the person that I talk to the least is the first one I tell about my dreams.

_More like nightmares._

Yeah, true…

Liara's eyes light up at the revelation. "How old are you in these memories?" she asks me excitedly. I reel back slightly, caught off guard by how energetic she is suddenly. She must notice it herself because she quickly composes herself before repeating her question. "Sorry about that, it's just… it might help me figure out a bit about your biotics," she says sheepishly.

That hadn't actually occurred to me yet. Going off what Shepard said, I was 11 at the time of the attack. Did I already have my biotics? Realization suddenly dawns on me. What if I did? Wouldn't Brian know that? Maybe he already suspects me of being me and is keeping quiet about it? If I'm too similar to my younger self, it would be a dead giveaway.

I shake my head to rid those thoughts. There's no way Shepard knows. If I had had biotics back then, then I would have probably used them when Brian and I got into that little scuffle in the fields. "I was young. Maybe 10 or 11?" I answer Liara's question with uncertainty. I don't know why I do it, but I just make it seem like I'm not fully aware of the truth.

Liara nods her head a couple times in contemplation. "Alright then… Did you have biotic capabilities? As near as you can tell, I mean?" I shake my head negative. "Hmm… you might be part of some rare cases, Fenrir," she voices her thought.

"What does that mean?" I ask, even more confused. I knew my biotics were weird enough because of the similarity to asari. What else could I possibly be?

"You see, asari are naturally born with biotic abilities. Other races, mainly humans, expose embryos that are still in the womb to unrefined element zero." I nod my head, assuming the rest of what she's going to say. "This is how the nodes develop and biotics are born into species other than the asari." Yep, I was spot on.

"So how does that relate to these 'rare cases'?" I ask, completely puzzled.

Liara holds up a hand. "I am not quite done yet," she states impatiently. God help for interrupting a teacher's lecture. "As I was saying, biotics are _born_ into human culture through this exposure. You, at age 10 or 11, didn't have any powers, meaning you weren't born with them. So…" she leads off, hoping I can fill in the blanks.

So what? If I didn't have biotics as a kid, and I wasn't born with them, then… "How do I have them right now?" the question comes out as soon as it comes to mind.

"Exactly!" Liara exclaims. "There are extremely rare cases in humans where addition exposure to element zero during a stage of young adulthood will yield stable and strong biotic powers."

"You mean to tell me that, at some point during my teenage years, somebody zapped me with some eezo?" I ask incredulously.

"W-well, if you would like to put it that way, then yes. You were 'zapped.'" She air quotes the last word, almost insulted by how uneducated it sounds. "Actually, you were probably already exposed in utero, but did not manifest any particular biotic powers," she continues rambling. "The exposure during your teen years is what finally set you over the edge, giving you your current capabilities."

I stand there, hand to my chin, mulling over this new revelation. It all certainly sounds plausible, and it's not like I'm doubting Liara's knowledge of biotic capabilities. Lord knows that she's more knowledgeable about it now than I'll ever be. The thing is, I don't remember having or using or even thinking of using biotics in my dream flashbacks. And after that attack, Shepard said I went off to some private learning institution or another. "Exposure during your teen years" she said…

Something happened at that school. I was exposed to element zero during my year or years there, of that much I'm now certain. The question is: what happened and why? Liara glances over at me, a flash of concern crossing her features. "Alright, well… glad we got that sorted out! So what's first?" I pipe up excitedly.

Liara decides to not pursue my previous mood as we move on to my training. "Alright, first I want you to fire off as many Warps as you can in one minute," she orders me. Her voice is far to gentle for yelling or orders, I think.

I walk up to the line, cracking my knuckles as I go. "Just keep the targets coming and I'll shoot as many as I can!" I yell. I spread my feet and pull back my right arm so I can throw my first Warp. I tap into my nodes, lighting them up with all kinds of electrical current.

"Ready…."

I tense my body up, waiting for the starting signal.

"Go!"

I thrust my hand forward, sending the biotic orb hurtling towards the dummy, watching it move back to be instantly replaced by another. I shoot again after a couple seconds rest only to see yet another dummy pop up. And another. And another and another and another…

"Time!" Liara calls. I bend over on my knees and gasp in huge breaths of air. Biotics take quite the effort. "15 Warp fields," the asari chimes from behind me. 15? The way I'm feeling now I'd have thought I'd done at least 20… "Considering that you are not sure of your biotics, that is quite a feat for a 'beginner.'" There she goes with those air quotes again.

"Yeah, thanks," I breathe out as I keep panting. "So what's next?"

Liara glances at me with a slim smile. "Next we practice different kinds of biotic fields." She walks over and stands completely still. All of a sudden she turns and slashes her arm, sending a slow biotic attack soaring high above one of my Warped dummies.

"Did you, uh… miss?" I ask, trying to avoid being rude. After talking to Liara for a while I get the feeling that it's a hidden talent of mine. All she does is smirk and turn around, walking a few paces away. I follow her with my eyes, still expecting an answer of some kind. She lifts a single hand and snaps her fingers. I hear a loud _Bwowmp!_ and subsequent clatter of metal from behind me as the biotic attack connects with the dummy.

I whirl around to see the shattered target. The pieces got all thrown back against the far side of the training area from the impact. I spin back around, mouth agape, to see Liara with a satisfied look on her face. That's amazing! "H-how did-… What th-…. What was…?" I nearly shout in amazement.

"Physical pneumonics," she informs me like it was the simplest thing in the world. "I am used to snapping. I do it all the time. It is something to occupy me while I am busy." That's ridiculous.

"Can I see that again?" I ask in awe. Liara nods and slashes her arm once more. The slow moving biotic attack (which I'm pretty sure is a Throw, judging by how all the debris was flung back) floats lazily above the next weakened dummy.

Snap.

The orb suddenly bolts 90 degrees to the direction of its target, slamming directly down on the head of its human form. Shards of scrap are thrown out from the epicenter of the hit, making it look like a small bomb went off.

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. That's fucking insane. How can biotics make those kinds of angles? "Okay, wow. Mind if I make a list of questions?"

"Go ahead."

"First, was that a Throw? Second, if it was a Throw, how was it so powerful? Third, how do you bend biotics like that? Fourth, when are you going to teach me all that?" I rattle off the questions, counting each one on my fingers as it comes.

Liara holds up her own four fingers, mimicking me. I guess she's enjoying how childish it seems, which I'll admit is pretty unexpected from her. She taps her first finger. "Yes," she says. She then taps the second, saying "Biotic explosion. Too much manipulation and the impact of another field causes instability and results in an outward production of force. Think of it in a way like freezing a glass and then pouring boiling water into it. The two just don't work and causes a destructive reation." She wiggles the third finger at me. "Biotics are manipulated by your mind. You are in control of the dark energy and subsequent mass effect fields. This lets you direct them or even program them milliseconds before you launch them. It takes some practice to make them bend so sharply and move so fast, I will admit, but most biotics are capable enough after a couple months of training." She finally points at me with her pinkie for the last answer. "We can start when I am sure that you have a decent grasp on the basics of various attacks, and then we can work on making them bend to your will."

I nod excitedly. If I could master something like that, I could be an amazing asset to the team! And who knows, I might be able to do that charging move again. I rub my hands together, as if to say that I'm ready. "Alrighty then. Which move are we going over first?" I say eagerly.

"Throw."

"Throw?"

"Throw."

I have the oddest sense that these kinds of exchanges have become increasingly common. "Why Throw? Isn't that just a giant mass lowering field with a high density air blast in it?"

Liara looks uneasily at me. "That is the… simple explanation." Wait, what I said was simple? "I take that back. What you said was correct if you were trying to make an incredibly powerful Throw. The only problem is actually making such a field. You have learned Warp, correct?" I nod as I recall my time spent under that colossus. Suppressing a shudder, I continue to listen to Liara. "That is a very simple field. It is like shooting a giant ball of… stuff at your target without any care for its makeup," she explains cautiously. I guess she wants to avoid treading on the fact that it's a rookie attack.

"Alright, I understand. Warp isn't anything special. Just a jumbo mixture of currents without any care to the structure or whatever of the attack itself. But that is all I know how to do! Everything else seems too complicated," I whine while attempting to make it sound like I'm bitching. But I am. I know it. You know it. Liara… actually buys it.

"That is why I am here. Today we have the entire flight to Noveria to work on these concepts."

I shake my head. "That's great and all, but won't this tire me out? I know you're used to using your biotics, but I'm not! And what if I'm on the ground team after all this?"

Liara shakes her head in the same fashion as myself. "Commander Shepard already informed me that the ground team will consist of myself, Chief Williams, and our krogan battlemaster, Urdnot Wrex." Well, that's good news. I'll get a break from missions until the next one. Maybe Garrus and I can finally have some time to hang out?

_Pity that Ashley has to go. I bet after last night, she'd want some rest too._

That's true… but she's a true soldier. More so than us, at least. She'll be fine. And besides, I don't think she'd want us… er, me, worrying about her or anything, right?

_Good conclusion._

I break off my mental conversation and return to my new instructor. "Alright Liara, teach me how to make the specific currents and fields first, because as is, I can only make the mixture for Warp. I'm sure that I'll need everything else for other fields, right?"

"Right. Shall we?"

Oh yes, we shall.

##########

A couple hours later, I've managed to create my first, purely mass raising field. I grin to myself as I launch it into the glass casing of the training arena. Liara returns the grin and motions for me to come back over to her. We'd separated for my practice for safety reasons. The last thing we need is her to be injured right before a mission, even if Doctor Chakwas could easily patch her back up.

"Glad to see that you have the hang of it now," she greets me as I jog over. I had been finding my pneumonics and mentally and physically pairing them with both Throw and Warp. I tend to use an open palm thrust for Warp and a straight punch with Throw. Liara begins a pseudo lecture. "Now we had talked about how a strong Throw field has a bubble of high pressure air inside of it?" I nod. The last thing I want now is to try working on form. I have a hard enough time purifying my currents. "That is more of an… optional approach to the attack. You see, the field itself has force upon impact, which combined with the mass lowering field, acts as an improvised Throw field."

"You're telling me, that there's a shortcut?"

"Yes, I suppose…"

"Huh…" I grunt thoughtfully. "So, do you think that I could cause one of those biotic explosions now?" I really want to try that. Hit an enemy with two biotic attacks quickly, and then while their reeling I can light them up with AR fire… it's a simple strategy for hitting targets one at a time. I just hope it works.

She touches her hand to her chin. "That depends, Fenrir. How confident are you that you can perform a Throw?"

"Very," comes my response as I crack my knuckles. I step over to the line, staring at the dummy in front of me.

"Alright, then. Start with a Warp, and as soon as you feel that you can fire off another biotic attack, use Throw."

I square my body and flare up my nodes. It's kinda funny that I couldn't even find them before Therum, yet now I can activate them at will.

_Who is Will?_

Wow, really? That's not even funny.

I pull back my arm and shove it forward with an open palm, launching the blue orb straight at the dummy at a fair velocity. I try to get my nodes working again, but they're still offline to recover from the Warp. Crap! C'mon, if this doesn't happen, then the Warp will wear off before I can Throw the damn target! I watch as the blue patterns covering the dummy begin to fade.

Shit! C'mon Ben! One more!

I let out a howl as I clench my fist and throw a punch in the air as the blue aura surrounds me. A ball of mass lowering dark energy hurtles towards the dummy. It shatters into splinters with a louder _wowmp_ sound that biotic attacks make along with an explosion due to the impact of the two fields. I did it…

"I did it!" Liara is beaming at me with pride. I can't believe it! With this under my belt, I'll be able to do some real damage on the next mission where I'm groundside. "I can't believe it!"

"You certainly are a quick study," the asari praises me from behind. I'm still looking at the shattered remains of my practice dummy. "Would you like to try it again?" I nod eargerly as she turns to the console to bring up more test dummies.

I can do some real damage now. Plus, there'll be time before I'm in another mission so I can practice more and more. This is perfect. A whirring sound in front of me confirms that Liara has brought up three more dummies for me to terrorize.

I take my stance at the line on the ground, taking a deep breath. I flash open my eyes and thrust out my open right palm, shooting a Warp at the far left target. I bring my hand back and spin around, gaining momentum for my punch, almost as if I think it'll increase the speed of the Throw. For all I know it very well might. My fist shoots straight out towards my target, sending a speedy Throw into the immobile target. One down.

Trying to keep the flow of my seemingly melee based biotic attacks, I shift my stance slightly and stomp a foot out in front of me as I thrust my left hand forward for my next Warp. I'm beginning to feel wearier and wearier after each shot, so I suppose my limit is approaching. My right fist comes up from my waist in another punch, similar to that old vid I watched about karate. The second dummy shatters.

Let's try something new for number three. I swivel on my right foot, trying to use an elbow to send out my Warp. I feel the dark energy getting manipulated and forced out through the unfamiliar stance as it all gathers on my elbow before the Warp successfully fires off. Now for the last shot! I pull back my fist and let loose the haymaker… but to no avail.

No biotic attack follows the punch. My nodes are active but… oh man, thye're aching like sore muscles. I fall to my hands and knees gasping in air. Liara hurries over, putting a hand on my back and says something that I can't quite make out. Maybe I shouldn't have tried the elbow maneuver.

Liara's voice is filtering through the weariness now. "…ics… re you alright? Fenrir?"

"Fine, Liara. Fine," I breathe back. I guess activating my nodes is more similar to using my muscles than I'd thought. I do it on a mental trigger and they both get weary and tired when overused. "I… I think I shouldn't try that free flow fighting method again."

The asari shakes her head in agreement. "Yes. It seemed to me that you were already overly weary from learning to make Throws that it seemed a bit too much. You might have been fine if you hadn't deviated from your pneumonics though. Or maybe if you had waited a bit longer between attacks," she warns me.

"Yeah, I didn't realize how hard it is to send a specific field through a different part of one's body."

"It is actually easier if you make it a nondescript Warp kind of current and just release it from yourself like an area blast. I have seen a number of asari do just that when surrounded. But this is not the time to discuss such things," she reasons, cutting herself short. "The point of the matter is that you need to stay to your pneumonics until you can use Throw and Warp quickly and efficiently."

I nod a silent breath, still on all fours. I can't believe I'm tired out after just that. I need to try harder next time, train smarter. Biotics are as much of a part of me as my biceps are… though maybe those could use some work too.

_Tran both body and mind, Young Cricket._

Stow it.

"I believe that should be enough for today. We should both avoid overtaxing ourselves," Liara says, logic once again coming into play. I push myself off the ground and slowly make my way over to where she is now standing, by the door.

"Yeah. You have a nice mission ahead of you after all," I remind her. "What's the deal on Noveria anyway? Isn't there supposedly geth activity?"

My teacher nods uncertainly. "Not activity, but interest. I do not believe there is any geth there yet. After all, I have heard Noveria is a very big hub for business and trading. You would think that any geth spotted there would cause alarm."

I nod thoughtfully as the two of us move to leave the gym. She has a point. Noveria, at least from what I recall Shepard telling all of us is a private world, meaning Council law doesn't apply. Spectres are welcomed I think… Wait, no. He said that a welcome would be a stretch. Spectres are _tolerated._

"It's not like they'd come running to the Council anyway, is it?" I scoff. Self-righteous bastards that're all about their money. "I hate their kind the most. Just insufferable. I'm kinda glad that Shepard doesn't need me out there this time. I'd probably shoot myself."

That gets a chuckle from her. We both head down the hall to our respective rooms, waving good bye as I continue past her door. Suddenly, it occurs to me: what am I going to do with myself while this mission is out? The gym? Again? Ugh, I've been there a bit much nowadays. Definitely not going ashore, especially with how Noveria supposedly treats visitors.

So what will I do? Sleep?

_That awkward moment when you realize all there is to your current lifestyle is fighting, training, and sleeping._

I hate to admit this, but you're actually right. There's nothing else to do!

_Why not go talk to the turian?_

….

_What?_

You're making sense today. It's kinda creepy.

I switch out of my gym clothes and slip into my spare uniform. After making sure my mask is on tight, I head out and over to elevator so I can go find one Mr. Garrus Vakarian.

###########

The turian sharpshooter greeted me warmly when I came to see him. I offered to hang out and talk for a bit and he accepted, but only under the condition that I hold on a few minutes so he could finish his calibrations on the Mako.

After he'd finished we'd headed up to the mess area to grab some grub. We stood in line for a moment chatting about this and that. It was meaningless small talk mostly anyhow. So, here we are now, two average guys, meals in hand, just relaxing and talking about nothing.

"I find it kinda funny," I begin to say. Garrus glances at me as he continues to bite at his dextro amino meal. Some kind of meat and sauce, I think. It seems kinda fancy in a way. "I mean, I didn't realize that the… whatever it is, that makes our meals has the right food for turians."

Garrus puts down his fork and grabs his drink. What'd he call it again? Tupari? He claims he's addicted to it. "Not sure what you mean, Fenrir," he breathes out after taking along draught from the bright orange liquid.

"Turians have different amino acids than humans, don't they?" I ask, recalling what the waitress said at the "Taste of the Galaxy." "Quarians too, if I remember from what Tali told me."

He just nods sagely. "Yeah, if either of us eats the wrong kind of food or drink the wrong drink, it'll mean an upset stomach and general hell for a while." He takes another bite, thinking while he chews. I can't really help but notice how funny his mandibles are while he chews. Each movement of his jaw sets them off in a manner like a conductor's baton. "As to why the Normandy has such accommodations? I'd have to guess that it's because this ship is a cumulative effort of both human and turian engineering. As such, my race would have rights to check on their investments, am I wrong?"

I shake my head once before taking a swig of water. "Not at all. That seems pretty reasonable train of thought," I agree. "So, what? Turians come by on inspection and they have to eat something, right?"

"Exactly."

I shrug in acceptance. Solves that mystery. I get up and throw my dishes in the disposal slot before walking back to the table. Garrus soon follows suit and rejoins me at the table, reclining with a sigh. "So, former Alliance soldier, huh?"

I chuckle, saying, "Should have known that that was coming, shouldn't I?" It seemed to be one of the things that Garrus couldn't help but wonder about. After all, we couldn't exchange a couple words before today without him reminding me of how we need to "have story time."

"It's not like you didn't have any indicators," he notes lightly. "So how much can you tell me?"

"Only as much as I can remember and what I was told by others. Some of that I don't really want to recall or divulge…" I trail off. Garrus keeps staring expectantly. What can I tell him? "I served on a covert ops ship called the SSV Prideful," the words are out before I can stop them. Garrus' eyes go wide.

Oh god, please don't tell me he knows.

"I recognize that name…" he mutters. "I can't remember where from though. Any big missions that would have been heard of back at C-Sec?" Shit. I just threw myself down the elevator shaft. Might as well hit the bottom with a wonderfully loud splat since we're on our way.

"No, but we should have been on the news. Before I tell you why though Garrus, I need you to never, _ever_ speak of this to anyone. Especially Shepard," I demand nervously. I check around us for any prying ears. I'm making it obvious how big this is to him. At least, I hope that's what my body language is conveying.

"Yeah, I'll keep quiet, Fenrir. So what happened?" he asks, his interest obviously piqued. I sigh and begin telling him my tale from a third person perspective, claiming to be a crewmate who didn't know Ben, er, myself very well. He just leans back, soaking in all the information and sizing me up through his visor covered eye. "That's… quite something. Did you end up leaving the Alliance because of that event?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Understandable. As a crewmate, you probably got bombarded with media attention. I doubt it was as much as his friends on board got, but I can tell you that my encounters with reporters have not been so great either," the turian says, a glimmer of rage in his eyes.

"Oh, right! You were a detective, weren't you?" I ask lightly, hoping to change the topic.

"That's right," he confirms. "Wasn't nearly as fun as my time here has been so far, though."

"Oh?"

"No paperwork when it comes to working with a Spectre. Don't need to deal with the media or get chewed out by my superiors. I know that while I'm working with Shepard I'll be able to play the game how _I _want it," he explains aggressively. "No red tape to hold me back from killing the ones who deserve it, like that Ben Karos you were just talking about."

I laugh nervously, trying to clear the thought of Garrus filling my body with assault rifle slugs from my mind. "Yeah, the freedom is great, I'll admit. It also feels that we're doing the right thing and we'll be protecting billions of people if we succeed," I mention.

"But we'll also be the cause of billions of deaths if we fail," Garrus says soberly. That puts a quick downer on the conversation. Both of us are probably thinking the same sentence to follow up his.

If we even survive our failure…

I grit my teeth and raise my head slightly, shifting my gaze from my lap and focusing on the tabletop. "We won't fail then." I nod, confirming my own statement with myself. "Yeah, all we have to do is kill the bad guy and win, right? So let's do just that."

Garrus' mandibles widen into a broad smile. "That's a good attitude. Up for a little target practice then?" he offers me as he stands up from the table.

"You know what? That sounds like a damn good idea," I say as we head for the elevator.

###########

"Nailed it!" I hear his flanged voice call out for the umpteenth time. I groan in frustration as I take aim with my pistol yet again, aiming for the human shaped target's head. "That makes what? 25 or 26?" Garrus asks smugly through the wall separating our shooting booths.

"Shut it! You're using a sniper rifle! I'm stuck with my Stiletto over here," I complain back. He just can't stop enjoying his superiority over others. I steady my stance and launch off a three rounds, scorching high on my target's torso twice and missing completely with the third shot.

I can hear a bit of a chuckle from my partner. "Maybe you should try a rifle. It makes the target nice and big so you can hit it," he mocks me with his muffled voice through the wall. Ass.

"Nah, you go ahead and stick with the easy way of doing things. I'll try to be _skillful_ about this whole thing," I stab back. I fire once more, pegging my target in its head. "Just like that."

Another sniper shot rings out as Garrus' new target loses its head entirely. "You're confusing luck and skill there, Fenrir," he says nonchalantly. "And that was either 26 or 27." I roll my eyes. Of course he's a better shot than me, not that I'd admit it aloud of course. I'll say it now though: he's one of the greatest marksmen I've ever seen… er, that I can remember seeing.

"So tell me about some of your cases," I say, trying to make conversation as I aim down sights again. "Any that stand out in your mind?" I hear his rifle fire and his shot go wide from my distraction. I allow myself a slight satisfied grin before I listen to his response.

"What? You mean from C-Sec? There are a couple good ones. Let's see…" he ponders. A short moment of silence is followed by, "Ah, that's a good one. Alright, so there's a string of murders on the Citadel, right? All the victims look like they've been hit by something extremely heavy at an extreme speed. Me and my human partner, some British guy, really good for making banter." He stops to allow himself a chuckle before continuing. "Anyway, we narrow the suspect down to an elcor of all things."

I raise my eyebrows after I plant a shot square in my target's neck. "An elcor? The really big things that talk in monotone? Those elcor?" Hard to believe they could move at any pace quick enough to smash somebody.

"That'd be them. You see, normally elcor aren't very quick. Hell, I've sped past them on a jog. The catch was that this one was a biotic." That would do it. "So before we even knew that, we managed to corner him at a dock," Garrus grunts the last word as he fires another perfect shot between where the human eyes would be.

"Nice shot."

"Thanks," he says. "Anyway, I'm up in a sniper position and my partner is down on the ground confronting the suspect. And what happens? The bastard gets launched halfway across the place. Biotic surprise attack."

I sweep my pistol in front of me, pulling the trigger a few times. A couple shots land on the torso but one of them hits the white space that fills out the space between the human shape at the rest of the board. "Damn, that was better than I thought," I comment to myself. "So what happened? To your partner I mean."

I hear another turian chuckle from next door. "Funny thing, that. We end up using some… flammable objects to take out our target. And a good bit of the dock as well."

I blink a few times before lowering my pistol to consider what Garrus just said. "You're telling me that you blew up a spaceport to kill a mass murdering elcor biotic?"

"Told you I had a few good ones," he says, seemingly brushing it off as nothing. "How about you? Any good missions from your Alliance days, or were they all erased?"

I decide to screw with him a bit. "Yeah, I seem to remember something like that. There was this one time where I teamed up with this pretty badass turian name Garrus to kill a rogue Spectre. Amazing shot, too. Put me to shame. Quick wit. Quick enough to be a pain in my ass, I mean." I hear him shifting about on the other side of the wall, suddenly listening intently. "He was quite something. I feel like he and I should hang out again at some point," I say as I put my pistol back onto my hip.

I leave my shooting stall and lean against the door. Garrus speaks up. "I was in a similar situation, except I had a masked biotic human who liked to talk big. Called himself something stupid… Fenrir, I think. He seemed like a decent enough guy, though. We worked to take down this evil turian and his army of synthetics."

"Sounds like a bit of a badass. I bet the two of you succeeded and saved the galaxy with little trouble," I grin at him as he emerges from his stall.

"Oh yeah, we cleaned house…. With a little help from some friends."

"Nah, it was just us," I correct him cockily. I take a little bit of a pause before adding, "But it was mostly me, though." Garrus just laughs and slaps me one on the back.

"_Fenrir?" _Joker's voice suddenly says over the loudspeaker. I swivel my head towards the speaker. What was I hoping for? To make eye contact? Kinda stupid, but I guess it's just reflex to look in the direction of a voice when you're being addressed.

"Yeah, Joker? Something up?" I respond. I can't really think of any reason for the call, though. If Shepard wanted to see me, this would be how he'd do it, but the thing is that he left on the mission about a couple hours ago. That was about the time I went to see Garrus I think.

"_Message from the Commander. He wants you prepped and ready for the mission in 15 minutes," _Joker tells me in a tone that suggests he was reading the message aloud from text.

"Wait, what? I thought Shepard already left! Is everything alright?" I start to spout out questions quickly. Even if he doesn't know who I am, he's still like a brother to the previous me and that counts for something.

"_They're fine. Apparently, they might be heading into a combat situation in some building or another and they want some CQC," _Joker says, not seeming to care.

I turn to Garrus. The turian shrugs back to me simply. "That's how missions are. Adapt to the situations at hand. I'd imagine between you and that hot headed krogan, fighting indoors wouldn't be any kind of problem," he reasons.

I nod in agreement. I was going to go. It's not like I have a choice in the matter anyway. Even if I did, I'd still go. That's the entire reason I'm on this journey: I'm going to repay my sins. And if I need to cut bloody swath through whatever is in Shepard's way… in Brian's way… then that's exactly what I'll do.

"Tell him that I'll be up in ten, Joker."

"_Aye, aye."_

**A/N: So this took a while. I'd expect some of you to be mad at me for that, and reasonably so. I'm stuck between a heavy course load, two jobs and Mass Effect 3 right now.**

**Speaking of ME3, I just finished it tonight. To all of you who haven't finished it yet, I won't spoil anything. I will, however, say that I was in no way, shape, or form satisfied with the ending. So at this point I'd like to ask the few of you who read these notes, and the even fewer of you who review, and the even fewer who have also completed the final game a question: Should I stick to that ending, or should I put Bioware to shame (j/k but I mean a better ending than… that shitty end)?**

**Also, you ME3 player might notice that ending banter between Ben and Garrus was taken/ based off of the conversation between Vega and Garrus about missions they've been on. I laughed so hard at that and, since I was at that point in the chapter already, I decided to factor it in.**

**Enough ME3 references! So, just when Ben thought he'd have a mission to relax, he gets dragged back in on another excursion! I have a handy little plot set up that will let me… shall we say… accelerate? Yes, accelerate, this story. The sooner I'm done ME1, the sooner I can cover that two year period without Shepard, and let me tell you that I have LOADS of plans for that.**

**If anybody wants to do some multiplayer on ME3 on the 360, my gamertag is SGI Infections. Add me and make the message say "Vindication" so I know why you're randomly adding me. Any others will be rejected _**

"**Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." - A certain Scientist Salarian**


	15. Tales of Noveria

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 14: Tales of Noveria _

_Meant to Live – Switchfoot_

**A/N: See what I did with the title? Before we kick things off, I'd like to say that the author of Masses to Masses plays a mean Vanguard in multiplayer. And by that I mean not charging around and Nova-ing everything like an asshole. That takes the fun out of it.**

"Alright, so let me get this straight," I demand, trying to figure out what I'd just been told. "So, we're heading out to some god forsaken research lab in this goddamn bitter cold so we can catch up to Liara's mom who, in this goddamn bitter cold, brought geth to Noveria and left some in the garage for whatever reason?" I get a chorus of nods from everyone in the squad, excepting Wrex. I sigh, "Have I also mentioned that it's cold?"

"A few times. Yeah," Shepard shoots back simply. He's stuck driving this little trundlefuck of a Mako up the snowy paths of Noveria's mountains. "How about you stop complaining though and get on the gun? It looks like Benezia didn't just leave geth in the garage," he warns.

I hop up into the gunner position to see that he's right. A small platoon of various geth troopers are scattered around the entrance to some kind of metal tunnel. "They've set up portable shields!" I call back, noting the hexagonal blue shimmers that some of the geth are hiding behind.

"I see 'em! Watch for those automated turrets on the mountain ledge!" Shepard responds as he slams the pedal down even harder.

"On 'em!" I pull the trigger on the control stick that serves for my aiming controls and unleash a short burst of fire from the chain gun. "Dammit! Slow down, Shepard! I can't hit shit like this!"

I hear Wrex mumbling below me about some kind of insult containing the words "pyjak" and "blind," but not in that order. Apparently, whatever bonding time we had on the Normandy matters very little when we're planetside. Ashley calls up to me, "Listen, Rook! Just lead your target a bit! If you can't land enough hits, smash it with a rocket!

Oh right! Rockets! I tap the red button on the top of the stick, only to have it immediately followed by the roar of an explosion as the turret shatters to fiery bits. I grin in satisfaction. "Turret down! Time to roast some geth!"

"Yeah, just leave a couple for me to run over," Shepard orders. "There's no need to waste ammo, right?" I almost correct him, saying that the gun only needs to worry about overheating, but a geth rocket trooper cuts my correction short.

"Aye, aye! I'll take out the heavy hitters then," I say, returning to focusing the chain gun on another helpless synthetic. In a matter of moments, the geth are either blown to bits or smashed to pieces under the weight of the Mako.

"This tunnel is… interesting," Ashley notes as she glances out the glass wall of the metal throughway that overlooks a canyon. The quick bout of fighting had dragged us further along our path and into this passage. The geth had dug themselves in well. With energy shields barring some of the passage, it would have been a tough fight on foot.

Except we aren't on foot. We're in a fucking tank.

"Stupid," mutters Wrex. I can't tell what he's insulting now. "Who'd make a bridge that overlooks a miserable valley like this? You can't see 4 feet in front of you half the time, let alone out into the canyon."

I shrug. He's right and for once I'll admit it. This miserable snowball isn't really much for scenery, so why make an overlook into some valley that you can't see the bottom of? It actually makes riding next to it all the more nerve wracking…

We just emerge from the tunnel as I hear Shepard shout up to me. "No time for distractions, Fenrir! We have a colossus up on the top of that hill!" I swing the cannon to and set my sights on the heavy geth platform.

"Oh, I'm gonna enjoy gunning down this thing," I say sadistically, remembering my encounter with a colossus on Therum. Now it's the footing is even…

"Oh yeah. I'm gonna enjoy this veeeery much…"

###########

Another 20 minutes, a few more weird metal tunnels, and many dead geth later, Shepard grinds the Mako to a halt as we pull up outside the garage to the research facility. Liara, Wrex, and Ashley pile out of the small tank, guns drawn to counter any resistance we might encounter. I followed, pistol in one hand and the other on the hilt of my HVB.

"Holy shit! This cold is even worse outside!" I cry out the obvious as I feel the sudden chill through my suit. I hear gruff whispers through the comm. channel, probably Wrex's. To me is suspiciously sounded like "No shit," but I could have just mistaken it for something nicer, knowing Wrex's disposition. I guess even with our little pow-wow before, He's still not so attached to me. Eh… can't say I expected otherwise.

"Enough idling people! Into that door before our asses freeze to our suits!" Shepard calls out behind us as he exits the tank. There's a small side entrance into the building, and by the looks of things it's unlocked.

The five of us file in, making sure that the small room is clear of hostiles before turning to Shepard for orders. "I am not very familiar with machinery I'm afraid. Why, exactly did we not just open up the garage doors and ride the Mako in?" Liara asks.

Ashley cuts in tersely, saying, "Obviously because they were locked from the inside. If we want the Mako in there, we'd have to override it and then bring it in. There's also the likelihood of geth inside so, unless we plan on sneaking past them to open it up, we'll have to clear out the place too." Liara glances at Ashley, either shocked from her impatient tone or unable to reach the conclusion that:

"It's just less trouble to leave the tank outside," Shepard cuts in. "Alright, listen up! We should be ready for whatever forces that might be waiting inside," he lectures. With the way he's talking, it's like he's about to give orders. "Fenrir, you're our CQB along with Wrex, but this will be a garage so stick to cover and use your rifles and biotics. Ash, you're on sniper detail. Liara, stick with me and give me biotic support. We'll be getting closer while Wrex and Fenrir give us cover fire. Understood?"

A chorus of affirmation meets his question. It's as sound of a plan as any. Shepard and Liara act as a strike team while the rest of us are support. But there's one big problem I can think of. "Hey Shep, what if they have some heavy ordinance in there? Like a Prime, or a Colossus, or some variation on one of the two?"

"If that's the case, then just focus fire from cover and bring it down and then we'll handle the stragglers the same way I just outlined," he shrugs.

… I really gotta wonder if he's the tactical genius everyone claims, or if he's just read a beginner's guide and makes half this stuff up.

We approach the exit to our small room to find ourselves between two shutters. The one on the right should lead back out to the Mako. The other should lead into the facility itself. As we walk forward, weapons drawn, the inner shutter opens.

"Shit! Take cover!" I call out as I sprint for one of many boxes scattered about on the garage floor. The entire room is lit with orange light fixtures attached to pipes overhead. It's not exactly the best lighting but it's plenty in this instance. After all, our target is kinda hard to miss.

A hulking red Geth Juggernaut begins lumbering towards us, screeching in its synthetic language. Before I get my head down, a floating geth drone peppers my shields a bit dropping them to somewhere around 90%.

Wrex runs to the larger crate next to me, drawing his shotgun with a vindictive smile on his face. "Now it's fun!" he roars as he pops out of cover and shoots at the geth monstrosity until his gun begins beeping due to heat.

"Bring that thing down!" Shepard yells somewhere behind me. I snap out of cover, only to be met with more fire from the floating metal drone.

"Great, I got myself a fan," I mutter as I fall back into cover. "I'm moving to flank!" I shout as I look around the corner of my crate to make sure it's clear. I'm halfway out of cover when I hear the crack of a sniper rifle and see the drone explode in the corner of my eye. "Nice shot, Ash!"

"Fenrir! Turn back! Over that way are three-!" Shepard calls to me before I run smack into what he was warning me about.

"- … krogan."

My hand is on my HVB before I realize it, but it's too late. The first krogan is charging directly at me. Next thing I know, I'm in the air. Landing…. Ground! Ouch…..

Fucking lizards.

I stagger to my feet, using my blade as a crutch. I can feel my blood boiling as I begin a lumbering walk towards the overly large crate they decided using as cover to hide from Shepard and everyone who are still occupied with the weakening Juggernaut. The pain is slowly ebbing away, whether it's due to adrenaline or medi-gel circulation, I don't know.

I'm seeing red… literally. Everything is varying hues of red. I feel myself grabbing one of the two grenades I stored on my belt before leaving the Normandy, chuckling all the while. So, first we sneak up on the group of krogan, then we make the incision. Yes, yes! Nice and deeeeeeep…. Ha ha ha. Hahahahaha! And then the grenade goes in… Hee hee hee! What a lovely mess he and his friends'll make…

Wait! What the fuck am I thinking!

_You're just doing the right thing as far as I can tell._

Right thing?

I hobble forward a bit more. I can see the armor of that first krogan now. The one that hit me. It's red. Everything is red. His back is to me.

_To us._

Right. Us. We could cut him up right now.

_Yes, we can do that._

But then we can't blow up his insides.

_Should we cut and then blow up the remnants?_

No. Let's blow up and then we can cut what isn't small enough.

_Yeeeees. That's perfect. And the other two?_

Yes… perfect… they won't be in pieces. There will be much to cut… oh so very much…

I raise my sword to make the deep gash for the slim little grenade…

############

…Ha… haha… haaaa…

What… what just happened? Did I black out? I throw my head from side to side, trying to clear my vision of blots of distorted colors. I can't move my arms. Why can't I move my arms? I try to crane my neck over my shoulder.

Wrex is keeping my hands bound behind my back. His red eyes fix me with a look of pure rage. "Back with us now?" Shepard says somewhere off to my right. I turn to look at him. He's situated himself on one of the crates. I can only assume what's just happened.

I lost control again.

"Y-yeah… I think so… What happ-"

"I was hoping _you'd _be able to tell _us!"_ Shepard roars in outrage. I visibly flinch at his harshness. "You just stuffed two grenades into a krogan and then laughed your ass off about it! Have you even seen yourself!" I hang my head slightly and glance down at the floor, catching sight of my armor on the way.

Gore. Blood. Bits and pieces. And I'm covered in them.

I fight back the bile that rises in my throat suddenly. "W-what is this..? What did I…?"

"You flipped out!" Shepard continues to yell. "If it weren't for Wrex holding you back and Liara's biotics, someone else might have gotten hurt!" He's gesturing to the side. My gaze slowly follows his arm to where Ashley and Liara both sit, each one looking worried and scared, respectively.

"I… I- I didn't mean to… I just…" I stammer out. That's all I'm capable of. Reason isn't registering anymore. I don't know what just happened and it scares me.

"YOU JUST WHAT!" Wrex screams into my ear. "You just annihilated a krogan in the most brutal fashion I've seen! On Tuchanka that would have been a story worth telling, but you turned to us and even with that mask on I could tell you were out for blood!"

For what little comfort it was worth, there was a slight tone of admiration in his voice. I stare at the floor again. The red light from overhead doesn't cast very dark shadows. I focus on that, trying to block everything else out. Trying to avoid the blame and the truth.

"Explain yourself," Shepard's simple order cuts through my little mental defense.

I'm silent. I don't speak for a time. All five of us stay still, waiting for me to talk, to say something, anything, that will make this all go away. But there's nothing to tell besides the truth of the matter.

Or at least part of it.

"It happened before too. On Therum. The krogan there after I hit him with that one biotic attack… I suddenly had this sadistic urge to mutilate him. To just rip him inch by inch and then cut up the pieces. It happened here because I got caught by surprise. He charged me, I was caught off guard and lowered my mental resistance… It just took over and I couldn't fight it."

_Smack._

Shepard's fist hit me right on the side of my mask. "You're seriously telling me that there's some other consciousness in your head, and you never thought to mention this to anyone else?" he rages. I can't face him, I can't respond, I can't do anything.

"Confiscate them," he orders Ashley. I look at him confused. "Your weapons." I seize up. Ashley walks over to me, avoiding my gaze. Ha, of course she wouldn't look at me now. Whatever was there or what could have been there probably isn't anymore, not after this…

My HVB, my pistol, my rifle are all taken from me. Shepard has Ashley run them to the Mako. The atmosphere is dreary to say the least. I can't believe I was stupid enough to let those thoughts creep back in. I'm not sure that it's a full consciousness like Shepard says. I'm pretty sure that two is already a crowd.

_It's not another consciousness. It's our programming. _

Programming?

_Well, the events on Illium? This is probably linked to it. We've got to be a sleeper agent of some kind I think. How else do you explain the dreams, the violent impulses, and also the supposedly sudden change from a simple Alliance military man to a psychotic murderer?_

You were just as psychotic as I was. "We this," and "we that."

…_What's wrong with us?_

Are you scared, Lycan?

_Yeah, I am… You?_

Without a doubt.

Ashley walks back in and removes her helmet, nodding to Shepard as she goes. "Stowed away successfully, Skipper. What's next?" she asks in a soldierly tone. She's not liking her job right now I'd guess, but she's following her CO's orders.

"Next? We keep going, naturally."

Wrex pushes me to the ground before rushing over to Shepard. He's hushing his voice, but I can still hear it. "You really sure about keeping him along, Shepard? I'm not scared for myself or you, but the other human and the asari could easily fall to a surprise attack. We'll need everyone we can get Shepard. Something about this place… smells wrong," he implores Brian, glancing back to me every couple words.

Shepard determinedly shakes his head. "That won't happen Wrex. Liara's biotics are strong and even if he attacked Ash," he pauses and glances between us, "which I doubt he will, she's good at handling human sized targets in close quarters."

"And if you're wrong?"

"Isn't that why we brought your giant scaly rear?" I pipe up impatiently from my position on the floor. I didn't feel the need to move quite yet. I mean would you? I think under the circumstances, I should be surprised I haven't convinced myself that I'm dreaming.

Wrex glares those red eyes at me. "True enough. Now get up." I comply, sighing as I do. "Now move," he orders.

"Sir, yes sir," I mutter sarcastically. Not sure why. It's not like anything I say right now, funny or not, will change the mood one bit. I keep my hands held behind my back so Wrex and everyone else can see them. They put me in the lead so that they can all gun me down if need be.

_Do you really think Ashley would do that to you?_

Right now… I don't know. I'm just an unknown variable right now. A hazard. Basically, I'm dangerous which means they get to be cautious. And what better way to defend yourself from a potential hazard by using it as a minesweeper for other hazards?

_Yeah. Words can't express how much this sucks._

I think this goes a bit beyond "sucks."

_Blows?_

Eh… needs a bit more impact.

_How about "how badly I want to punch something until my knuckles bleed?"_

Low blow, but a bit more accurate. Try something shorter next time.

_Smartass._

##########

A wide open room greets me as we progress through the next set of doors. All in all, the place seems quiet. No geth, no more krogan, just some backwards turrets at a security checkpoint (which definitely struck me as kind of odd).

Snow falls down through a break in the roof, covering a majority of the floor and some of a staircase on the right. There's something in the air. Damned if I know what it is though. It smells like something corroded and rotten.

"Hold up," I hear Shepard say behind me. My feet stop at the edge of the snow covered part of the floor. I kick at it slightly, playing a bit to distract myself. I need something… anything, to keep out the idea of four guns pointed at my back.

"What is it Shepard?" I hear Liara ask. I kick a small mound of snow watching it shatter into individual flakes. This stuff is pretty dry powder. Wet stuff normally clumps up and gets you a right fine headache when you get hit with it.

Movement from behind me. Probably Shepard moving about. I wonder what he's found? I'd turn around if I wasn't worried about the spontaneous movement earning me a buckshot to the torso. According to Tali, I'd already taken a bit of one when I rescued her from the geth.

"I can't quite piece it together, but it looks like something happened to this geth," he says. So there's a geth back there? I hadn't noticed when I'd passed by. "It's as if parts of its armor were melted away or corroded." That'd explain the smell.

I decide to pipe up. "Mind if I take a look and add my two cents, or would that be grounds for a bullet to the temple?" I ask smarmily.

"Be my guest."

I shrug and turn around. Yep, there's a geth alright. But the casing around its flashlight/head has holes in it as does the chest in various places. "It wasn't burnt away. There are no scorch marks," I observe.

"So then what happened to it?" Ashley asks, walking over to me. "There's no way we can write off something like this and say it doesn't matter." I nod silently, only half listening. So what else could do this?

I bring up my omni-tool and begin a simple scan that Tali showed me once. It basically examines a surface and tells you what is on it. Granted, it's not 100% accurate, but that's why it's a simple scan. That and it was free at the omni-tool app store.

What else burns/melts away a substance?

_Super heated air?_

On this planet? I doubt it. Plus, wouldn't that cause the entire body to melt or something?

_True. But then what else could it be?_

"…Acid, maybe?" I mutter under my breath. My eyes widen with realization. I try to specify the scan, making it detect what components make up the outer casing of the geth. _Requires paid version of Serris Material Scanner. Would you like to upgrade now?_ appears on a pop up holo screen. I practically punch the "No" button.

"Did you say acid?" I hear Wrex say nearby. I'm semi surprised that he even gives a damn at this point.

"Yeah. Here on Noveria, I'd imagine that superheating the air or anything like that isn't exactly common. So wouldn't acid be the next logical step? It wouldn't be normal acid like in the lab here either. If normal acid was thrown on something it would be all scattered and whatnot, right? This is hole looks like the acid was shot with accuracy."I pause to think for a moment. "Like something spat acid at it with precision," I pipe up as I continue frowning at my omni-tool. I fucking hate these devices sometimes.

Ashley raises her eyebrows. "That seems like an awful lot of inferring Mr. Detective."

Detective? Me? I can't even figure out my own thoughts. "I'm just taking guesses based off what I'm seeing here

Wrex suddenly starts talking in a tone that was somewhere between anger and caution. "I hope either you're wrong about the acid, or I'm wrong about a certain hunch I have. Otherwise we're in for some serious... fun."

Shepard grabs Wrex's shoulder aggressively. "You know something Wrex?" He demands. Wrex nods as he locks eyes with Shepard. "Tell us. I'm not in the mood right now for dicking around with hidden information."

"Be careful with that sharp tongue, Shep," I warn him mockingly. "You might cut your cheek."

The Commander and the krogan ignore me. "If I'm right, and this smell is one I've heard of," Wrex rumbles, "and if the kid is right about the acid… well, I think we might be dealing with-"

Suddenly there's the sound of a bunch of feet hitting metal. "Is that in the wall?" Ashley asks. "The air vents? What would be moving around inside there?" A shrill cry pierces the air from a balcony up the stairs.

"…Rachni."

Shepard doesn't hesitate for a moment. "Get to cover!" he calls as he slides behind an overturned table. I dive in next to him and scramble my way and set my back against what was formerly the table's top.

Shepard pops out of cover to take a couple shots. "What's the deal, Shepard? I'm not moving out of here without a gun," I tell him. The last thing I need is to get hit with whatever acid those things might produce.

"You're a biotic aren't you, kid?" he snipes back as his gun cools.

"Can't say I'm really good at it!" I yell back as an explosion rocks the room followed by a triumphant roar from Wrex. I'll either assume that was a grenade or a "Carnage" shot. I glance over to the shattered remains of a rachni.

…Nope. Still can't tell which it is. Carnage shots list copious amounts of gore as a side effect of use and grenades are... well, grenades.

Shepard leans out of cover to look around. He quickly snaps back to hide as something impacts the other side of the table. "If I lend you my pistol, can I trust you not to shoot me in the back?" he asks tersely as he grabs the gun from his hip.

I snatch it from his grip and peg a couple smaller rachni hatchling looking things that were crawling towards us. "How's that for an answer?" I say flaring up my left hand with biotics. I pop up around the table and thrust out my fist, sending a Throw field into one of the larger monstrocities. It falls to the ground as I bring the pistol around to launch some shots at it.

Before I can even pull the trigger, a stream of AR fire tears the rachni's body into pieces. "Fair enough," Shepard says as he grabs his shotgun from his lower back. "What do you say we stomp some bugs then?"

i tuck back behind the table as another impact and some sizzling tells me that some of our guests aren't very happy with us right now. "Sounds like a plan."

Shepard nods. "Use as many biotics attacks as you can and keep them under pressure. Me and my friend here," he indicates his shotgun, "will go and greet them in person."

"Aye, aye," I respond as I prepare for Shepard to signal for us to begin.

He holds up his left hand, open palmed and then clenches it down.

Go time.

Simultaneously, the two of us slide out from the side of the table and immediately begin wreaking havoc. I start to call targets to the Commander as I launch Throws at the larger rachni.

"Big one at 7!"

"Got it!" he calls back. Before the words are all the way out of his mouth, he's spun around and nailing the giant insect with round after round of buckshot. "Fuck! These little ones are annoying! Take 'em out!" he yells at me as a couple of the smaller rachni jump and explode against Shepard's armor.

I comply and begin popping some barely aimed shots at some of the smaller creatures. Only a few rounds actually hit. It doesn't really matter in the end though. Shepard is… well, I could be dramatic and say he's a god on the battlefield. That's an exaggeration coming from a guy who isn't too big on gods.

No, Shepard isn't a god. He's an artist.

His combat sense is fantastic. Every Throw I send out is easily followed up but a couple well placed blasts of his shotgun or a Carnage shell. It's as if he already knows exactly which enemies are the next targets.

Eventually my directions change to things like "Behind!" or "Right!" It's astounding how well he can understand my intentions based on just single word directions. This is the first human Spectre. This is what Commander Brian Shepard can really do.

I keep sending out Throws, noting that I'm no longer alone with the Commander. Liara has begun throwing her own biotics into the mix. Ashley is following up on Liara's attacks like Shepard is for me while Wrex… acts like himself. He's charging about, smacking one rachni with a back hand and following it up with a roar from his shotgun. "I am Urdnot Wrex and you're all dead!" he cries as he rips some appendage or another off one of the larger workers. Liara smacks it with a Warp soon after. I have a tiny flashback to our lesson on the Normandy.

If I hit that thing with a Throw now… then will it...?

I clench my fist and send the biotic orb slamming directly into the beast causing a burst of blue energy to erupt from the contact. "Biotic explosion," I mutter as I stretch my neck to snap it a few times. I feel like a badass right now. Did that look badass?

_Looked like a kill steal to me._

If they're dead and we aren't, then who gives a shit?

Liara bounds over to Shepard and me with a satisfied looking grin. "It seems that my tutoring was useful to you after all?" she asks happily. I'd assume any teacher would be happy with seeing their pupil apply what they've learned.

"Yeah, good set up, Liara. Did you purposefully not detonate it yourself?" I say suspiciously.

Liara looks down at the floor. "I-I have no idea what you mean. You must have been faster than me." Uh-huh. Sure that's the case.

I set my hand on her shoulder. "Is that so? Well, then thank you for the lesson from earlier," I say, realizing that I still hadn't properly shown my gratitude. "Well, Shepard? What's our next move?" I turn to see our brave leader doubled over, taking in deep breaths. "Oy! Shep! You alright?"

"Quit… howling at me Fenrir. I'm just… a bit tired. It's been a while since I've… since I've gone that crazy," he says through gasps of air. I guess he normally sticks to the "stay in cover and take potshots at your targets" type warfare.

"We all need to cut loose now and again," Ashley says with a sigh.

"You call that cutting loose?" Wrex shouts. "Ha! You haven't seen a blood frenzied krogan. We can get kind of wild if we need to." That's all I ever see him do anyway. Wrex has one speed: Go kill shit. It's great and all, just try not to be directly in front of him when he starts moving.

"Okay, we're heading out," Shepard declares. "Fenrir! Hold onto that pistol or else you're buying me a new one after the mission," he turns back to tell me as we pass through the door.

I just chuckle as I feel glad that I'm back on his good side. At that time if I had known how this mission would end, I might have just cut and run right there…

**A/N: So this chapter is a bit shorter than my normal ones. The next one should finish Noveria (and be up to the ~7000 words that I normally put out), and it'll also begin what I like to call our "Acceleration Chapters," which will move us closer to the time between ME1 and ME2 and my next story, Mass Effect: Transition. Now, I know the name seems lacking, but remember it's not just the stories that change, but the characters too. **

**I'm rather excited for Transition and I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY want to write it. More than once, I've toyed around with the idea of dropping a chapter that will explain the main events left in Vindication and just go into Transition ASAP, but then I realized how much of a copout that is and that you all reading this deserve the story to be told correctly, not some stupid shortcut to satisfy myself.**

**Anyhow, iNf3ctioNZ has a new collaborative project out called Task Force Hydra. It's written in conjunction with Kassandra Black, quantumparadigm, and TheRev28. It basically gives plot to the ME3 multiplayer and looks really good so far. Check it out!**

**-Kraidle**


	16. Tales of Noveria part 2

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 16: Tales of Noveria, Part 2_

_You Me at Six – Take Off Your Colours_

**A/N: Got a couple reviews in the first 24 hours on chapter 15, so let's finish off Noveria and begin the acceleration to Transition, shall we? A great big thank you to all my reviewers. You're all as awesome as Garrus is.**

On rebooted AI, an instance of venting plasma onto some waiting rachni, and a tram ride later, we arrive at the Rift station of Peak 15. I stand up and stretch from sitting in one of the rows of chairs in the small vessel. "At least this thing is roomier than the Mako," I sigh as I reach for my borrowed pistol.

"_Now arriving at Rift Station, Binary Helix research facility,"_ Mira's voice announces through the speakers. The AI core had been a pain to reboot. Shepard had gone down into the core to give it a look see since we had none of our Tech savvy personnel with us. He ended up so frustrated that he just overrode the entire core with omnigel. I'll admit though: I'm glad he did it. He sounded pretty frustrated to me.

"Let's move, but be cautious. Wrex and I take point, Liara and Fenrir are on biotic duty and Ash you're supporting fire. Assault rifles and pistols only people," Shepard demands as he glances at the walls uneasily. "Lord knows what might happen if we misfire in a lab like this…"

I swallow nervously. What could happen? Chemical leak? Bioengineered weaponized virus? I shudder and try to regain my focus. Let's try to be careful with our shots while we're here.

"Doors locked Shepard," Wrex says from the door ahead of us labeled "Emergency Exit only". The bright red light on the side console told us that we aren't getting through there easily. "Want me to blast them open?" The krogan twitches eagerly.

Shepard just shakes his head no. "I want to look around for any lab personnel. Maybe some have still survived until this point," he says levelly. He seems a bit on edge though. Maybe it's the giant acid spitting bugs that we've been encountering, maybe it's the revelation that one of his squad is a semi sane psycho, or maybe he's always like this on missions. I didn't really pay attention to him on Therum since I was teaming up with Tali more often than naught.

"You're the boss," I shrug as we look to the unlocked door to our left. Ash hits the open command on the console and Wrex and I head in, weapons at the ready. The room is empty except for two doors to the left. "Clear!" I call back as the other three follow us in.

"Well, I would have to assume that we are taking the right-hand door?" Liara says as she points at the side consoles for each exit. The left one was red while the right one is green.

"You see another way forward?" Ashley asks a little too harshly. I glance over to her and just shake my head slightly. I hope she isn't letting any prejudices screw with her.

"That wasn't needed Williams," Shepard says as he advances towards our only option.

"Sorry sir."

"Good, now let's keep moving if you please?" he says as he opens the door to reveal an elevator. "Everyone in."

We all comply silently, stowing our weapons away for the moment as the elevator begins its unbearably slow climb to the next floor. Are all elevators like this? I swear I'm going to invent a faster one than these, so help me God.

After a couple moments of silence, the lift ground to a halt. The doors slid open greeting us with six or seven rifles all aimed in our direction.

_Isn't that the nicest thing? A welcoming committee…_

"Stand down," orders a dark skinned man with a bald head and gruff voice. The other soldiers lower their rifles and fidget nervously. If I had to guess, I'd say that these guys have definitely encountered their fair share of rachni recently.

Shepard walks over to the bald man and the two begin to chat. "Sorry. We couldn't be sure of what was on the tram," the bald guy says.

"Can those things work a train's controls?" Shepard asks back curiously. I have to admit that the idea of a giant bug working on any kind of piece of machinery is unlikely at best. But I have amnesia, so what do I know?

The man just shrugs in response. "Hell if I know. I'm not assuming any-goddamn-thing," he says, rubbing his temples. "Look, you're human and that's enough that I won't shoot. But I'd like to know who you are."

Shepard plays off the slightly frightened demand, saying, "Call me Shepard. I was sent to find an asari Matriarch." It's good that he doesn't go around flaunting his Spectre status, especially since Noveria didn't seem too keen on anything Council related.

"Benezia? Yeah, she came through here," the man says casually. "The aliens overran the hotlabs last week. Only Han Olar got out and he ain't all there anymore." His face sets into a self depreciating frown. "First we knew, the bastards were clawing into my command post. We had a lot more staff back then…"

Shepard scoffs. "I'm packing fire and steel. If they want to fight with claws and teeth, it's their funeral," he declares dangerously. Either Shepard is A) Really pissed, or B) Really hates rachni.

Either way, this guy eats it right up. "You got my support," he declares confidently.

"Not that it's much to brag about," I mutter to Ashley as the two head honchos keep talking.

I had meant it in jest but Ashley takes me seriously. "You're right," she nods sagely. "These men are beaten and broken. They won't last much longer. They might not even last the next wave of those things…" she says, suppressing a shudder.

I glance over at the two CO's, noting that there appears to be some tension between them. Maybe Shepard is being a bit too aggressive. After all, those kinds of gestures aren't normally used for speaking to a fellow person in charge of-

More rumbling in the walls causes everyone to tense up. "Hell! Man the perimeter!" the bald officer orders to his men. Shepard's pistol is already in my hand as I rush behind the makeshift cover of tables and boxes that the defenders have set up.

I'm barely turned around when I see the 8 foot long grate that was behind us fly into the air and 2 more rachni come spewing from the open vent. "Liara!" I yell, causing the asari to send out some biotic attack at the first enemy. I follow it quickly with my own Warp. I think she threw a Singularity, if the miniature black hole is any indication.

The pull of the Singularity pulls the second rachni worker up into the air as well, making both rachni vulnerable to the hailstorm of bullets that our squad and the defenders fired. Then my Warp hit…

The shockwave was so powerful I felt the barricade move slightly under the force. I almost feel pity for the rachni before I recall that they are attempting to kill us, eat us, or just melt us down… if not some strange combination of the three. My mind idly wanders to what being in the middle of such an explosion would be like.

If I wasn't wearing my mask still, I'd imagine someone would have noticed me flinching.

"Whew..." the bald officer sighs. "Thanks for the help. Every few hours or so, a group comes up the tram tunnel. It's actually better since we locked down the elevator," he explains, weariness creeping into his voice.

"We're all in the same boat," Shepard says back simply.

The captain scratches his head. "I don't know why they keep throwing themselves against our defenses. Even animals should learn not to stick their noses where it hurts." He moves aside, sweeping his hand along the path. I guess that ends our meet 'n greet.

###########

After looking in on some of the other survivors, the five of us settle down in an office between the initial barricade and the common area that the remaining staff members are holing up in. I set myself down on the floor, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, saying, "Alright Shepard, so what's the plan?"

He sits at the desk. I think it belonged to that Captain Ventralis from the barricade. After a couple more visits, I'd managed to get a hold of his name. "Well, as it stands we still have our main objective: finding Benezia." Everyone nods in agreement, though Liara seemed slightly more hesitant than the rest of us. "But there are a couple other things that we need to do," He continues. "First of those things is synthesizing that cure for Dr. Cohen. The second is to activate that neutron purge down in the hot labs, which is sure to be swarming with rachni."

I see Wrex ram his fists together out of the corner of my eye. "So, which do we do first, Shepard?" Liara says, voicing everyone's thoughts.

"Both."

Everyone just cocks an eyebrow at the man. "Uh, can you clarify that, Commander?" Ash asks.

Shepard stands up and begins pacing like some kind of mastermind. "We'll be splitting up. Liara and I will handle the cure while you three activate the neutron purge and seriously weaken their reinforcements," he explains as if it was the plainest thing in the world.

I push myself off the ground so hard that I think I might even go airborne for a moment. "You want the three of us to go into the middle of how many of those things and set off a fucking bomb while you're up here playing scientist?" I yell at him.

Shepard quickly grabs the neck of my armor. "I'll say this once, Fenrir," he growls at my mask. "I'm in charge here, and you will do as you are ordered." I can't say anything back. I'm frozen. "You're on thin ice still, pal. The fact that you're handy in a fight is the only reason you are carrying that pistol right now. Why do you think you're going with Wrex and Williams? Because you're fucking strong." I can see Liara and Ashley looking around nervously, trying to figure out what to do with the current situation. Wrex seems mildly entertained by the events transpiring and just stands in the corner, watching silently.

Shepard throws me backward, letting me tumble across the floor a bit. He walks forward, kneels down and looks me dead in my eyes, like the mask wasn't even there.

"Do what you're told."

That's all he needs to say as he stands back up and heads back towards the common area. He motions for Liara to follow him and passes Wrex a keycard as he passes. The two exchange some muttered words that I can't make out before the door closes behind the Commander and the Doctor.

Ashley kneels down next to me looking somewhere between scared and worried. She reaches out, probably to touch my shoulder or something. I don't need it. I don't _want _it. I stand straight up and head over to Wrex.

"We going or what?" I growl at him. It's not his fault I'm pissed. I shouldn't be directing it at him.

Wrex doesn't give two shits about my attitude though. "We're going. Hot labs are down the way we came up the first time. They're the locked down elevator next to the one we took," he grunts as he pushes himself out of the corner he was leaning into.

I follow him closely. I'm pissed right now. And even without my guns, even without my HVB…

_We're still fucking dangerous._

Right now, we're worse than dangerous. We're fucking fatal.

###########

"Arming controls are nearby," says Yaroslev Tartakovsky. We'd found the Russian huddled and alone in the hot labs. The room was surprisingly small. I'd expected so much more from a laboratory, especially with one teaming with rachni.

We'd originally happily walked over to the VI's console (I think she was called Mira) and tried to initiate the neutron purge so we could get the hell out of this place before any rachni showed up. It would only take a few to block our small escape route from the resulting blast after all. Even Wrex agreed that it'd be best to get in and out of here as fast as possible, even if he did look slightly disappointed.

"All you do is insert the key," he continued. "Then I will give Mira destruct co—UGH!"

The wiry tentacle penetrated right through his body half a second after we'd noticed it. Fuck! How'd we not even notice this thing creep up on us? We're even facing its direction for Christ's sake!

Wrex acts first, slamming himself directly into the solitary rachni, dislodging the impaled corpse which causes it to roll limply across the floor. Ashley and I begin firing shots in everytime there's a n opening but Wrex seems intent on ripping it apart with his bare hands alone. In a matter of moments the entire insect is nothing more than bits and pieces lying on the floor, twitching occasionally.

"Holy shit, Wrex," I mutter as I half admire his handy work. Ha! Handy…

"So now what?" Ash asks. The krogan and I both turn to her. "He knew to activation sequence code for the neutron purge! Any recommendations on what do now that he's dead?" I sigh and shrug over at Wrex.

He just grunts. "If I know you humans like I hope I don't know you, then the odds are that he kept another copy of it on his omni-tool as well as in his little egghead," he reasons. Reasoning, coming from Wrex? Well, I've seen giant bugs today, so I guess a flying pig shouldn't be too surprising.

Ash crouches down over the corpse and brings up his omni-tool and begins to search through the existing data. I kneel next to her and examine the wound from the rachni. Those things sure are brutal. Not only did it impale the guy, but it impaled him with one of the things they use to spit acid. The organs and gore all around the wound are discolored and the consistency of thick pudding.

_I don't think I'll ever look at pudding the same, so thanks for that._

Yeah, well this is just an even better reason to avoid getting near those things. Speaking of which…

"Hey Wrex, you alright?" I ask the stupid question. "You got in pretty close with that thing. Did it spit on you anywhere? Bite you or anything?" I stand up and walk over to him. He's standing guard, glancing around anxiously, probably hoping for another rachni to rip apart.

"None of your concern," he shoots back coldly, not even turning to look at me. "We krogans have fought rachni before, and even if I was still a whelp at the time, I'd heard stories where anybody who had their gun hit by that acid shit would do just as I did." He rounds on me, suddenly staring into my eyes with his own red ones. "You see, ripping apart things that piss us off is in our blood."

I take the hint and back away. "I was just worried. After all, how would I explain to Shepard how we lost our krogan leader because he wouldn't admit he was injured?"

He just scoffs, saying, "You humans don't know what it's like to regenerate this quickly. I might as well fight these things naked." He adds one of those krogan grins. "That might actually make it a challenge."

I let out a chuckle. "Can't say I'd join you in that venture, bu-"

"Got it!" I heard Ashley say as she stood up from being huddled over the corpse. She brings up her own omni-tool, tapping a few points on the hologram interface. "Let's activate this damn thing so we can get out of here before more of those bastards show up."

"Seconded," I nod as we all move towards the back room with Mira's terminal. The female themed VI pops up on command, ready for orders.

"_Greetings. I have full access to the facility, and am at your disposal,"_ she chimes robotically. Not like I expected any other kind of tone.

"Activate the neutron purge," Ashley orders the VI.

Mira denies the request saying, "_I'm sorry, but I cannot do that without proper code activation."_

"Look, we have authorization," I butt in impatiently. Ashley brings up her omni-tool and holds it in front of me. "Code input: 875… 0200…79," I read slowly. There's something else here too. "Code… Omega? Local execution."

"_Code Omega execution in 120 seconds._" I'm not exactly sure what I just read to it, but I can only hope it was the neutron purge. And that means we need to be out of here. Now.

At once, the three of us turn and sprint towards the main room. The instant the door opens a ball of acid whizzes right past my mask. My gun is drawn in milliseconds and firing at the rachni with every ounce of accuracy I have.

"Forget them!" Ashley yells. "The elevator!"

Wrex and I both nod and begin a mad dash through a room which was quickly getting filled with giant killer space bugs.

_Average day for the crew of the Normandy._

Feels like it.

I roll under a rachni antenna and catch myself on my knee right in front of the elevator. Wrex slams the up button as I jump in and the doors close as the metal contraption begins to ascend.

"Worst…*huff puff* winter camp… ever…" I pant as I lean on my knees, gasping for air.

"Hehehe… yeah," Ashley chuckles back. "The bugs are terrible this time of year…" The dull roar of an explosion sounded through the metal shaft. Ash and I both lean against each other and the wall and sigh in relief.

Wrex is just standing there as if nothing is wrong. Such a stoic guy until the fighting starts. I feel a sensation on top of my hand through the gloves on my armor. Reflex kicks in and I twitch back before I see Ash's hand right there by mine.

_Do it._

She saw me lose control earlier. Are you sure that's the best idea right now?

_Well not trying has never fixed anything_.

Touché.

I slip my hand over top of Ashley's. She twitches for a moment at the contact but then relaxes and leans on me a bit more. Behind my mask, I can't help but smile a bit. She still cares. And to be honest, I'm kind of mad with myself for thinking she wouldn't. She's not stupid by any stretch.

_I don't know about that. After all she does seem to be pretty into __**you**__ of all people._

Yeah, well, that's one bit of stupidity that I can live with.

###########

"Asari sleeper agents! Of all the annoying shit to deal with!" Shepard yells as we walk down towards the back entrance to the labs where Benezia is supposed to be. We'd reunited a few minutes before. The common area of the survivor's defenses served as our rendezvous. Shepard and Liara hadn't said more than a single full sentence to us before now.

We'd all immediately filed down to the medical bay where Shepard passed him the… whatever it was that they had synthesized. He passed us his faculty ID and we'd accessed the back labs without delay.

I think Shepard just wants to leave this place behind, after all, a lot of shit has happened recently. Rachni, the politics back at the port… not to mention me losing control. His behavior before we split up means that I'm not out of the water yet. I just hope he still trusts me enough to let me keep my mask on.

The next set of doors lead to an access hallway. At the end of the short hall was yet another door leading into something labeled… "something labs." I don't know. I don't really care where we go, I'll just follow Shepard.

A big room sprawled out before us. A few things pop out to me about this room. First, it's made entirely of walkways going around the edge of the room, but they walkways are cluttered with boxes. Second, the walkway directly ahead of us leads up to an elevated platform which positions anybody on it directly next to a giant tube. Thirdly, the contents of that giant tube: the biggest rachni I've seen today. It's huge, blue and (considering its current state of imprisonment) fairly docile.

The last thing to catch my eye though is an asari who I assume to be matriarch Benezia standing on the platform next to the giant bug's tube. She turns to us as we enter, striding forward slightly. "You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation. To shape a life… turn it towards happiness or despair…" she rants almost dreamily, like she's remembering a fond memory.

"What? Not even a hello?" I say aloud, feigning insult yet lining it with anger. I heard her on that recording with Saren. She's with him. Getting her would lead us right to him and allowing us to end this war quickly. Can we even call it a war, though?

Benezia's eyes narrow at me. "Her children were to be ours," she says, looking back to the rachni. "Raised to hunt and slay Saren's enemies!" Her eyes scan us once more, finally noticing Liara. "I won't be moved by sympathy, no matter who you bring into this confrontation."

Shepard steps forward and throws an arm out in front of Liara. I hadn't even realized that my asari teammate was slowly walking forward. "Liara's here because she wants to be, not b ecause I asked her to," the Commander declares harshly.

Benezia glances at the two of them skeptically. "Really? What have you told him about me, Liara?"

"What could I say, mother? That you're insane? Evil? Explain how to kill you! What could I say!" Liara asks, sounding like she's begging for her mom to actually give an answer.

Benezia ignores her and turns back to Shepard. "Have you faced and asari commando unit before, Commander? I know one of your squad certainly has…" she says as her eyes drift to me.

Oh, hell no.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asks back sharply.

"I mean that you have a psychotic killer directly behind you, Shepard."

Brian turns his head and looks me hard in the eyes. I can't help but stare back. What's going on? Am I… scared? I could kill him and everyone else really easily if I do it fast enough. I might be able to escape and-

"No… no, no, nonononononono. NO! That's not me! I'm not that man!" I scream as I fall to my knees and clench both hands to my mask. "GO AWAAAAY!" I want it gone. These impulses, this guilt, this blood on my hands… I want it all to go away and leave me alone…

A hand hits my shoulder. I glance up and see Ashley with a comforting smile on her face. "No, you aren't what or who you were if you don't want to be. You're what you are now," she says as she forcibly pulls me to my feet.

"I'd be careful Benezia, words like that can kill a man," Shepard says teasingly.

I draw his pistol from my hip. "I know what'll kill her faster," I growl, trying to stop the murderous rage rapidly building in me.

Benezia just smirks and waves her hand at us dismissively. Shepard draws his own gun. "You know, Fenrir is right. You won't look so smug with a hole in your head."

"That's only if any of you are alive long enough to put one there," she says as her biotics begin to flare up slightly.

"Wait a second, you'd kill you own daughter?" I hear Ash ask incredulously behind me.

"I realize now I should have been stricter with her." And then she hits us.

Stasis? I think it is. I can't move my body and all I can see of my body is my blue armor suddenly becoming stark white. I flick my eyes side to side since they are apparently unaffected by the biotic field. Armored asari are streaming into the room from doors in the room's corners.

Fuck.

Suddenly, the Stasis is gone and I'm falling. I throw out my hands and land on all fours. I glance around to the others. Shepard is already up and firing at the matriarch ( though not seeming to do any damage) while Wrex is next to him trying to make Swiss cheese of the commandos. Liara is struggling to her feet, much like me, and Ash is-

I seize up suddenly. She's thrashing about on the ground, grasping at her chest. "Shepard!" I yell, not knowing what to do.

"A bit busy right now!"

"Ash is down! I don't know what's happening!" I shout back fearfully.

Liara rushes over next to me. Her look suddenly becomes one of concern. "Her heart has stopped! Mother's Stasis field must have been unstable and affected her internal organs along with her outer body," she explains to me as we both watch Ash continue to toss about.

"Shep! Did you catch that?" I scream over the din of gunfire.

"Liara over here now!" he orders. "We need some biotic artillery on those commandos NOW!"

"Shepard!"

He turns to face me as he crouches behind one of the scattered boxes. "Her heart's stopped, right? So use CPR!" he orders before peaking over his cover and firing a few shots.

I hit the button to open my mask's mouth visor. An error flashes onto my screen. "Motor jammed"? Looks like the Stasis affected my helmet too. Now what the fuck do I do!

_Take off your mask._

Wha-?

_You heard me._

But then-

_What's more important to you Karos! Her life or your secrets!_

…..

I reach behind the mask and grip the manual emergency release lever. I think it was installed in case some fucker got this brand of mask stuck on his fat head when Halloween was all said and done with I take a breath in as I pull it. A voice sounds in my mask. "_Release lever pulled. Please see a sales representative to have the mask reset or else it will not latch shut during future use."_

_So we can't put it back on._

You talked me into this, so this is no time to be distracted.

_Right. You remember CPR?_

Vaguely. Compressions and then breaths, right?

_Yeah._

I place one hand over the other and begin firm, swift thrusts against Ashley's abs before pulling open her mouth and breathing in twice. Not exactly how I'd imagine our next kiss would go…

_Check for a pulse._

… I got one, but it's got no rhythm.

_It's irregular. Do it again._

I set back to attempting to revive her. A few bullets fly past my head. I can hear Shepard yell , "Oh no you don't!" followed by an explosion and an asari scream. Compressions… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6… breaths… one, two… pulse?

**Ba-bump. Ba-bump. Ba-bump.**

_Did you get it?_

I think I did. I think we're safe.

Ash takes a gasping breath and pulls herself into the fetal position. "Ash! Ash! Are you alright?" I panic, moving her behind a box for safety.

"Urgh… I certainly don't feel like it. Everything is hazy and dizzy… but I'm alive right?" she asks quietly.

I can't help but crack a smile. "Yeah. Yeah, you are."

"By the way," Ash says, returning my smile, "you seem really familiar. Have we met?"

My hair is a bit longer than it was on the Citadel when I'd first put on the mask, meaning it swung around my head slightly and covered my eyes a bit as I shook my head no. "Not face to face I-"

"Fenrir! Is she alright!" Shepard calls back as Benezia waves her hand, bringing in a fresh wave of commandos. "Dammit! More?"

"She's fine Shep!" I look back to her with an embarrassed smile.

Her eyes widen at Shepard words. "Fen…rir…?"

"More commandos on the opposite side!" Wrex calls, throwing out some biotic attack or another.

Shepard nods and nails an asari in the chest with a burst of rifle fire. "Noted. Liara! I want biotics on them! Keep them busy until we can clean up some of the others!" He swings round to face me briefly. "You too, Fenrir! We need another gun over here!"

I get up and slide into cover between Liara and Wrex. "A pistol isn't much, but how about some biotics?" I yell as I pop up and send a Throw hurtling towards an unsuspecting hostile. Her body was lifted and hit the wall with sickening force.

Shepard just lets out a loud laugh. "It'll do!"

Only a small handful of commandos were left among the scattered corpses of other asari and some geth. Figures that there would be more of those flashlight heads around, but between the three of them they'd all managed to wreck everything. Shepard's accuracy and reactions coupled with Liara's biotics and Wrex's brute strength make for one deadly combination.

I peek out of cover and send a Warp at Wrex's target, flushing her from the crate she had hidden behind. Wrex sent a single Throw at the asari, detonating her right then and there. I slip back behind my box as rifle fire penetrates the air where my head just was.

"Deploying Warp field, Shepard!" Liara calls. Can see Shepard following it's trajectory from the corner of my vision. He fires moments later. "Nice shot," she praises as they both settle back behind their respective boxes.

"How many of the bitches are left?" Wrex grunts from next to me. He seems to be enjoying the fight and forgetting whatever hostility we'd had. For now at least.

"I think there are only two left, Shepard. Shall we go on the offensive?" Liara asks, obviously feeling incredibly confident.

"Yeah, Wrex and Fenrir, cut right and flank them. Liara and I will stay here and keep them suppressed," Shepard orders, motioning for us to move along the walkways.

"Aye, aye," I nod as the two of us set off. We slip from cover and begin to dash along the first walkway to the next corner and our next set of cover. The boxes here hide us well enough. I look around the corner of mine and see the commandos are still exchanging rounds with the Commander and the doctor.

I turn back to Wrex and nod. He jerks his head to the side indicating we should move. I glance at the next walkway. All I see is a giant straight line with no cover that leads us right to the next corner and the other side of the room. Granted, it puts us practically right on top of the two remaining enemies, but there's also a huge chance of them noticing us while we make the dash.

I look back to Wrex and nod once more. We roll out of our cover and book it directly for that last corner. Halfway there… three quarters…

Shots suddenly nail my shields hard. Fuck, they saw us! I dive for the corner as a single shot hits me square in my chest. I slide next to the first box as Wrex goes to the bigger one next to me. I glance down at my armor.

Without my mask I hadn't been able to tell my shields' strength until they were down. The giant scorch mark that the shot left is all that remains to say that I was even hit. I guess this heavy batarian armor does the trick after all.

I draw Shepard's pistol and whisper to Wrex, "We're stuck back here and they know it. We need a plan of attack." I've no doubts that they're crouched behind their own cover, safe from Shepard and Liara, but still aiming their guns in our direction.

Wrex just grins his big krogan grin. "I have a plan," Wrex says simply. "Attack."

With that he rushes from behind the crates, letting out a roar as he charges the last two asari. I push to my feet and chase after him. He picks up speed and widens the gap between us slightly just before he hits the first asari, sending her hurtling backwards into a box leaning against the wall. He continues to chase after her, raising his own foot to aim a stomp directly at her downed head.

I try to watch what comes next, but the other asari appears from behind a crate in front of me, aiming her rifle right at me. I stop thinking and ball up my fist, flaring my biotics.

She's hitting my shield.

I'm almost there…

My Throw enhanced punch connects squarely in her face. I hear something snap multiple times before I release the Throw, sending her careening into the wall next to Wrex. The krogan was inspect his bloody foot as the body went flying past him, causing him to look back at me and give me another one of those krogan smiles.

I guess I should start doing that one at parties. I rush over to him, pistol in hand. Together we move up the staircase on the other side of the elevated platform. Shepard and Liara are already standing at the opposite side, weapons drawn and pointed at the waiting matriarch.

"This is not over," she mutters maliciously. "Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear!"

Shepard opts to ignore her. "I'd expected better from asari commandos," he says, attempting to provoke her.

"I will not betray him. You will—you…"she hesitates and cuts off as she leans over the control console next to the rachni's tube. She straightens herself up and turns back to us "You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind, I can fight his compulsions. Briefly," she says. No, she begs. There's something different about her now…

"Why are you able to break free of his control now?" Shepard asks cautiously behind the sight on his rifle.

"I sealed a part of my mind away from the indoctrination. Saving it for a moment when I could use it to destroy him," she explains. "…It will not last long."

I lean over to Liara. "I know this isn't a good time, but sealing away her mind? Can she do that?"

Liara nodded slowly. "Yes. We asari are a very… cerebral race. Biotics are controlled with our minds and we have latent talent in that field. Even our mating is done by linking minds," she tells me. I try to ignore any dirty thoughts. I guess when put that way, it seems plausible.

I tune back into the conversation between the two leaders. "The key is Sovereign, his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and its power is extraordinary," Benezia says, continuing her rant about Saren's mind control.

I step up next to Shepard. "Commander, she said her mind won't hold for long. Whatever she can tell us about what Saren is up to should take priority, right?" I ask him unsteadily. I'd rather him not get close enough to recognize me, though my long hair and the heat of battle probably kept me hidden thus far.

Benezia looks at me curiously. "Oh yes, you," she notes my existence with loathing.

I turn to her. "I'm sorry?"

"I know about you and you're little stunt on Illium, Ben Karos."

The name is out. Shepard is looking at me. Liara is looking at me. Wrex doesn't give a damn.

_Well, it's been fun._

Shepard moves my hair out of the way with his fingers. Any awkwardness that that moment would normally have is lost as he sees my full face for the first time. Recognition dawns on him. I can see it in his eyes.

It's only there for a moment though before something else throws it from his mind. Rage. White. Hot. Rage.

"Wrex," he mutters, barely containing himself from punching me… or worse. "I want this worthless sack of shit back on the Normandy and in the brig."

My heart sank as I heard the words. Wrex grabs my arms and binds them with his own as he'd done earlier when I'd gone berserk. "Shepard!" I yell back to him, trying to explain. He ignores me. I have to try something else.

"Brian!"

Wrex stops and turns. I see him tense up at the use of his first name. He mutters something that I can't quite make out.

"…ou dare…."

"What was that?" I ask, trying to figure out what he'd said.

"Don't you fucking dare… use that name!" he roars. "I don't want to fucking hear that name from _you_ ever again!" I step towards me, balling up a fist.

I grit my teeth as the haymaker collides with my head right near my temple.

After that? Things got dark really quick. I could hear Shepard slightly with my disoriented senses.

"The entire time… it was him all along…"

And that's the last bit that I can remember.

###########

**A/N: Hello everyone! With this we are finally done Noveria! Not as many chapters as I had for Therum… I think. I had little patience for this mission between Mira's core and the constant health degen from rachni acid and asari sleeper agents and accidentally attacking one of the guards patrolling the restricted zone which made me kill all the survivors… Yeah, you get the idea.**

**With this done it's time for "acceleration chapters." What does that mean? Well, it means that I get some creative writing opportunities by providing you with Ben's experiences while… well, let's not spoil things shall we?**

**I've gotten some awesome reviews on that last chapter, for which I have you, my dear readers to thank! My semester is almost up which will hopefully mean that I'll be able to update faster than ever due to my upcoming copious amounts of free time!**

**Been doing some Left 4 Dead 2 lately on Steam. It's always fun when things are changed about every time. **

**I want to ask you all to keep up the reviews PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! They keep my ego inflated. And the ones that don't do that help me to improve the story for **_**YOUR**_** benefit. So look back through the chapter. See something that doesn't make sense or was confusing? Tell me! I'll work on avoiding or changing things in the future.**

**After all, isn't that what reviews are supposed to be for?**

**Love you all,**

**Kraidle**


	17. Time Gets Funny in a Cell

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 17: Time Gets Funny in a Cell_

_Anberlin – Blame Me! Blame Me!_

_The dark room had a single beam of light_**.**___Of course it did. This is an interrogation isn't it? Isn't this how they're supposed to look? The suspect, meaning yours truly, bound to a chair or table in a dark room with a single source of light to add dramatic effect?_

_I'm not myself. I can feel that. I can't say I care though. It's weird… before, whenever I didn't feel like myself, I lost control. I became sadistic, violent, and well, an all around creepy guy. Now? I'm just letting the insanity do its thing. No violence, no blood or gore. Just him finally getting a chance to speak his piece._

"_Who are you?" the interrogator says. I can't tell who it is. Not in this room anyway._

_The insanity grins. "A nightmare, an angel, a mistake," he says with delirious glee before fixing a stare directly at a single point in the darkness. "But you can call me a human."_

_The interrogator clearly doesn't appreciate the insanity's twisted humor. "I said 'who,' not 'what'!" he roars. Guess he prefers to play bad cop…_

"_Hmm, does it matter?" it replies. "The way people call you 'Commander,' you'd think it's your actual name." Ah, so it must be Shepard asking the questions. That'd certainly explain the rage and impatience. "And thus the 'what,' becomes the 'who.'"_

_I hear Shepard sigh. "What are you called then?"_

"_I told you: nightmare, mistake, human, angel… murderer too," insanity says. "Shall I write out a list for you since your memory obviously isn't so great?"_

"_Name," grunts Shepard._

"_Hm?"_

"_Give me a fucking name."_

_The insanity is enjoying this little exchange and I know it. "I don't think I heard a please in there, Commander."_

"_No, you didn't."_

_It just smirks. "I suppose you should call me what you've always called me."_

_Shepard snaps again. "You expect me to call you Fenrir! Look, you obviously aren't the man who served with us. Whatever you are is just-"_

"_No, no, no Brian. You misunderstand me." The insanity takes a moment to enjoy Shepard's reaction to the use of his first name. The Commander is pissed of course. It smiles once more before answering._

"_Not Fenrir, but Ben. Ben Karos."_

_Shepard stands motionless with an unclear expression on his face. "Get this thing out of my sight," he orders. A rifle butt hits our head and both the insanity and I fall into darkness. _

###########

My eyes bolt open as I push myself upright. Bad move on my part. My head is aching worse than a hangover. I fall back onto the small cot extending from the wall. I roll my head to the left to see a containment field stretched across the span of my room. On the outside wall there was a simple analogue clock set for a 24-hour day.

Looks like a prison cell to me.

Simple commodities are supplied of course. A toilet (thankfully with a translucent screen between it and the blue containment field) and a sink with a mirror were both provided. There's a small reflection of me in the mirror, long hair and all. Looks like I'm still wearing my suit for underneath my armor. I chuckle slightly as I realize there's no shower.

_Can't wait to see how we smell when this is all over._

I can.

Laying here all day will get me nowhere though, I decide and roll my legs off of my cot. Holding my head in my hands, I try to recall everything that's happened. Noveria… rachni… Ashley… my identity… but what was that last bit?

"Ugh, was that a dream or did Shepard really try grilling me?" I groan as I rub the back of my head. "Ow!" I yelp as my hand hits a swollen bump right above my left ear.

"So you're awake now?" comes a semi familiar voice outside my cell. I hobble my way over to the containment field to see who's addressing me. Outside is a bulky man with a crew cut in some light combat armor and armed with an Avenger. He just stares at the opposite wall as if it's the most fascinating thing ever.

I groan out loud once more. "Yeah, I think so. What the hell hit me?"

"Shepard on Noveria. Me in the interrogation room."

So there was a Q&A session… "Couldn't have pulled the hit a bit, could you?"

The guard just shrugs and continues his gaze at the opposite wall of what appears to be a narrow hallway. "Wasn't trained to go easy on prisoners, Karos," he says as if that is reason enough for my head lump.

"Uh-huh," I grunt, setting myself onto the metal floor right in front of the field. "So, have we met yet?"

He just shakes his head negative. "Nah, but I've seen you in the gym occasionally. You and the rock wall don't seem to get along." Fuck, I thought nobody had seen my attempts at climbing that blasted thing.

"Yeah, it's a rocky relationship at best," I say, unintentionally spewing a terrible pun.

"Ha!" the guard laughs. "That was so bad…" he says, still chuckling madly.

I can't help but smirk at the shitty play on words too. "It wasn't intentional. I mean, my humor sucks, but not that badly."

The guard wipes a single tear from his face. It's kinda ironic how the worst jokes make us laugh the hardest. "But all shitty humor aside, I'm your guard. Name's Chuck Knole."

"Pleasure. I'd shake your hand, but the circumstances aren't exactly permissive of that right now." He just grunts slightly in response. "So is there a shower in this cell or do I just get to sit in my own body odor?"

Chuck turns for the first time. I suppose he's average looking for a musclehead. Maybe his nose is a bit squashed and he has a scar running across his forehead, but aside from that he's just a big scary looking prison guard. "There's a door next to the toilet that leads to a stall. You'll get 5 minutes each day and they will be closely monitored," he explains, pointing back to the screen that obscured the toilet from his view.

I roll my eyes and lay back onto the cold floor. "Lovely. Who needs privacy anyway?"

"Not a psychotic murderer."

"Touché."

Psychotic murderer… I turn the words over and over in my head for a few minutes. I suppose it's true. I did murder and my situation with my… other half, let's call it, is not very normal. "I gotta wonder though, is it really my fault?" It takes me half a moment to realize I'd spoken aloud.

Chuck laughs harshly. "Look, I'm no judge, jury, or executioner. I just keep people from trying to avoid any of those three," he says as if none of it concerns him. In all honesty, it doesn't. "But, I've guarded a few creeps in my time and I can say that you're the most normal one yet."

I don't know if I should be insulted for being a "creep" or glad that I'm normal at first glance. "Thanks, I think," I grumble. Let's avoid the topic of me for now. "What other 'creeps' have you guarded then, Mr. Knole?"

Chuck stretches a bit before speaking. "Well now, let's see… I did a little bit of work on this prison ship called Purgatory. Can't say that was a pleasure. So many fucked up malcontents in one place…" he stops for a moment to shudder. "Anyway, there was this one broad over there. Her name was, uh… Dareena? I think? Some kind of weirdo asari name. Anyhow, this bitch wasn't any normal asari. She could do the crazy black eyed, mind merge thing and make people do whatever she wanted. I got to take over her guard duty after the last guy threw himself out of the airlock for her amusement."

I cringe slightly. "That can't have been a fun assignment," I say, trying to sympathize.

"Of course it wasn't," Chuck says, carrying on. "Not only could I not look at the whore, but with my back turned she decided to tempt me. Take a guess at what she did. Go on, guess."

"Sexy voice? No clothes?"

"All that and she decided to, uh… well start fiddling with her bits whenever I came by."

I burst out laughing at the guard's embarrassment at the action. "You're shitting me," I say disbelievingly. It's kind of weird to see a security guard chatting so warmly with his prisoner, but hey, I'm not complaining. I'd probably go insane if I didn't have anybody to talk to.

Er, _more_ insane that is…

He starts laughing with me again. "Not joking you. Even though I was sorely tempted, I wasn't about to die over a blue piece of ass," he says as he scratches at the back of his head.

"Understandably so," I agree with a nod. "Alright I got one more question for you: Why are you being so nice to a prisoner like myself?"

Chuck just fidgets around slightly. He doesn't say anything for a time. I continue to lie on my back and look at the ceiling as he stares at his wall. "There was a time when I was assigned to guard this simple little salarian thief. Talkative little guy. Always had something to say," he stops talking. When he starts again I can practically hear the smile in his voice, "He liked to talk about nothing and everything all at once. He told me about his family, his girl back on Sur'Kesh… did you know most salarians only mate for the sake of offspring? They don't really have a thing like love, but this guy… nah, he knew."

I just stay and listen. Even if I didn't look like I was interested, I was all ears. "So, what happened to him? Her? Them? Whatever…"

"Can't say it was pretty. He was taken back to Sur'Kesh and tried for his crime. He hadn't even stolen anything important, but still he got exiled to one of their colonies and ended up doing some service over there."

"Did he ever see her again?"

"Don't know. Never kept in touch with him and I feel kinda bad because of that. Maybe if I'd have talked to him some more I could have helped a bit…. I don't know," he mutters. For a big guy, Chuck is surprisingly deep.

I ponder for a moment before pushing myself to my feet and heading back to my cot. This headache is just getting worse… "Is that why you're being nice? Trying to help me?" I ask, teeth gritted slightly in pain.

"…That's the idea."

I fall in a heap onto the cot. Maybe I'll shower when I wake up. I wonder if they'll have a change of clothes for me.

"I appreciate it, Chuck," I mumble. I don't voice my doubts though. After all, unless he has some magical sanity medicine, I'm not getting better anytime soon.

###########

"Wake up! You got a visitor!"

I shake my head groggily as I slowly come to. Where am I? Who's talking? Oh wait, prison cell. Chuck Knole. Right.

Wait, visitor?

I swing my head to look over at the containment field. Through the blue energy I could see Kaidan standing with his arms crossed. I hold my hand against the bump on my head as I hobble forward with a sloppy grin on my face.

"Lieutenant," I greet him.

"Karos," he responds in kind.

Chuck turns to look at me. "You got about ten minutes to chat," he says before turning to Kaidan. "Just let me know when you're ready to leave, sir."

Kaidan thanks him and watches him head off. My view is restricted to the wall opposite my cell, so waving goodbye is out of the question. The two of us don't speak for a moment. I can't get a read on what he's here for. Is he here to blame me? Accuse me? Hate me?

"You do realize that I'm just here to talk right?" he says, breaking the silence.

I sit myself down onto the floor again. "That's a surprise. I'd have expected you to hate me like any other Alliance member would. So tell me, what are we supposed to 'talk' about?" I ask skeptically.

Kaidan just shrugs. "Look, I'm just here to tell you that I'm neutral in this whole thing. You honestly don't seem to be the type of guy who would do something like all that shit on Illium."

I almost mention the urges and my outbursts on Therum and Noveria. Almost."Chuck said something similar to that."

"Oh, did he?" Kaidan says with a chuckle. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. He's a soft guy deep down."

This catches my interest. "Oh? You know him?"

"Yeah, I was the one who recruited him for the Alliance," he says matter-of-factly.

"How'd that happen?"

Kaidan mirrors me and sets himself down onto the floor. "Shepard and I had been ordered by Anderson to take a small squad down to a colony to stop a slaver raid. Some Batarians had gotten a bit too ahead of themselves and decided to attack a colony on the edge of Citadel space."

I can feel my teeth clenching as he mentions slavers. Batarians nonetheless… "I can imagine Shepard was fired up for this one," I say, unclenching my jaw.

"Oh hell yeah, he was!" Kaidan exclaims. He almost laughs at the memory of an overhyped Shepard before noting my expression. "Sorry… I'd, uh… forgotten you two shared that in common."

"Forget it," I mutter. "So you took down the slavers, right? How's it relate to my new friend, the prison guard?"

Kaidan raises a single finger. "Ah, but we had some of them captured, you see. So where do we take criminals in Council space?"

"Ah, I see now. You took them to a prison."

"You got it, Rook," Kaidan says. Right, I'd almost forgotten I was the "rookie." "Anyway, we get there and as Shepard, Anderson, and I are watching this guy get into his cell, he breaks loose and ends up opening most of the cells in that wing of the building."

I cringe. "Holy shit, that can't have been fun."

The lieutenant shakes his head. "Not one bit. We lost a good 15 men to that prison break and the slaver got away in a hijacked ship. But Chuck Knole was there in that wing the entire time, punching and shooting submission nets all over the place." Kaidan starts throwing fists through the air, trying to mimic the event.

"I can't imagine that he made it out with no injuries," I say with a slight grin. Story time is fun. It's a good distraction at least.

"No, in fact, I saw him take a knife wound across his forehead."

"Ah, so that's where that scar came from."

Kaidan nods. "Yeah. Shepard, Anderson, and I made our way over to him. Big pain in the ass too, having to use nonlethal shots."

"I can imagine," I say, zoning out. Nonlethal shots, huh? So what? Shoot them in the leg? If an entire wing was free wouldn't they have trouble containing them, even after all that? Oh wait, he said something about Chuck with submission nets or some shit like that…

"Karos?"

I shake my head snapping myself back to reality. "Sorry just got caught up thinking on stuff is all," I say, making the crappy excuse.

Kaidan nods sagely. "Yeah, that's understandable. I can't speak for what happened planetside after you were knocked out, but I can tell you about things since then if you'd like," he offers.

"LT, you have no clue how much that would be appreciated," I confess. Any information I can get at this point would be golden. If it's about my fate, or Shepard's mission, or anything about any of the crew… I just want to know things going on outside the cell.

Kaidan lets out a sigh and begins, "First off, when you were brought back, Shepard immediately took you off for an interrogation. It's probably been about a day since then. I saw the interrogation too… you weren't exactly…. Yourself."

"Yeah, I kinda…. Yeah," I say, cutting myself off before I confuse the poor man.

Kaidan continues. "Wrex didn't seem to care, but I couldn't understand what Liara and Ash were thinking. There was a lot going on in their heads at the time. Maybe they'll come by to see you at some point." he says. I nod in response. That last part sounded like he was hoping for it.

I doubt he'd want them visiting me for my sake. Then again, he might. Kaidan seems to be a good guy, but I feel like he wants them to sort things out with me so _their_ heads are on straight, not mine.

"What about Tali and Garrus?" I ask, hoping for info on the former slightly more than info on the latter.

Kaidan shook his head. "Garrus seemed to get pretty mad like Shepard. Probably not _as_ mad, but still pretty furious. As for Tali… well…"

"Well…?"

Kaidan gets slightly nervous. "Well, since you two were together before joining up with us, Shepard turned to her after he was done with you."

I push myself off the ground quickly. No… don't tell me he interrogated her too…

"Kaidan… did Shepard…? Did he…?"

"Relax, Rook," Kaidan says calmingly. "He asked her if she knew who you were before now. That's all."

"She said she didn't, right?" I ask desperately.

"Should she have?" he asks suspiciously.

"Yes!" I yell. I don't want any friend of mine to get in trouble because of my secret. I don't want _anyone_ to be hurt or worse because of me.

Kaidan pushes himself up as he sees Chuck walking back into the room. "Good thing that she said that she had no idea then," he says as he turns around. "Though, if what she said were the truth, I'm sure you wouldn't have been so worked up right now."

My eyes go wide. "Kaidan..." I begin to growl at him.

"Hm? Don't go getting upset now," he says defensively. "I'm just speculating here. No proof on my end to prove that… not that I want to anyway…" he says as he walks out of the door.

I watch him go, standing in silent confusion. He's a smart one. Either that or I was stupid for getting angry. I stagger back to the toilet in the corner, wondering why I'm suddenly tired all the time. Sure enough, as Chuck had promised me, there was a door leading to a small shower stall with shampoo and soap dispensers.

"Yo Chuck!" I call over to him tiredly. "I'm taking a shower now, so go tell whoever's supposed to watch me to be ready for a show!"

I hear him yell back, "That's me as well, and if you fucking flash me or anything intentional you're not getting fed tomorrow."

"Nice sense of humor, ass."

"Shut up and get naked, I could use a good laugh."

I'm too tired to try to formulate a comeback, so instead I just shrug off my clothes and slide into the shower. Five minutes starting… now. Fuck! That water is freezing! I hurry through the shower as fast as possible, trying to avoid the water whenever possible.

I dry off and wrap the towel around my waist before heading out into my cell to find a clean set of clothes lying on my cot. I didn't realize it before, but that bed is terribly uncomfortable looking.

I crack a tired smile as I slip into the clothes and then falling back to sleep.

###########

Where is this? Where am I?

_Inside our head._

Oh, Lycan. I can't see you very clearly. You just look like a man shaped blob over there.

_Probably because you don't know how I'd look._

Well, that seems to make sense. So what's going on with this whole dreamscape place?

_You fell asleep, so I figured this would be a good time to talk._

Ugh, I can't just sleep can I? It's always nightmares, or flashbacks, or little mental pow-wows like this…

_Sorry, but don't worry. You'll be just as if you slept the whole night, since technically I'm not waking you up._

Yeah, yeah. So what did you want to talk about? The whole insanity thing?

_Kinda, yeah… See, I have a theory._

Do you now?

_Yeah, but the implication's aren't good._

Well being a pussy about the whole thing isn't going to help us much, now will it?

_True enough. You remember that interrogation with Shepard? The one where you were sitting where I normally do?_

Yeah, I was wondering why I wasn't getting your input during that…

_I think you were back there because I was driving._

What?

_You were in my seat and I was in yours. _

… You mean that…?

_Yeah, I was the crazy one talking to Shepard._

But how's that possible? I thought that the insanity was the one doing the talking!

_I thought so too. The thing is: I'm not sure exactly what it means. It could mean that the insanity can infect both of us, like how we both went crazy on Noveria… or that I, myself, am the insanity._

How could it be that last one? I was definitely losing myself on Noveria along with you.

_Maybe we started to merge together? I don't know. But all these questions bring up another good one._

Which is?

_If I'm the insanity, how are we inhabiting the same body? For what purpose were we merged? Was I created inside of you?_

Created inside of me?

_Like how someone makes an imaginary friend. Except something happened and instead of being a figment of your imagination, I ended up becoming part of your personality in an attempt to cope with… whatever happened to cause it._

… I'm scared, buddy.

_Yeah… yeah, me too._

###########

**Imprisonment Day 2**

"You know, Chuck, I can't get a solid lock on you," I explain as I start doing sit-ups. Might as well try to keep my body in shape, since there is little else to do.

"How so?" asks the guard.

I keep doing my exercise. "Well on one hand you treat me like a prisoner, yet on the other, you treat me as a human. What's the deal? It's like you can't decide if I'm friend or foe," I grunt as I strain my abs to bring my face even with my knees.

He doesn't respond for a bit. When he does, it's not what I'm expecting.

"You've heard the saying innocent until proven guilty?

"Yeah," I shrug. "Can't see how that helps me with eyewitnesses, though."

Chuck sighs. "No, it's just that, to me, you haven't been proven guilty. I'm one of those "seeing is believing" guys.

"You mean you wanna see me go psycho?"

"Ha! Not by a long shot. I'm just saying that until I _do_ see it, I think you're innocent," he says simply.

I stop for a moment and glance over at the guard. "That's… well that's something Chuck. I apprecia-"

"But!" he says suddenly. "But you're still convicted and seen by others. This puts me at the moral crossroads, ya see."

I return to my exercises. "Not quite sure I follow you there, pal."

"Basically, I believe you innocent, but I'm still forced to guard you. As such, I can't decide if I'm supposed to be your friend or your jailer."

That explains a bit. There've been times in the past couple days where Chuck is unexpectedly hard and cold, and times where it's as if we're just a couple of buddies hanging out. For the most part it's the latter, so does that mean that he thinks I'm innocent more than he feels an obligation to his job.

I almost voice that before a pang of guilt hits me. He has all this faith in me, and yet it's misplaced. I _am_ guilty, whether I like it or not, and that's not changing anytime soon.

"Chuck, buddy, you shouldn't act like my friend if that's the case. I'm pretty sure that I'm…" I can't find it in myself to finish.

Chuck swivels his head in the direction of a sound outside, one I couldn't make out. "Oh, here to visit him?" he asks somebody. I assume they answer positive since Chuck follows up with, "Well, fine by me. You got ten minutes. I'll be in when the time is up, or you can come get me outside."

He turns to me. "Ben, looks like you got another visitor. See ya in a few," he says nonchalantly. I see him walk out of view and wait for the next visitor to come into view.

…

…

Anytime now. Seriously…

…

"Look, are you just gonna stand over there and not talk to me or what? At least say something!" I call out angrily.

Finally, she comes around the corner.

"Tali?"

The quarian stands there with her head hung. "Y-yeah… I figured I should come by and see how you're holding up." She stands there, fiddling with her hands like she does whenever she's nervous. "So… they found out, huh?"

I lay back and roll my eyes, not that she's looking at me anyway. "Wow, nice one detective. Figure that out on your own?" I yawn sarcastically.

"Hey! I'm trying to talk to you about this!" She says back, raising her voice but still avoiding looking directly at me. Is she getting mad about this? Wait a fucking second, why is she getting mad at me!

"Oh really? Last time I checked, I was the only one try to make eye contact here!" I yell at her. She seizes up. I wait for a response.

…Nothing

"Well? You've got nothing to say back?" I ask her fiercely. "If that's the case, then how about you explain why you aren't looking at me?"

She doesn't respond.

I shake my head in disgust and walk back over to my cot to lie down. There's little else to do anyway. "If you won't talk then leave whenever you're ready."

"I'm not leaving…"

I scoff, rolling over so my back is to her. "Fine, then just wait for Chuck to come back and leave then."

"I won't!" she yells at me.

It's my turn to go rigid. Yelling isn't like her at all…

Sighing, I pick myself up off my makeshift bed. "If you won't leave, talk. If you won't talk, leave. Up to you, Tali," I tell her.

She breathes in. "First of all, I'm sorry, Ben. I lied to Shepard."

"Why apologize to m-"

Tali interrupts me and continues to speak, "He'd asked if I knew your identity before coming aboard the Normandy. I'd said that I didn't know, and for that, I'm sorry for denying you."

I open my mouth to speak, to tell her I don't blame her for that, but she puts out a hand to silence me. "I'm not done," she says seriously. "That's half the reason I won't look at you… the other half is that I'm afraid to see the same thing I saw on Therum."

So that's it. She's afraid that the insanity, or is it really Lycan? I still don't know for sure… She's afraid that I'm still not myself. I stand up and walk over to the containment field and the quarian on the other side who suddenly seems particularly taken with the floor.

"Do I sound different from the Ben you've always known?" I say as I sit myself down.

"No…"

"Does the rest of me look different?" I say, flexing slightly.

"For the most part," she says, giggling slightly.

My slightly longer hair swishes in front of my eyes. "Yeah, you're right I guess. Damn, I need a haircut," I say idly.

"… Yeah you do. It looks like it's getting in your eyes," I hear her say as I fiddle with my bangs. I glance up from my seat on the floor to finally see her glowing white eyes looking down into mine. "Again, Ben, I'm sorry…"

This time I hold up my hand to shut her up. "If this is about you 'denying me,' as you put it, then don't be sorry. Kaidan already told me you'd done that," I inform her. I can see her tense up slightly. She's probably pissed at him for telling me. "Now hold on, hold on," I say, trying to head off any anger she might have towards the LT. "I'd asked him how everyone was doing. He told me about Shepard asking you about me. I practically freaked. In fact, I'm glad you said you didn't know about me. The last thing I need is to know that knowing about me put anyone in some kind of danger."

Tali calms down slightly. "That's selfish of you, Ben."

"Hm?"

"I said that you're being selfish," she reiterates herself. "You were worried about anyone being hurt because of you but only because you'd be the one feeling guilty. You're just worried about keeping your conscience at ease."

I flinch at the words. No matter how much I want to deny them, they make perfect sense. I'd cared more about not have guilt weighing on my conscience than I cared about Tali's safety… "Ouch. Honesty hurts, ya know?" I chuckle at my own expense before sobering up quickly. "I'm terrible, aren't I?"

"No, not at all," she says soothingly. "You did what most people would do in that situation."

I just hunch over. "So did you notice anything else about me? I mean, you seem to be able to see right through me anyhow," I grumble out, dissatisfied with her accuracy of my motives (intentional or otherwise).

"Just the same thing as always: a man who doesn't know who he truly is or where he's going in life. But he's honorable, and strong, and cares for people more than anybody," Tali says with a shrug.

"But you just said I was selfish a few moments ago," I point out. I'll admit it: this girl has me confused right now.

I hear a door open and Chuck call out. "Time's up, Miss Tali'Zorah!"

I can hear the sly smile in her voice as she leaves. "That was just this one instance."

###########

**Imprisonment Day 3**

I think I'm starting to get used to this little room. Pretty homey. Granted, yeah, the shower is cold as Noveria and the bed's mattress feels like I'm sleeping on a filled body bag, but nonetheless, it's the closest thing to home that I have.

Chuck and I seem to have reached a sort of understanding too. He believes me when I say that I'm guilty, but he continues to treat me as a human being instead of a prisoner. In return, I behave and follow his instructions.

Today is the third day of my time in the cell. That's the first think I think of when I wake up each day: a number. Kinda sad.

I stretch as prop myself up off my lumpy bed. "G'morning Chuck," I grumble sleepily.

Chuck turns about to face me with a stupid grin stuck on his face. "Morning prisoner! Sleep well?" he asks sarcastically. It's a goddamn mystery to me how he's so chipper after guarding me all night, and yet I'm dead tired from waking up.

"If I had to guess, I'd say no," I groan as I shake my head from side to side. "How the hell do you look better rested than me?"

He just wags a finger at me. "I can't guard you 24/7. I gotta rest too!"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, I'm asking how you do it, smartass"

"Sleeper pods on deck 2. They only need a few minutes to give you a good night's rest."

Wait… "So who guards me while you do that for however long?"

Chuck shrugs. "Somebody in the CIC keeps you on monitor for the 20 minutes or so while I rest up."

"Ah. I'm going for my shower now. Maybe it'll wake me up a bit. Go to your little monitor room or whatever and try to the feel ashamed," I tease him, as I head over towards the door next to the toilet.

He ignores my little jibe and proceeds to wherever it is that he keeps an eye on my bathing habits. I strip down as I enter the shower room and proceed into the small stall. "Alright buddy, fire at will," I say aloud, knowing he can hear me from his monitoring booth.

"Don't you mean 'Fire at Ben?'"

"Oh, very funny you- Ah! Fuck!" I swear as he turns the freezing water on midway through my comeback. I begin mercilessly scrubbing, trying to get out of the frozen rain as soon as humanly possible.

"You were saying?"

"F-f-f-fuck… y-y-you…"

"Can't hear you. Try not stuttering this time," he says with some slight glee.

I move onto shampooing my annoyingly long hair. "Ass," I mutter.

A couple minutes pass and Chuck finally turns off the water. "Time's up."

"Aww, but Chuck! I was just getting used to the water!" I whine sarcastically.

"Tough shit. I pretty sure you don't want your nads shrinking anymore than they already have. You got another visitor anyhow, so get dressed," he commands me over the intercom.

Shit, another visitor? I guess I should feel loved. But I wonder who it is this time…? I step into my clothes and out of the cramped room, scrubbing my still wet hair with a towel. Goddamn this mop on my head! It's just long enough to be annoying, yet too short to look good.

"Hello… Ben."

"Liara," I greet her stiffly, unsure of how to act. Tali and Kaidan were a simple matter of showing that I'm still me. Liara is a different animal entirely. I've slaughtered her race, and she's known me the shortest of anyone. "Er… how are you?"

She shrugs half heartedly. "I can't say that I am at my best. How about you?"

I just shrug back. "Same here. I'm kind of confused as to why you're here though," I admit. The asari just looks at me confusedly. I scratch behind my head nervously. "I- I mean… You're not scared of me? Don't you hate me?"

"Why should I be afraid of a friend?"

I throw my hands up in anger. "Shouldn't you be pissed at me? Swearing vengeance? Trying to biotically kill me from that side of the containment field?""

Again she looks at me in confusion, and again she asks me a simple question.

"Why?"

I've tried to avoid saying it. I really have. "I killed your people, you know? Shouldn't you want me dead like every other asari?" I ask pitifully.

Liara just shrugs yet again. "Maybe I should, but I don't. See, from what little interaction we've had, Ben, I know at least one thing about you," she explains.

"And that is?"

"You don't act the way a killer does," she says with a reassuring smile.

"You sure about that, Liara? How many killers have you been around?" I challenge her. It's stupid of me, but I think I want her to hate me. I think it'll be easier for me to accept that that to accept forgiveness.

Liara suddenly gets a faraway look in her eyes. "Only one, but that was just recently. The two of you are similar in a couple ways though," she mutters softly.

I raise an eyebrow at her behavior. "What ways?"

She snaps back to reality. "Well, for starters, I know both of you are very kind and peaceful people, but will fight back when necessary. But, there are also times when you don't act like yourself… Both you and my mother behaved unlike your normal selves on Noveria. I believe you are feeling the effects of something similar to Mother's indoctrination," she explains.

I freeze. Her mother. Benezia. Right…

"Isn't indoctrination something like subtle whispers in your head, urging you to do things? Isn't that what your mother had said?" I ask her.

Liara nods. "Have you felt inclined to act in certain ways? Tried to do something you think is wrong but felt was right? Anything like that?" she says, suddenly interested in figuring out this mystery.

I shake my head, saying, "No, no whispers. Just someone else's voice on occasion. He's a bit of a prick too." I suddenly realize what I just said.

_Did you just expose my existence?_

Yes…?

_Oh fuck…_

"What!" I hear Liara yell at me. "There's another voice in your head? Is it Saren's? Does it tell you to act in certain ways?" she spits out, suddenly speaking herself into a frenzy.

"No… not Saren. It's more like… Well, I guess it's another version of me. He and I talk, have conversations, even joke on occasion. He's not the suggestive type of thing you're talking about," I explain, denying Liara's new ideas.

She appears slightly downtrodden at having been proven wrong. "Then do you have any idea who or what he is?" she asks, hoping for something at least.

I open my mouth to speak, but then stop myself. Do I really know anything about Lycan? Hell, even Lycan doesn't know about Lycan. "I… don't know…" I murmur, touching my hand to my chin thoughtfully. "We talked during my sleep on the first night I was in here. He hasn't really talked to me since. Well, except for just now when I revealed him to you."

Liara's eye went wide. "You mean, he's listening right now?" I nod simply. "Then, could I maybe… could I speak to him?"

I'll admit, I'm taken aback here. I'd never intended to reveal his existence, let alone have him converse with someone else. Then again, he might have been the one who talked with Shepard so it wouldn't be the first time, right?

_I'm fine with it._

You sure? We still don't know if you're the insanity or related to it at all.

_Trust me this far, Ben. I have been wanting to talk to somebody else besides you. No offence. _

None taken.

I let out a sigh. "He says that it's fine. I don't know if I can switch places with him but we'll try. Barring that, I'll act as the middle man. Is that fine?" I ask her, making sure she understood how things are going to be.

"Yes, now please hurry! I don't know how long we have until Officer Knole will end the visit."

"Good point." I close my eyes and try to focus. How would we switch places?

_Here, let me do that. Just try to focus on finding me in your mind, just like feeling your eezo nodes._

Okay… ah! Is that you?

_Yeah. Now let's just switch places for a while. We'll switch back when Chuck comes in, alright?_

Deal. Play nice.

I can feel our consciousness' passing each other. Lycan moving to take control of our body, and I moving to the very edge of our mind. He opens our eyes. "_Hello, Dr. T'Soni,_" he says politely.

She stares in amazement for a moment. "Are… Are you voice?" she asks in awe.

Lycan grins. "_You may call me Lycan. That is the name that Ben gave me."_

"Uhm, okay. Lycan, what can you tell me about yourself? Where do you come from?" Liara inquires in quiet awe.

_What can I tell her? Should I mention the possible link to the insanity?_

Might as well. She's only trying to help us here.

_Yeah._

Lycan returns his focus to Liara who's still waiting for an answer to her questions. "_Well, first off, let me say that my memory is in the same shape as Ben's is. I can't recall much before us crossing paths with Tali,"_ he explains happily. I can feel how glad he is to finally be able to move and talk with others.

"I… see," the doctor says, slightly disappointed. "What else can you tell me?"

"_We decided that I can tell you about our thought on the 'insanity' and what we think it might be." _Liara leans in, obviously interested. Lycan continues, "_See, I personally get the feeling that I might be the cause of it. See, I'm pretty sure that I was the one talking to Shepard during that interrogation."_

"Why do you say that?" the asari asks. "You seem just as sane as Ben does."

"_That's the thing. When the interrogation happened, it felt like this currently does. By that I mean Ben riding shotgun to me being in control," _Lycan explains.

Liara keeps pressing him. "But that doesn't mean you're the insane one! It was Ben who lost control on Noveria in the garage! Couldn't it be something outside of either of you? A trigger? A switch or something?" she says desperately.

Lycan pauses and begins to mull it over. _A trigger? Something to activate us and go on a murderous rampage? What would that make us?_

Sleeper agents or something?

_Yeah, but it doesn't really seem like that's the case since it's been mostly random._

No… both times had to do with krogan.

_Are you saying a krogan kicking our ass is our trigger to start killing asari?_

… Okay you're right. Nevermind.

"_I doubt that's it Liara. It's got to be something from one of us that affect both of us. When I find out more I'll have Ben tell you. Taking over for him is… tiring," _Lycan says wearily. I take a moment to notice how tired he is all of a sudden.

Switch back. You can rest back inside here.

_Yeah._

"But, there's more I want to ask you!" Liara protests. She's the first person to talk to him besides me, so I can understand her want to talk more.

"_Sorry Liara. It's been a pleasure but I'm handing the reigns back to Ben now," _Lycan says, waving slightly. He begins to dive back into our mind towards wherever it is that I am. I head forward, feeling our consciousness' pass.

All of a sudden I'm back. I can feel my arms and legs. I can move my head. "Well," I say, finding my voice is still in working order, "That was interesting."

Liara looks at me with uncertainty. "You're… Ben, right?" I nod. "You hold yourself differently than Lycan."

"Sorry for cutting your talk short, Liara," I apologize. "I think that's about all we can think of for now though."

"Mmhmm," she mutters, lost in thought. "I'd imagine that Officer Knole will be back soon. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?"

"Noveria." The word is out of my mouth before I can stop it. "What else happened after I had to go?"

Liara hesitates. "Well, my mother gave us the OSD with the information on the Mu relay, but after that…" she lets her sentence drop as a look of sorrow crosses her face. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

"Liara… I'm sorry." It's not much, but it's all I can manage to say. What else could I say? We all knew only one face of Benezia while Liara was her daughter. No, there's only so much that can be said sometimes. And even if Benezia hated me even when she wasn't indoctrinated, she was a still a mother to Liara.

"It's nothing for you to apologize for, Ben. She was… herself in those last moments. It's comforting to know she died as the person she truly was," Liara chokes out. "Shepard came by and we had a talk about it. To be honest, I'm handling this better thanks to him," she says as a darker shade of blue graces her cheeks.

"So he gave you a visit, huh? Can I expect one from him anytime soon? Or Garrus, Wrex, or Ash?" I ask. I want to talk to some of them really badly. I need to apologize to all of them for something or another. I just need them to come to me for that to happen.

Liara clears her eyes and ponders for a moment. "I don't know about Shepard. He's trying to get his head wrapped around our next mission in a few days. I wouldn't count on Wrex. The only thing he cares about is a good fight. Though, I am surprised the other two haven't visited you yet," she says with mild surprise.

"Well, Garrus isn't a surprise, I suppose," I tell her. "We'd just begun hanging around each other so it's not like we're particularly close."

"And Chief Williams?"

I struggle with the words. "I… I can understand why Ash wouldn't want to come down here. I did hide this from everyone and basically betray them," I say, genuinely crestfallen. Yeah, it hurts. Ash doesn't seem the type to take betrayal lightly.

Liara puts that gentle smile on again. "You two are close?" she asks with a sly smile.

I chuckle slightly. "I'd say we _were, _but I don't know about _are._ After all, she hasn't even checked in on me yet," I say with a sigh.

"She will," Liara says, still smiling. I'm not sure how she can stay so positive after everything that's happened. "Just give her a little time and space."

"It's not like I can help it," I point out, knocking on the containment field. Liara just laughs.

"I suppose that's true." I heard the sound of a door opening. I guess Chuck is back. Liara turns to look before facing me again. "Oh, one last thing. Those rachni on Noveria?"

A light bulb goes off in my head. "Oh yeah! What happened with that Queen? Did Shepard let it go?"

Liara shakes her head, slightly disappointed. "No."

"'No?' Then he destroyed her? Please tell me he didn't leave her there for them to continue researching!" I say, slightly panicking. The last thing that the universe needs is more of those damn insects running around.

Liara shook her head. "She's dead. Shepard activated the captivity tank's liquidation process. It was… not the most pleasant thing to witness," she says, visibly fighting the images from her mind.

I suppress a shudder of my own at the thought of the gigantic bug turning into molten, sick, green jelly. Oh god, why did I imagine that? "I can imagine. Or rather, I just did. Not sure _why_ I did, but I did," I say in consent I shake off the images. "Anyway, Liara, you should get going before Chuck gets mad. I'll talk to you…" I trail off, realizing that I have no control when our paths cross anymore. "Well, I'll see you when I see you. How's that?" I say with a smile.

Liara matches my smile with her own. "Yes. Until later then!" she calls as she runs off.

Chuck comes over with a smug little look on his face. "I see…"

I raise an eyebrow at the muscle head. "What are you on about now, Knole?" I ask suspiciously.

"Nothing, Karos. Nothing at all…" he says sarcastically. I suddenly get his meaning.

"Aw, shut up meat head! You're seeing things that aren't there!" I think back on our conversation where she mentioned Shepard visiting her. Was she blushing then? "Actually, I'm pretty sure we're both interested in other people," I mutter out thoughtfully.

Chuck just waves me off. "Ah, let me have my fun, would ya?"

"Nope."

###########

**Imprisonment Day 4**

"Man, if I were keeping a diary of my time in here, today's entry would be blank," I complain to the ceiling. Literally nothing has happened at all today and I'm pretty sure I've been awake for at least 10 hours.

"If you were keeping a diary," Chuck says from outside, "I'd be making fun of you."

"What about a journal?"

He considers it for a moment. "That's not within the realm of effeminate names, nor is it in the realm of masculine ones. So I'd guess that I can't really judge you for it," he concedes.

"Victory!"

"A small one."

"It's the little ones that matter most," I say, defending my pride. "Anyway, is there anybody else around to talk to? It's getting boring dealing with you all day."

He shakes his head. "None have come through the door. And the feeling is mutual," he says jokingly. "I prefer you when you're asleep."

I nod in agreement. "You know what? I prefer sleeping too. Night!" I flop onto my bed, half expecting him to bother me and keep me awake.

"Mhm. Sweet dreams sleeping beauty," he laughs at my sudden course of action.

I touch my hand to my chest in mock shock. "Why Charles, my boy! I had no clue you felt that way about little old me!" I say, trying to piss him off.

I succeed. "Shut up before I come in there and give you a fresh bump on your head."

"Yessir! Sleeping now, sir!"

Although I say that, it still quite a few minutes before I can feel myself drifting off…

##########

_Hey again._

Hey. Feeling better after yesterday?

_Definitely. It felt… good to talk to someone else besides you. No-_

No offence. I know. You said that before.

_Oh. Well I said it twice so you know I mean it at least._

Oh? Is that how I'm supposed to tell?

_Anyway, moving on. Liara gave me a lot to think on._

You mean the whole 'trigger' thing?

_Exactly that. We dismissed it at first, but that doesn't mean it's incorrect._

Meaning?

_Well isn't it like hypnotism? Maybe whatever caused our amnesia messed with our brain enough to screw with when our trigger would go off._

That's quite the theory. Any evidence to support it?

_Not yet. I can probe around our brain if you'd like._

Ewwww… you can do that?

_I can, but it's tiring and I only have limited success. I can't access things like our memories because we can't remember them. But the trigger, provided there is one, has been activating recently._

Are you saying that it'll be outside of the 'amnesia access block' or something like that?

_Yeah. Something like that._

That's the best we can go on. Any way to search our mind for proof on our other leads?

_Not that I can tell. We're basically two beings sharing the same body and mind. Two consciousnesses. We can see inside our collective mind, but if either of us specifically is the cause, then we'd have to overlap our consciousnesses, meaning that maybe one of us will be absorbed into the other._

You're saying a lot of scary shit. You realize that, right? And how do you know that will happen?

_I don't._

So why don't we try?

_Because think about it. If two separate consciousnesses connected, how would they separate?_

Couldn't we just pull apart?

_Look, I'm a part of you. I think that if we did that, I would end up being absorbed by you. Then, we won't be able to figure out anything about the insanity and you'll have no hope of being free ever again._

Stop saying shit like that! If that's the case, we'll play it your way. Go ahead and peruse through our mind or whatever. Ugh! That just sounds so creepy.

_On the bright side, at least it isn't another person besides a portion of yourself._

Shut up before you confuse me more.

_Mhm. Will do boss._

Can I dream now, please?

_Sure. You go ahead. I'm gonna be busy._

###########

**Imprisonment Day 5**

Today seems to have no improvement over yesterday. Dull as hell with nobody to talk to except Chuck and Lycan, the latter of which wouldn't talk because he was sifting through our head, searching for something that might not exist.

"Tell me a story, Chuck," I ordered the guard. He sighed and launched into an epic story of an annoying prisoner who kept demanding things from his clever and handsome prison guard. Apparently, that prison guard got the prisoner to shut up by telling him the same story of an annoying prisoner who kept demanding things from his clever and handsome prison guard, who in turn got out of it using the same story.

I took the point and shut up.

"If you're bored, why don't you do a work out?" Chuck suggests to me. "I saw you doing sit up the other day, so why not make a routine?" He brings up a good point too. I can't access them gym right now anyway, so why not try to stay in shape on my own?

I shake my head drearily. "I can't say I'm up for that right now. Any other ideas?"

"Well, it's help if you told me what you felt like doing."

I ponder that over for a moment. "Biotics," I declare to my guard-turned-friend's confusion. "I wanna practice my biotics. My stamina is fine. On missions I could keep up with Shepard and everyone else well enough, but my biotics always needed work."

"Can't." He seems dead set on making sure I don't have any fun.

"Why not?"

"If you try to make any dark energy, the containment field will just attract it," he explains as he knocks on the moving blue energy. "Warp and Stasis can't affect it because this thing is also made of dark energy. We use generators to simulate the electrical inputs of the brain and hit some eezo. Boom! Instant containment field."

I walk over to the blue barrier, rubbing my chin. "So that's what it is? That's how it works? Biotics can't break through it?" I ask, a devilish idea forming in my head.

"Basically. Think of it as an industrial strength biotic barrier."

I clap my hands together and take up the same stance from when I was practicing with Liara. "Sweet. That means I have a target," I say as I begin chucking Warps and Throws into the field. Explosion after explosion after explosion, and yet Chuck seemed to feel none of it. I guess this barrier really is that good.

I can slowly feel my strength fading. My Throws still recharge fairly fast though. My nodes are ready for another one in two seconds. My Warps are maybe twice that. I decide to try that fancy combat stuff I pulled in my training earlier.

I charge up a Throw in my hand, before releasing it as a direct punch into the barrier. Push myself back and send up a Warp charged kick. The connection jars my foot a bit. "Ah, fuck!" I exclaim, hopping back on my other foot. "That shit is just like a real wall!"

"Told ya."

"And what's going on over here?" a flanged voice calls out from some corner of the area outside my room. "Convict trying to escape, Mr. Knole?" Garrus strides into view wearing his same black and blue armor as always.

Chuck shoots Garrus a grin. "Not a chance, sir. I'm just letting him stretch his limbs a bit. He was complaining about being bored and that field in pretty much indestructible, so a little biotic exercise poses no harm," he explains in a carefree tone. Garrus just looks at him skeptically.

"That sure in the strength of the barrier, are we?"

"Nah, just that sure in how weak his biotics are."

The two have a laugh at my expense before Chuck heads for the door, quoting his normal warning about 10 minutes being the time limit. I hear the door slide shut and then Garrus and I look at each other for a bit, neither of us saying a word.

Garrus breaks the silence. "You know, I've heard a story about you, Karos… or can I just call you Ben?" he asks with some manner of anger in his voice. Great, he's not here to reconcile with me I guess.

"Either one," I shrug. "And what'd you hear from who? Is Shepard off slandering me or something?"

The turian shakes his head. "No, not the Commander. It was from some stupid rookie we had on board. He told me about the tale of that little stunt you pulled on Illium. Apparently you two served together," he says, bemused.

Wait, a tick… I think I see where this is going. He wants to play this game again? Fine then. Deciding to play along I give an amused scoff, saying, "No shit…"

Garrus just nods, realizing I've caught on. I guess he's one of these guys who handles these kinds of situations better in a pretense. "Yeah, that Rook was a good kid. His shooting could've used some work, but he was still a really interesting guy."

"Was?"

"Yeah. During our last mission he, uh… well, we lost him," he admits sadly. Is he actually feeling remorseful over the loss of "Fenrir"? Does he blame me for it?

I choose my next words carefully. "I'm… sorry to hear that. Do you think maybe he's still alive out there somewhere?" That warrants me a confused turian look. "Well, you said you lost him right?" I ask slowly.

"Yeah, I'm fairly sure he's presumed dead too," Garrus nods.

I shake my head. "Don't go presuming anything. See, lost things and people can be found just as easily as they were misplaced," I reason with him. He wants to make a point saying I'm dead? I'm gonna make one that says 'Fuck you. You're not looking hard enough.' "So I guess I'll ask again: Do you think he's still alive out there?"

Garrus seems slightly taken aback by my roundabout logic. He thinks over the question for a moment before arriving at an answer. "Yeah, he's gotta be alive still. He was too stubborn to die, even if you killed him," he says, spreading his mandibles in a grin. "Not to mention he never really told me too much about himself, so he owes me some stories."

I can't help but laugh at that myself. I shake my head, still chuckling, saying, "Hey since that Rook isn't here, I could tell you about _myself_ if you preferred. Granted it wouldn't be perfect as my memory is a bit off kilter…"

"No, no," he interrupts, holding up a talon to stop me. "I'd be very interested in telling me what you can."

I set myself down on the floor. "Well, set yourself down, 'cause here we go…"

###########

5 minutes later

###########

"… and that's about all I know," I finish, crossing my arms. Garrus had sat through my entire tale. I told him almost everything there was to tell. I told him about Mindoir, about the fact that I went to some academy that I can't remember, about the events on Illium, and well… everything up until then. I left out the parts about Lycan though. Just Liara knowing is enough.

My turian compatriot doesn't say anything for a moment. "You know," he finally says, "when you'd come back from Noveria and I'd heard about everything, I was pissed."

"Oh? We dropping the earlier pretense?"

"Yeah, no point in it now," he admits. "Anyway, I was afraid that everything you'd done earlier had been an act to accomplish some hidden purpose or another. You wouldn't believe how long it took me rattling my brain to realize that I had no clue what that purpose was."

"I'd wager it was somewhere between four or five days," I say teasingly.

"How did you…?" he begins to say. I cut him off by pointing to the clock outside my cell. "Oh. Right. You would be keeping track of your time in here, wouldn't you?"

"Not much else to do besides piss off Chuck," I shrug.

He gets a little kick out of that. "Well, be that as it may, I'd thought that everything you'd done was just an act. It's just good to see I was wrong about that," he says with another grin as he pushes himself off the floor.

"Done already?"

"Yeah," he nods. "The Mako needs some calibrating after that freezing on Noveria, and we've got another mission to deal with tomorrow."

That clicks in my brain. "Oh yeah, Liara had mentioned that before. That's tomorrow you said?"

Garrus nods once more. "Yeah, the ground team is Kaidan, Wrex, Tali, myself, and Shepard. So, I need to clean up the targeting system and get some sleep. Take care of yourself, Ben"

"Yeah, don't get shot up too bad tomorrow."

He just waves me off and walks out the door. I lay back on the floor. I swear, sometimes it's more comfortable than my cot. So Garrus is fine with us again? That's quite the relief.

"Gonna sleep there tonight?" Chuck says from outside my cell.

I don't hear him though. I'm already out like a light.

**A/N: I'd like to say that this chapter is my longest to date, numbering 10,090 words before this author's note. In a related topic, sorry for how long it took for me to crank this monster out.**

**Acceleration chapter number one down! We have one, maybe two left, before things get resolved for better or for worse. So who do you want to see visit Ben most out of the three who haven't come by (Shepard, Ashley, Wrex)? **

**Next mission is Feros, but well, Ben's in no position to go, now is he? This is why things are accelerated. Chapter title completely unrelated to that topic.**

**Rebellion DLC is amazing. Vorcha are godlike, even on Gold. I bet they get nerfed at some point. Actually, a new patch came out today unless I'm mistaken. It addressed a wide variety of glitches too.**

**My final order of business is to promote a fellow author: CallsignReaper01. His story "Mass Effect: The Hunt" is one I offered to beta for, and let me say that this guy can take criticism and make his story phenomenal. He's a capable writer and with some fine tuning, his story will go really far. Go over there and show him some love! www . fanfiction s / 7997021 / 1 / Mass_Effect_The_Hunt **

**Just remove the spaces. **

**Thanks again for reading and reviewing guys!**


	18. Crash Crash Burn

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 18: Crash, Crash, Burn…_

_30 Seconds to Mars- Hurricane_

"Damn… that banging won't stop, will it?" I asked, clenching a biotic empowered hand. This shit was seriously getting annoying. For the past half hour maybe, something had been banging on the hull of the Normandy. Probably related to whatever business Shepard and everyone had on this planet. Garrus did say they had a mission today…

Chuck just shrugs. As laid back as he looks, I couldn't help but notice how abnormally tight he was clutching his rifle. "Shepard said there were geth attacking the colony here," he says, attempting to remain indifferent.

"What? And geth are reduced to banging on metal with their fists?" I scoff at him. "These sure as hell aren't geth, Chuck. These have to be more primitive than that."

He nods once, acknowledging that I'm making sense. He's still uneasy, and I don't blame him. They might not be as smart as geth, but by the sound of things there are a lot of them. "Relax a bit, buddy!" I call to him. Might as well try to keep the situation under control. "If whatever is out there manages to get in here, Ash and Liara are still aboard, right?"

"I suppose so…"

"And if things get really bad you can just let me out and I'll clean them up for you."

"How bout no?"

I lay back onto my cot. "You can suit yourself, boss man. When they get you and I'm safe behind my big blue barrier, I won't be able to do anything since I'll be stuck back here," I say with an "it can't be helped" tone of voice.

Chuck shift about uneasily, obviously disturbed by the thought of whatever fate would await him should whatever is banging on the hull made it inside. It's a big "if," but there's always a possibility. "Please stop saying things like that," he says, his fear showing through in his voice.

"What's the matter with you, man? Kaidan told me about that whole prison break out that you handled. I don't see what's so unnerving about a couple whatever-it-may-be's getting in," I ask, perplexed. It really isn't like the confident Chuck I've come to know.

He turns to face me for once to respond. His features are completely lined with unease. "Yeah, those are humans and aliens. I can understand humans and most aliens, but whatever this is… it reminds me of wild animals."

"You're scared of animals?"

"No, I'm scared of what they can do when pressured. Humans are the same way, but they'll still try to avoid certain things," the bald guard explains.

"Animals don't?"

He shakes his head solemnly. "Nope. They'll do whatever it takes to get out of a corner. 'Cornered mouse becomes a lion' and all that…"

"A cornered what becomes a what? You're just confusing me more," The only animals I can recall seeing are varren and certain krogan.

"…Nevermind."

Suddenly, the banging begins to slow down and weaken. Bit by bit, it stops. Eventually, both Chuck and I just stare at the ceiling, expecting the noise to start up once again with renewed vigor. To the relief of both of us though, it stays silent.

"What do you think it was, Chuck?" I ask him curiously. I'll admit I'm really curious. What in the galaxy would think it could force its way through the Normandy's hull by smacking it?

"I got nothing," he shakes his head. "Maybe it was-," He's cut short by the sound of a doors sliding open. "Oh, Chief Williams! Are we in the clear?"

I feel myself seize up. Ash? She's here?

"Yeah, Knole. We're good on the perimeter," I hear her say tensely. She sounds tired and worn thin. Not surprising, I suppose.

"Any idea what the cause of the ruckus was?" Chuck presses, trying to create some kind of conversation. For me, it's just good to hear her voice again. "Ben and I were feeling a tad confused as to what was making the noise."

Ashley hesitates with her response. I guess bringing me into the conversation wasn't the most tactful move for Mr. Knole. "We know it was the human colonists from the settlement, trying to get in. Shepard and Joker made radio contact, but we still don't have a reason behind their behavior yet."

"That's… odd," Chuck remarks. I toss the idea around in my head as well. Humans? What would make them act like that?

"How's the prisoner?" she asks in a businesslike manner. No sympathy? No remorse? No emotion at all? "Everything fine? No escape attempts or instances of him going crazy?"

Chuck is about to respond before I cut in, "You do realize that you could actually talk to 'the prisoner' yourself, right Chief?" She finally walks into view wearing the shirt from her fatigues with the legs of her armor, her hair still done up in the bun. It's… startling how good she looks. I almost forget I'm ticked at her.

"Give us ten, Knoles. I'll let you know if I'm done earlier," she orders Chuck with a flick of her head towards the door. He looks like he's about to protest before Ash shoots him a stern look. "Now."

"Yes, ma'am…" he obeys reluctantly as he makes his way towards the door.

Ash and I settle into a staring match from our positions of standing outside the cell and sitting on the cot respectively. I'm the first one to speak. "So, how'd the mission go? Sounded like you were busy, even without being on the ground team," I say idly, trying to make small talk.

"Shepard just reported in before I came down," she informs me with a disinterested shrug. "Says he'll be back on board soon. As for me being busy, you'd be too if there were half deranged human colonists attempting to gain entry to the ship."

"Mmhmm, can't argue with that. Thing about that is, I'm in here so I really have no obligation to help you out," I point out as I reclined onto my cot. A look of fury passes across her face, to which I grant myself some satisfaction. "Not that you'd need my help. After all, you're oh so capable…"

She begins her retort, rage filling her every syllable. "Even if scum like you was in a position to help, I'd have rather died before accepting it," she mutters through clenched teeth. Oh, she's pissed alright.

I smirk confidently. I know this is an argument I can finally win. "Really now, is that any kind of gratitude to show someone who saved your life? I could have just claimed that I couldn't get my mask off back on Noveria and just let you die," I argue. There's no way I would have ever done that, no matter what I say. "And yet, here you stand. You should thank me for even having a chance to be mad at me, my dear."

"Shut your damn mouth, Karos!" she roars at me. "I'm not your 'dear,' and I'll show gratitude to you when hell freezes over!" Now she's just getting all defensive because I'm right.

I press my attack. "Fine then. Let's ignore the fact that I saved your life with mouth-to-mouth," I concede, leaving her with one last wound to her ego. "How about we focus on the reason why you're so angry at me and why you haven't stopped by to say your piece before now?"

I can see her mentally stumbling over the question. Absolutely priceless…

"The reason is because I'm pissed! I'm pissed over having been deceived all this time! I'm pissed because someone who I'd thought was a generally nice guy, turned out to be a psychotic murderer!" she begins to yell. Oh, I see what's going on here...

"You sure you aren't pissed because I actually cared?" I ask in a hushed voice. She's caught off guard. Her eyes are wide and she keeps trying to speak. Nothing comes out and her jaw just goes through the same motion again and again. I'll admit it; I'm a bit surprised myself. After all, that's a damn stupid reason to be angry at someone. "Wait, seriously? That's what you're mad at me for?" I ask incredulously.

"W-what? No! Why would I…?"

Now she denies it? I've had enough. "Because you feel the same goddamn way!" I yell at her, pushing myself off the cot. I have no right to yell. I really don't. Yet here I am, pissed beyond belief, about to tear into the one who probably had had the most faith in me. "Admit it, Ash: you fucking cared. I did, hell, I still do!" I continue to rant. "You heard me. I care! I might even love you! I don't know! Know why I don't know? C'mon it's an easy one!" my voice just gets louder and louder.

"Ben… please don't…" she begins to say. It sounds like she's on the edge. I can't tell if it's the edge of tears or the edge of screaming right back in my face. Not like it's going to stop me anyway.

"Don't what, Ash? Don't bring up the fact that I can't remember shit about myself? About anything? About love? Well, guess what?" I ask, menacingly. "I've decided that maybe caring about anything or anyone is a bit too much effort right now. Send Chuck back in on your way out," I spit at her as I turn back around and find my way back to the cot.

She doesn't say anything. I see her in the mirror, standing there, either shaking in anger or on the verge of tears. Again, I can't tell. And I'll be honest…

I really don't give a damn right now.

"I'll see myself out then," she says shakily and begins to move towards the door. The thought of stopping her crosses my mind briefly before I dismiss it for being a sign of weakness.

I'd come to regret that very soon.

###########

_Ugh, what the hell? My cell? It's still night cycle, isn't it? _

_I'm awake but… I can't move?_

_No, this isn't me. This happened with the interrogation. This is… _

_**Me, Benny boy! **_

_Oh god, he's aware of me… Lycan! I need you, buddy…_

…_No answer…_

_Where's Lycan, you insane bastard?_

_**Oh, you mean the other voice in your head? Haven't you realized yet, cream puff?**_

_Realized what? What are you? Where do you come from?_

_**Ah, ah, ah! I'll be asking questions for now. After all, I'm in control of our wonderful body and we wouldn't want me trying to crack our skull open against the wall, now would we?**_

_What the hell is wrong with you…?_

_**Everything that's wrong with you.**_

…_What do you want?_

_**Well, right now I could go for a cheeseburger, but I suppose I just really wanted to chat with you, Benny boy.**_

_About what?_

_**About you and me and the special little bond that we share. You see, lately I feel like you've been under just so must stress. Getting tossed around by krogans, betrayed by your former best friend, ignored by that lovely little lady too… Mmmm. You know, she'd make a lovely corpse… **_

_You stay the hell away from her!_

_**Oh? I though you didn't care anymore.**_

_Just get back to your fucking point._

_**Ah, didn't your mother ever tell you to say "please" whenever you ask for something? Oh wait, I suppose you wouldn't remember would you? Mweheeheehee!**_

_BASTARD! Start talking now!_

_**Such a downer, Benny boy… Anyway! Where were we? Oh! Right! Stress, and lots of it. See, whenever the galaxy becomes too much for you to bear, your little broken mind starts to fade away from supporting multiple consciousness. And so, I come out to play!**_

_That explains nothing!_

_**Oh, does it now, Benny boy? Don't you see? You can't support both of us by yourself at times like that. So I step in. C'mon! Admit it! We'd have been dead at least twice if it weren't for little old me!**_

_What do you mean "the both of us"? What about Lycan?_

_**Oh, right I never did answer that question earlier… You see, I'm a pretty smart cookie. So are you, but that's not really my point right now. See, after we kept trying to figure out where I came from, I realized something: I shouldn't exist. It's that simple. There only needs to be one consciousness to a brain after all!**_

_What are you saying?_

_**Yeesh, keep going like this and I'll take back that smart cookie comment. Anywho, naturally, since a mind only needs one person in it, and since you were the one who could normally control the body, I assumed that I was the case all along!**_

_Wait… Lycan?_

_**Bingo! And it only took you… 3 hours of "sleep"! That is, if that clock outside the cell is correct. Do you think they synchronize those things? **_

_But how are you Lycan? You're nothing like him!_

_**Ah, but Benny boy! You aren't the only one with amnesia!**_

_Not sure I follow._

_**Of course you don't! You've been rather clueless this whole time, haven't you? Poor, poor, baby… How shall I put this in simple terms for you?**_

_Get on with it._

_**Ah, that'll do. Okay, so, maybe you saw something on this when you looked up amnesia on the Extranet. Oh, yes, I've always been watching. At least, the other me has. Anyway, maybe you saw how amnesiacs… Ha! That's a funny word… Anyway, amnesiacs tend to get their memories back in bits and pieces at random times, sometimes triggered, other times for no reason.**_

_I think there was something like that._

_**Think of me as Lycan's memories. **_

_You mean that…?_

_**That's right. I'm coming back to take over.**_

_**Bit…**_

_**By…**_

_**Bit…**_

###########

Time goes by...

###########

It's now been about a week since I yelled at Ash and had a chat with the insane side of Lycan. I'm still coming to grips with the fact that half of my being is halfway insane. He and I have talked since then, but I can't say that we spoke very much. I explained to him what I'd experienced in my sleep and he just quietly listened before fading to the back of my… no, of our mind.

Speaking of things that happened while I was "asleep," Chuck was in his sleeper pod when Lycan took control. So naturally, when he came back from that and found "me" awake and staring at wall in delirious glee, he could tell something was up.

"I thought you'd permanently lost it," he'd told me numerous times since I snapped out of it. "You eventually stopped staring at the wall, and began looking at me with this creepy grin." He'd just suppress a shudder there and say, "I thought you were gonna jump through the barrier and rip my heart out."

That was the point in the conversation where I'd just laugh it off saying I was simply having a really weird dream. I'd never admit that what he had imagined was a scarily possible scenario especially with my insanity involved.

One week.

One entire damn week to lie down and think over my anxieties. Of course, lying down isn't all I did. I took Chuck up on his original suggestion of starting a workout while I'm still incarcerated. Nothing big, just sit-ups, push-ups, and a couple laps around my small cell. I also stumbled upon a way to incorporate biotics into my limbs. It lets me reinforce my limbs for CQC and I can even push off of walls with it! Still not sure how it works though, so I asked Liara. She could only kind of explain it, though.

Speaking of Liara, she visited again. When I mentioned the whole biotic movement thing she said something like, "Biotics are similar to arms or legs to asari. I imagine you do not think about the science behind your arms every time you move them, correct?"

I remember I'd had some witty response, but I can't seem to recall what I'd said. I do remember she chuckled a bit though, before launching into a tirade about how due to the similarities between my nodes and an asari's, my capabilities will most likely be equal to one of her own race one day.

Chuck decided to come in and send Liara away, saving me from the lecture. Before she left, I recall her asking about Lycan in hushed tones. I lied to her, of course. I told her he was searching through our head for some clue on the insanity trigger. She had this cute smile when I did, too. I guess she liked hearing that we'd taken up her line of thinking.

Kaidan and Garrus each visited me once more as well. All I ever did with those two was chat though. With Kaidan it was biotics and with Garrus it was the past. That turian certainly strikes me as odd sometimes. After all, he always talks about the "good old days" at C-Sec, even though I thought he hated it there. I suppose everything is better in hindsight.

Even Wrex came to see me once. That one was a shocker. He trudged his way in, orders Chuck out, and proceeded to punch the barrier a couple times until a satisfied smile spread across his face. "Can't even see myself breaking out of here. Sorry, Karos. Looks like you're staying in there for a while," he'd said, beaming.

"Trying to break me out, Wrex?" I teased the big lizard slightly.

"Ha! Maybe…" he chuckled thoughtfully. "I'd have liked to go a round against you with that little knife you always carried, but I guess I win by default."

I just gave him a shrug. "Sorry, big fella… maybe next time, yeah? Besides, the way you hate me, I'd end up a bloody pulp before I could even get a stance set up."

He shook his head at that point. "Naw, you got me wrong Karos. I don't hate you. I respect a guy who can take down a few krogan with a sharp knife and a grenade," he said, recalling my insanity in the garage on Noveria.

"So, what _is_ your beef with me then?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "Just want to fight me? Don't like how I walk? Did I say something wrong?" I began rattling off reasons.

"Nothing like that. You piss me off because you piss me off," Wrex said, shrugging his massive shoulders. "Nothing more than that. I'll respect you as far as I can throw you, but you still annoy me," he'd explained. I'm a little lacking as to the rest of the conversation since I was trying to mentally calculate how far he could throw me.

We didn't talk much beyond that and he left soon after. Even so, it was good to know that even if Wrex is aggravated by the mere sight of me, he wouldn't be killing me anytime soon… At least that's what I took from it. I just hope I'm right.

Tali came by once more, too. It was yesterday, actually. She told me all about the mission to Feros. Chuck actually gave us an additional ten minutes to talk and, as much as I appreciate the kindness, he did it with this smug ass look that pissed me off.

Feros, though… I'm glad I was in here. That place didn't sound like a cakewalk. Crumbling ruins, geth, mutated humans being mind controlled by a giant sentient plant that had struck a deal with Saren… it all seemed like too much to deal with.

According to Tali, it wasn't a total loss. Shepard had been having those visions still, the ones from the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime. Apparently, they got some kind of Cipher or something that let's Shepard make sense of the damn images, so that's some help, I guess.

They've been busy since then. Shepard has had them chasing this human splinter group called Cerberus. Tali's been along with Shepard on every mission involving them. She said they've had some fairly strong tech systems in their bases so she's been pushed close to her limits a few times.

When she told me about how tough their bases were to crack I'd just smile and remind her that she's hacked through everything we've needed her to so far, without fail. She'd get a tad flustered at that. It was funny to see her getting embarrassed, but even if I was being a flatterer, it's true: she's the best damn hacker/tech expert we have here.

She left when Chuck came back in after the 20 minute mark. A cheerful wave of her hand and a mention of another mission on some place called Virmire. Come to think of it, that's supposed to be happening today, isn't it…?

###########

"Normandy's a bit rocky, isn't it?" Chuck remarks as he stabilizes himself from yet another tremor the shudders through the ship. "The hell is Joker doing up there…?"

I nod in agreement, gripping the edges of my cot. For the most part, the artificial gravity had kept us in place, but the occasional tilt to one side or another told me that Joker's going through some really big maneuvers.

"If I had to guess- whoa!" I call out as another bit of shaking seizes the ship. I roll off my bed and hit the floor hard. "Ah! Fuck that hurts!"

"You alright, convict?" Chuck shouts from somewhere outside my cell. I guess I wasn't the only one rolling around from that last bit of shaking.

"Fine, but I'm pretty sure we're getting shot at by something big!" I yell back. I channel some dark energy to my feet, keeping me in place. I still don't quite get how biotics work. Liara compared it to moving my limbs, but things like Warp and Throw require me to actually think… Maybe it's like solving equations? Different concepts and all that… Another large explosion rocks the ship and I decide that I'll bring that up later, preferably when the Normandy isn't at risk of being shot down.

The intercom crackles to life. _"Alright, everyone we're in the clear. Shepard took down the AA guns. Prepare for landing!"_ Pressley's voice orders.

Chuck glances at the speaker that's integrated into the wall. "AA guns? Goddamn, that would do it, wouldn't it?" he asks me rhetorically.

"Well, Joker seemed to get us through just fine, right?" I ask with a shrug. "I'd say we're lucky to have him as a pilot." I still haven't had too much of a chance to speak with the crippled pilot. Wonder what he thought about me being a murderer… bet he had some wisecrack ready within the minute.

"Fair enough. Still, I can't help but wonder what Shepard and everyone are getting into here," Chuck remarks uneasily. "I mean, the Normandy doesn't normally meet resistance on landing. Is place this a warzone or something?"

I feel unease beginning to pull at me. Is it? I know next to nothing about the galaxy. Is this Virmire some sort of Alliance front against the geth? "I should be asking you that one, Chuck. You haven't heard anything about this 'Virmire' place?"

"Can't say I have," he shakes his head hopelessly.

"So I guess both of us are in the dark…" I mutter as I glance at the ceiling. I can feel the Normandy shudder once more, assumedly as it touches down. All kinds of dark thoughts slowly begin to fill my head. "Ugh! I need something to clear out my brain!" I groan, scratching at my skull.

"What about your workout?" comes his simple suggestion.

"I can't say I feel like tiring myself out right now, Chuck," I tell him sardonically.

He just crosses his arms. "Listen, sitting in here, fraught with worry, isn't going to do anything but make you anxious. Focus on tiring yourself out and who knows? Maybe the mission will be through before you're done," he declares optimistically.

I chuckle despite my morbid feeling. "Alright, fine. You got a point on this one, buddy. What should I start with?" I ask. Chuck's been a very good coach for physical training. He's a damn meathead, so I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Biotics are something I've needed to work out alone though.

"Sit-ups and then single arm push-ups. As many reps as possible using your weaker arm first on the push-ups," he orders mercilessly.

"Ouch."

"What was that?" he challenges me, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice.

I sigh and roll onto the floor. "Nothing, _sir_."

###########

A couple hours later finds me testing my biotics. The barrier makes for great practice, too. Even if my Warps do jack shit on it, they still make for a nice explosion when I launch the Throw in there.

I stand with my arms guarding my face in a stance that Chuck called "boxing." Apparently it involved two men in a roped off area, punching the fuck out of each other, and has easily become something I want to watch as soon as I'm out of here.

…If I'm ever out of here, that is.

I jab once with my right hand. The Warp field moves faster when I do it this way. I wonder if the stance and speed of the punch have anything to do with that…? I toss those thoughts aside as I roll to the side, sending a Throw careening into barrier. The resulting biotic explosion pushes me back slightly, bringing a grin to my face.

Even after physically working myself for maybe 2 hours, I can still use biotics well enough and even cause a detonation this strong. I guess this practice is helping me in the end, huh?

"Why do you roll around like that, Ben?" asks Chuck from outside my cage. He fucking worked me to the bone today especially when it came to making me run around the cell. 150 laps around this room is a much longer distance than one would think, and I kept crashing into the walls as I grew more and more weary.

I push myself to my feet, huffing and puffing. "I move like that because the barrier can't. It's not like my enemies with be stationary, right?" I get a nod back in response. "So if the barrier won't move to test my aim, then I'll just move instead."

"It's not the same though, is it?"

I shake my head negative. "No, but it'll have to do."

Suddenly Joker's voice hails over the intercom. "_All hands, prepare for emergency extraction! We're moving out of here ASAP!" _he practically yells. "_Come on people! To time to screw around now!"_

I begin swinging my head around in confusion as I feel the Normandy speeding up. "Aw man, not again!" I groan as a sudden rumble courses its way through the ship and I'm thrown to my hands and knees. The rumbling doesn't stop either, but actually intensifies. I see Chuck rolling about on the floor outside my cell, trying to maintain his traction.

Something happened, I realize. Something big…

And I can't help but feel that I'm not gonna like what it was.

"What the hell was that!" Chuck roars as the tremor calms down. The two of us regain our posture and continue to look at all the walls and the ceiling, as if they'll provide an answer. Chuck just rubs the back of his head, saying, "Fuck it all… I'm headed up to the bridge to figure out what's happened. You'll be fine on your own for five minutes, right?"

"Sure. Just make sure whatever happened isn't super secret so you don't get in trouble when you me," I shrug, still trying to rid myself of the uneasiness that the rough flight instilled in me. Something has me worried, and I'm dying to know what it is…

I watched Chuck dash off towards the door, setting myself down onto my cot. Any weariness I'd felt from my training was masked by the anticipation and ominous feeling of dread that won't leave me be.

###########

It's minutes before I hear the door open. "Chuck? Christ, buddy… did ya get lost on your way to the CIC? Maybe you took an elevator by mistake," I joke with him. The smile falls from my face as I see who walks in front of the barrier.

Shepard…

He stands and looks at me, and I return his glare. I can't tell if he's mad, troubled or what. I run a hand through my hair, sighing. "Here to interrogate me again, Brian?" I ask, my voice filled with spite. I take some small measure of satisfaction seeing the corner of his mouth twitch as I use his first name.

He grits his teeth and continues with his hard stare. "What? Something on my face?" I mock him. "Maybe you'd actually like to get a good look at me and see if I'm still the same Ben you used to know? No… that can't be it. You've already confirmed me to be a murderer, haven't you?" the words come out like acid.

He's balling his hands into fists… how cute. "You mad, Brian? You want to come in here and knock me around a bit?" I challenge him, feeling some small amount of Lycan's insanity flowing into me. Crap, I can't lose control here.

He's forcing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth as if he's in pain. "What's the matter, _Brian_?" I continue to stab, trying to fight back the madness. He shakes his head. "Oh? You won't tell me? You seem a little tense…"

"**ASHLEY IS DEAD, YOU BASTARD!**"

…

…

My mouth was open, about to continue my verbal assault on him, words suddenly stuck in my throat. My mouth is opening and closing on its own irregular rhythm. I could feel my entire face drop in shock.

"… what…?"

Shepard glares at me, his face a mixture of rage and agony. He wants a reaction. Something more than disbelief. I feel myself losing control…

The insanity is flooding in.

"_I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!"_ Lycan roars with my body as he leaps directly at the barrier. Or is it me in charge? Our biotics are activating at random, left and right, grabbing some surfaces, pushing away from others… the overall effect is of our body attempting to climb over the seamless barrier while looking like it's having an epileptic seizure.

"_I'll rip you to shreds!" _one of us calls, tears streaming from our eyes. I can't tell what's happening. It feels like I'm halfway in control, yet the other half belongs to the sane side of Lycan's consciousness.

"Shepard! You tell me what happened!" I scream at him, testing my control over the body.

Shepard, face still wearing that same angered/pained expression, taps a panel next to the barrier. The blue field begins to dissipate, and the only thing I can feel is Lycan's overwhelming urge to kill.

Lycan! Stop!

_But Ashley…! Ashley is…!_

I KNOW!

_SO WHY DON'T WE JUST KILL HIM? It will solve everything!_

No! We just need to-

Our conversation is cut short as Shepard's fist connects with our jaw, launching us back a couple feet. We land on our back, and none too gracefully. "Get a hold of yourself, Ben!" Shepard yells at us. He motions his arm out to the side, saying, "You have every right to be mad! I'm no idiot; I know how close you two were!"

I do my best to slow our ragged breathing, all the while trying to hold Lycan back and calm him down. The breaths still came out slow and forced, but eventually I wrestled them under control. We push ourselves off the ground, glaring at the Commander.

Listen to me; we need to hear what he has to say.

_Why? He's done nothing but stab us in the back as of late, and I know… I just KNOW that this was his fault._

Let him tell us what happened, Lycan. We don't know for sure if Shepard had any say in the matter.

_And if he did?_

…We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

"Alright, Shepard. Talk," I command as Lycan sets our body onto the cot. He's ready to leap at Shepard. He wants to pounce on him and rip him limb from limb, I can feel that much. "Say your piece and make it good…"

Shepard nods grimly. "I assume someone told you about us visiting Virmire?" he asks. I nod simply in response, letting him continue. "Well, things didn't exactly go as we'd planned. Our original goal was to rendezvous with a salarian STG team." He stops to shake his head in disbelief. "Saren had created a cure for the genophage at his base. He was using it to breed an army of krogan!"

I wrack my troubled brain for half a moment to recall that the genophage is what prevents the krogans from overpopulating. "I thought the salarians had done that to stop them from taking over the galaxy, though," I mutter, trying to figure out how Saren could cure some salarian engineered species-killer.

"Something like that," Shepard concedes, still being stiff and formal, as well as on guard. He never did seem the trusting type… "Basically, we decided to destroy the factory. Wrex didn't agree at first, but I talked him down, luckily enough. The STG team went to provide a distraction for us to sneak in to the base. Kaidan went with them."

"How did you destroy this base of Saren's?" I ask skeptically.

Shepard knocks on the wall, saying, "I'm sure you felt it, right? That was a nuclear bomb."

I could feel my veins freeze. The word "bomb" was enough to set me off, but the word "nuclear" clicked somewhere in my lost memory. "Nuclear…?" I hiss in disbelief. "That's the kind that can bust entire cities, isn't it?" I can't be exactly sure how I remember that, because I certainly didn't know it before now.

"Yeah, that's the one," Shepard nods solemnly. "We'd snuck into the base while Kaidan and the STG team made life hell for the geth. Ash stayed on board, prepping the bomb for drop off," he rambles on, clearly tired as hell. "We ended up dropping it in the middle of his base, but while we were arming it Kaidan called us. Said that they were pinned down and needed help."

His look is so far away. He's not staring at anything in this room anymore; his gaze is elsewhere. "We'd moved to go assist Kaidan, leaving Ash to finish arming the bomb. Before we reach the LT's position, she calls us. Says geth are swarming the bomb site. That she can't hold up…"

_He's so unaware right now. We could rip out his throat and make a break for it._

Shut up. You've no more say here. Besides, unless you want to escape into the vacuum of space, I suggest you not.

"I'd originally planned to help Kaidan before heading back to get Ash. But _he_ showed up…"

"Who's 'he'?"

"Saren." Shepard says, spitting the name out as if it was a sunflower seed shell. "The bastard, ended up stalling me too long. I… I had to leave before we were all blow to smithereens. I had to save who I could…"

He's still in La-La Land. I stand up and walk my way over to him. He glances up at me with that shitty, faraway look in his eyes… right before I smash my boot into his face.

"**You son of a bitch!**" I scream at his downed form. "You had the entire team there! You could have split them up! You could have left her more support! You could have… you could have…" I begin to choke on my words. I could feel tears beginning to form and Lycan beginning to get restless. His will was seeping into mine again. Urge to kill rising…

Shepard snaps back to reality, gripping his hand to his now bloodied jaw. "I could have what? Left Kaidan to die? Is that what you're going to say, Ben?" he begins to shout back. Shepard rounds on me, bringing his face within inches of mine. "Let me tell you something," he murmurs dangerously, "Saving one person means leaving another to die sometimes. That's the way that the galaxy works. I chose the option that benefited us most."

I pull back our head, or maybe it was Lycan who does it, and smash it forward into Shepard's. "What benefit? There's no benefit in leaving a squadmate to die!" I continue to protest.

"Ash had the same specialties that I do!" he tries to explain as he reels back, now clutching his forehead. "We need Kaidan's biotic strength and tech expertise!"

"If we really needed them, then why did Ashley always go with you on every mission?" I ask, my voice silent but still shaking with rage. "Why did you make her feel necessary if she was just disposable in the end!"

"YOU DON'T GET IT!" Shepard yells at me. "Everything… Every single goddamn thing I've done is to ensure our success in capturing Saren," he says, trying to force the rage from his tone.

"Oh yeah? And locking me up in here helped your chances how?" I spit back, finally bringing up my captivity.

Shepard just stares at the ground for a moment. "You were an unknown. A variable that I couldn't predict. I had to isolate you, for just a while… just until we were done," he says, not looking me in the eyes.

He's fucking lying. After all this, he's fucking lying! I bring back my right arm and launch a hook right at his already injured jaw, yelling, "Don't give me that bullshit!"

Shepard raises his forearm, blocking my strike. The split second I take to be shocked ends up being my own undoing. Shepard counters with a knee to my gut, grabbing my head as I double over in pain.

he launches a knee to my face, then another…

"Fine! You want the truth!" he roars, as he lets go of my head and throws me back. "I was scared of you! I didn't know what to do! Hell, I still don't…" He's got a pained expression on his bloodied face.

"You… could have… could have talked to me…" I cough out as I slowly push myself off the ground. My hands give and I fall facedown against the floor, groaning in pain. "You could have come visited… I…"

_**Ba-bump**_

My head hurts…

_**Ba-bump**_

Lycan… stop…

_**Ba-bump**_

_I won't. Right now, I don't care who he is, but he deserves to die for hurting us this way._

_**Ba-bump**_

Please…

_Not a chance._

Lycan takes over our body, rushing at Shepard on all fours. He lets out a feral snarl as he leaps at him, pinning the Commander to the ground. "_You could have taken me with you!" _his insanity screams. I see Shepard's eyes widen in surprise. Did he recognize the change between myself and Lycan, or was that just a reaction to being pounced?

Lycan doesn't notice and keeps screaming. "_If I was there I could have saved her! Everyone would still be on board!"_ he shrieks, tears streaming from our eyes. "_If I was with you on Virmire_-_"_

"You'd be dead!"

That stops him right in his tracks. Shepard picks us up and slings us over his back, like he did in the field during one of my flashbacks. The only difference is that this time he slowly begins to spin around before chucking us directly at the back wall of the cell.

Lycan pushes us up onto all fours, gasping for air. "You'd be dead, just like she is!" Shepard keeps yelling. He strides over to us, grabbing our collar and slamming us against the mirror in the cell. "If you'd gone down the only thing that would have happened is that you would have ended up pinned down with her and blown to smithereens!"

"_Bullshit!"_

"You think I'm lying still?" he mutters in disbelief. "You think that you being there would have made any difference? You think dying there would help anyone?" he begins yelling again.

"_You're damn right I do!" _Lycan spits back. "_I could have gotten her out of there! I would have taken down every single fucking geth that stood in my way and brought her back!" _he continues. I don't think he realizes how weak that sounds.

Lycan…

_No._

Let it go. You're trying to argue a moot point.

_What do you mean? If we were down there Ash would have lived!_

Do you know that for sure, Lycan? Do you?

_I… well, no. But…_

Do you think us being there would have made a difference?

_I… I don't know! Maybe us being there would have changed something!_

But we weren't there. That's what you need to realize.

_But if we were-_

No! Shut up with this "If we were there" shit! We _weren't_ there! That's the truth of the matter!

"Ash is dead, Ben," Shepard's voice cuts into our mental argument. "Nothing is going to change that now, especially dwelling on it! You need to wake up and move past this!" he yells right into our face.

Lycan is confused. His emotions and thoughts are swirling around in our head so strongly; I can read exactly what he's feeling. He's torn between arguing for his pride and right to be angry or giving up and breaking down in tears. I take advantage of his turmoil to grab control of our body.

"You're right, Brian," I manage to choke out. I can feel tears beginning to form. No, that's gotta be Lycan affecting me again. He lets me down out of his grip, allowing me to fall to the floor and catch my breath.

"You know, during that last transmission, she told me something."

"...Yeah?"

"Yeah, she'd said, 'I guess that idiot will end up hating me forever.' Or something along those lines. Did the two of you…" he begins to say before noticing the tears streaming down our face.

"Brian," I manage to sob. "W-why did this have to happen?" he leans down and rests a hand on my back. "I never hated her. I never once even considered hating her…" The waterworks just won't stop.

_No. It was the opposite… for both of us. We really did love her, didn't we?_

Brian just slings an arm around me as I curl into a ball and keep crying. "Hey now," he says, trying to calm me down. "If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't have even made it this far." I pull my head back from my knees and look over at him, puzzled. He puts on a reassuring smile. "If you hadn't revealed yourself on Noveria, her heart would have stopped and we would have lost her."

"D-does it really matter though? In the end, maybe it was the wrong choice…"

Shepard laughs. "No, you did it right. If you hadn't helped her, I'd have thrown you in here anyway for letting her die," chuckles the idiot Commander.

"Is that supposed to cheer me up?"

"No, but how about the fact that you extended her life by almost a month? How about the fact that we wouldn't have succeeded today if it weren't for her, and if it weren't for you, she wouldn't have been there?" he explains with a bitter smile.

I take a deep breath, trying to slow myself down. "When you put it that way, you make it sound like her death was unavoidable," I point out, tears slowing to a stop.

Brian just puts on a sadder smile as he shakes his head. "No, it was avoidable. You're right that I could have gone back for her instead of Kaidan," he admits. I guess it's not like everything Lycan and I said was complete bullshit.

"You made a choice, Commander. Isn't that what you have to do to win wars?" I mutter into my knees. This is a war… isn't it? Shepard vs. Saren and the rest of us versus the geth?

He doesn't respond, opting to just stare at the far wall instead. "Let me ask you something, Ben: do you believe in heroes coming out of wars?" he inquires softly. There's something about the way he says it that scares me.

I ponder on the question for half a second before answering. "I guess so, yeah. People who save a bunch of lives, or win decisive battles are considered heroes, aren't they?" I respond to his question with my own.

"Yeah, they are," he nods, "but let me tell you something about wars." He stands up and begins to pace around the cell. "War itself isn't heroic. It's not exhilarating or exciting or a test of bravery in combat… No, war is despair. It's dark, it's dreadful, and it's a thing of sorrow. That's why most people fear wars. That's why they avoid them."

"Then what about the ones who cause the wars? What of them?" I press a challenge on his thinking. I'll admit he's got my attention, but where's he going with it? He just grins cheerfully.

"Those are the ones who end up making the heroes after they bite the dust," he announces confidently, dropping a hand down to me. "Stand up, Fenrir. You're job isn't over yet."

"…Yeah," I say, grabbing his hand and pulling myself up. "Let's go become heroes."

**A/N: I cranked this one out faster than I'd initially though, yet slower than I'd hoped after I got started. This is due to various things. Let's just say that my last semester wasn't great and college is going to be very easy to pay for right now. I'm at a confusing time, so my already slow updates might be even slower still, so please bear with me.**

**So with that, Ben is back on the team. Also, we covered both Feros and Virmire in a matter of 7500 words. Acceleration is over, now it's time to go hunt down Saren! **

**I'd like to take a moment to thank those of you who've been supporting me. I really do enjoy your reviews and knowing that people are reading my works. It cheers me up more than you'd think.**

**Thanks again everyone**


	19. A Past That Wont Quit

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 19: A Past That Won't Quit_

_I Come Alive – The Used_

**A/N: Alright, I've finished reading Mass Effect: Revelations. Great book. On a related note, you may see my writing style change slightly as I attempt to better myself through imitation. Keep an eye out and the feedback coming as I work on this new style.**

"Although it is a pleasure to see you reinstated, Mr. Karos, I'd ask that you and our CO refrain from beating the living daylights from one another," Chakwas chastises us as she tends to the wounds from our brawl in the holding area. After the two of us had finished out little spat, the adrenaline began to wear off and we started to feel our wounds a bit more, or in other words, we started hurting like hell.

Shepard cringes slightly as the doctor applies the small bone weave around his nose. I grin apologetically. "I can't say I regretted it at the time, ma'am, but I'll try to not let it happen again," I explain. "After all, the galaxy needs him a lot more than it needs me."

Shepard lies back onto the medbay's table/bed, trying to get comfortable while the medical science does its thing. "Don't go fooling yourself, Doctor," I hear him tell Chakwas. "There's nobody named Karos on this ship. And Fenrir! Don't go trying to confuse her," he orders, rounding on me.

"Aye, aye," I submit with a sigh. That seems to be Shepard's method of dealing with everything. I bet the only Ben Karos he'll ever know is a psychopathic murderer who disappeared off of Illium. That being said, he's reverted to calling me by my previous handle of Fenrir.

"There's one thing I wanted to ask you though," he continues, keeping his gaze fixed on me. I glance back curiously, permitting him his question. "Everything that just happened… everything with Ash. One moment, you're a raving lunatic, the next you're like a normal human being. It was the exact same on Noveria, and as your Commanding Officer and your friend, I'd like to know what's going on to cause that."

"Doesn't sound like a question to me."

"Did I say question? I meant request." A small correction without any sense of him feeling mistaken.

I rub a hand to my temples as I launch into an explanation regarding Lycan. Everything from what little I know about him, to how he can control me briefly and even to his other, more insane half. When I finish the information session Shepard closes his eyes calmly.

"I suppose that, for the most part, that makes sense. But one thing sticks in my mind," he tells me simply.

"What's up?"

"When I told you about Ash, how come you reacted so calmly? I can't see Lycan as the one who loved her, so you were probably the one with those feelings. Why were you so accepting?" he inquires. He's truly curious and to be honest I'm not sure that I know either.

"I can't say, Bry. By that, I mean that I don't know the reason," I admit, avoiding any half honest BS. "Maybe I knew inside that there'll be time for mourning later. Maybe I never cared enough about her in the first place… Ha! When I put it that way I sound like a proper asshole, don't I?"

Thinking back, that might be true. She was the one who decided to start paying attention to me wasn't she? I probably would have attached to the first person on board who validated my existence by caring.

I'm a monstrous person, aren't I?

Shepard pushes himself up from his reclined position. "That's not the case, Fenrir. You had a connection with Ash. I could tell that from seeing the two of you leaving to hang out at the Citadel," he presses. Shit, he saw that? Was he following me or something? Shepard continues on, ignoring my suddenly shocked expression. "Look, Ben… No, Fenrir," he corrects himself to my chagrin. "You're strong. I'll admit that. Hell, I half expected you to tear the cell open and jump at me."

"Right. Like I was gonna break through that ridiculous barrier," I scoff at him. I'd like to believe in my abilities as much as he does. I mean, it's not as if I'm a weak biotic or anything, but I just doubt that something like that is possible with brute force.

I'd actually taken a moment to ask Chuck about the barrier itself. He said that it was some new kind of breakthrough in holding cell technology. It had been made with dual alternating barrier generators with minimal cooldown. Basically, what it boils down to is that only one generator is being used at a time. Should that generated barrier take enough damage to be lowered or destroyed or whatever, then the other one would kick back in giving the first generator the few seconds it needs to recharge. Essentially it's a never ending barrier.

Shepard glances at me, confused. "Who said anything about going through it? I thought you'd break the walls around it and remove the generators and everything. I'm surprised you didn't."

I open my mouth to retort. "You seriously thought that I could—" I say before my brain cuts off that line of thinking. I scratch at my chin curiously. That might have actually been possible, looking back. "I can't say that had really occurred to me…"

"Try thinking outside the box a couple times. Maybe something will come to you," Shepard remarks encouragingly. I lean back onto my own table, mimicking his earlier action. He seems to have placed himself back at the "older brother" role in our relationship by acting like a mentor all of a sudden. Kinda funny that he acts like I'm the same Ben from Mindoir but refuses to acknowledge that I'm even the slightest bit related to the previous me.

"You know," I begin to say, my mind going back to Ash. "I don't think it's quite sunk in yet that she's gone. I did live the past couple weeks without seeing her much at all…"

Suddenly my thoughts are on her. Her hair, her form, her laugh… My breaths begin to get shorter, my voice becoming something close to a moaning croak. I try to fight back the overwhelming sense of sorrow that particular line of thought brings on, quickly building up an emotional dam hoping to stop myself from being crushed by it all.

"You know, if you don't let it out, you're gonna let it eat you away." My ears catch the mumbled words from my friend lying next to me.

The next thing I know, I'm letting out the waterworks. The metaphorical dam collapses allowing fresh tears to stream down my face, leaving me sobbing as I stare at the white lights above me. Brian doesn't say anything. What can he say that he didn't in the cell? No apologies are needed… or wanted for that matter. What good would they do? Words don't bring back the dead anymore than medigel would cure the genophage.

I let myself go for a few minutes, crying, sobbing, and moaning like a little kid. It's just pathetic…

_No… It's not. The pathetic thing is how we acted when we saw her last. You remember that outfit she wore?_

You mean the armor bottoms with the tank top? She looked good…

_Yeah she did._

Are we idiots?

…_Yeah. We are._

###########

Ilos. According to Shepard, that's the location of the Conduit: a device that will allow giant, genocidal, destroyer class, sentient spaceships to enter the galaxy and begin to systematically wipe out the current galactic society, race by race.

When I awaken the first thing I notice is that, with the exception of Doctor Chakwas working silently at her desk and myself, the medbay is empty. Shepard disappeared somewhere, probably to work on bringing the Normandy back to the Citadel.

After out brief spat in the holding cells, Brian clued me in on pretty much everything I'd missed, from the mission on Feros to their discoveries on Virmire and the destruction of the krogan cloning facility. In order to round everything out he just explained that we're heading back to the Citadel in hopes of getting the Council to lend a hand in going through the Mu relay to stop Saren.

If what he said is right, this entire thing could end soon and quite easily… provided the Council is cooperative. I might not have had much experience with politicians since that time I woke up on Omega, but the one's I have dealt with (basically just that Udina bastard) I didn't trust enough to wipe my ass, so I'm wouldn't hold out for much from them.

I prop myself up off the bed, swinging my legs over the edge and tentatively putting weight on one of my feet. Feeling no pain from the pressure, I switch over to the other foot to find it in the same condition. I stand upright and begin pacing about before heading over to Doctor Chakwas' desk.

"Is he upstairs?" I ask her, knowing full well she knows I mean the Commander.

She doesn't even look my way, instead opting to respond flatly while continuing typing on whatever report or paper she has in progress. "Shepard? Yes, I'd imagine that he's in the CIC preparing for us to dock as we speak."

I nod my gratitude, but forego any other form of communication and instead shuffle off tiredly to head upstairs. It's kinda funny I suppose. The good doctor has patched me up plenty of times, but it's not as if we're particularly close. I guess this is one of those professional relationship things? What, does that make us co-workers?

While all those useless thoughts bustle around in my head, I begin a slow and frankly, semi-painful trek up the twisting stairs that would lead to the central hub of the Normandy. Walking around in the medbay was one thing. Walking up a set of stairs is an entirely different beast. It's not like the exercise is agony incarnate or anything dramatic like that, just more like being really sore after a particularly intense workout session.

The top of the dreaded stairs finds me panting lightly and in the midst of a flurry of activity. Ensigns and other random crewmates hurrying about in order to either help the ship along its dock procedure or prepare themselves for a chance to have a bit of leave on the Citadel this evening.

In the midst of the chaos I somehow manage to pinpoint Brian, not that standing on the platform overlooking the Galaxy Map makes you more visible or anything. I call out his name, snapping his attention back towards me as I attempt to squeeze myself between a pair of particularly pungent male members of our crew.

"Be- er, Fenrir!" he says, catching his slip of the tongue. Why calling me by my given name is an error, I still don't know. I've still to piece out why he's denying me, but that's not very important right now. "You come up to see us dock? Citadel Control just cleared us and the final preparations are being made."

I sling an arm around his shoulders playfully. "Nah, I was just curious how come I didn't wake up with you next to me," I remark slyly, hoping to get a rise out of him.

I manage to succeed and he lets out a single burst of laughter followed by a soft punch to my ribs. "Don't make it sound weird," he orders through his grin. Unfortunately, that grin doesn't last very long and his features quickly become very serious. "Some of the Alliance high brass is going to be inspecting the ship when we dock after I head off to a one-on-one with the Council."

Normally, I'd imagine that wouldn't be much to be concerned with, I mean, the Alliance has a right to inspect the welfare of their ship and see how the crew is faring. In a way it's like a physical to see if the Normandy is healthy both mentally, meaning the crew, and physically.

The thing is that Brian's demeanor doesn't make this feel like such a routine event.

"They're allowed, right? It's their ship, isn't it?" I ask simply with a roll of my shoulders. I decide to hope against the sudden foreboding feeling in the pit of my gut.

A wry smile meets my remark. "Close. This ship is of turian design as well, but that's not the reason they'll be here."

I just tilt my head in puzzlement; masking that growing sense that bad news is on the way. "What do you mean?"

"I mentioned to Anderson and Admiral Hackett about our discovering your identity and that we were still deciding a course of action. My guess is that information didn't exactly remain top secret and some other higher-ups decided that turning you over to the asari would be a great show of goodwill between our two races," he explains, outwardly grimacing.

Either my blood just froze, a chill went up my spine, or the color just drained from my face… or any combination of the three.

I might be handed over to the asari.

I'd end up a political bargaining tool.

I'd be executed…

"Fenrir?" the Commander asks, attempting to break me from my reverie.

I shake my head side to side quickly, slapping both sides of my face a few times. "I… I'm fine, Bry. It's just… how'd anyone else find out?"

I've only met Anderson the one time on the Citadel, but he didn't seem the type to go spilling confidential info, and Ashley (I can feel myself unintentionally clenching my teeth at remembering the time we'd spent together) had mentioned Hackett during our date. Hell, she praised the man left and right at one point when we were shitfaced.

Shepard just shakes his head sadly. "Look, politics is a cutthroat game and the players will do anything, even involving the uninvolved, in order to make things go their way. I'd imagine some political spy or another sold off the information and it just so happens to have gone to the wrong person," he ponders the possibilities.

"Or it's possible that the Shadow Broker got a hold of it and that would explain everything," he mentions in an offhand manner. I can't say I'm sure as to what the Shadow Broker does, but I'm pretty sure I can guess.

As calm as I'd like to be, I can't help but keep the worried edge from sneaking its way into my voice. "So what's the plan then? They already know I'm here, right?" I ask, glancing around for anything in the CIC that might give me an idea for a plan of action. Naturally, there's nothing to provide any inspiration.

He tilts his head thoughtfully in response. "You know, there's a chance we can get you out of this pretty easily. If you're interested that is," he offers before catching himself. "Actually, if the Shadow Broker is involved, then this plan is shot."

I nod eagerly hoping to use any possible method to avoid capture. "You got something though, right? Hit me with it."

###########

Shepard brings me down to his cabin. I can't say it's a very big room, but it seems a bit more luxurious than mine. By that I mean he has a bigger bed, work desk and a bigger window. While I'm still taking it in, I fail to notice him crossing over to his work desk and grabbing something off of it before coming back and thrusting it into my hands.

I fumble with the object after being handed it so roughly, but soon I'm not juggling it around anymore and looking dead at it instead.

"My mask?"

"I had Tali fix it up after that our spat in the cell," he explains as he slumps down into a chair, placing his head into his hands. He must be completely exhausted….

"I'll admit I'm surprised you kept it after the whole thing on Noveria," I say bemused, turning the mask over in my hands. I looks the exact same as ever. "So what, she fixed that emergency release handle?"

He lifts up his head, placing his hands on his knees to push himself upright. "Yeah, she said that it wouldn't be a problem and got on it right away. I had the damn thing back within an hour," he chuckles to himself before answering my other comment.

"As to me keeping it, I didn't. In fact, I didn't even think about it after I melted that giant bug. Ash was the one who picked it up and brought it back."

My breath catches in my lungs again. Dammit, even after that? "I thought she hated me after that. When we talked after Feros she didn't seem too happy," I tell him with a tinge of regret in my voice.

Brian slaps me once on the back, snapping me back from the depressing train of thought. "stop moping and listen here!" he roars, suddenly in a fury. "Ash died so that we could hinder Saren, you and I know this. And guess what? If we don't have your fighting abilities with us, we might lose someone else… hell we might all die and fail!

"You're my friend, Ben! You're not the kind of guy to mope about like this! Even when we were kids, you and I'd make all kinds of trouble with the others and guess what happened when we'd all get scolded? You'd come back by my house the next day with a big grin asking me, 'What're we gonna do today, Bry?' What happened to that sickeningly cheerful attitude?"

I can't find anything to say back. Should I say it died along with Ashley? Or maybe it was before that, back when I lost my memories? Hell, maybe it ended when I left Mindoir.

His stare hurts. "Unbelievable," he mutters. "I bet you're thinking of an answer right now, aren't you?" Try as I might to contain my surprise, my eyes still end up widening in surprise. "I see you're having trouble with finding one too. Want to know why?"

I can feel my blood beginning to boil. Where the hell is he getting this annoying, all knowing attitude from? "Please, by all means, tell me why I'm not a cheerful little boy anymore! It's not like I can remember it for myself!" I declare loudly. At this point, this entire conversation feels like a shouting match, and shouting matches tend to not make any progress in any direction.

"Because nothing changed, you stupid sack of shit!" he yells at me. We both sit there, just panting from the shouting for a moment before he decides to continue his thoughts. "You're still you, and like it or not, no amount of lost memories is going to change that. You still crack bad jokes, you still scratch behind your head when you're embarrassed or when you're stumped, and you're still a hell of a lot better with a sword than I am, too!"

I can't help but laugh mirthlessly in his face. "'You're still you,' is that it? What a load of crap. As of late you've barely called me Ben without correcting yourself to 'Fenrir.' Seems to me like the one ignoring who I am, is you," I murmur accusingly.

"The reason I've been calling you Fenrir is because I don't want the Alliance reps that are coming aboard in the next five fucking minutes to realize that our masked mercenary, because yes, I told them you're a merc working free of charge, is the prime suspect in a mass murder in the colony of the first Council race! I asked everyone else to treat you the same way because I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who knows that you're an irreplaceable part of the team, like any other member… the Chief included."

I stare down at my boots, still seeing the mask clutched in my right hand. So that's why he's been denying my identity as Ben and embracing Fenrir? To keep my real persona safe? "You realize that you could have mentioned this before, right? And wouldn't me not being on board when they arrive be easier?" I ask quietly, running my fingers over the smooth front casing of the mask.

He shrugs it off. "Unlikely. They'll want everyone who doesn't have a meeting with the Council present, meaning everyone but me," He explains with a hint of annoyance at the protocol. "As to why I never mentioned things before, we didn't have much time to talk since we beat the crap out of each other, have we?"

"In the medbay?"

"You didn't need to know that then. You had enough on your plate," he reasons with me. The worst part is that his reasoning is sound. I can't argue that I was upset by the whole thing with Ashley… hell I still am.

"Yeah, okay," I say nodding. I flip the mask over so it's face down in my palms and stare at the hole where I'd kept my head, hiding my face from any and everyone. The last time I'd really put it on, aside from after the occasional shower, was when Tali had first bought it back on the Citadel. Back before I'd met, or rather reunited, with Shepard, back before I knew Wrex, Garrus, Kaidan, and Liara, and back before I'd seen Ashley for the first time.

"You know, Shep," I tell him, "it's really odd. Back when I bought this mask, I can't say that I really ever thought I'd be here."

Brian raises an eyebrow back in response. "How so?"

I shrugs with a sigh. "I don't know. I mean, I wanted to redeem myself after I heard about Illium, but even now with us so close to ending Saren, I can't say I feel absolved of anything," I explain as I fiddle with the lip of the mask's opening.

"You have to be forgiven to be absolved," he points out.

"And you have to apologize to be forgiven. I can't say I'm in any position to be showing my face to the asari councilor or anyone else of their race, let alone tell them 'I'm sorry I slaughtered your people,' with a smile on my face."

"But then again, isn't that why you're here? To prove you aren't the same man as that murderer?"

…

_He's right_

Good of you to join us.

_I'm always here, I just try not to speak up. I've been really tired of late._

Yeah, you're already fighting your little spark of crazy.

_That's not the issue here now is it? Keep talking with Brian, but remember that you speak for both of us._

"…Yeah, I'm here so I can face my crimes with my head held high by saving some lives before coming to terms with taking them," I declare, staring my friend dead in his eyes.

If anyone was watching these interactions take place, I'd have to guess that right now, the two of us looked pissed with each other: stuck in a deadlock staring match with matching glares and neither with any intention of backing down. At least, it would look that way until they'd see Shepard extend a hand.

"I know I said it before, back when you first joined us, but let me do it right this time," he says, grabbing my hand in his in a firm handshake.

"Welcome on board the Normandy, Ben."

###########

Garrus, myself, and a few others send Brian off with a sharp salute which he returns with a tired smile. He's dressed in his military best to meet with the Council of Fools in hopes that the formality might influence them slightly. Personally though, I can't see them being swayed by anything he'd wear, short of showing up naked, and I think we all know that wouldn't a sway in the right direction.

As the airlock closes, the gathered troops, Garrus, and I all begin to bustle about quickly, trying to put the ship in tip-top condition because even if it is a fake inspection, it's still an inspection. Garrus immediately makes a beeline for the elevator shouting something back that included the word calibrate in some form or another. I decided that, not knowing myself what needs doing, I'd ask around first and see who could use a hand.

Liara was helping Doctor Chakwas organize her medical files and equipment (while at the same time, hiding the good doctor's private liquor stash), and the two of them shooed me away saying that only two pairs of hands were needed for that job.

I grabbed the elevator down, hoping maybe Garrus could use a hand with whatever calibrations he mentioned as he ran away. As it turns out though, he doesn't, least of all from someone with little to no tech experience.

I almost turned to Wrex to see if he needed any assistance before realizing that he doesn't give two shits about the whole ordeal, so instead I decide to head to the drive core and see if Tali could use the spare pair of hands.

She spins around as I walk in, only sparing time for a quick wave before going back to quickly conversing with Engineer Adams over some kind of blueprints or another. Whatever it is that has them buzzing, they're incredibly absorbed in it.

"Hey you two!" I call over at them as I approach. They respond but it's nothing more than a mumbled, half thought out greeting with a half hearted wave of the hand. I can't really say I expected more than that though, honestly. "That's a great way to greet a guy who's here to offer you a hand with… stuff," I finish with some figment of false pride.

The two of them share a smile (at least I think Tali smiles). "Well, that's much appreciated, Fenrir, but unless you can remove a hyperbolted panel off of this wall here, we won't be able to increase the output like I was hoping," Adams explains with a hint of melancholy.

"You make it sound as if I had nothing to do with it," Tali teases our Head Engineer. He just raises an eyebrow back at her, laying the skepticism on strong. She can't keep a straight face during a look like that and dissolves into a small giggle fit. "I'm sorry. You know I was just kidding, right?" she asks cautiously.

"Of course I do. You're the one who suggested this idea anyway," he snips back at her, clearly losing his patience with the idea of not being able to show off these upgrades for the inspection. He turns back to me saying, "But sorry again, Fenrir. We just need to get this done fast and I'm not sure you can help."

I just shrug. "Suit yourself. I'll take my _biotic_ talents elsewhere," I say, making sure to emphasize the b-word.

That catches their attention. Tali's head instantly perks back up from being hunched over whatever they were standing over and discussing. "Oh right! Maybe we do need your help after all! You think you could lift that panel over there?" she asks eagerly, pointing towards a thick sheet of metal securely fastened to the wall with gigantic bolts and a hinge along the top edge.

"Depends. Am I ripping it off the wall with those fasteners too?" I ask amused.

Adams decides to cut in at this point. "No, no, not at all! Tali and I can remove the hyperbolts, it's just a matter of one of us needing to get inside and work without that thing falling and crushing them," he explains with a slight grimace as he indicates the hinge at the top.

"So I just hold it open? Couldn't the one who isn't doing all the tech work take care of that?" I inquire bluntly.

"That thing weighs well over 500 kilos."

"Ah."

"Get it now?" Adams asks me.

I nod back simply. "Yeah, after the two of you pull out those big-ass metal bolts I just need to hold the plate up while one of you does a quick adjustment? Who's gonna be the brave one?" I ask with a teasing smile.

"I'll do it, I suppose," Tali volunteers. "I'd like to think you'd be less inclined to crush me."

"I'd like to think I'm not inclined to crush anyone on this ship," I quip back defensively. That gets a rise out of the two of them as they each grab some complicated handheld tool from the repair kit on the wall, presumably to remove the hyperbolts. "Ready when you guys are," I signal to them as I fire up my biotics.

Within seconds, the pair of them removed all four of the metal pegs. No, "spikes" is a more accurate term. These hyperbolt things looked like foot long silver death spikes, like the kind you see at the bottom of a pitfall trap in those old movies. I wonder how heavy each one is.

Tali gives me a signal and I focus all of my attention to lifting the heavy metal panel up high enough so that Tali can lean over and, (judging by the orange glow from inside the dark compartment) use her omnitool to do whatever it is that she needs to do.

The plate itself isn't too much of a strain on my biotics. Considering that a Throw is capable of hurtling a krogan several meters through the air supposedly, I guess that isn't too big of a surprise. Then again, it's still attached at the hinge so it's not like I'm supporting all of the weight. But I gotta wonder: if this thing is too heavy for a single person to lift, then what's the point of securing it with the hyperbolts?

While my thoughts continue to wander over the reasons for such an odd seeming measure, Tali pulls her upper half out of the opening that the panel was covering and gives me an all clear. "Just be sure to not let the plate slam-" she begins to say before being drowned out by the resounding and overpowering _clang_ of metal on metal.

"Uh…. Oops?" I say, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly.

Tali and Adams both force their palms to their faces before an announcement comes over the intercom. "_Attention crew," _Joker says, "_we got the big cheese coming on board now so get to your positions and be on your best behaviors. Joker out." _

Great. So they're here. I reach down into one of the pockets of my fatigues and grab a hold of my mask, feeling a strange sense of nostalgia as I slip it over my head. It couldn't have been more than a month ago that I had taken it off, but now that just feels like ages ago.

"Should I stay in here with you guys?" I ask as the familiar hum of my mask's interface signals it's coming to life. Things look so clear with this on, almost as if that this is the way I'm meant to see the world. I take a small bit of notice that the display still has the black visor with glowing eyes, not unlike a quarian's.

Adams shakes his head. "I wouldn't say so. Only those who can properly give a report on the condition of the engine and drive core should stay around here," he explains uneasily. Clearly he has about as much of an idea about where I should go as I do. "Is there anywhere in particular on board where you have experience?"

"I get sent to the medbay often enough, but I doubt that counts," I chuckle as I screw my face up, thinking of a place for me to go to.

Tali is the one who comes up with the solution. "Find out what Wrex is going to do and hang around near him. All he does in lounge around those boxes anyhow, right?"

I open my mouth by reflex, prepared to deny anything that would pair me up with Wrex. Sure, he might have mentioned that he respected me, but he also said that I piss him off. That being said, if he could deal with my presence for a few minutes during this bullshit inspection, we may be able to pass off as a pair of mercenaries working under Shepard for our own agendas.

"Maybe," I say slowly, still weighing out the pros and cons of grouping myself with the oversized, temperamental lizard. "Think he's still outside?" After receiving a couple of confirmatory nods from the two I let out a conceding sigh. "Guess I have no choice, huh?"

_Not unless you want to be locked away again._

I'd rather avoid that, yeah.

"Well, I guess I'll be heading out then," I give in, waving as I turn around. I can't help but begin to feel anxious as I head towards the door that would lead me back out into the hangar/barracks. I bet our supplier has hid his "off the list" items that he normally shows Shepard whenever asked. With a chuckle I hit the panel to open the door…

…and run directly into a stern looking man in Alliance dress uniform.

Deep navy blue fabric with gold trim along all the edges, more badges than you can shake an HVB at, and an air of superiority gave away his position as an Admiral, or a Rear Admiral at least. He's either an older gentleman, or has seen his fair share of duties if the various wrinkles and scars are any indication, though his deep brown eyes still shone with a fiery spark that yearned for action and a body that looks like it could easily back it up. I can't determine if he has any hair underneath the cap on his head that matches his blue and gold attire. Though he looks to be easily over 80, his posture is that of somebody raised in a proper or (more than likely) a military household.

I'm slightly taken aback before snapping to a smart salute. Wait, why am I saluting? For that matter, why does this guy look familiar?

The admiral seems pleasantly surprised at my behavior. "Ah, you must the masked mercenary that totes around a blade. What did the dossier say, Lieutenant?" he asks a younger, bespectacled, equally prim and proper looking man with his rumbling voice.

"Fenrir, sir," he immediately responds while pushing his glasses further up his nose as he examines the holopad in his hands. How rare to see someone actually wearing a pair in this day and age where correctional optical surgery is incredibly cheap.

"Ah yes, Fenrir," the admiral says with a faint satisfied smile. "Well, since we've run across each other, wouldn't it be best to chat with him right now?" I can feel a bead of sweat run down my forehead. This isn't good. Not at all. I don't like the idea of him grilling me one on one. "Oh, and you can relax that salute, son. We're just here to ask some questions of the crew."

I return my hand to my side, sending a pleading glance back to Tali, but receiving a fearful and helpless one in kind. She couldn't interfere if she wanted to. After all, this is an Alliance vessel and her people are considered vagrants and thieves at the best of times.

"Er, pardon me sir, but I thought that this visit was an inspection of the Normandy," I manage to push the words out of my mouth.

He smiles broadly once again, spreading his arms out to the side as if to indicate the entire ship. "Is not the crew of a ship just as important as the tech running it?" he asks rhetorically, reflecting his grin with his tone of voice. "We just thought we'd start from the bottom and work our way up is all. Saves us the trouble of riding the elevator more than we have to."

Unintentionally, I let out a chuckle. I can easily relate to that, but something about these two doesn't seem quite right. "If… you say so, sir. I'd be glad to answer any questions you have," I say hesitantly.

"Oh, will you now?" the elderly man asks, inspecting me closely with one eye.

"Does that count as one of your questions?" I ask back, hoping to use humor to catch me off guard.

He lets out a hearty laugh, though his Lieutenant follower only smiles slightly. "I suppose it is, my boy! But that's one you need not answer. How about when you joined up with our Commander Shepard?"

"That'd have to be back just before the Council promoted him to a Spectre. He needed data on Saren which I and my compatriot," I stop a moment to indicate Tali with an open palm, "were trying to use to bargain for safety from his forces."

"Only recently? You didn't know the Commander from before this entire mess?" the cold Lieutenant pipes in from behind the Admiral.

My eyes go wide. I know they notice. "Wh-what are you saying? To the best of my knowledge I've not met the man until this incident."

They know something. They suspect me. What do I do?

"Of course you have," says the overly cheerful Admiral, clapping me once on the back. "No need to be so nervous, lad. How about you tell us about your past? Your dossier that we received was rather slim. Any military career to speak of?"

I can't help but continue to sweat bullets. "Ah… N-no, sir. I have amnesia, you see, and I'm having a hard time remembering anything about my life up to a couple months back," I stammer out. Oh, fuck, oh man, oh fuck…

"I see, I see," the admiral continues. "How about your name?"

"…Pardon?"

"Your name, son. Do you remember that much at least?"

My mouth is barely working. I'm noticeably stuttering as I say, "N-n-no, s-sir. I-I'm afraid that I d-don't."

The Lieutenant pipes in once again. "How about the name Ben Karos?"

My body seizes up and I hear Tali and Adams gasp from behind me.

"Remember that one?"

I look from the younger man who just addressed me back to the kindly older man, only to meet a hardened glare. It was a façade! The entire time, they played me with a "good cop, bad cop" routine. "No, I don't recall anybody like that," I say steadily, my sudden realization granting me a stable tongue.

"Don't lie!" the Admiral roars, clutching me by the throat. I struggle slightly, attempting to loosen his grip. "You stand like him, you act like him, you even try to avoid the point with bad jokes like he does!"

"No!" I hear a filtered voice call from behind me mixed in with a few rushed footsteps.

"Tali! Stop!" I manage to squawk out around the grip clenching down on my windpipe. Her footsteps stop, albeit very slowly.

Though my vision becomes foggier and foggier I still manage to catch a couple words from the cold faced Lieutenant before all my senses completely leave me.

"Well, looks like we have what we came here for. Back to C-Sec so we can finally take care of this rat. After all, we haven't seen each other since Illium…"

###########

"_Hey, Ben, c'mon! We're on Illium, so we might as well go enjoy ourselves before we ship out tomorrow right?" the bright faced boy asks eagerly._

"_Whoa, whoa, there Private," I reprimand him. "You need to calm yourself down a bit there, kiddo." I pull at my Earth shirt slightly while examining myself in the mirror. "We'll get going to that bar in a moment, but right now I'm gonna work on looking and smelling my best for any lovely ladies who might catch my eye tonight," I explain with a smirk as I experimentally run my hands through my hair in an attempt to get it to lay the right way._

_The young man responds with a protest. "I told you before! Don't call me 'kiddo' or 'Private'! I'm your bunkmate and your friend, aren't I?" he rants, tapping his foot impatiently as I continue to fix myself up, completely used to this kind of behavior._

"_Sorry, Royson. Won't happen again," I call over my shoulder. "But c'mon! You really are just a kid! You zoomed through basic and everything, but you're still only 18."_

"_Like age means anything in the military," he says thrashing his arms about in frustration. "And don't use my last name intentionally!" he manages to whine once more._

_I let out a small chuckle as I turn around and pat his head once on my way to the door, throwing his glasses off balance as I ruffled his hair. "I hear ya, Lyle. Now let's go have a little fun! I already know the Sergeant will be there ahead of us, so let's get a move on!" _

###########

"…ke up."

Someone is saying something. I decide that they don't matter and roll over onto my side, facing them with my back as I nurse a massive aching bruise around my neck. Actually every bit of my anatomy seems to be throbbing with some kind of dull pain.

"I said wake up, scum!" the voice roars as the solid toe of a boot impacts me directly on the spine. My entire body screams in agony at the sudden hit and I can't help but let out a pained gasp as my eyes dart open.

White.

All I see is white and all I feel is pain.

"Back with us now?" comes a sadistic chuckle from behind me. I feebly roll myself over only to see more white, but it slowly begins to morph into different colors and shapes. Eventually my eyes adjust and I see the Admiral and Lieutenant from the Normandy standing over me in the middle of a giant blue room which I assume is some containment cell or interrogation room on the Citadel.

"Urgh..." I groan as the pain finally begins to slightly subside. This has to be at least the thirs time they've make me black out. After the first time I think they stopped trying to get information out of me. "I'm here, I'd just rather ignore the two things that don't belong in this room," I manage to jibe at them with a slight smirk.

The boot collides with my jaw this time. The Admiral shakes his foot slightly, complaining as he does. "Aw, look what you did, Karos! There's blood on these nice fancy boots that Command lent to me. They're gonna want these back you know?"

"S-so, what?" I gasp out, spitting out a wad of blood that easily could have contained a tooth or two. "You borrow your clothes from other people? Guess that means you borrow rank as well, 'sir.'"

Another rough kick from the old man. "Don't act like you don't remember us!" he roars before stomping down directly onto my chest and slowly applying more and more pressure. My hands do all they can to move his foot, to shift the weight off of me, but in the end it's just a feeble attempt. "Don't act like you don't remember her!" he screams at me, his voice breaking slightly as he shoves a picture into my face before removing his foot and stomping off to some far corner of the room.

I take the small slip of paper in my hands and examine it closely, barely realizing how odd it is to have a picture that isn't a hologram. It's of a purple skinned asari. She's standing on a balcony overlooking a great city being illuminated by a sunset. The picture has her midway spun around, as if she was looking back at the photographer. She's… striking. Her eyes are clever looking and sparkle with mischief, even when considering the primitive technology used to capture the moment.

"Who…?" I say softly, wheezing slightly. She seems very vaguely familiar, but again, my memory interferes with me fully recognizing her. "Who… who is this…?" I ask the "Lieutenant," hoping not to raise the false Admiral's rage with my ignorance.

He looks down at me with an almost soft expression. Even taking into account how little I know about this guy, I could tell this was a rare reaction for him. Looking at him closely though, I could tell that he's young. Incredibly young. So young, I can't help but wonder if he signed up the moment he turned 17.

"…Royson?" the name slips out of my mouth unconsciously. "Lyle Royson?"

His eyes widen with shock at his name. That dream I had… "You were there… Illium…" My eyes drop back to the photo of the asari. Illium? "She… was she one of the… was she…?" I mutter before violent coughing grips my whole body, blood escaping the hand that quickly latched itself over my mouth.

It hurts to breathe…

It hurts to talk…

The boy who I think is Lyle yells something, but I can't hear him…

It hurts to listen too…

Maybe if I sleep, it'll all stop…

**A/N: Yeah, begin the yelling at me for taking forever, just know that things have been really rough on my end. My dog passed last week and even before that I had to deal with (and I am still dealing with) my college revoking my financial aid.**

**Though I can't pin all of it on that. I've been playing the new Earth DLC a lot and I believe that all those multiplayer classes that are vanguards (Phoenixes and Slayers) will give me some nice inspiration for a direction for Ben.**

**Thanks for reading guys, leave me a review if you saw something you didn't like or something that didn't feel right.**


	20. Past Begets Present

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 20: Past Begets Present _

_Ready to Go – Panic! At the Disco_

I awaken to the faint beeping of some device or another. It's not like I'd be able to tell through closed eyes what it is, but as memories begin to rush back of what happened before I fell unconscious, I'd have to guess they're medical related.

Whatever it was that the phony Admiral did to me messed up my insides good, especially considering that I'm too tired to even feel like opening my eyes. Being conscious isn't helping either because now I can feel every ache and pain in my body, most notably from my chest cavity right where I took a bunch of those kicks and that one nasty stomp. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke one (or all) of my ribs. I'd also wager that my coughing up blood was due to a punctured lung or something along those lines. Actually, that would pose an explanation as to why I passed out: I couldn't breathe well.

I grit my teeth as I slowly open up my left eye. The same blue room greets me almost mockingly. I am raised up on a medical bed similar to the ones in the Normandy's medbay, so it's not like I'm unfamiliar with the hard metal against my spine. Another quick glance about reveals the Lieutenant… no, he's called Royson, sitting in a chair in the corner dozing off.

Royson, huh? If those memory flashbacks I had are correct, then this Lyle Royson was my bunkmate and friend when I was on the SSV Prideful, though I'm pretty sure I can call him neither of those titles right now.

I squint my eyes in pain as I push my body into an upright position, dangling my legs over the foot of the bed. I've been waking up like this far too often of late and it kinda makes me wonder if I'm even cut out for all this adventuring and saving the galaxy crap.

Not that it particularly matters at this point since that "Admiral" seems to be dead set on filling me with as much pain as possible. That tells me that he won't have much opportunity later and I get the feeling it won't be because the Alliance or the Council, or whatever powers are involved in this mess, are gonna let me head back and rejoin with Shepard at the team.

"Shepard…" I mumble slightly, feeling my face fall from neutral to downright miserable. "Looks like I wasn't able to stay hidden, buddy. Guess you'll have to pull this final leg without me," I grunt at the wall, finding it painful to talk. I suppose I have that old bastard to thank for that.

As I sit there, staring at the red paneled door I see movement to my left, over where Royson was napping. I'm able to make out the sounds of him coming to his senses followed by his voice as he realizes I'm awake. "Karos!" he exclaims with some small measure of surprise, "I didn't think you'd be awake so soon. How're your wounds?"

"Heh, a bit late to start caring about my well being, aren't we?" I ask, a mad smile gracing my lips. "Lyle Royson, right? Would you believe that old sack of shit knocking me about gave me a little flashback involving you?"

He smiles wryly, not taken back in the slightest by my tone. "I'd be skeptical for sure, but it would at least explain how you suddenly recognized me." He catches a view of me grabbing my head as a sudden pain causes me to squint my eyes in agony. "Oh, you'll probably be experiencing some headaches. They had to give you a drug to suppress your biotic abilities."

Something is off about him and that really bothers me. Before he was as emotionless and stoic as a geth, but now he's acting like he's legitimately missed me. I lean myself back onto the metal bed and exhale heavily as the pain and weariness ease out of me. I guess I'm not quite fit to be moving about yet.

"So what's with you?" I ask sharply.

"Pardon?"

"You," I repeat the word, adding some anger as emphasis. "I'm not sure why you've gone from ice king to the whole 'happy to see you're okay' mentality. I'd also like to know why you and Admiral Asshole decided to come get me off the Normandy, or how you knew who I was." I cross my arms and glare over at his corner, expecting a response.

He looks about uneasily, obviously torn between something. "Well?" I ask dully, "I'm waiting."

Royson swallows nervously. "Any particular order you want those answered with?"

"Backwards, if possible."

"Well, what my partner said on the Normandy was correct. We easily could identify you from how you carried yourself and acted because whatever it is that happened to your memory obviously hasn't changed how you act," he explains with a nostalgic tone.

I cut in, seeing a certain flaw in his plan. "Shepard couldn't even recognize me like that! You really expect me to believe you?" I raise my voice at him.

"Well yeah, considering that, moving onto the second question, we both were with you on the SSV Prideful… on Illium." His tone is much quieter. I guess he witnessed everything at that time. I can't remember much from the actual slaughter except that one dream I had where I almost killed Tali in a half asleep rage.

He continues on with his explanation. "Commander Shepard hadn't seen you for much longer and he only saw the you from Mindoir, not the you from the Alliance. A lot changes over the years, you know?" he says, posing the hypothetical question. He takes my silent glaring at my feet as a signal to continue with his explanations.

"As for me and 'Admiral Asshole,' as you so kindly put it, we both served with you on the Prideful, as I believe you already knew."

"Actually," I cut in, my tone dead serious. I'm really not in the mood for happy story and explanation time with Lyle. I just want my answers. "I only knew about you from my memory coming back at a morbidly convenient moment."

He looks at me with his head cocked in confusion. "You really don't recognize Sergeant Cend? Your… _our,_ old CO?" he asks, his voice suggesting that that concept is a bit too much for him to believe. Well, that would certainly explain the old bastard's hostility somewhat. After all, I _am _the guy who caused a murder, thus raising attention that we were on Illium, thus raising the question as to _why_ we were on Illium, thus leading to the discovery of our covert operations that the crew of the Prideful was supposed to be carrying out.

…or something along those lines. I mean if I had to guess, then that's probably along the lines of what happened.

"Does it sound like I do? I mean, if I had recognized you guys from the start, I'd have probably been begging for my life the instant you guys brought me back here, took off my mask and proceeded to beat the ever loving crap out of me," I manage to say. The agony from my ribs makes long sentences very painful.

"To be fair, that was pretty much all him."

"Yet another reason for me to not care about remembering him," I roll my eyes, pausing for a moment to look at the light strips on the ceiling. "And not doing anything to stop him puts you at just as much fault as him."

To my surprise, he chuckles at my accusation. "I guess this brings me into the first question you asked: why my attitude changed from earlier." He stops speaking and stares me straight in the eyes for a moment, causing me to attempt to inch farther up my bed and away from his uncomfortable look… at least before the pain of moving about forced me to stop my wiggling. He just laughs again.

"The answer is that you haven't changed at all. You just don't remember anything. You don't like awkward eye contact, you still have a smart mouth, you still try to hide behind jokes. It's all stuff that Sarge had mentioned before when we grabbed you," he explains nonchalantly.

I sit silently on the metal bed, staring at the wall directly across from me. Should I be happy that I haven't changed from who I was before I lost my memory, or should I be mad that something I'd been so eager to prove ended up revealing me to the Alliance?

Come to think of it…

"I got one more for you then Lyle," I say, my eyes suddenly snapping to focus on his boyish, bespectacled face as he remains in his corner seat. He nods with a smile, showing me that he welcomes that chance for us to talk a bit longer. "Who sent you two specifically to get me, and why?"

He chuckles again. "That's technically two, but I'll let it slide." He stands up from the chair and straightens himself up. Seeing as he's still so young, he doesn't come up to anywhere higher than my chest, were I standing at the moment.

He paces over to the door, hand reaching for the opening panel as he answers my questions.

"Undina sent us. He had intel that you were on the Normandy and the instant he offered the chance to find you to Sarge, I was dragged along as well," he smiles sadly. "I was told to come along in order to make identifying you easier. I was just… unsure of how to feel about seeing you again. When I first across you I was just feeling angry at being dragged along on something like this, but Sarge insisted that I come along. At this point though I'll admit that I'm glad you're alive."

"So why are you looking so sad all of a sudden?" I ask, noting his sudden change from a genuine smile due to us just talking to a sad smile that suddenly crept over his face.

"…I'm sorry, Ben. I can't see you getting out of this one alive."

With that last remark and a pained look on his face, he stepped out of the door, allowing it to hiss shut behind him.

###########

A little later, aboard the Normandy…

###########

"You WHAT!?" Commander Shepard yells at his Chief Engineer. The morning had not been kind to the man. Not only did the Council pretty much refuse to lend any aid to attacking Saren due to the slim possibility of starting a war, but the Normandy was also being taken right out from under his feet.

The ship was locked into its dock, not allowed to leave. When he'd first heard the news, his thoughts had immediately gone to his friend, Ben Karos, who was attempting to hide amongst the Normandy's crew to avoid the military and political authorities.

_If they keep us here, it'll give them more than enough time to track him down, no matter how well he hides!_ he'd thought. Worrying over his friend shouldn't have been first on his mind what with what with his main goal of stopping Saren and all, but if there's one thing that Brian Shepard can't ignore, it's the life of somebody important to him.

Joker sits in his pilot's chair looking back at the CIC, shaking his head silently. He'd seen the two men leave the ship with Karos slung over the big older man's shoulder, the young one following closely behind.

"Damn it…" he curses himself and his Kepral's Syndrome for not even allowing him to get out of his chair in time, let alone try stopping the pair. _I wouldn't have been able to stop them anyway,_ he reasons. _They'd just pull rank on me or lock me up for attempting to keep our Fulffy at home._

Of course, the crippled pilot had immediately sent out a message to Shepard, but the Commander only just made it back to the ship with even more bad news."Grounded, huh?" He muses out loud, turning the thought over and over in his head.

Well, now what? Shepard's losing his mind back there, taking all his rage and frustration out on Adams and Tali, even though they're victims of circumstance. Joker had checked the surveillance feed from Engineering after sending out the message to Shepard and had found exactly what had happened: Ben got taken, but he also stopped Tali from rushing in to save him. Or rather, that's how it looked on the footage.

Joker spins his chair back around, preparing to power the ship down before seeing a flashing red exclamation point icon on his panel. Tapping it curiously, it opens up into a message from David Anderson. After glancing through the contents, he can't seem gather too much information about what Anderson wants exactly. _But hey, I'm just the messenger here. Better pass this onto Shepard._

He flips on the intercom, pinpointing the Commander's position on the second floor, but before he says anything the video feed catches his eye. Shepard, sitting down by his locker and Liara sitting right next to him, their faces moving steadily closer.

"Forgive me for this one, Shepard," Joker mutters quietly so as to avoid the intercom picking up on his comment. "Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message up here from Captain Anderson.

The two split apart as if one or both of them had caught fire. Shepard begins wiping his hands on his pants, nervously dusting himself off as he stands up. "Are you spying on us, Joker?" he says, his voice not thrown off in the slightest, unlike his demeanor.

"No, sir. Just knew you were on the ship and figured I'd pass the message on," the pilot says with an innocent chuckle. Liara's face turns a darker shade of blue as she flashes Shepard a smile and quickly walks off, presumably back to her office behind the medbay. "The captain said to meet him at Flux. That club down in the wards."

"I guess I'd better get going then, huh?" the Commander sighs heavily as he begins the trek back up to the air lock.

###########

The digital readout on the omni-tool declares the time to be 15:00 on the nose. Shepard lets out a deep sigh before walking into the overly loud club. Flux wasn't so much of a club as it was an entertainment center, at least according to Shepard. Clubs tend to focus more on the drink and dancing, while Flux added an extra element into the mix: gambling. Through the addition of the slot machines upstairs and the reduction in the dancing and drinking spaces, Flux became somewhere more casual where one could just whittle away time (and credits).

David Anderson had replied immediately to the response Joker sent out saying to look for him at one of the tables around the bar. It doesn't take long for Shepard to spot the slowly aging man, waving to the volus bartender so that the pair of them could get some drinks sent their way.

"Shepard," comes Anderson's curt greeting, accompanied by an outstretched hand.

Shepard wearily grabs his friend's hand, giving it a weak shake. "Anderson. Good to see you," he replies, slumping into the opposite chair.

"Same to you, even if you do look like hell," the older man chuckles morbidly before straightening his smile into a more grim expression. "I heard about the Normandy… and about Karos."

A slim human waitress glides her way over to the table carrying a tray laden with a pair of brightly colored bottles. Shepard doesn't react to her presence at all, instead opting to immediately grab a hold of the drink she places down and take a giant swig from it. "Yeah. Apparently the pair who grabbed him were well informed about who he was," he exhales as the bottle leaves his lips. "To be honest though, I'm here to get drunk and forget about those things."

"I… wouldn't recommend that, Commander," Anderson advises, a serious tone layering the words. Shepard slowly sets down the bottle that was about to make its second trip, glancing at Anderson cautiously and curiously.

"Something bothering you, Captain?"

"This entire thing is bothering me! They think this is all over but we both know it's not." Anderon's steel determination is beginning to show through. "You have to go to Ilos. You have to stop Saren from using the Conduit!" He continues.

"There's only one ship that can get me into the Terminus Systems undetected and she's grounded," the Commander points out bitterly.

"I'll cut to the chase," he mutters before leaning across the table and lowering his voice. "I might have a way for you to get off the Citadel… and one to get Karos back."

Every ounce of Brian Shepard's attention is suddenly focused on the older gentleman. "What?"

"You heard me." Anderson leans back, relaxing a bit more. "Citadel control's locked out all the Normandy's systems. But if we override the ambassador's orders we can get them to bring the Normandy back online," the older man explains carefully. "You could be in the Terminus Systems before anyone even knows you're gone."

"If we steal the Normandy, you're the one left holding the bag" Brian quickly points out, slightly concerned for his former CO.

"And if Saren find the Conduit, life as we know it is over," Anderson counters grimly. "The Reapers will destroy us. Humans, asari, everybody!" His gaze locks directly with the man opposite him. "You're the only one who can stop him Shepard. So I'll do whatever it takes to get you on the Normandy and off this station."

"…What's the plan?"

Anderson pauses thoughtfully for a moment. "I can unlock the Normandy from one of the consoles in the Citadel control center. You'll have a few minutes before anyone realizes what's happened," he suggests fiercely.

"But that's a restricted area patrolled by armed guards. How will you get in?" Shepard says curiously.

"Leave that to me. Just make sure you're in the Normandy when the systems come back online."

Shepard shakes his head. "You're gonna get yourself killed! There has to be another way," he pauses, putting a hand to his chin, thinking as hard as he can. Try though he might, nothing comes to mind.

"Udina."

Shepard's eyes light up. "If you can override the lockdown we could get out of here just as easily."

"If I can get to the terminal in his office that would be a piece of cake."

Shepard raises his hand to his face and slowly begins massaging his eyes, realizing another flaw to that plan. "He's not exactly going to be happy with the idea, is he? He probably won't let you just randomly use his computer."

Anderson considers the scenario, before shaking his head. "Hopefully he won't be there," he says with a sigh, "but if he is, I'll just have to think of something."

"Udina would probably try to slap treason charges on you for this," Shepard says, pointing out yet another problem

The Captain just shrugs that one off. "We don't exactly have a lot of options," he says. "I break into the ambassador's computer, or I take my chances with the patrols in Citadel control."

Shepard keeps rubbing his eyes, hoping that it gives him some clarity of mind. It doesn't. "Give me a little time to think on this," the Commander says, still trying to weigh out the consequences of each choice. "What do you have on Ben?"

The change in topics doesn't seem to faze Anderson in the slightest. "I heard from a certain source of mine that Karos is being held in a C-Sec interrogation room." Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. The Alliance had moved abnormally fast in his capture so Shepard had half expected to hear that he was already begin shipped out to some prison or another with a death sentence around his neck.

"So we can just bust him out of C-Sec, right? We'll need to go undercover, won't we?" the Commander asks, rationalizing the scenario in his head. "Find which room it is, hack the panel and make up an excuse to get him up to the Norma-"

"Don't go getting ahead of yourself Commander," Anderson admonishes the younger man. "I understand that you're eager to spring your friend, but we need to think work through this carefully. First of all, my source has provided an accurate floor plan of the area and will be the person handling the rescue operation."

"I don't think I can agree to that. I won't trust my friend's recovery to somebody who I've only just now heard of and haven't met," comes Shepard's protest.

Anderson just shakes his head. "This is our best bet at succeeding in this endeavor, Commander. I need you to trust me."

"So then, what do you need me to do?"

"Nothing."

Shepard grimaces at the word. "You do realize that sitting around while other people work and sacrifice for me isn't exactly my style, right?" he asks, still making a face as if he just swallowed something bitter.

"Listen to me. You need to make sure the Normandy is ready to get the hell outta here and on its way to Ilos. In order for all this to have a chance at working, you absolutely must have Ben on board the Normandy the instant I release the lockdown. If even one of these things goes wrong, we'll have hell to pay."

"Take too long to release the lockdown or get Ben on board too late and we'll have C-Sec breaking the door down," Shepard muses with his hand on his chin. "If the lock down is released too early or the rescue takes too long, either you or Ben could end up captured and the lot of us would be in bigger trouble than before."

"Need I mention Saren and his geth army again? Or the Conduit?"

"No. I get the point. It'd be best that we do this as soon as possible, right?"

Anderson nods. "Have you decided how you want me to handle the lockdown?" Shepard is silent for a moment more.

"The Ambassador's console. You have a better chance that way. Who knows? You might even have to rough him up a bit in order to get this thing working," the Commander chuckles, standing from his seat, leaving the barely touched bottle on the table.

"Don't go giving me ideas now, Shepard," the Captain replies with a chuckle of his own. "Get back to the Normandy and prepare. I'll signal you when the lockdown is lifted."

"I'm sure Joker will be able to tell."

"Fair enough. Good luck out there Commander."

"Yeah, you too Anderson."

The older man watched Shepard dash out of the club before raising his hand to signal the younger man watching from the shadows. He got up and moved towards Anderson, standing behind his shoulder as they both watched Shepard leave.

"I can leave this all to you then?" Captain Anderson asks the boy.

He just scoffs in response. "You can. I'm the one who volunteered for this and so I'll be the one to handle it," he says as a fierce spark lights up his eye. "I'm more worried about you though. You do realize Udina wouldn't hesitate to have you removed from his way, right?"

"Oh, I know. But if things go south with my end it won't matter for long once the Reapers get here," says the old Captain, pushing himself up from his seat. "Just do your job, Royson. That's all I ask."

Lyle takes off his glasses, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Aye, sir. You gave me this chance to get Ben out of here. I'm gonna make sure it succeeds," he says, his voice low and dangerous.

"By force if necessary."

###########

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure… Sergeant, was it?" I ask sarcastically from my bed as the old man walks through the sliding door of my interrogation room turned hospital suite.

He fixes me with a glare born of pure hatred and loathing. "So you remember now?"

I shrug indifferently at his question. "Only as much as Lyle filled me in. Something about a ship and a planet and an indiscriminate slaughter. That sound about right?"

Cend smashes his hand down on the metal platform of my bed. "Indiscriminate my ass! You killed over 30 asari in and around that bar! Only asari! That's sure as fuck not discriminate!"

"So explain it to me, Sarge," I say cooly. "Tell me what happened that day. Tell me why it happened there. Tell me why you hate me," my demands come out simply and quickly, as if they were questions that I'd always wanted answered.

He stares at me dumbfounded. Yeah, how dare I ask _him_ of all people for a reason behind his rage. "You… you really… can't remember anything from that time?"

"I've had one dream from that day, months ago," I say slowly. "I couldn't make heads or tails of it and when I woke up…" I stop there, suppressing the shudder from the thought of almost killing Tali.

Cend storms off to a corner of the room, grabbing the chair that Lyle had sat in earlier, dragging it over next to me bed. As he slams it down he leans in and stares me in the eye like Royson had and making me just as uncomfortable.

"I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything," he whispers painfully. "I'll let you know _exactly_ what it is that you've done. Exactly what you did to make me want you dead more than anything. If it weren't for Udina wanting you alive to give to the asari, rest assured that you wouldn't be hooked up to these machines or even breathing right now."

"…Alright, old man. Whenever you're ready."

###########

Illium. 7 months ago…

###########

Ben and Lyle walked into the bar, side by side, and were both instantly greeted by the dull, loud thump of dance music along with the low lights along the wall. It's not as if the place needed to be well lit anyway since the perpetual sunset of Illium shown through, gently shedding more than enough light.

"Wow," Lyle gasped in amazement as he looked around, taking in all the sights.

Ben couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "First time in a bar, kiddo?" he asked, tapping the hilt of the retractable HVB situated inside the breast of his jacket. He loved bars. He never was a big fan of drinking til he couldn't make a cohesive sentence (though in the proper company it could be a blast), but a little alcohol would always make the night a bit more fun.

The real reason Ben loved bars? The women. Every woman and asari in sight was a walking dream. Beautiful curves, amazing smiles and pretty faces… Oh yeah, a guy could get used to this.

Lyle fixed him with a tired glare. "I'm not 'kiddo'… but yeah, it is. Do you often bring your weapon to places like this?" the younger soldier asked flatly, noting his friend's drumming of something inside his coat.

Ben just ginned down at the boy cheekily, saying, "Often enough. People tend to like to get into fights around bars, so it's best to have a deterrent, right?" He lifted his gaze to look around the bar. "Speaking of people who like fights, let's find Sarge. He said he had a surprise for us and knowing that old fart, I wouldn't be surprised if it were a woman of some kind or another." He finished off that implication with a little wink as he spots the hulking old man who was their CO: Sergeant Bartholomew Cend.

###########

Cend sat lazily at the table, working hard to hide his eagerness. This was the planet he was going to move to next month after he retired from the Alliance. 62 years. 62 years he had given to the Alliance Navy. 62 of the best years of his life he'd given away which meant by today's standards he only had another 25 or so in him. No human had lived past 110 recently anyway.

"Hey there soldier," came a soothing female voice over his shoulder.

He swung his head around so fast, you'd have thought his neck to be broken from it. A big toothy grin spread onto the man's face. "Atta!" he cried out, wrapping the dark skinned asari into a big warm hug which she returned with a smile. "I'm still surprised you came all the way out here to see me!"

She pushed out of the hug, smiling slyly. "Oh, it wasn't for you, hun. I was just checking up on the new apartment and figuring out where we're gonna be putting our furniture once we move in," she teased as she ran a finger up his chest.

"Look at that, Private! Told you he'd have a woman for his surprise."

"Dammit, Karos! Would it kill you to use my name once and again?"

"It just might. It's best to take some things in moderation after all," argued the dark blonde haired man to his shorter and younger friend as they approached the embracing couple.

Cend loudly cleared his throat, making himself audible even over the heavy bas of the song on the bar's speakers causing both men to snap to attention. He suppressed chortle to his throat as he slung an arm around Atta's shoulder. "Boys, I'd like you to meet my wife, Atta. Atta, these two might not look it, but they're two of the finest crew members I have," he explained to both parties. "See, this ugly blonde smartass is one mister Ben Karos, one of our biotic and combat specialists. His Warps might even be as strong as yours dear."

"A pleasure," Ben said, bowing in the most polite fashion he could, suddenly regretting his thoughtless remark moments ago.

Atta, on the other hand was incredibly amused by the Sergeant's words. "Really? You must be quite the biotic to get praise from somebody married to an asari," she remarked with a hint of a smile.

"I try not to brag ma'am, but you're making it awful tempting."

"Calm down, Karos. This _is_ my wife after all," said Cend, fixing Ben with an incredibly obvious warning glare.

"I… um… yessir…" the corporal mumbled, defeated.

"Oh! Atta, this young man is Lyle Royson. He's one of the youngest men to make it through basic," Cend praised as he indicates the boy to his wife with an open hand. "He's a handy little biotic mixed in with a bit of tech expertise. He might not pack quite the punch as Ben, but he's one of the reasons that the dummy is still breathing."

Lyle scratched behind his head, clearly embarrassed by the amount of praise he'd just received. "Captain, you know as well as I that Ben can handle most enemies on his own. I'm only paired up with him on the field because he's hopeless when it comes to bypassing and anything tech related," he joked, nudging his partner and bunkmate in the ribs with his elbow.

"Watch it runt, or next operation will have me coming back alone," teased Ben snobbishly.

"Oh really? What's the passcode to verify our identities when we reboard?"

"Uh… Sic simper tyrann-"

"Nope." The other three suddenly burst out into laughter at Ben's humiliation. Even Ben himself managed to crack a slight smile despite himself.

"Anyway, moving away from my shortcomings, how about you all have a seat and I'll grab us some drinks?" he offered, throwing a thumb over his shoulder to the bar. A small chorus of nods and orders greeted his offer. After making sure he had everything set up correctly in his mind, he began to trek over to the young asari bartender leaving the rest of them to head back to Cend's table and start up a simple conversation about any and everything.

"Hey," Ben greeted the barmaid with a friendly little wave and smile. "_Man, she's a cute one_," he thought. "_Oh and that smile is to die for!"_ he continued to note as she sent a small grin his way in response to his greeting.

She eventually made her way down the bar to Ben's end, her eyes bright and cheerful. "Evening. My name's Maliya. Need anything, hun?" She was as pretty as any asari Ben had ever seen. She had a lighter blue skin tone and eyes to match, and as with the rest of her species, her figure was not lacking in any respect.

The poor marine had to force himself to tear his eyes away so he could make everyone's drink order. "Uh, yeah yeah!" he said, snapping back to reality. "I'm ordering for a group so it might be a bit much at once."

"Oh, no worries about that. I'll just get them from you one at a time if that's alright with you that is," she offered, lowering her eyelids a bit and smirking provocatively. The little spark in her gaze was not easily missed.

Ben let out an exasperated sigh. "If you must. I guess I'll just have to sit here and ogle you the entire time you do though," he teased back. It was already becoming incredibly obvious to him how this conversation was going to end up.

…And he was going to do everything he could to keep it on course.

She shot him a cheery wink as she leaned onto the bar a bit more, letting her arms frame her not so modest chest. "I'll be sure to take my time then," she muttered to him. "What's the first one?"

"An old Earth drink for my Com- Grandpa," he said, barely catching himself, almost forgetting that their operations are top secret and can't be revealed to just anyone. "He called it rum and cola, I think."

Maliya raised an eyebrow at his almost slip-up, but just shrugged it off in the end before turning around to begin making the drink. Her father was human and, by coincidence, a major alcoholic so making old Earth drinks happened to be a specialty of hers.

Ben, meanwhile, was fixated on the bartender as she worked with what seemed to be practiced movements in making the drink. "You certainly seem to know your way around a bar," he commented as she slid the drink his way.

"Family history."

Ben raised an eyebrow, slightly confused before shrugging it off and telling her the next drink in the list.

###########

"You know, that's great and all," I cut in to Cend's flashback, "but how about explaining the part where I went berserk?" I can't find it in myself to respect this man right now. Not after how he treated me earlier.

The old man fixes me with an icy glare, but considering how he's treated me lately, I'm used to these kinda of looks. "I was hoping that something stupidly trivial and unimportant would trigger your memory like it did with Royson," he explains with a sigh before glaring at me once more.

"Guess that was too much to hope for, old man."

"Seems that way." He rubs his temples tiredly. Now that I look closer, I can see heavy bags under his eyes, the kind that only exist when you've been without sleep for a few days. "You want to hear about the massacre, right? You want me to skip all the stuff up to that point?"

"Yes."

"Well, tough shit."

…that catches me off guard. "Wha-?"

"You're going to sit here and hear about how happy things were. About how carefree we all were. About how quickly you changed things for us. If it brings something back, then all the better," he growls, fire and fury in his eyes.

I swallow audibly. I don't care how old this guy is, there's no way in hell I'll be able to fight him. He's like a goddamn wall! Not to mention that there's a dull ache in the back of my head that's reminding me that my biotics aren't going to be lending me a hand.

"Y-yes, sir."

He scoffs at my response. Probably due to me using honorifics. Maybe it reminded him of back then even more?

…Actually, that's probably not a good thing.

"Well after you'd gotten all the drinks, you headed back over to the bar. Told us that you 'couldn't leave such a lovely young asari alone…'"

###########

"Don't go interrupting people when they're working, Karos!" Cend roared at the young man. "She's earning herself a living and you'd best believe having an idiot like you around when trying to do your job makes things even worse."

"Aww, c'mon, sir! It's not like I'm gonna wreck the bar or an- oops!" the younger man shot back as he almost tripped over a human waitress carrying a tray laden with filled drinking glasses.

Lyle couldn't help but slap his hand to his face in embarrassment, knocking his glasses eschew in the process. As he straightened them up, he attempted to start a conversation with his company.

"Soooo… how long have you two known each other?" he asked, mentally slapping himself for how stupid that sounded.

If Cend picked up on how forced the conversation starter was, he didn't show it. "I'd wager it was about 20 years ago now. I'd settled down at this cute little bar on the Citadel since I'd just gotten back from deployment," he started his story, winking to Atta.

She decided to take over the story at that point. "You know this man. He always needs himself a drink the instant he gets on shore leave," she explained, chuckling as she did. "Anyhow, I happened to be a dancer at that particular bar, and on that particular shift a friend of mine had begged me to switch our dancing and bartending duties."

"You could do that?" Lyle asked, surprised at the leniency of the establishment.

Atta just shrugged. "The manager was very lax about such things. In fact, I'd originally applied there as a bartender, but you can't always get what you want right away, right?" she told him with a sigh.

"Anyway," Cend cut in, retaking control of the story, "Turns out that Atta here had a certain… shall we say dedicated? Yeah, a dedicated patron." The private nodded once, immediately understanding that the man in question was nothing more than an obsessive stalker. "Anyhow, that guy is there that night. He's sitting there ranting and raving about how 'an ass like that belongs on stage!' and that she could always 'come back to his place later and dance for him then.'"

"Ugh, he was such an ass," Atta sighed again, rubbing the bridge of her nose with a couple fingers.

Lyle just nodded again. "Sure sounds like someone I know," he muttered, glancing over at a certain man he knew also bugging an asari bartender. "Then again, I doubt Ben would be that rude. What happened then?"

Atta spoke up first. "Well, I refused his stupid advances and demands for me to shake my ass for him. I like serving drinks better. Still do," she nods with a small satisfied smile. "What's the guy do when I tell him no? He pulls a gun on me."

"No way."

"Way," Cend cut in. "So I tackle the bastard to the ground and knock him out with the butt of his own pistol," he declared loudly, thumping his chest.

Atta just rolled her eyes, saying, "Yeah, except he got a shot off directly into your gut first." Lyle let out a loud laugh at the old man's embarrassment in the situation.

"Aw, c'mon! I'd already had a few drinks!"

"I know. I'm the one who'd made—," she began to say back as a woman's scream split the air.

"…the hell!?" Cend roared as he jumped out of his seat, sweeping his head around for the source of the disturbance only to find it coming from the bar. "Ben…" he muttered under his breath before rushing over, ignoring the calls of protest of his betrothed and subordinate.

"Bart!"

"Sir!"

"Get her out of here, Lyle! I'll meet you guys out by the trading floor! Just get out of here!" I called back, not bothering to turn around.

The bar was only a couple meters away, but from where he had been at the table Cend couldn't get a clear view due to there being another wall, no higher than a tall man, impeding his line of sight. When he got around that wall he'd instantly wish he hadn't due to the gory scene before him.

Ben Karos stood there, covered in blue asari blood from head to toe. He held his HVB in one hand while the other glowed blue with biotic energy. It wasn't the scene that disturbed Bartholomew Cend, for he'd seen his fair share of action and death during his 62 years of service. No, what set off his little red flag was the way Ben stood there, back arched like an animal and breathing coming out in ragged pants like a wild animal.

Ben did this. That much was obvious. The blood covered clothes and weapon were dead giveaways. But the other patrons cowering in fear in his shadow meant that the Sergeant had little time to figure out why. He just had to stop the boy by any means possible.

"Ben!" he roared, grabbing the M-3 Predator he'd kept concealed in the waist of his pants by the small of his back. He leveled the sights up with his subordinate, hoping that calling him would grab his attention, maybe even bring him back to his senses.

But he didn't react and instead began to stalk his way over towards the group of patrons who hadn't run away immediately. There were three of them: a human man, another asari, and a salarian.

"Ben, stop! Don't move!" Cend yelled again, hoping against hope that his voice would be heard.

Ben didn't stop. He drew closer to the group. If Cend was going to save them, he had to act now. Ben's face slowly contorted into a demented smile as he raised his sword.

"Dammit!" Cend howled as he began firing rounds off at his demented subordinate. Ben's biotic barrier absorbed every last shot and was still holding strong when the Predator began beeping from the amount of heat it had generated.

"NOOO!" Cend cried out as he slammed into Ben with a tackle, chucking away his pistol in the process. The pair of them collided with the bar at full force with Ben being the one to bear the brunt of the impact. Cend pushed himself to his feet, scrambling back over to where his pistol laid after being discarded.

_Please stay down, Ben. Don't make this worse… please…_

But there was no such luck. Karos slowly got up from the ground, first on his hands and knees and then he eventually staggered to his feet, chuckling madly. Cend's blood ran cold. Something is wrong with him. Something is seriously wrong right now.

_Ben… What's happened to you? Why are you-_

Cend doesn't get a chance to finish that thought as a biotic Throw sends him careening through the doorway to the back room that lay opposite the bar. The impact winded him, making his bones rattle in agony.

_I'm getting way too old for this shit._

As he began the struggle to return to his feet, another scream sounded. His head whirled to the direction of the noise: the death scream of the other asari in the group who hadn't run. After Ben had gotten back up, they must have tried to run away because they were all out on the main floor when she screamed as the blade exited through her chest from the HVB stabbing her back.

"No! Ceeri!" the man cried as he saw the scene unfold. He screamed again and again as he watched her fall off the blade into a lifeless heap on the floor as her dark blood continued to pour out. "Damn you!" he shrieked.

The man tightened his hands in frustration and rushed at Ben who casually shoved his fist into his assailant's gut, causing him to crumple to the floor. Cend hobbled his way out of the back room, scanning the floor for any trace of his lost Predator.

"Bart!" a female voice called to him from the club's doorway.

"Atta! No! We need to get out of here!" Lyle said, tugging at her arm as she resisted.

Cend couldn't believe that they were still around. "Go with Royson! I'll handle this, Atta!"

"No way!" she cried back, tears beginning to form. "Are you seeing him? It's not natural!" She stared at Ben helplessly as he stood over the bodies of the dead asari and unconscious man, biotically lifting yet another asari and pulling her towards him.

"Dammit, go!" the Sergeant roared as he charged at Ben, ready to tackle him again. "KAROS!"

Ben spun around quickly, backhanding Cend square in the jaw with the hilt of his HVB making him see stars. He swore he could hear Atta screaming his name as he fell to the ground.

_Dammit… just go… will you?_

The next thing he saw when his vision cleared was Ben, pressing the muzzle of his own dropped Predator to the biotically lifted asari's temple and pulling the trigger far more times than were necessary to kill any being.

As the beeping indicating overheating carried on, Cend could see the distant shape of an asari breaking loose from a human tugging on her arm and begin to rush in his direction.

"Atta… no…"

Ben's boot impacted the side of the Sergeant's head and then all was black.

###########

"And the rest I heard from Lyle. Atta and you clashed with your biotics for minutes on end until you finally got the better of her and killed her…" Cend's voice trails off sadly. "I hate you for it. For everything you did. I don't care if you were in your right mind or not, what you did was unforgivable."

It's a weird thing to be told you're hated by someone on the brink of tears. Not like angry tears or happy tears or anything like that. This is genuine sorrow we're talking about here. I sober up slightly, getting a brief understanding at what exactly I had done to this man who used to trust me no matter how badly he wanted to punch me in the face at times.

He faced what I faced when Ashley died. No, he faced worse. He lost someone he'd loved and known for years while I…

…never mind.

"You… really loved her, huh?" God, it sounds so stupid as soon as I say it.

Cend apparently agrees. "You're damned right I did!" he creams at me, his face a contorted mess of wrath and crippling sorrow. "You know what it's like to lose someone that precious to you?! Someone who loved you? Someone who wanted to spend the rest of your life with? DO YOU?!"

Now it's my turn to be angry. "Guess what asshole? I have lost things! Even though I don't remember them, I lost my parents to some scummy ass batarian raiders! I've lost my memories and the allies I used to have! I lost my entire life until I met Shepard! And now…" I trail off as my yelling grows more quiet and pained.

"I won't pity someone who loses things and then takes them away from others," Cend declares, walking to the door. "Your execution has been decided on for tomorrow morning. Oh, and in case you didn't know, the Normandy has been put on lockdown until further notice. I'm sure the crew will be there in the morning to watch."

"You... fucking bastard…" I practically growl at him before he opens up the door.

Cend just turns around and puts on a sadistic grin. "You'll know the pain I felt soon enough," he mutters darkly, turning back to leave. I close my eyes and sigh tiredly, suddenly feeling the weight of everything.

"Royson? What are you doing he-?" I hear the former sergeant say before a loud _zap_ cuts him short followed by the thump of something heavy hitting the ground.

"Me? Just minding my business, Sarge," I hear Lyle's voice out in the hall. I turn towards the door, propping myself up in the bed. Less than a second later, Lyle Royson marches through the door, dragging the familiar unconscious form of the Sergeant.

"Uh… hi?" I greet him, slightly confused by the current twist of events.

"Yeah, hi. Hold out your arm," Lyle orders, not even trying to mince words right now.

"Okay," I say, still dazed slightly, probably partially because of the anti-biotics drug circulating in me. I raise my right arm level with his chest. "How's thi- AH! What the fuck!?" I scream as he jabs a syringe into my elbow joint.

"Oh, shut up! Or do you want the entire C-Sec station to know what's going on?"

I stare at him incredulously. "Dude, even I have no clue of what's going on, and I'm apparently part of it," I point out as I nurse the inside of my elbow. "And also what the hell did you just stab me with?! It hurt like hell!"

"Oh grow up, Ben," he says, rolling his eyes at me as he turns to a giant briefcase and smacks a button on it. "If it isn't obvious enough, I'm breaking you out of this damn place. And as for the injection, well, you should be feeling the effects very soon."

"What are yo- Augh! God dammit!" I moan as a spear of pain lances through my head. "What the hell…?"

Lyle turns away from the briefcase which is slowly opening up, though I can't figure out what it is he's hiding in there. "Should have mentioned it would hurt, I guess. Anyway, that drug ought to clear that shit in your veins that's blocking your biotics. How do you feel?"

"Like somebody just tried to saw my skull open with a rusty spoon… and was succeeding."

He kneels down to grab something from the briefcase. "Sounds about right. It might sound cliché, but the burn means it working."

"Is that so?" I say through gritted teeth as the pain spikes once more. "Well then I guess this stabbing pain must mean it's doing a hell of a job."

"You don't stop complaining do you?" he says holding out whatever he took from the case. "Here. You might just want these."

"What is it?" I groan as I hold my head in my hands, still wrestling with the now fading pain from the drug.

I can hear the sarcasm in his voice when he speaks next. "It's a Mako. Figured we'd want one."

I lift my eyes from my palms and check the items he's holding out. "A Harpy pistol and a portable shield generator? Are you expecting to have us fight our way out of C-Sec?" I snag the generator from his hand and clip it on the waist of my pants. At least they didn't make me wear a hospital gown. I wouldn't exactly be breaking out of here in that. Then again, my fatigues would give me away.

"I'd rather avoid it, if at all possible. C'mon out of that bed," he orders, still offering me the handle of the pistol. I gratefully grab it as he hauls me off of the metal bed into an upright position. I can't help but wobble slightly as my legs slowly become accustomed to the weight of my body again.

"Thanks," I grunt as I stretch my body out a bit. "Gimme a sec to loosen up, will ya?"

Lyle is already at the door, checking to make sure the coast is clear. "Only if you make it quick. If we don't hurry we'll miss the rendezvous with Shepard and it all goes to shit from there."

"Did you say Shepard? Didn't Cend just say something about a lockdown though?" I ask curiously as I hop from one foot to another, testing if they were ready to get me out of here. They certainly feel like it at least.

Lyle grabs an approaching human officer from around the corner and pins him face first into the ground, before quickly activating his omni-tool and shocking the man into unconsciousness. "Don't worry about the Commander," he says as he stands up and begins to drag the other man's body towards Cend's which is now leaning against the far wall. "Focus on getting out of here," he orders sternly as he strips the poor C-Sec officer.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you a disguise."

"Weren't you the one who said we needed to hurry?"

"Yeah," he shrugs. "Which is faster? Walking out the door, or getting into a firefight because they see a prisoner escaping?"

"Point taken," I agree as he begins throwing the poor guy's clothes my way. I slip into them easily, wearing them over top of my casual fatigues from the Normandy. They were a bit baggy, but it would pass for a disguise… hopefully.

Lyle looks me over once quickly before giving me a nod of approval. "It'll do so long as nobody looks at your face. Now let's get moving before somebody starts wondering where one of those two are," he says, nodding his head over at Cend and the now nearly naked C-Sec officer.

"Lead the way."

**A/N: It was a long time coming and the normal excuses apply here. You know, the ones about being busy with actual life and shit? Yeah I have class to deal with now on top of other things and this chapter is just over 9000 (DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE MAKE THAT REFERENCE) words long so it took quite a bit of time to throw out. **

**Also, I'm sure parts of this one felt rushed and or bland and for that I apologize. I wanted to update so I lowered my standards in order to crank this one out at the agonizingly slow pace that it was moving.**

**Again, I'm so very sorry for both the wait and how bad this chapter probably was.**

**On the bright side, we're almost at 100 reviews! I'm pretty overcome here guys because this is officially my most successful fic (others were done under a different account and for different series) at almost 21,000 hits! You guys are just too amazing. **

**Thank you all so much for the support!**


	21. Where the Heart is

Mass Effect: Vindication

_Chapter 21: Where the Heart is_

_Forget About It – All Time Low_

Lyle slowly leads me through C-Sec headquarters. This place is actually far bigger than most people tend to think. The holding cells where I was being held were apparently tucked away in some far off corner of the station, and I'll admit that having Lyle lead me out of here is something to be thankful for.

Though I'd never say that to his face. I can't help but feel like he's the kind of guy who would just take any praise I give him and brush it off, especially now of all times. The mission comes first to people like him. I wonder if he was always this focused before he joined the Alliance.

"Pay attention to where you're going!" a turian snaps at me as I almost bump into him while lost in my train of thought. I stumble out of the way, mumbling apologies and jogging to catch up to my rescuer who's sternly looking right at me.

"You really must want to be captured, huh?" he rolls his eyes at me as I approach.

I simply shrug my shoulders. "Cut me some slack. I have a lot on my mind right now"

He slowly begins to massage his eyeballs as if in deep, painful thought. "We're trying to get you the hell out of here and you're daydreaming? The hell is wrong with you?" he asks, turning around and continuing on his way.

"Hard to help it when you just found out minutes before that you were responsible for ruining an old friend's future."

Lyle cuts his next step short and turns around rigidly. "So he told you?"

I nod solemnly. "Yeah, he'd just finished with it before you zapped him," I say with a bitter smirk. Not that Cend didn't deserve it for being a twat, but I can't help but feel sorry since I'm like the source of _all_ the problems he's had recently. Actually, that's probably not too far off.

"Oh… I see…" Royson trails off before heading down the hall again, granted at a much slower pace. I catch up to him, keeping pace and keeping my mouth shut. Neither of us speak for quite some time as we continue to casually walk through halls of Citadel Security while avoiding eye contact with anyone who may pass.

"Hey, Lyle?" I finally say, breaking the silence.

He doesn't respond right away. A couple seconds later he just gives a simple "Hm?" in response.

"You saw it, right? You saw me kill Atta?" He's silent, making the only sounds we hear as we walk down the hall is our echoing footsteps and the buzz of conversation from farther down the corridor.

As we round another corner a familiar scene greets me. The hustle and bustle of the C-Sec entrance hall was more welcome than ever before, mainly because it shows me the elevator that leads up to the Normandy. To Shepard. To freedom…

But wait… didn't Cend say that the Normandy was on lockdown? I turn to ask the Lyle about it.

"Elevator in sight," he murmurs as he holds his hand to his ear, stopping the question forming in my throat. "Whatever you're planning on doing, you'd best do it now, Anderson."

"Anderson?" I ask incredulously, getting more than a few interested glances in my direction. I brush them off with a nervous smile before turning back to Lyle. "What's Anderson go to do with this?"

"Plenty, but right now, you need to get onboard the Normandy. Ask Shepard about it later," he says with a hint of the cold impatience that I first saw back when he and Cend took me captive. "Let's move, or do you want to get captured again?" he asks as he strides away, leaving me behind in confusion.

"Huh? Wha?" I ask glancing around. "Hey! Lyle! Wait!" I run to catch up to him, entering the elevator right as the doors close. I take a couple breaths to recuperate as the elevator begins its agonizingly slow ascent. I guess I'm not as in shape as I was before Cend beat the living hell out of me.

"Don't overexert yourself until you get some medigel on your wounds. The sergeant didn't pull any punches after all and that shot I gave you only had a small amount of adrenaline mixed in. You should be wearing thin pretty soon," he remarks with an annoying amount of neutrality.

I groan in pain as his words ring true. I can already feel some of the misery leaking back into my bones. "You tell me this now?" I whine, taking note that there's only the two of us in the elevator. "Ugh, never mind that!" I exclaim, pushing my pain to a faraway corner of my mind. "You dodged my question earlier. Atta. You're gonna tell me what happened. And you're gonna tell me now."

He raises an eyebrow, almost amused. "You're kidding me right now, right Ben? You're not in any condition let alone a position to be threatening me."

"Not threatening, ordering. You owe me."

"I'm busting you out of prison. And I didn't owe you shit before this anyway."

"Then I'll owe you twice over. Just tell me."

Lyle stops and thinks about it for a bit, watching the ground grow smaller and smaller. Every second he stalls is another second I'm not hearing this and he knows that, but it's not like I can do anything to persuade him anymore than I have.

"…Alright, I suppose you do have a right to know. After you knocked out Sarge…"

###########

Illium

###########

"Bart!" Atta cried out as Ben's foot rendered the man unconscious. Lyle stood there, one hand loosely gripping his gun, the other loosely gripping Atta's shoulder to hold her from running right at Ben, though he couldn't tell for which party's safety it was for.

"Atta, we have to get out of here," the younger marine said, tugging at her a bit as she continued to struggle and move towards her husband to be. "Now!"

"No! No! Bart!" she screamed, breaking free of Lyle's grip on her shoulder and charging straight at Ben, biotics flaring up as she went. "You son of a bitch!"

Ben took notice of the dark purple asari with only a sadistic smirk before sheathing his free hand in blue energy. Atta reached him swiftly, throwing a biotic powered hook at his jaw. Ben caught her hand with his own and began to crush it in his grip. After a slight cry of pain, his opponent leapt off the ground, hooking her legs around Ben's arm, causing him to fall forward. Atta followed through with the grapple, giving a rough yank, dislocating his arm in one, clean motion. The two rolled apart as Ben decided to bring his HVB into the equation, slicing down at where Atta's head was moment before.

The two were suddenly locked in a standoff: Atta, who'd obviously had some combat training and has both available arms, and Ben, who was armed, but handicapped. Then there was Mr. Royson, stuck by the doorway, unable to make anything of the situation. He'd seen what Ben can do, why won't he shoot?

The answer to that one is pretty easy, actually: friends are not people who you kill at the drop of a hat.

Atta suddenly charged at Lyle's friend, causing him to dance away from her as she ran past while inflicting a cut on her thigh with a flick of his wrist. She tumbled to the ground, blue blood oozing from the gash.

_Dammit! Shoot already!_ Lyle chastised himself. _If you don't do something, Atta's gonna end up a splatter on the wall, and courtesy of Ben, no less…_

But he never pulled the trigger. All could do was watch as his friend purposely strode over to the fallen asari, waving off the Throw fields that she sent at him as he advanced. All he could do was watch as Ben raised his sword over head.

And all he could do was watch as he cut Atta.

Again.

And again.

And again.

He didn't stop or let up, even after the corpse had long stopped twitching. Maybe he got bored with it. Maybe he finally realized she was dead.

And all Lyle could do then was sit there with tears in his eyes as he fell to his knees. Footsteps rang from outside as countless asari rushed into the small bar. Commandos and regular law enforcement alike crowded the room, ushering the sobbing boy to safety.

The last thing the poor kid heard was the renewed sounds of carnage from inside the bar as he let a couple asari officers escorted him away…

##########

"After that, they brought me to an interrogation room. Kept me there for an hour or so before they brought Cend in as well. He woke up, asked me about Atta and I just…" he begins to choke on his words as tears begin to blur his otherwise cold demeanor.

"…You told him the truth," I say firmly. "You told him how someone you'd both trusted ruined his happy future, right?"

I feel a tinge of anger. I can't believe this shit! Why the hell would I do anything like that? It sounds like what happened on Therum and Noveria, but if that's the case then wouldn't I have to be tossed about by a Krogan before going full-on psycho?

"I told him what you did, then I tried to explain how you obviously weren't yourself but at that point he was in such a rage that he wouldn't listen…" Lyle trails off, clearly reliving the moment in his mind. "Oh God, he was a mess. Crying tears of anger, grabbing anything he could get his hands on and throw it across the room… You know they actually had to tranq him?"

I nod, keeping silent as Lyle continues to talk about it. I believe it. He has all kinds of anger problems when it comes to yours truly. All it comes back to in the end is that the only reason he's the berserker that he is, is because of me.

I glance at the elevator's inner display. Almost to the docking bay, and for once I'm actually thankful that these things take their sweet time, else I wouldn't have heard this from a witness.

"Hey, Royson?"

"Hm?" he grunts, glancing over at me

"Did you hate me for it?"

"What do you mean?"

"What I did on Illium," I say as the elevator grinds itself to a halt and the doors slide open. "Did you hate me for killing the asari? For killing Atta and hurting the Sarge?"

He's silent for a moment as he stares at me. Or maybe he's looking past me at the arm of the Citadel laid out in all its glowing glory. I don't know, but it doesn't matter since my question goes unanswered.

And in reality, a lot can be gathered from silence.

I begin a steady pace towards the Normandy's airlock. "Well, this is my stop, kiddo," I grin as I recycle the old nickname from my trauma induced flashback.

His depressed demeanor suddenly lightens as the title hits his ears. "I thought I told you not to call me that," he chuckles lightly, shaking his head.

"Did you?" I ask, feigning ignorance. "I have amnesia after all." I tap the side of my head for emphasis as I begin a backwards walk into the airlock.

As the doors slowly close I hear Lyle's voice call out one last thing. "You can't really hate someone who you think of as a brother, ya know?"

###########

A quick call over the intercom from Joker confirming I was on board was the last thing I remember before being swept up into a blur of activity. Kaidan and Garrus, who both happened to eb in the CIC, slapped me a couple times across the back before sending me down to Chakwas after they noticed me wincing in pain.

She greeted me with a warm smile before ushering me over to yet another cold metal bed/table for one final examination before our final attempt to catch Saren. Ilos, was it? The planet that supposedly holds the Conduit?

Well, that was all about a half hour ago, and now I'm sitting on the edge of the bed in little more than my underwear as Chakwas examines my various bumps and bruises from the manhandling that Cend handed me.

Just thinking about his name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. How many futures did I ruin that day? Not just the ones I stole from my victims, but the ones of those who cared about the ones I slaughtered.

"Fuck..." I breathe out softly as a wave of depression settles in over me. "Maybe I am a monster after all?"

Chakwas turns around to grab some utensil or another from a tray on the next bed over. "Monster, you say? I wouldn't go so far, Mr. Karos," she says as she holds something that looks like a random disc of technology into the light. "Not everyone has dealt with the things you have after all."

"You know what? I don't think that qualifies as an excuse this time."

"And why shouldn't it?" she asks, turning back to me, but still tinkering with that strange disc, and to be honest, it's beginning to creep me out since I have no clue what it is.

"I killed so many in cold blood. I stole their lives and everything from them. It just feels like…" I drift off, losing sight of where that sentence was headed. Actually, I don't think I knew from the start. I glance at the Doctor to see her looking at me, expecting a conclusion.

"'It feels like…?'" she repeats expectantly.

I just shake my head, trying to rid myself of the thoughts. "Nothing. Ignore it."

She crosses her arms and gives me a deadpan stare. "Mr. Karos, might I remind you that you are my patient and that whatever passes between us will not leave this room unless you wish it?"

"Thanks, Doc. Really," I thank her as I scratch at the back of my head. "But I don't think this is something I really want to say." I appreciate her concern for me. It reminds me exactly why I feel like I belong on the Normandy.

"Well, if you won't tell me, then maybe I'd best have Shepard crack your mouth open and have you tell us that way," she snorts, completely serious.

"…what?"

"You may not want to say whatever it is, but as your physician and psychiatrist, I feel that you _need_ to say it," she explains wagging the metal disc at me. "So, as the Americans used to say, it's "my way or the highway.'"

"What's a highway?"

"Not a clue, but what will it be?"

I can't help but let out a hopeless sigh. "You're pretty malicious for a doctor, you know that?"

"I certainly have heard that once or twice, yes," she smirks.

I run my hand through my longer hair. It'll probably need to be cut soon. Preferably before we hit Ilos. I take a deep breath and continue where I left off. "I stole their lives and futures from them, so I felt like maybe… maybe I should have just stayed on the Citadel and received my just desserts."

Chakwas scoffs. "'Just,' indeed. Do you really think you're the one who killed them?"

"People saw me do it," I argue, hopelessness in my voice. "Can't really get more solid proof than that, can ya?"

She just shrugs back. "Was it an accident? Did you lose control like you have since?"

"You call that an accident, Doc?!" I scream now. "Yeah, I lost control! Because I couldn't stop whatever it was from taking over me, I became renown as a psycho killer of asari before I could even figure out my own name again!"

"I… see," she says holding the disc out to me. "Lay down and set this on your chest, Mr. Karos. This will let you get some sleep while surging medi-gel into your body." I take hold of the strange metal object. Sure enough, it has an indent on the back of it, padded with some kind of cushion to fit on a chest comfortably. "Well, normally it's used in the field for incredibly severe cases, such as keeping someone who just lost a limb from bleeding out until they can get proper attention."

I lay back, gently setting the item on my chest after rotating around a bit to get the fit right. "Sounds expensive," I wonder aloud. "Maybe they should invest in a little 'This Side Up' sign?"

Chakwas is back over at her desk again. She gives a light chuckle at my comment, but aside from that, keeps rummaging around on the desktop. "Now where did I- oh, blast this confounded little remote!" she yells, raising a small dark gray panel above her head. "Let's see… 'Treatment Start,'" she declares, pressing a specific point on the panel.

The disc immediately begins extending coils of wire around my torso, cinching down so that it doesn't fall if I move. At least I think that's what it is. I suddenly feel the cushion between my chest and the metal move slightly and small pinpricks along my sternum.

"Ah!"

"Oh, grow up. You've had worse," She scolds me, turning to the door. "I should know. I treated it after all."

"Where are you headed?"

She just gives a small smile. "As much as I'd just_ love_ to dote on you some more, Mr. Karos," she says in a playfully sarcastic tone, "there are other people whose health I should determine before we reach Ilos. Get some rest until we're closer and let everything go for a while. I'm almost surprised the anesthesia hasn't kicked in yet."

My snore is her response.

###########

_Hello darkness, my old friend. I've come to talk to you again~_

Oh god…

_Hello~ how's the little wandering wolf today? Have you missed little old me?_

About as much as Cend missed a chance to kick me a few hours back.

_Awww… you're no fun._

Stop pouting. Where's Lycan?

_Haven't we been over it before, Benny boy? I __**am **__ Lycan._

You said you were his memories.

_I said I was__** like**__ his memories in that I'm coming back bit by bit. I suppose it wasn't the best explanation for such a slow learner. Before, Lycan and I were doing perfectly fine. I didn't need to be in control, nor did I want to! I mean, you were just wandering around and hiding from the authorities. No fun there._

You make it sound as if Lycan already knew about you.

_Oh, nononono! I was just a happy little thought leech. I saw what Lycan saw and he saw what you saw. You know, we're all kind of like brothers, doncha think?_

No.

_Phooey. You're so boring. Basically, I am to Lycan what he is to you. _

You're the voice in the head of the voice in a head? How miserable for you. Must be nice to barely even exist.

_Insults now? Tsk, tsk. That's hardly polite. But, you did put it in perspective nicely there. Looks like you're silly brain is finally working. Speaking of your brain, Ashley seems to be in there not nearly as much as she was a couple days ago. How cruel of you! She doesn't exist anywhere else anymore and here you are ignoring the memory of her._

Now you're crossing a line. You don't have any fucking right to talk about her. You are a miserable, infinitely small and unimportant speck of imagination. Give up and let Lycan come back.

_And why should I? I don't see what someone like you can do to me._

You're right. It's awfully hard to destroy that which pretty much doesn't exist to begin with.

_**SHUT UP! I DO EXIST! I DO! I DO! I DO!**_

…Rage isn't becoming of you, ya know? Maybe you should go back to fading from existence. Lycan and I were fine before you came along and I'm sure as hell it'll be the same when you're gone.

_I don't exist? You keep saying that, but I don't believe you realize how real I am! Mark my words Karos! I'll see you crushed to the farthest corner of our mind and I'll make damn sure you stay there when I take over this body!_

Over my dead consciousness.

_That can be arranged._

…Try it.

###########

I awoke with a start once again. A darkened room is the only thing to greet my field of vision when I regain my wits enough to look around. Am I alone in here? Did Chakwas leave me in here by myself?

A shuffling to my right and a hand gently pushing me back onto the bed prove that the answer to my first question was no and the answer to the second was yes. "You know," Tali begins to say idly, "You really can't wake up in a normal way can you?"

I submit to her pushing and lay on my back once more. "Well when you got things in your head like me, sleeping sorta becomes a Q&A session. Things can get… heated," I explain with a weary smirk. I'll admit that I'm feeling better. Like a metric ton better. Even so, a lot of my limbs still feel slow and creaky.

"I can imagine," Tali chuckles back. "How are you feeling?"

I roll my head from side to side. It'd be easier from a sitting position, but she's keeping her three fingers on my chest, directly above the metal medigel machine and below my collarbone. "I feel like I'm capable of anything, but lacking the energy to do so," I comment as I feel my neck crack a bit. I roll it about a bit more to drive the stiffness from my neck. "So, how long do you plan on holding me down?"

She removes her hand as if it just spontaneously combusted. "I-I-I don't- I should probably- Oh, Keelah…" The embarrassment shines through with her voice, making me chuckle a bit.

"Calm down. You know I like to tease you," I explain as I fiddle about with removing the metal disc from my chest. I'm thankful for all it's done for me, but it's getting hella uncomfortable right about now. "Now how do I get this blasted thing-?" I grunt as I try to forcefully remove the damned thing.

"Here." Tali pushes my hands off of it so she can have a clear view of the front of it. She presses a couple spots on the front of it and I feel its grip around my torso slowly loosen. "There. Just give it a second to work its way off and you'll be set."

I nod with a broad smile. "Thanks, Tali. What would I do without you?" I ask with relief spreading through my voice as the disc slowly peels its way off of me.

"You wouldn't be doing much considering you would have bled out months ago."

…Right. "Did I ever even thank you for that?" I inquire as the thought occurs to me. "I can't rightly remember."

"Seems to be a common problem with you," she says with a chuckle.

I raise my eyebrow. "Was that an amnesia joke?"

"No, I was referring to our shopping trip on the Citadel where you elected to go with Chief Williams and proceed to drink your senses away," she continues to chuckle wryly. No sooner had she said it before she realized what, or rather who, came up. "Keelah, Ben… I'm sorry…"

I wonder what my face looks like right now. Is it twisted in pain over a wound that's been opened countless times in the past couple days? Am I frowning or on the brink of tears? I glance down and see my reflection on the metal bed/table.

Blank. Not depressed, or angry, or even in the slightest bit of pain. It almost looks like I'm zoning out a bit. I shake my head wildly side to side as if to wake myself up.

"Tali, listen to me here, alright?" I get a silent nod from her. She's probably expecting me to go on some emotional tirade or something like that. No… that wouldn't do anyone any good at all. "Ashley is dead. It's nothing we can help now. She died for this mission to stop Saren and the geth. It's only fair that we show the same determination without her," I say grimly, barely liking the words as they come out of my mouth.

Tali tries to interrupt me. "B-but Ben-"

"Let me finish. I'm not going to let her death continue to weigh on me. I've done my grieving and I'm moving on. It's not only what she would have wanted, but what she would have done. Hell, it's more than either of those: it's what we _need_ to do," I carry on.

Is this what Shepard feels like after every tough decision? Is this how he felt after Virmire? No matter how big my speech is though I can't escape the nagging feeling that I'm causing more harm than good. Am I even being useful at all?

"Ben…"

"Tali," I say trying to get her to stop once more. "Shepard needs you. You're the best tech person on this ship and in the squad. You can't expect Garrus or Kaidan to handle all of that."

"He needs you too, you know."

That one catches me off guard. I can't really think up any way to respond to it either. Tali decides to use my silence as a chance to continue on. "You degrade yourself too much, Ben. Shepard needs you just as much as he needs everyone else. You're an amazing fighter when you're in control, not to mention you can always make people smile and laugh when you want," she says tenderly.

"I don't deserve all that praise, you know," I snort out a bit of sour laughter. "If it's my biotics, Liara has me easily outclassed due to experience. If it's my sword then we have stronger melee options in the form of our angry red scarred krogan. My shooting is nothing in comparison to Garrus or Shepard himself, so what does he really need me for? We all know that Joker is a better funny man than me, so where's your point here, Tali?"

"See? There you go again, selling yourself short. You don't realize how amazing you are, do you? Maybe there are people who can do things better than you, so what? Maybe those other people are needed elsewhere. Maybe you're the best man for the task. Maybe we _want_ you," she argues, though her voice seems to be pleading.

"Tali, I'm just trying to be realistic here. There's no real position where someone else wouldn't fit in just as well or better, so what good am I to him really?" I ask angrily. Anger, anger, anger… Why do I always respond to these situations with anger?

"You're his best friend, you bosh'tet!" she screams at me.

Just like that, she's rendered me speechless once more. Not just because of her uncharacteristic volume, but because of the point she made.

"Friend? I'm his friend, Tali? After all the trouble I've caused, I'm surprised I'm lucky enough to still be alive at this point! You honestly think he'd think of me as a friend after all that?!"

"You honestly think he wouldn't have done it if you weren't?!"

More silence from me.

Tali sighs heavily. "Look Ben, Shepard needs all of us right now. Not just me, not just Liara, not just Wrex, or Garrus, or Kaidan, or Joker. You are an important part of this crew. You're a dangerous fighter, a charming gentleman (when you want to be), and worth far more than you give yourself credit for."

"But-"

"But nothing. Weren't you just saying how you weren't going to let Ashley's death get you down? If you have that kind of resolve, then put it towards ending this," she tells me. Once again her voice isn't so much one of anger or impatience, but almost like she's begging me.

"_All hands, prepare to enter the Refuge System," _Shepard's voice sudden chimes in over the intercom._ "We're almost there, people. Let's get ready. I want all crew to be prepared for battle. Ground team will consist of Urdnot Wrex, Liara T'Soni, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, Garrus Vakarian, Kaidan Alenko, and Ben Karos along with myself." _

I feel myself sighing, whether out of relief or exasperation, I can't tell. Relieved that the argument with Tali is over? Relived that I've no choice but to fight? Or maybe I'm just resigning to the fact that I can't separate from this team?

"_That's the full roster,"_ Shepard continues. "_I want you all to report to the hangar bay and suit up because we drop in 20. Shepard out."_

Tali stands and begins to head towards the door leading out into the mess area. "Coming along or do I have to drag you with me?" I can't help but chuckle slightly at the new side of Tali that I'm seeing.

"…Yeah. I'm right behind you," I grin as I push myself up and begin to stretch my legs a bit. I realize now that I really shouldn't be trying to separate myself from them. You'd think I'd be able to recognize when something is impossible by now.

**A/N: I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna be mad with me for taking forever for this update. My response is that you need to be more patient. **

**Yes, this update is a smaller one that most. Yes, I've only been developing characters for the past 3-5 chapters. Yes, I've probably made many mistakes while writing this so the flow, grammar, and punctuation/spelling may not be to the normal standards.**

**I've been having trouble lately. Nothing new, right? Arguing with parents, girl troubles, lack of money, and difficulty in my courses have been preventing me from writing like I used to. There's also all the amazing new games that have come out (I'm looking at you AC3 and BL2, and Persona 4 Golden in less than a week) and tons of other things.**

**But not all news is bad news. HELLO ALL MY NEW FOLLOWERS! I was rather surprised to come back into my email one day and find at least 5 to 10 new favorite/followers to this story. You have no clue how awesome that is, especially considering that I'd thought this story would get buried under those that update more often. Kudos to you all for finding me and even more kudos for the follow! **

**As some of you, but hopefully more than some, know, we'll be done with ME1 within the next 5 chapters or so, so remember to give me (the actual author) a follow to be aware of when I put out the next in the series!**


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